Is everyone against me?RANT

joeyramonesgirl · 10-05-2008, 12:55 AM

*SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS*

Okay, I have to do a six month pre op diet in order for my insurance to cover me, but whenever I tell someone that I'm on a diet and I'm going to get a band, they say: "Oh, you can do it on your own. You just have to be strong and not eat all those sweets. 'Kay sweetie?" (This was from my aunt who is not exactly skinny. More like "overweight"). Then she smiles at me and turns away.

My parents are EXACTLY the same. Oh you can do it on your own. You don't need the surgery. You just have to eat less, exercise more. You need to buy better clothes. You need to get a job and be busy. If you lose a lot of weight, will you still get the surgery? (Yes, because no matter how much I lose, I gain it all back and more. This is even with me following the diet!).

I mean, I need to get the surgery because I have never been skinny in my life. I have always been the fat one and I was always picked on through out my life. I just want to be under 200 lbs for once in my life. I just want to be able to have confidence in myself. I just want to be NORMAL! I hate feeling as though everyone is laughing at me or despising me because I'm a huge walrus.

I know now that I can't tell anyone that I'm on a diet and I'm getting surgery because it hurts too much when they say I can do it on my own. If I could do it on my own, I wouldn't be here! I'm seriously thinking that I'm doomed to be fat for the rest of my life because I can never be skinny. I know that being healthy isn't "end all be all", but when you've been picked on most of your life about your weight (and from family members, no doubt.) it feels like it.

*Side-note*: This isn't a pity party. I'm just ranting and expressing my views. The last thing I need is someone telling me to suck it up and stop being so self absorbed. If that's what you're going to say, don't say it. Okay? Thanks!

plain · 10-05-2008, 02:01 AM

Sucks to have very little support, JRG. I'm sorry for you. Don't give up.

Michee · 10-05-2008, 02:43 AM

I have only told three people in my life about my band, I strongly suspect that the other people in my life would react exactly as you described.

I find a lot of support on these forums. Bottom line, it seems that the people in your life cannot give you the support you need, you need to find it elsewhere.

Congratulations on your decision to get the band. It is all gonna be totally worth it!

**MacMadame** · 10-05-2008, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joeyramonesgirl

whenever I tell someone that I'm on a diet and I'm going to get a band, they say: "Oh, you can do it on your own. You just have to be strong and not eat all those sweets.

You need to educate them. Tell them about all the studies that show once you are over 50 lb. overweight, diet and exercise don't work, and that obese people have more ghrelin than normal people. I have tons of links to news articles about how diets don't work and I bore everyone to death who tells me I can do it on my own by quoting from them.

Some people will never be convinced. But some can be and the more you have on your side, the better off you will be.

Here are some of the links if you want some education:

Ghrelin, Appetite & Weight Control
Bye-bye BMI? Better way to measure obesity - Fitness - MSNBC.com
BBC NEWS | Health | Obesity 'may be largely genetic'
Brain Scans Hint at Why We Overeat
Weight Loss: Fact and Fiction
Let the post-diet era begin - The Boston Globe
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/he...+jZyYLdZ8Yv8jg
The Hunger Hormone, Controlling Ghrelin May Be Key To Curing Obesity - CBS News
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/n...ory_64338.html
Thin people might be fat on the inside - Fitness - MSNBC.com
Yes, we're fat, but what do we do about it? - National - theage.com.au
Study: Fat people cheaper to treat - USATODAY.com
CNN.com - Obesity linked to virus, new experiments suggest - July 28, 2000
A Sweet Tooth in Your Intestine? - Diabetes Health
Ghrelin
Researchers Examine A Possible Link Between Bacteria Found In The Human Digestive System And Obesity
Surgery will do more than education to fix the obesity epidemic - Opinion
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080811/...ealthy_obesity
'There is no cure for your obesity'
Low Levels of Brain Chemical May Lead to Obesity, NIH Study of Rare Disorder Shows
Obesity Surgery Is Called Cost-Effective - WSJ.com
How Weight Loss Surgery Can Change Your Life - Weight Loss Surgery: Long-Term Results
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/he...Xgwa7pJny+UQAw

They are kind of all mixed up in there. Sorry about that. One of these days, I need to organize them.

