Trouble telling my therapist

PennyLane · 04-04-2008, 11:34 AM

I've been going to see a therapist for the past nearly three years, first to address some depression/anxiety issues (mostly related to a painful breakup). My mental health issues have largely subsided (still get some anxiety but nothing beyond the normal human experience) but I continue to see her for career and family related issues. We have a nice rapport and while I don't (and shouldn't) consider her a friend, our in-session relationship is very much like a friendship.

She and I are basically the same size, and sometimes talk about clothes and fits and things (not as part of therapy but in the first 5 minutes, hi how are you blah blah stuff). She's comfortable with herself and tries to encourage me to feel the same but (a) I just can't and (b) I really do want to do this for health reasons as well as the more "social" reasons.

I haven't been able to tell her that I've been considering this surgery yet and it's been 4+ months of "thinking" and the past 1 month of action...going to info sessions, comparing programs etc. My first appointment with the surgeon is on Wednesday and I still haven't said anything to her. I feel guilty and worried about this on several levels--like how could I be making such a large decision without even informing her...she's going to find out eventually and I'm afraid that she'll find it strange that I didn't talk to her about it. I'm worried because I wonder if in my psych eval they'll ask about my therapist and what she thinks and if the answer is "I haven't told her"....that would look strange to them.

I'm not even sure WHY I haven't told her...maybe because I'm worried that if I do it would almost be like telling her that I think SHE should as well ( we are the same size)? Or I'm worried that she'd try to "talk me out of it"? I don't know. I just need to know what I should do! Keeping this a secret from her really isn't so much an option, you know?

**Wheetsin** · 04-04-2008, 12:36 PM

I'm not even sure WHY I haven't told her...maybe because I'm worried that if I do it would almost be like telling her that I think SHE should as well ( we are the same size)? A "good" therapist, which it sounds like she is, would never take it this way. I wouldn't even worry about this.

Or I'm worried that she'd try to "talk me out of it"? Has she ever tried to talk you out of anything before? That's not really what a therapist "should" do, so unless it's something she has a history of, again - don't worry about it.

shaunni78 · 04-04-2008, 12:41 PM

I would tell her...Just let her know that you have been doing research and that you feel that this would benefit your health. If you still think that she would affect the Psych Eval portion of the approval, go to another Psych just for your approval.

mandilou · 04-04-2008, 01:43 PM

I wouldn't fret about discussing this with her. It's YOUR therapy session, so she shouldn't take anything you discuss with her personally. And you'll need the support from her down the road... telling her might help you learn how to tell others and might help you deal with the feelings you have now regarding telling people and how they'll react. *shrug*

**Kat817** · 04-04-2008, 02:19 PM

I think the fact that you are concerned with how she might take it to be a positive thing--shows your compassion. Too many people treat overweight people like lesser beings simply because of the weight. It simply is not true!

Possibly to make it easier to broach the subject stick to it in a health point of view. Mention any health issues you have been having, and how this could eliminate that. Emphasize that you want your body now to match how you feel, and let the therapist know she is in part to thank for that, if in fact she is.

And don't be too shocked in months to come when she sees someone one on one go through it, to see her follow in your footsteps!!!

Kat

georgia girl · 04-04-2008, 02:28 PM

I agree with Kat, stick with the "health" part of why you want to have the surgery. If she is a good therapist, she won't take it personally and she will see it as an opportunity for you to get healthy and feel good about yourself again. Good luck to you!

pitter · 04-04-2008, 02:43 PM

I'd tell her at your next visit. No point in worrying about it anymore - get it over with. I just had my Psych eval and my Psych mentioned she wanted to lose some weight too! I say go for it!!! It will be okay!

Kalipso2 · 04-04-2008, 09:05 PM

a professional therapist should not judge anything you say... even during the friendly 5 minutes. don't be ashamed to want to be healthier.

Iwanttotriagain · 04-04-2008, 09:25 PM

Telling her will make it real and make you accountable. Both of which can scare the gajeebers out of anyone! It's like getting weighed once they write it on that darn chart it become part of your record! What might suprise you is that you are actually going through with it because she has made you strong enough to! She might jump out of her chair and give you a hug and kiss! Well, that probably wouldn't be professional, maybe just a high-5!!!

mstrina27 · 04-04-2008, 09:29 PM

Well I think by her being a therapist she will tell you that you have to accept yourself for what & who you are and then you can make changes... because if you are doing it for anyone other than yourself it's not going to last. I think you prob. haven't told her because u are not happy with your size and since you both are the same size you don't want her to think that she should be un-happy also.. so i do understand.. But you should approach her and just tell her that you have been doing some research on the LAP-BAND^® because you really would like to be healither and you know if you had the assistance you know that you will be successful. See you have to tell her what you want to do.. NOT ASK HER.... When you go to a therapist they help u to realize the answers to your own problems... They can't tell u what to do.. Now they can always refraze things like "Well if given the chance do u think u could loose 10lbs on YOUR OWN first?" Make sure that u stand your ground and don't allow her to refraze questions to get u to think like she wants u to think about the procedure because it is your body and ultimately u have to be happy in the long run...

suzannek · 04-04-2008, 11:11 PM

I'm a therapist. I, too talk about those things with my over weight clients, but I also talk about weight loss with those that want to lose. Others who have responded are right, it is your session. It is your life. the purprose of therapy is to get to your goals, not your therapist's. If she has a problem with you losing weight, than maybe she isn't the therapist you need to support you in your goal.

PennyLane · 04-06-2008, 04:01 AM

Thanks all for the advice, and you're right. It's just so hard to bring up the topic all of a sudden with her, but I know that I should. I see the surgeon on Wednesday (first appointment) and see her again on Thursday so we'll see what happens : )

alice150 · 04-06-2008, 07:49 AM

Penny,
Don't be afraid to tell her. If you have had a professional relationship for 3 years, I think she will be happy for your and will express that, especially if she sees that you are happy and comfortable with the decision. That is the most important thing.

I have a similar situation with my own sister, who is actually much heavier than I am. I actually do want her to consider it but I never told her that. I told her what I had decided to do and that I am excited and she was very supportive, told me she was proud of me and happy for me.

Good luck to you. I think you will be able to relax after telling your therapist and probably have better sessions after taking that worry off your mind.

Alice

GenaO · 04-06-2008, 09:32 AM

I also have a therapist who I have been seeing for a couple years now. And yes we have a comfortable relationship like friends but I know she only wants the best for me and I'm sure that is what your therapist wants for you. It will also make the Psych eval go much smoother if you tell her. She probably can do that with you, like I did with my therapist. Because she knew me so well, it took half the time to do it compared to people who didn't already have a therapist. Who knows, maybe you will even inspire her to look at her own options for weight loss and a healther life.

triser72 · 04-06-2008, 09:53 AM

Just tell her. We pay therapists to listen to the good/bad/ugly parts of our lives. They help us get through the bad and ugly parts, and rejoice with us in the good parts.