Head Hunger is Driving Me Mad!!!

MeganA · 05-15-2006, 10:10 AM

Since there is no "life with no fill in the band" section, I thought maybe you guys could help me out. I had all my fluid removed due to reflux, etc...and I have to leave it empty for a month.

I can't believe how much my band helped with head hunger. It's driving me crazy. I think about food all the time. When I'm eating lunch I think about what I'm going to have for dinner. I had forgotten how much food ruled my life.

I have not one ounce of restriction. What I have learned is that even with three years of struggle to learn new habits, without my band I am a raging food terrorist. I shovel it in. I take huge bites. I want chinese food for every meal. I thought at first that the more bulky food would help keep me full...but I never feel full unless I feel sick.

I'm lucky...I still have my band. I feel just terrified about what would happen without it. I am so sorry for those of you who have lost it.

This is really hard. The scale showed a three pound gain in a week and a half.

Megan

babsintx3 · 05-15-2006, 12:28 PM

Hi Megan,

The three pounds could just be sodium from eating the Chinese food. You can do this. The key is to always have healthy food with you at all times. RIght now, I have strawberries and carrots on my desk and I am eating meat right now (steak and hamburger). I always have something to eat in front of me. I pack string cheese, blue cheese crumbles, fruit, green beans etc., whatever it takes to get me through the day. I have restriction, but not as much as I should have and I also went several months on an empty band and gained some weight which I am attempting to lose now.

Hang in there!!!

Babs in TX
334/180 ish

barbara465 · 05-15-2006, 12:36 PM

Megan,

Maybe Chinese food is one of your triggers? Stay away from it and see if you survive better with the hunger. I know when I eat carbs I eat everything. Just a thought. You have come so far and you are now allowing your cravings to take control. Its scary for us all to think that the bandster life doesn't become automatic over time. Hang in there.

desertmom · 05-15-2006, 03:46 PM

O, I know how you feel.....I have actually gained 8 pounds since last Wednesday and I hate myself for it...but I cannot stop eating or thinking of food.That's why I'm hanging onto this band for dear life.......good luck a

DOC · 05-15-2006, 05:31 PM

Megan,

Wow... you really reinforced what a gift my band is! I am a food addict and will eat myself sick. I don't know exatly what I would do if I lost my band, but I do know I would have another WLS of some kind.

desertmom · 05-16-2006, 03:40 AM

Wish I could be brave enough for the other WLS.Still to scared of long term problems....

Penni60 · 05-16-2006, 05:50 PM

Megan it is a long hard struggle and battle with or without the band. The good thing is you recognize your patterns now and can evaluate why you want to overeat. Emotion is almost always connected to why we overeat. I stress ALMOST always. Most times we don't know why we overeat. We just do! That is when it really sucks. I am at that stage now. I don't know why I overeat I just do.

I just came home from eating my lunch with John and I am already thinking about finding something in the house I can eat. That is sick now.

Just wanted to say I feel your pain, I understand your frustration, and I am cheering you on to victory.

DeLarla · 05-16-2006, 05:55 PM

Megan, learn from Penni and I to AVOID men at all costs who do not live a healthy, active lifestyle! We both have men that eat, want eating partners, don't give a damn about health and nutrition and make dieting more than double the struggle it should be.

My hubby is mostly fit (except his little belly) but he works his ass off in construction. He lays on the couch from 3 p.m. - 7 p.m. as one constant eating machine, so that's what we do - we eat.

Now go find yourself some guys at the gym or the park playing ball. If you have someone that's into a healthy lifestyle it would be so much easier.

Sucks being us, but those skinny women could only wish they were as cute as us!

GeezerSue · 05-17-2006, 09:39 AM

A couple of things, the first may be nitpicky. I didn't "lose" my band; I "got rid of it." And it wasn't a surprise for me either...I was a notion I'd been harboring for months...maybe even a year or so, I don't know for sure. Anyway, because it wasn't a surprise and I had plenty of time to think about it, I was DELIGHTED to get rid of something that was making my life miserable.

