Who Do You Tell, or Who Don't You Tell????

Thread Starter  

I'm wondering if you can help me out here...

I'm really confused on who I should tell and who I shouldn't tell. I'm booked for surgery in September. I don't know if I should tell the whole world, or keep it to myself. It's not as well known here in Canada as it is in the U.S., so most people don't quite understand this whole procedure, so if I start telling people, they might be less ignorant, but then I might be exhausted from trying to explain it all (I'm thinking of making my own information pamphlets just to hand out). I think I'm still wondering myself if I have to deal with the fact that I failed at everything else, and whether people will consider me to be a failure by doing this. We have a busy social life so it's not like it won't go unnoticed.

But if I don't tell people, they'll wonder why my portions have gotten so small. I don't want to tell my 80 year parents as they'll just worry, but then I'm feeling the guilt of not telling them.

How have you all dealt with it?

Tell them a partial truth...you are eating healthier. You don't have to tell everyone if you don't want to. Your not lieying by telling them you are eating healthier. Not all people understand the LB.Some people have a negative image about it. Others understand completly and will support you. The thing is only you can decide whom to tell or not to tell. Good luck with it.

__________________
banding on May 13th Dr.John Groves

In the beginning I had planned on only telling immediate family. But word got around and now my entire familyand my husbands family all know. I ended up telling people at work too. I have no regrets, there was a lot of curiosity in the beginning but once I explained it to everyone it wasn't so bad. I work with a pretty good group of people who are mature enough not to hound me or judge me.

My advice would be to definitely tell your close family, they need to know that you are going to have surgery and it will be easier if they understand that you will be eating differently. If you have family, friends, co-workers that you feel would be judgemental or unsupportive, I would hold off on letting them in on it...you do not need any negativity.

__________________

BMI Countdown: start 40.2, down to 28.5
Officially out of the OBESE category and in the OVERWEIGHT category. 22 lbs. to NORMAL WEIGHT category!!!
Banded: May 30, 2008

For me, it was a very personal decision. I made up my mind that I was going to have it before I told anyone. Then, I made the decision to only tell a handful of people that I felt like needed to know. I told my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and an aunt. I told a few people at work that I have a lto of lunch meetings with. I knew it would be fairly obvious during the post-op liquid stage.

When I told each person, I let them know what I needed from them. I let them know that this was a very personal thing to me and that I wasn't planning to tell people. I explained the procedure to them and old them I had done my research. I asked them if they had any questions or concerns that I could answer.

I found that if I set the stage and let them know what my boundaries and needs were, most people responded relatively well. My brother seemed to have the hardest time with it. My sister-in-law shared with me that it was because he just didn't want anything to happen to me. When people care about us, they sometimes display it in odd ways, so keep that in mind.

Ultimately, you can tell as many or as few people as you want. For me, I didn't want everyone analyzing every morsel that went into my mouth or passing judgment. I didn't want to be the topic of conversation or rumors. So, I told very few. It was the right decision for me.

Good luck!

__________________

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wUq5rL5]



Banded: 3/10/08 (10 cc band)
First Fill: 5/6/08 (+2.5 cc)
Second Fill: 7/8/08 (+3.0cc, for a total of 5.5 cc)
Third Fill: 9/16/08 (+1.5 cc, for a total of 7 cc)
Fourth Fill: 11/18/08 (+2 cc, for a total of 9 cc)

I too am in the situation that you are in I think you should only say to close family and friends and the rest of the world it is really none of their business what you do or how much you eat. If you find yourself situation where you might have to explain you don't have to go into all the details just let them know your watching your girlie figure and eat only small amounts which really our amounts should be no bigger then the size of our palm. That way you don't have to get into the whole explaination of the surgery. I don't know what the relationship with your parents is like but their your parents and I think they just might surprise you and if for some reason they disagree with what you are doing then just remember this is something you are doing for you and not everyone has to understand. Who knows maybe along the way one of your family/friends might be where you are now and your success might become a whole new wave in weightloss in Canada.

I told only my parents and a few close friends. It is a personal decision. I've lost 35 lbs so far. When someone says something my answer is "I needed to make some serious life changing decisions. I eat less and exercise more. It's still a struggle, but I'm taking it slow".
This seems to be a good answer and also generates support.

