Bozzj

Memorial day weekend...beautiful weather and i was feeling pretty good. I decided to take my FIRST walk outside in years. Normally i walk to the car and call it a day.

I was blasting Pussycat Dolls in my ipod and everything was going ok--i was hurting, but it was tolerable--until "the hill" and not just any hill but a freak hill that almost killed me. There was tons of skinny girls walking around so i couldn't roll down it crying..i had to act like it was no sweat. ...

so just a week ago i was ranting about "a skinny bitch" without really thinking about what's happening here.

i'll explain.

tonight i went out for dinner with "that" girl...otherwise known as my best friend (one of two). She's thin..like size 4 thin...but growing up (when i was a size 8) she admitted to being jealous of me. why? no idea.

so we sit down at Houlihan's and things are just weird. i mean she's being "nice" but...

so here i am, 3 weeks in- 19.7lbs down..feeling good, proud of myself, ready to DO this...

my two very best friends are skinny bitches. well let me rephrase, one can be a bitch lol and the other is so supportive i feel like i can talk like a big girl in front of her (you know what i mean..waking up in the am planning my dinner..thinking about snacks right after i ate...the stuff i've hide my entire life).

i'm going out to eat tonight for the very first time. i'm going...

it's weird. i've read posts n blogs that say they weigh themselves everyday and i always thought "relax"!!

well here i am weighing myself. first, my scale sucks and i have to get on a million times to ensure i got the right weight (that's another topic), but also i'm sorta pissed each day because it's been around the same weight (which is a 1lb down from last week...my official weigh day is friday). ok i know, i know..that's good..blah. but i'm freaking barely eating!!...

I'm about to end clears and start mushies. So excited to get some food in and yet i'm worried at the same time that i won't make good choices. Time to take control and do this.

I've decided..and will try to remind myself when times are tough (like now--hunger) that i will not be fat anymore. I'm 28 and i can barely clean my freakin house. I worry about which restaurants I go to (if i can fit in the seats), i'm afraid to fly...i'm literally watching my life pass me by. I'm sick of...