That's an important distinction only because I didn't have to waste any time mourning about not having the band anymore. And, one of the things MOST of us do when we're in mourning is eat like there is no tomorrow. So, for those of you still mourning...a novel I recently read mentioned that grief is like a huge wave behind the boat you're piloting. If you don't keep moving forward, that wave can overtake and drown you. But if you DO keep moving, the waves generally become smaller and less threatening. Your only defense is to NOT stop.

~~~

Then, Penni, and others who us who are in that place, I have a book here called '"It's Not About Food," that was written for women with under- and over-eating issues.

One of the first things they ask us to do is to just PAY ATTENTION to our eating...NOT to try to change anything about it, just to PAY ATTENTION to when we eat and what we eat and to STOP being judgmental and to become observant. And then later, they ask us to ask ourselves questions about our eating.

So, eat lunch with John and go home and think about what to eat next but DO NOT judge that behavior as "sick."

That book also tells us that our relationship with food is NOT a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. At some point you developed that behavior to get through something bad. And it WORKED! But now, that bad thing is gone and you need to go through a process to learn that nothing bad will happen if you stop using that technique.

~~~

My mom is driving me nuts. She deserves her own thread and I may post it, but right now, the issue seems to be that I seem to think that chocolate is going to cure something. I have had the DS surgery and 80% of the fat I eat and 20% of the carbs I eat don't even "register" in my body. IN SPITE OF THAT HELP, the combination of a sedentary existence (because of a back injury related to this), and sleeping all day thanks to the pain meds I'm taking for this, and being able to do nothing but get horizontal in a place I know I can't get up from or sit at this keyboard all day, and the water-retention from all the salty prepared and delivered meals we've been eating...I have managed to slow or even "stall" my weight loss. Now I know that if I want to change that, I can cut down on the carbs (and salt) and I'll lose a ton of weight in no time. But right now, the bags--yes...I'm back to BAGS--of chocolate candy (and probably the 21 ounce can of Deluxe Mixed Nuts, too) seem more essential to my psyche than the continued weight loss.

So, I keep telling me I'm not "bad" or "sick" or anything other than "currently in need of chocolate/nut therapy" and that this time will pass. I can only trust that it will and that MY wls-tool will get me goiing again.

Hugs to all...

Sue

JennyJ · 05-17-2006, 11:16 AM

I can't stand head hunger! I've managed to gain all of my weight lost due to head hunger (and from being chronically ill and sedentary for a year). I know what you mean - I constantly think about food and what my next meal is going to be. I have found that simply keeping track of my food intake helps me cope with head hunger. It makes me more aware of what I'm shoveling in. And I guess it makes me more accountable and even guilty, so it helps keep me in check. I don't know about you, but I'm a real control freak. Obsessing about food was my way of coping with control issues. Tracking my food intake and WW points is my new obsession! The more aware I am of my consumption, the more I can control my need to blindly eat everything in sight!

rachele · 05-17-2006, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeezerSue

A couple of things, the first may be nitpicky. I didn't "lose" my band; I "got rid of it." And it wasn't a surprise for me either...I was a notion I'd been harboring for months...maybe even a year or so, I don't know for sure. Anyway, because it wasn't a surprise and I had plenty of time to think about it, I was DELIGHTED to get rid of something that was making my life miserable.

That's an important distinction only because I didn't have to waste any time mourning about not having the band anymore. And, one of the things MOST of us do when we're in mourning is eat like there is no tomorrow. So, for those of you still mourning...a novel I recently read mentioned that grief is like a huge wave behind the boat you're piloting. If you don't keep moving forward, that wave can overtake and drown you. But if you DO keep moving, the waves generally become smaller and less threatening. Your only defense is to NOT stop.

~~~

Then, Penni, and others who us who are in that place, I have a book here called '"It's Not About Food," that was written for women with under- and over-eating issues.

One of the first things they ask us to do is to just PAY ATTENTION to our eating...NOT to try to change anything about it, just to PAY ATTENTION to when we eat and what we eat and to STOP being judgmental and to become observant. And then later, they ask us to ask ourselves questions about our eating.

So, eat lunch with John and go home and think about what to eat next but DO NOT judge that behavior as "sick."

That book also tells us that our relationship with food is NOT a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. At some point you developed that behavior to get through something bad. And it WORKED! But now, that bad thing is gone and you need to go through a process to learn that nothing bad will happen if you stop using that technique.