Sunwyse · 10-05-2008, 05:35 AM

MacMadame, thank you so much for all those links! I will be checking out every one of them.

Just last week, I had a sister ask me why I let myself get this big. Yeah right, I let myself because I wanted to be short of breath, have aching knees and ankles, feel unsteady on my feet, like they are going to 'give' at any moment, have trouble finding half decent clothes and then grow in and out of the ones I do find, be the butt of jokes, have 4 year olds at my work lecture me on being fat from eating too much junk food, be inflexible and unfit.... the list goes on.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. You know why you are getting the band. I told the psychologist my reasons for wanting surgery. I want to be fit and healthy and I want to be sexy!!! Its no crime to want to be drop dead gorgeous to other people. That's as good a reason as any in my book. The health will go right along with it anyway.

I do tell everyone I'm having surgery. I've had nothing but support. I changed to a new job 2 weeks ago and everyone there knows cause I told them. They ask me how its going and when it is and what I have to do to prepare. They aren't being nosy, just interested. I've not been lectured once by anyone, not even family. Apart from the knowitall sister that is, but hey, she's younger than me, she's supposed to think she knows it all! lol

You have support here. We know from first hand experience the struggle it is to try to lose weight and not be able to, or to get it off and not be able to keep it off. At the end of the day, your body, nobody's business what you do with it!

**Jack** · 10-05-2008, 09:17 AM

JRG: the frustration of dealing with those expressing what you have posted has touched all Bandsters at some point in their own journey.

In my own case, that ignorance and resistance helped define and strengthen and reinforce the choices I had to make, and the path I would eventually choose, as the very thought of *surgery* was terrifying.

Many speak from ignorance. Some speak from their own fears and weakness. Some perhaps don't want *you* to change, as it affects *their* world view.

I used the opposition to invigorate and vitalize my own campaign against Morbid Obesity.

I am currently "right at" the same weight as I was in high school....during Kennedy's administration. Forty years of effort and turmoil following all the diets and fads and best newest latest information on the planet, led to being not just a fat old guy, but a Morbidly Obese old guy.

I now am wearing a belt from my youth, that I outgrew decades ago. And I'm using a hole in that belt that has been unused since I got the belt in 1967!!!

You can face and overcome all those Dragons you face. As you grow stronger and better prepared through their opposition and your own research results in a growing reservoir of knowledge, you may well find most of that opposition will change.

Cheers on your journey!

**FairyFacade** · 10-06-2008, 05:15 PM

If it's any consolation, I decided I was going to do this, with or without support from my family or husband. I couldn't walk anymore and I felt 90 years old.
My parents (surprisingly, because they shot down RnY a few years ago and I expected this to go over the same) were supportive.
I told my husband in bed one night, that I was going to do this, and would like his support, but obviously I want to know his thoughts on it.
He said, if that's what I want to do, "but, you could do it on your own".
I couldn't, I'd tried. I have such crap will power, I can't keep to a diet long enough, and when I fall off, I fall hard and gain it all back. So I was beyond that point. Sometimes it's hard to understand. My husband has gained 60lbs over the past couple years, and tried doing Atkins a couple months ago. First time dieting in his life, as he has always been normal weight. Well.. he went in saying 'It's just will power, no big deal'. He fell off the band wagon at every chance he could (he'd find excuses). And now he's not dieting, and still not losing that 60lb. So now I think maybe he understands a little more, but when he was a normal sized guy, he did not understand at all. So it has to be about YOU and what YOU want.
There's plenty of support on this forum for anyone who feels they are alone.. you're not, we're here :o)

excarolinagirl · 10-06-2008, 05:50 PM

I am also on the 6-month diet required by my insurance company. And I'm also hearing similar comments like "you could just keep going and lose all the weight." from people who have known me all my life and know my struggles with my weight. I'm relying on the support of a few good friends and family members and this forum.

