Can't stop dwelling on mistakes. I want to move on...

So I've cheated...several times. But I'm DONE. I have vowed to stick STRICTLY to doctor's orders (yes, as I should have to begin with, I know), but now I canNOT stop thinking about what I possibly could have done, or have done, to my band and stomach. I want nothing more than to move on, but I can't with these terrible thoughts in my head.

My band is empty, so I know that's why I feel no restriction, but is that the only reason why? Do I no longer feel restriction because I've stretched the pouch and can now take more in? I followed doctors orders word for word until about 3ish days into mushies (yeah, not long at all), when I decided I was just going to "test myself". What a load of sh** that was. So yes, after reading a thread on cheating, I've woken up and realized that I potentially could have screwed it up for myself completely. I've never been so disappointed in myself. Seriously, EVER in my life...and I've done a lot to disappoint those around me.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in a response here. Perhaps some words of encouragement? I dunno...

...please help.:think
Resa

I took a bit of a tumble myself. I was banded 2 days before you so I think we are experiancing the same kinda of **hungry** . I felt awful also, like i cheated myself and got really down on myself. I at least curbed my craving and I then I got back up on the horse and started *tomorrow as a new day*

I would love nothing more than to do the same, but I'm having trouble with facing the unfortunate, perhaps deserved, reality that I may have done something to my band and/or stomach. When you decided to get back up on the horse did you assume your 'insides' were fine or did you get it checked out?

But you're absolutely right, tomorrow's a new day and I do realize that dwelling on my mistakes aren't going to help me. I just need something to put my mind at ease so I can move on w/o the guilt I put upon myself in the past. I plan on calling my doctor today...

Errr...I hate me right now.

How badly did you cheat, What was it that you ate that you are afraid you may have damaged something? I am at the 3 weeks post op stage so I can go into all solids next week (i am a week early though) lol

Are you currently signed into AIM? Would you mind msg'ing me? My SN is kimoleka.

No worries if you don't want to...

Your post has helped others...sticking to doctor's orders is so important.

I did, but I am not on a special diet. I eat whatever, whenever...as long as I can tolerate it.

I'm just over 20lbs from my goal and having my pouch stretched.... that could have been me!

Luckily, I slime like crazy just as soon as I get too much down...and that happens pretty fast. So many think sliming is a bad thing...but I appreciate it. Lets me know when to quit.

Resa, hate you've had to go through this...but consider it a lesson learned. And just a bump in the road on your journey. Keep us posted on how things go for you.

hi,
maybe contact your surgeon if you are really worried you did some damage?