Dear Red States...This is a discussion on Dear Red States... within the LBT Rants and Raves *** Off-Topic DEBATE AREA *** forums, part of the Lap-Band Talk Community Center category; I cut and pasted this from Craig's List. Too funny!
"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!
Date: 2005-06-24, ... | LBT Rants and Raves *** Off-Topic DEBATE AREA *** Want debate? Get it here. Gripe, complain, moan, fight, rant and rave. Enter at your own risk! | 
11-26-2006, 06:14 PM
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#1 | Registered User Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,002
| Dear Red States...
I cut and pasted this from Craig's List. Too funny!
"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!
Date: 2005-06-24, 11:54AM PDT
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
__________________
Carlene
Banded 11/29/04
-97 pounds | 
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11-26-2006, 08:22 PM
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#2 |
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,575
City: pocatello AND Bellevue State: ID and WA |
I've seen a couple versions of this, thanks Carlene!
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11-26-2006, 08:33 PM
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#3 |
Join Date: Jan 2005 Age: 43
Posts: 5,397
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Dang, then why am I happy to be Red? 
That was funny, Carlene. Really!!! :)
__________________
Kathy-Dr Kuri~April 8,2005~Inamed 9.75mm/4cc
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11-26-2006, 09:01 PM
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#4 |
Join Date: Aug 2006 Age: 59
Posts: 4,241
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I am so glad that I had gone to the bathroom before I read this. Otherwise I would have peed my knickers! Brilliant!!!
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11-29-2006, 04:46 PM
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#5 |
Join Date: Jan 2006 Age: 32
Posts: 658
State: Washington | Posting just to subscribe so I can share this later. Thanks.
I'm blue, da ba dee da ba da...
__________________ Brenda  | |
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11-29-2006, 06:43 PM
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#6 |
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 585
City: Boston State: Ma |
and thats why i'm blue. lol
__________________
Banded- December 27th 2006
Brigham and Women's Hospital
Dr. Ashley Vernon  | |
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11-29-2006, 08:10 PM
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#7 |
Join Date: May 2004 Age: 48
Posts: 3,822
City: Van Nuys State: California | Can we say BLUE! I love BLUE!!
__________________  My grandson Sam. Penni Merrick Disbanded Dec 2005 due to Erosion :faint: | |
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11-29-2006, 09:51 PM
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#8 | Registered User Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,002
| Better dead than red!
(Although I live in a red state that was BLUE for many, many years.)
__________________
Carlene
Banded 11/29/04
-97 pounds | |
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11-29-2006, 11:10 PM
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#9 |
Join Date: Mar 2006 Age: 61
Posts: 614
| Blue in Red
I live in one of the approximately 3 counties in Oklahoma that are blue. I'm so glad. I'm going to change the old slogan "better red than dead" to "better blue than dead" even though it doesn't rhyme.
__________________
bitteroldhag
Banded: May 11, 2006
Dr. Arturo Rodriguez
Monterrey, Mexico
:nervous
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11-30-2006, 11:47 AM
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#10 |
Join Date: May 2004 Age: 48
Posts: 3,822
City: Van Nuys State: California | How about "better blue than glue"
"better blue than poo"
"better blue than stew" or "better blue than stew-pid" Points at Bush
"better blue than you (points to red state)"
Works for me!!
__________________ My grandson Sam. Penni Merrick Disbanded Dec 2005 due to Erosion :faint:
Last edited by Penni60; 11-30-2006 at 11:49 AM.
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11-30-2006, 12:18 PM
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#11 |
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,180
State: Colorado |
LOVE this! Sent it to my hubby and he put it on his myspace page.
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11-30-2006, 01:36 PM
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#12 |
Join Date: Nov 2006 Age: 22
Posts: 10
City: Grant State: Florida |
You get Hollywood ... And that's a good thing?
Hahaha...
__________________ Banding date: November 14th, 2006. Starting weight: 337 pounds. Goal weight: 180 pounds.
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11-30-2006, 11:12 PM
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#13 | Registered User Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,002
| Quote:
Originally Posted by LessThanBaxter  You get Hollywood ... And that's a good thing?
Hahaha... | I know....I had the same thought. But better Hollywood than Dollywood.
__________________
Carlene
Banded 11/29/04
-97 pounds | |
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12-01-2006, 03:49 AM
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#14 |
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,575
City: pocatello AND Bellevue State: ID and WA |
Well, I think having Hollywood is a good thing if you enjoy popular culture, like movies and tv and People Magazine and stuff like that.
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12-02-2006, 12:15 AM
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#15 |
Join Date: Jan 2005 Age: 43
Posts: 5,397
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Here's a political funny along the same lines...meant for a good laugh, please enjoy. :)
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Republican's Answer: BANG!
..................................................................
Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911? Wonder why this street is so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing.... I need to debate this with some friends for a few days, and try to come to some sort of consensus.
.................................................................
Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click ...
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy!!! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You AIN'T taking that to the Taxidermist!!!
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