Good luck to you.
Dee

plain · 10-06-2008, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack

I now am wearing a belt from my youth, that I outgrew decades ago. And I'm using a hole in that belt that has been unused since I got the belt in 1967!!!

Jack, is it a psychodelic Strawberry Alarm Clock belt?!? Heeheee....

**Jack** · 10-06-2008, 09:15 PM

HAR!!....sorry, I was never quite that au currant in my threads...

Froggi · 10-06-2008, 10:09 PM

We're your support hun. If people can't understand the the surgery is something you need then they are thick headed. I have several "friends" who were like that tell me to eat less work out more...yeah yeah yeah so I can lose what maybe 20 lbs then gain it back. Some people just don't understand...it's really amazing that you have overweight people telling you that too though. Sounds like they are thickheaded...but also maybe worried something will happen.

plain · 10-06-2008, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Froggi

yeah yeah yeah so I can lose what maybe 20 lbs then gain it back.

Yeah, but look @ you now, Froggi! - 27 lbs! w00t!!11

joeyramonesgirl · 10-06-2008, 11:22 PM

Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for your comments! (I have to thank everyone individually who commented because I'm cool like that

)*HUGS* to everyone

Plain: Yup. It sucks big time. At least I found this website to help.And hey: Strawberry Alarm Clock rules! If anyone thinks that "Incense and Peppermints" song is not the best (especially when you have NyQuil in your system and your ears feel stuffed up), then they should be shot on site. Just my opinion.

Michee: Hey, at least you knew those people would respond that way. I thought everyone would be supportive because I'm improving my health. Man, was I naive (I know I'm going to get comments saying: "People aren't all like that".)

MacMadame: DUDE! Those links are awesome. I read only a few since I have midterm coming up, but wow. I sorta feel better better now. I'm forwarding these links to my mom. Thank you soooo much! *HUGS*

Sunwyse: You totally made me feel empowered. Thanks.

Jack: Thank you so much for your insight sir. I feel like a baby when you pulled "Kennedy Administration" on me. But great job! Honestly, it felt as though it's hopeless, but you've inspired me. If you can get back into a belt waay back in 1967, then christ on a cracker, I can do something that amazing too! Like, fitting into a single digit pants size. I know I have Dragons to face on this journey and if this is the type of roadblocks I'll be facing (but I know there'll be plenty more), heck bring it on!

FairyFacade: It's nice to know that someone knows what you are going through. It's suprising that your 'rents didn't mind the idea. Hope mine will be like that...someday. Thanks for telling me I'm not alone. It helped. *HUGS*

Excarolinagirl: Ditto. Hey, good luck to you too.

Froggi: Yeah, I have a great support system here. At least you tell it like it is. They are "thick headed", but they aren't stupid; they just don't want to open up their minds (that's just my opinion). Thanks and I hope you get approved and get a date! Lots o' luck!

Thanks again everyone. I know this is a loooong post, so, sorry about that. Good luck on your weight loss journey and keep it up!

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down. "

~ Mary Pickford~

Katie (AKA: JoeyRamonesGirl)

Froggi · 10-06-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plain

Yeah, but look @ you now, Froggi! - 27 lbs! w00t!!11

lol I gained a little but I didn't want to change it. I was down 26.5 lbs now I am down 25.5 lbs. Was told I was gaining muscle weight from working out my arms so much. And trust me I am having a hell of a time keeping it off too. I can't wait for approval and surgery.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joeyramonesgirl

Froggi: Yeah, I have a great support system here. At least you tell it like it is. They are "thick headed", but they aren't stupid; they just don't want to open up their minds (that's just my opinion). Thanks and I hope you get approved and get a date! Lots o' luck!

Thank you hun I need all the luck I can get! Remember you always have support from us. -hugs-

joeyramonesgirl · 10-06-2008, 11:39 PM

Awww. Thank you Froggi! *HUGS*

Is everyone against me?*RANT*

Is everyone against me?RANT