Feeling like a failure before I even start?

leknigh · 06-28-2008, 08:46 PM

Maybe I'm just having a big self-pity party, but today I'm feeling so ashamed about the fact that I'm even to this point. I've been overweight all of my life and I chalk some of it up to genes and some of it up to PCOS - but I know it is also a result of poor food choices, excuses, and inactivity. It's a sad cycle. You need to lose weight, to lose weight you need to be active, but then you feel too self-conscious about the weight to get out there and be active, so instead you sit home and self-medicate with tv and food. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like a shut-in. I don't live my life the way I should. And at 29 I'm starting to see/feel some scary changes in my body and health because of this excess weight. This surgery can't come soon enough for me - I just wish I wasn't at that point to begin with....

Was anyone else there before the surgery, and has it really changed your life?

kkarryall · 06-28-2008, 08:56 PM

You are not the only person to feel that way. I feel ashamed of my weight too...and boy has it held me back. There are so many things I don't do because I am too fat. I was banded on June 23rd so I am a newbie, but I have lots of hope and feel like I have a new lease on life.

Good luck to you

leknigh · 06-28-2008, 09:06 PM

Yeah - that's how I hope to feel after getting the surgery (a new lease on life!)...
I see that you've lost 30 lbs. already by the way - CONGRATS! What were you doing before the surgery to get your weight down that much?

kkarryall · 06-28-2008, 09:16 PM

Well I did the 6 month medically supervised diet where I lost 10 lbs..not very much. It was very hard to get motivated!! Then I had to do the all liquid diet for two weeks before my surgery and I lost 20lbs! I couldn't beleive it. But I didn't cheat at all....the first three days of it were hell and then it just got easier. I am on all liquids right now and I think I have lost even more weight---but I don't personally own a scale (by choice). Because I get way too obsessed with the scale if I don't lose enough. I go for my post-op check up on Monday so I will see what I weigh then. I am determined to really watch what I eat, eat healthful foods, watch my portion size, and exercise until I get down to my goal weight. I know the band is only a tool. Right now I feel totally full after only eating a 1/2 cup to a cup of soup---so that definitely makes it easier.

Where do you live? When are you getting banded?

Good luck

leknigh · 06-28-2008, 09:38 PM

I live in Cincinnati. I don't have a surgery date yet. I just finished going to a couple seminars for different doctors and have believe I have made my choice. I have my consultations set up and am hoping to have the surgery done by early August at the latest... We'll see though.

Totallytater · 06-28-2008, 09:48 PM

Lekney,
Good luck to you. There is nothing to be ashamed about. Your future lap band will just be a tool for you. A little help to get you on your way. It will not lose weight for you. You will still have to do that on your own. But it keeps you from being so hungry. I got my band in December 07. Sometimes I eat too much for a day. Sometimes I eat too much for a week or two weeks. Then I wrap my head around it and stop eating too much. Right now I am doing a Low Carb Slim fast for breakfast, and for supper, and one before bed. I eat a small lunch. I have to use willpower to do this, because my "head" wants me to eat more. But the band lets me eat this and not be hungry. I used to try to do slim fast before the band and I would literally starve too death. But with the band, I can handle it because I am not hungry. A slim fast will literally hold me for 3 or more hours. That is what the band will do for you. But you will have to do the rest. It is just a tool- nothing to be ashamed about.

glorybee123 · 06-28-2008, 10:56 PM

I think anyone that has the band has felt the same way. I felt like I had conceeded defeat, I couldn't lose the weight by myself. At first I didn't tell anyone that I had been banded other than my family but when people started noticing my weight loss and asking about it, I told them. Now I'm proud of what I have done so far and I feel soooo much better! You won't regret being banded.

Shinyhappymommy · 06-28-2008, 11:19 PM

My feeling ashamed at having gotten this way really kicked in after losing enough weight to look different and then looking back at the before pictures. I feel like I don't know that person. I am embarrassed for her for how big she is. But at the same time I have to love her and forgive her, because self-loathing never did me any good.

auntlucy · 06-29-2008, 09:10 AM

leknigh,

You are definitely not alone in those feelings. I had many of those same feelings too after I made the decision to have the surgery. I was so ashamed of myself that I had even gotten to this point and that I wasn't able to do it on my own. What I tried to focus on though is that I was taking control back by pursuing the band. My feelings of shame have changed after surgery. Now I'm actually proud of myself for getting the band...it is the tool I needed. There is nothing to be ashamed of in taking whatever steps necessary to help yourself become healthier!

Good luck as you move down this wonderful journey!