Brothers treat me like crap...

Mert · 08-08-2006, 05:28 AM

I am 49 years old and my brothers are 59 and 54. In other words, old enough to know better. They have been treating me like crap ever since I have become obese, about 12 years ago. It is getting to the point where I am wondering if I ever want to be around them anymore. It hurts me so much because they are the only siblings I have, no sisters. I am very hurt by my brother's most recent comment: "How can you stand her at home all the time?" He said that to my husband. I was embarrassed, hurt, crushed... Mom says they love me and ask about me all the time, but they treat me like I am a pain in the rear and are VERY disrepectful to me. I have forgiven and forgiven. I really love all my family, but don't know how much more pain I can take. Any ideas out there? I hate the idea of cutting ties with them, but dread their hateful comments too. My heart is aching... I am a good person, a teacher for 23 years, Mother to two beautiful children, Wife to a very nice guy who works hard on my family's land, don't drink, smoke, lie, steal hubcaps, etc etc .. Have a good sense of humor, caring, fun to be around... I just don't get it. I am worthy of respect as a human being and as their sister!

kittylover · 08-08-2006, 05:36 AM

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this :( as if overweight people don't deal with enough problems from strangers but to deal with it from family is just something to add to the burden. My brother has called both my sister and I fat and we don't talk to him anymore due to his words and actions towards us. To him his current fling is more important then blood. Have you tried telling your brothers how you feel and that it hurts you? Do they know that their words will rub off on your children if they talk bad to you in front of them? Time for them to grow up and be good brothers. Just remember you have a loving and caring hubby at home and your two beautiful children who love you also. Goodluck on your surgery, you are on the right track :) :clap2:

GayleTX · 08-08-2006, 05:39 AM

That is unforgivable!!! I'm glad you realize that you don't deserve to be treated like that! Have you confronted them and told them how they make you feel?

Road Queen · 08-08-2006, 06:32 AM

I don't know if my brother has made comments but I wouldn't have listened to them anyway. I'm a little independent and headstrong and never worried about his opinion.

But I do have a funny similar story - I was home for an all school reunion a couple of years ago and a classmate commented that he always respected me for my professional work, volunteer work, motorcycle riding, etc but his respect was diminished when he saw how fat I had become. I told him to get away or I would sit on him and squish him - and how embarrasing would it be to have a 'short fat girl' beat you up. The owner of the bar threw him out, bought me a straight shot, and we laughed about it all night.

One thing about Africa. I do outweigh most of the guys here....fortunately, I no longer hang out in bars or make rude comments....

**Jack** · 08-08-2006, 08:18 AM

.....is it possible your brothers simply lack the capacity to discuss obesity in any other terms? Sometimes such coarse remarks are as close to the understanding and support all MOs need, as their family/friends can get.

Not having been directly exposed to the daily grind of prejudice and insult we all face, they have a distorted sense of your reality and their own mission.....

hope you can reeducate them.....good luck....

Teresita · 08-08-2006, 08:29 AM

I'm sorry but they are just rude, ignorant jerks. They don't understand what that does to you or what you have been through. As Jack said the prejudice and insults from strangers so you don't need that mess from your own family.

I would write a letter to the both of them letting them know how much they hurt your when they say these things. Let them know that you love them but you will no longer tolerate the abuse (becuase that's what it is), verbal abuse. Let them know if they have nothing positive to say, don't say anything. The next time one of them do it, take him aside like a child and tell him in a stern voice that you will kick him in the nuts so hard that he will be getting them removed as if they were his tonsils, if he says one more negative thing to you. :heh:

That's my 2 cents he he he

HeatherGurl · 08-08-2006, 08:32 AM

I don't care if they are your brothers or not... That is ugly, uncalled for behavior. I do not put myself around people that act like that and I highly suggest you do the same. Nothing good comes out of that kind of behavior. It certainly doesn't help your self esteem. Tell them to grow up and when they do, they can give you a call. Until then, I personally would ignore them.

I am so sorry that they are treating you like that. No one deserves that!

Boo Boo Kitty · 08-08-2006, 09:13 AM

I am so sorry. I unfortunately know EXACTLY what you are going through. My brother who is 27 still old enough to know better does the same thing. I couldn't in even tell him that I was going to get surgery in fear of what he might say to me. It breaks my heart inside as well. Your family are supposed to be the people that support you most, and we are missing out on that. It is so unfair....

Message me if you just want to talk or strategize!

paula · 08-08-2006, 09:14 AM

Oh gosh, that's SO painful.
((hugs))

Are you together very often?

I would refuse to be around them... simple enough!

K@t · 08-08-2006, 09:17 AM

They won't know how much they are hurting you until you tell them. Next time they say something speak up for yourself. Let them know you won't tolerate that kind of talk....I'm sure they aren't perfect and they wouldnt appreciate hurtful comments about their flaws..... which is where I would be heading next...:heh: hey baldie...hehe or hey little penis... i doubt they would like that much...:guess

r2ht4u · 08-08-2006, 09:31 AM

Time for a "family" get together and tell them with love... but let them see the pain and hurt their words are to you. Dont forget to invite GOD! I'm so sorry you have to go through this!

vinesqueen · 08-08-2006, 10:59 AM

I'm with Teresita and K@t!

My brothers are jerks, the younger espeically. Of course, jerk is my younger brother as big is to Jupiter. I have nothing to do with them if I can at all help it.

They know your weakness, and they know how to exploit it like no others. In like, you know their weakeness too. I'm sure they will really appricate you pointing out how old they are, and inquire if they got their ED treated... and how pathetic they have ED in the first place.

**Wheetsin** · 08-08-2006, 11:18 AM

Any chance they're joking, but hitting on things you're particularly sensitive about? My family jokes with each other in "mean" ways, but we're used to it, so when someone from the outside, or someone who is particularly sensitive comes around, they sometimes take it the wrong way. Maybe as you gained weight you become more sensitive? I don't know, just throwing out a possible perspective. :)

Koko · 08-08-2006, 11:26 AM

I'm sorry that your having to deal with this :( Your family is supposed to be a support, not tear you down like that. Boundaries are good thing and very often we have to build them when people are clueless and cruel. I'd also ask my husband to back me up and not allow such comments to go without sticking up for you and setting them straight.

Good luck, family dynamics are the hardest to deal with. Hugs to you.

maudeispam · 08-08-2006, 11:40 AM

That really pisses me off when people treat people badly because of their weight or other health problems. One part of me says "forgive & forget and they will get it in the end when judgment day comes", another part says kick him where it counts, either literally or find some of their flaws and expose them. Either way you need to let your feelings be known. Whether it is by letter, email, phone call or in person. There is no reason two grown men should be treating anyone like this, let alone their sister! Also is it possible they are jealous of your marraige, beautiful children and wonderful life? Best of luck to you on your journey and this deal!