~~~

My mom is driving me nuts. She deserves her own thread and I may post it, but right now, the issue seems to be that I seem to think that chocolate is going to cure something. I have had the DS surgery and 80% of the fat I eat and 20% of the carbs I eat don't even "register" in my body. IN SPITE OF THAT HELP, the combination of a sedentary existence (because of a back injury related to this), and sleeping all day thanks to the pain meds I'm taking for this, and being able to do nothing but get horizontal in a place I know I can't get up from or sit at this keyboard all day, and the water-retention from all the salty prepared and delivered meals we've been eating...I have managed to slow or even "stall" my weight loss. Now I know that if I want to change that, I can cut down on the carbs (and salt) and I'll lose a ton of weight in no time. But right now, the bags--yes...I'm back to BAGS--of chocolate candy (and probably the 21 ounce can of Deluxe Mixed Nuts, too) seem more essential to my psyche than the continued weight loss.

So, I keep telling me I'm not "bad" or "sick" or anything other than "currently in need of chocolate/nut therapy" and that this time will pass. I can only trust that it will and that MY wls-tool will get me goiing again.

Hugs to all...

Sue

Yet another reason that Sue is my hero....

And
"I was delighted to get rid of something that was making my life miserable"
rings true here, too. It's a whole new world.

MeganA · 05-18-2006, 07:58 AM

I love you guys! Thank you so much for the responses.
Babs- sorry to hear that you are struggling. Thank you for the suggestions about having healthy stuff at all times- I am going to do just that. I had forgotten how easy it is to eat the bad stuff - there is a reason they call "fast food" fast. And after not being able to eat any for so long it's been the first thing I think of when I am hungry.

Barbara-I would say that chinese food is surely one of my triggers. I think they put something in it to make you addicted.

Penni- Sorry to read of your struggles. I would be right there with you without my band.

Lisa-You are so right. I've actually been seeing someone for a couple months now (didn't mention before because I didn't want to jinx it:-)) and he has stuggled with his weight. He is always open to sharing and to picking something a little better for us. But, that's what we do together- we eat. No wonder I like him so much. He loves to ride bike, though...and one of these days I'm going to join him. Oh god I'm scared.

Sue-So very, very true. I have found that those old voices from three years ago are really only under the surface. I have struggled to keep from labeling myself again. Thanks for the reminder.

Thanks to everyone else for their replies. This forum is the best support.

Megan

dishdiva · 05-19-2006, 03:12 PM

don't know if anyone mentioned this or not already (i skimmed through the thread) but one thing I found Megan -- even when you're perceiving yourself to be totally "pigging out," you're not eating nearly as much as you did pre-band...

i know from being without a fill for long periods of time and now being totally band-less -- there is a big difference!

Elizabeth

leatha_g · 05-19-2006, 04:50 PM

Hugs, Megan. I'm there with you, girl!! You and me, things ain't what they used to be back in 2003.. are they?? lol. All I can say, is we gotta really work on this and not go backward here. We've come too far for that..

bandedmama · 05-23-2006, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganA

I can't believe how much my band helped with head hunger. It's driving me crazy. I think about food all the time. When I'm eating lunch I think about what I'm going to have for dinner. I had forgotten how much food ruled my life.

I have not one ounce of restriction. What I have learned is that even with three years of struggle to learn new habits, without my band I am a raging food terrorist. I shovel it in. I take huge bites... I never feel full unless I feel sick.

I'm lucky...I still have my band. I feel just terrified about what would happen without it. I am so sorry for those of you who have lost it.

Megan

Megan - I am so glad that someone pointed me in the direction of this post - and that you replied to mine! I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! Its terrible and I feel helpless -- I have one more week to go before my fill ( I have been unfilled for 3 months/1 week) and I think I have officially reached my breaking point - I stepped on the scale today to find that I have gained 30 pounds in that time. And it is all because I have been eating constantly, and food, BAD food, is all I think about. I started sneaking food again, and all of the bad habits I had pre-band surgery have returned. I think it started as a "band vacation" which was cool for a bit - the "ooh- I can eat THAT again!" and then it took nothing to sink back into those bad habits. I also am grateful that I still have the band - that hoepfully this can be corrected (the gain) once I get filled again...but it is also a HUGE eye opener for me - I had really fooled myself into thinking that I had control over my eating. I miss the days when head hunger didn't plague me because I didn't feel any physical hunger. I want that back!! Until then - I am taking it day by day - but even as I graze and go from one thing to the next, knowingly shoveling it in my mouth and asking myself why I am doing it to myself, I am just holding onto faith that the fill will help me. In reality, I need to regain control over my choices first -- I *was* there at one point, I just need to find my way back. I hope your unfill won't last too long and that you can regain control more quickly than I have been able to!! Good luck!