Help!! feeling anxious....

new L&D RN · 09-15-2007, 03:19 PM

Hi everyone,

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but now that I have my surgery date (10/4) and have been going to support groups, fitness evaluations, and paid in full my non-refundable program fee.... I am really feeling some anxiety.
I have put so much hope into this surgery to provide the tool I need to be successful long term with getting rid of this weight and changing my life. I keep lingering on all of the what ifs.... like what if food gets stuck if I do not chew it enough....what if I get dehydrated becasue I cannot sip fluids all day at work.... what if the band erodes... I am driving myself crazy. I am a worry wart, but it has gotten to the point where I feel this knawing ache in my stomach and have to take pepto bismal...I already take previcid daily. Is anyone else feeling this way?? Maybe not to the extent I am...but maybe even just a little?? I even checked my bank account last night to see if my check had cleared for my program fee, wondering if I should stop payment. What a nut ball, huh?? It had not cleared yet, but I did not put the stop payment on. My husband tells me to just calm down and everything will be just fine. He knows how motivated I am to change. This will be the first surgery I have had that I had the choice to have or not. (say that 3 times fast!!) I have had my gallbladder out laproscopically and my adenoids out.
I am a circulating nurse in the OR during c-sections...and I have even watched a laprocopic gastric bypass during nursing school a couple years back. I don't know if all of the OR exposure has helped me or made me more nervous. Okay this has been entirley too long of a post, but I am just feeling every emotion out there from scared, excited, dissapointment in myself for not being able to keep the weight off, nervousness...etc. Anyone else having an array of emotions???:help:

Mandyw · 09-15-2007, 03:45 PM

I know how you feel. I lay awake for hours just thinking of all the "what ifs". I've never had surgery so I have no idea what's coming. I'm self pay and going to Mexico. I'm worried about the surgery and worried about Mexico. I even keep debating back and forth as to whether or not to take out a life insurance policy. How's that for being a nut job? I thank God for a supportive family and husband. When I really start freaking out I talk to them or spend time reading through the posts here. The before and after pics really help, and believe it or not, the complications thread helps. Some of those threads start out so scary, but so many of the responses are very positive and filled with great advice. It seems like a lot of the time, what starts out as being bad, really is just a minor thing with an easy fix. I have to honestly say though, that for as scared as I am, I am more excited.

Carrot06 · 09-15-2007, 04:01 PM

I have been feeling the exact same way... I too worry about- what if I get dehydrated because I can't drink a couple of glasses of water when thirsty due to my little stomach- I constantly need to be drinking and have never done that before... What if I am not at home and eat something that won't go down and I throw up in public.....What if something happens during surgery and I can't wake up from the anesthesia... What if the checks I am expecting don't come through like I am expecting and I won't have enough money to pay the hospital (self-pay.) I think we are all feeling the nervousness. I know it will all be okay- but until I wake up out of that surgery I will be worried. Hang in there. We are all here for eachother.

new L&D RN · 09-15-2007, 04:48 PM

Thanks you guys for posting. It is so reassuring to know I am not the only one feeling this way. I am so glad to have found this site and to have joined this support group!!

lizziee · 09-15-2007, 09:58 PM

L&D I hear you! I think we all hear you.

I just posted this same thing on another thread (I will learn to look before I post) and said I had a mini meltdown last week after my final pre-op appointment.

I'm not sure if it was the long process finally being done or the reality that, OMG I'm finally done & now its surgery time! I really questioning if I am doing the right thing. I'm feeling like I'm cheating, maybe didn't try as hard as I could to lose the weight, or afraid of being judged b/c of having the surgery. This last is blowing my mind b/c I have never card what anyone one thought but now I do!

I have all little friends and they are supportive but I'm not sure they really get it b/c the only time any of them have been big is when they were pregnant!