__________________
---------------------------
Banded: July 21, 2008

Congrats on your success! I like your answer ..short .. sweet and to the point. I go in for my appointments this Friday! Can wait to meet the skinny me again!...Theresa WA

I told my parents and that's all I'm telling (with strict instructions for them not to tell anyone else). It's no one's business but your own. Tell them you're working on getting healthier (the truth).

__________________

I told only 3 people and one of them has been awful. She is competitive and negative. I thought I might need her to help me after the surgery but I really didn't. The problem is I haven't lost any weight and it has been two months. Everytime I see her I feel she is looking at me to see if I have lost any weight. I can't take the scrutiny anymore so I avoid her at all costs. With other people I just say I already ate something at home so I'm not hungry. I have found that most people don't really care. I am getting a 2nd fill tomorrow so maybe more people will notice if I start to lose weight. I like what one person said in their post is that she only tells people on a need to know basis or positive people who are really interested.

I only told people who I was sure would not be negative about it. That was not many people! I told my immediate family (not my parents), I told my best friend and 2 co-workers who I knew I could trust not to blab it all over. I think when someone finds out you have had LAP-BAND^® or any weight loss surgery they think it is an easy fix and that you took the easy way out. I just wanted to concentrate on ME, not the ignorance of those who don't know the real facts. Good luck!

__________________




~~~~~~~~~~~~
Banded: June 27, 2008
Dr. Paul Enochs, Raleigh, NC
Starting Weight: 228
First fill 8/13/08 2 cc's.

i told a "good friend" of mine who is also very competitive. we had been weight watchers buddies, atkins buddies, la weight loss buddies...u know!

__________________
black beauty banded 5/20/2008 @ Great Lakes Weight Loss by Dr. Webber DMC, MI

I also struggled with this decision, I am a waitress and am still out of work because of the lifting restriction. So, I told a few CLOSE friends at work, then word was getting around, so before I worked my last nite, I told my manager and the staff, they have been very supportive. Also, it motivates me even more that they know, it keeps me honest. I didnt undergo the months of torture BEFORE the operation (all the appts ect...) to not give this 110 percent, some days it is much harder than others. My mother was not supportive, because of course she is 70 and was worried i was going to die. As much as i told her it was non-invasive blah blah, so I stopped talking about it with her and told her the week before I was going in. Now she loves that i did this, she might see her daughter a normal weight in her life time. SO, it is a very personal choice. I know that my mother worried every minute for that week that she knew.... you have to weigh the options. But also make sure you do have SOme type of support system...
Best of Luck
KIrsten
Banded 7/29 weight surgery day 273
weight today 252.6 yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont know what happened but i wasnt done with my post! as i was saying, my friend & i had done every diet imaginable together. she is back on weight watchers doing well (down 40lbs). i am excited for her but i knew i needed something MORE! i got banded & told her this & she hasnt called me since... i would tell only those that need to know because everyone will not share your joy on this journey! at least u have all of us here who understand!

__________________
black beauty banded 5/20/2008 @ Great Lakes Weight Loss by Dr. Webber DMC, MI

I made the decision to only discuss it with my Wife, brother, sister, and parents. I needed to find out whether, and to what degree they were supportive of my decision. Every one of my family has been very supportive from the start.

The only problem was that my wife felt like she needed to provide specific information about my LAP-BAND^® surgery to her boss to get approval for the time off that she needed for my surgery. Now it's a topic of conversation in her office. I'm not happy about it, but it's too late to change it.

I informed my boss that I'd be taking time off for surgery, but didn't offer an explanation, and when asked I said "If you really need to know, I'll tell you, but it's personal and I rather not discuss it."

I may feel more comfortable talking about it after the procedure and when I'm showing some success at weight loss. Until then, it's nobody's business but mine and the people who love and support me.

Bryan

Scheduled for banding on August 26. 1 week from today!!!!

I told everyone and I am glad. I go to water aerobics with about 30 other people and they can be a huge help. They are so supportive. When I get in a rut they will pick me up. I have never regretted it.