Haven't told my hubby :-(

I know he'll freak! I never thought I would consider WLS. I feel like it's a good option for me now. I just don't know how to tell him. I think I'll wait till after I see my PCP. Plus I have 3 young girls. I don't want them knowing I'm having WLS. I'm afraid it will send the wrong message to them. I don't want to offend any of you. Hope I'm not.

Thanks for any input.

Heidi,

I don't know how long you've been obese and for how long you've been trying to lose weight, but my husband has been my biggest fan. He's been with me through weight watchers, gym memberships, medifast, atkins, etc. He was skeptical at first -- and nervous about the whole idea, but he came to the seminar with me and he was impressed. The statistics about diet failures and the rate at which obesity is increasing exponentially in America are staggering. He knew I was facing a stacked deck.

I also have 3 children. I was banded on June 4, 2008. They are too young to understand, but my 5-year-old daughter knows I had an operation.

When she's old enough, if she asks, I will gladly tell her.

Hmmmm . . . . dying when she's 30 because I was too fat and had too many complications???? What kind of message does that send?

OR, getting the surgery, losing the weight, putting in the hard work for my HEALTH so that I can live a long and healthy life and re-learn how to eat and re-learn how to live an active lifestyle? What kind of message does that send? a GREAT one.

It's all how you spin it and what sort of perspective you choose to have about it.

My hubby is one of my biggiest fans second to my mom..Believe me if he loves you enough and knows what you are going threw being big and struggling threw life, I think he shouldn't have a problem with it.. But then again, I don't know your hubby. Just sit down and tell him how you are feeling about being big and the complactions that come with it and tell him all the goods that the Lap Band comes with. That's what I did with my hubby and before I was threw, he was with me the whole time. Matter of fact, He has been wanting me to get it, but didn't want to tell me cause he thought I would make some comment like Oh you think I am fat? Blah blah blah I told him. THat's just for skinny girls who think they are fat would say that..
Plus do the same with the kids. Be confident in yourself and him...

I was hesitant to tell my husband too. I started off with saying that women's bodies are predisposed to holding onto weight what with having babies and all the hormones associated with that. It is not a coincidence that a larger percentage of women are overweight than men. We are fighting millions of years of evolution! I also stated that men get more "distinguished" as they age where women just tend to put on more weight and their "set point" weight-wise increases. My example is 5 years ago I could eat or not eat and still weight 175, now I can eat or not eat and my weight is 184. In five years it'll be 192. One last thing to add to your argument in that as we age our metabolism slows and the weight creeps on, not to mention the problems associated with menopause. The lap band is a wonderful tool that we are fortunate to have. We are refinancing our home to enable me to have this surgery. Oh one more thing.....tell your husband that you don't want to be a spectator in your kids' lives; you want to participate and be a part of your family's memories, not just standing on the sidelines. Hope this helps some!

My husband was against it at first, because he was afraid I'd die from an "elective surgery," but he looked into it and attended a seminar with me, and is now totally supportive. So, there's hope that your hubby will come around. I suggest being armed with the facts (low risk from surgery, best outcome for weight loss).

You girls are lucky to have such supportive husbands. My fiance pretended to be supportive and even offered to pay for my band, but now everytime I bring up my upcoming surgery (june 30th) he shuts down.

I am not by any means trying to discourage anyone to not tell their Spouse, but if you think your hubby may have a problem, research it more before going to him and starting up some fears or insecurities that he may not currently have. But you should tell him when and if you decide the band is for you.

I have decided to pay for my surgery myself using my 401k. This way he can't hold it over my head that he paid for something he didn't want me to do.

I wish you the best heidib.

Hi heidib I have been over weight all my life. My husband never once every said to me I needed to lose weight, if I ever asked him if he thought I was fat he would always say "listen I will love you if you get as big as a house" when it came to being banded he was very supportive and very interested and went with me to my doctors appointments and took care of me after surgery. I too have children 4 girls ages 15, 13, 9, 4 and like you I did not want to send the wrong message and did not and still have not told them I had wls.

banded 2/28/08

Heidi, I would recommend you take your husband to an inforemational seminar. They cover everything there. Your surgeon should have one.

I was afraid to tell my hubby too. He was engaged before and she died on the table (she was heavy, but it wasn't WLS) He took the news quite well. He understands this is something I need to do for me, as well as our 4 year old daughter.

[quote=heidib;880953]I know he'll freak!

Heidi,

Congratulations on making a move toward health. Including your husband in the process may assist him in gaining the needed information to be as supportive to you as you need him to be. My husband was skeptical at first, but after speaking with the doctor and going to support/information meetings, he became my biggest supporter. Presently, he has started the process to get his own band Good luck to you!

Tammygirl

I TOLD My husband that is is what I wanted. Period. There were no threats or anything like that. This is MY body and he knows it (I love him!). There wasn't even a thought about what I'd say to him. He wasn't thrilled but knew that it was my choice to make. And both my children know about my surgery. Didn't keep anything a secret.
**The only negotiation that is envolved in my opinion is if you have to mortgage your house to get the procedure 'cause its only fair to the spouse for the financial involvement.
Lucky for me my insurance paid for everything. You need to do what you need to do for yourself.

Well, I told him tonight! He wants more info, that's about all he said. I was only hesitant in telling him because he's a very nervous, worry wart, type of guy to begin w/. :biggrin2: I know it's only because he loves me & is affraid of the what if. He has NEVER had a problem w/ my weight & still thinks I'm sexy
Thank you all so much for the great feedback.:biggrin2: I'll keep ya posted!

Heidi

I was DEATHLY afraid of telling my hubby. My husband is very athletic and works out constantly. For him losing 20 lbs is a walk in the park for me it's a marathon that just doesn't seem to end. When I first told him about it I thought he would lay into me about how all I need to do is eat right and exercise, but he just looked at me and said that if that's what I felt I needed to do then he would support me. He also told me that he didn't care what my weight was as long as I was healthy.

Because he said those things I know that he will support me wholeheartedly. Basically what I am trying to tell you is give your hubby the benefit of the doubt. You never know he may surprise you. I know mine did.

I wish I had a supportive guy like you girls do. I have included mine in every part of this journey. He was supportive at first and wanted to know everything, but the further along I got into it, the more he step back and he doesn't see to be for it.
He wants me to be healthy and loves me the way I am now. I have been thinner and at my heaviest with this man. I know he is insecure because he thinks I am going to get thin and find another man. I think that is so silly, but I guess a valid concern on his part. He is a very slender man and can eat anything and never gain weight.
I just wish I had his wholehearted support.

If you have anyone who doesn't understand I would try to explain it to them better...and if they seem to not care or ignore you then I am not sure what to do.

I have had several friends who kind of stopped talking to me when I told them I was trying to have WLS.

Some people just freak out about it, I dunno if they are jealous or worried or what maybe all of the above. All we can do is try to help them understand it. It's not easy for either of us.

I wish you all luck.