I keep reading all these people planning their last meals and I can't even think about food I'm so nervous.

new L&D RN · 09-15-2007, 10:21 PM

lizziee,

I feel the same way about the whole telling your friends about the surgery. I also feel like they will think I am taking the easy way out and that I didn't try diet and exercise long enough. Believe me I did. I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome, so it is REALLY hard to loose weight and keep it off. Not many people are familiar with all the systems of the body this syndrome throws off balance, so by the time I try and explain the ins and outs to them they are just confused. Anyway...I have only told my husband, my family, and a couple of girls who are also nurses that work with me about the LAP-BAND^®. One of them has had gastric bypass and is really supportive. I did not tell my husband's parents because I am afraid they will judge me. I have not told any of my friends outside of work for the same reason. People are not familiar with the LAP-BAND^® in the USA, and unless they are educated on it as soon as you tell them you are having surgery to help you loose weight they automatically think you are having a gastric bypass. I just hope by the time surgery week comes I am calm and at least some of the nervousness is gone (especially this burning pit in my stomach!!).
:o Twyla

ParaGirl · 09-15-2007, 10:42 PM

I think we all have our reservations, but this is ultimately a good thing we are doing for ourselves.

nume130 · 09-16-2007, 03:13 PM

I have all the same fears and then some. Mostly I am afraid of the life style change even though this is why I am doing it. Not being to able to eat what I want when I want it, scares me. I know it doesn't make sence, but I am already grieving the loss of eating and it hasn't even started yet. Friday and I start my preop diet and not looking forward to it.

ParaGirl · 09-16-2007, 08:08 PM

I have had the same fears. So much of our happiness is tied into eating. It is insane. Family gatherings, food; holidays, food; office gatherings, food; dates, food; birthdays, food; and the list goes on and on...I guess we (myself especially) will need to learn to enjoy the company of our loved ones, not just eating with them.

new L&D RN · 09-17-2007, 12:15 AM

I am also having the whole food goodbye phase. Today my hubby and I met some friends for Italian. I had a small side salad and eggplant parmesean...(Yummy!!). The entire meal I kept thinking am I going to be able to eat any of these things in a couple months? Will my band let me tolerate all foods just in smaller portions or will I be one of the unlucky banders who can no longer eat steak, chicken, or stringy veggies like celery and aspargus??? All of these things scare me. But from what I have been reading on the postings our goal after banding is to be "loose" enough to eat the same foods we do now but "tight" enough to feel full and satisfied with greatly reduced portions. I hope my band works well and I am still able to eat the healthy foods I enjoy but just in smaller portions. :hungry: :o

want_so_bad · 09-17-2007, 02:16 PM

i am feeling the same way. i too am scheduled for the 4th. i find myself wondering how life after this will be. what will i say to family/friends at gatherings? we are big into get togethers, bbq's at the brother-in-laws, entire family holiday meals...its kinda nerve racking. i am not telling anyone save for my dh, my mom, and 2 very close friends. i dont want to have to explain any of it to people. i am an emotional eater, how will i "deal" w/ things when i dont have the comfort of food to turn to? omg, i have like a million questions i could ask that just dont have a solid answer.

glad to know i am not alone in my nervous anticipation. :nervous

Freebigbennow · 09-18-2007, 11:39 PM

As you can see from the tome of my post, Im up late. I have a real big problem with eating late at night. I CAN NOT go to sleep on a empty stomach. Anyone else have that problem. And do you think that will be a problem after we gewt banded?:ranger:

nicnaknut · 09-19-2007, 01:32 AM

I am feeling the same things as all of you... The anxiety about the what if's but yet anxious to get it done and over with so I can start my new lifestyle, which also gives me anxiety because I worry about eating all of my favorite foods again... It's just crazy mixed up thoughts rolling around in my head....

Freebigbennow · 09-19-2007, 01:43 AM

Glad to see someone else up laate night. --------------------------------------------------------------------

bbjerseygirl · 09-19-2007, 01:44 AM

Your feelings are normal. Of course you are going to worry. There are so many unknowns about any surgery. Stay focused on all the positive. Everyone else learned how to do it and are doing fine. So will you. I thought the same thing about the food and slippage and all that. I figured I would just take it extra slow and see how it all works and go day by day. You can't worry about the what ifs because there are what if's in every minute of every day. Anything can happen to anyone at any moment. This surgery is a good thing for you and your long term health. Just think of all the what ifs you got rid of with the surgery. Good Luck. Don't cancel that check at all costs!