Wedding advice please help!!!!!

Paula78 · 05-04-2007, 12:26 PM

Ok I have a problem. I would welcome any and all feedback. Here's the situation. My brother is about to get married. Great, right? Well Im not so sure. Heres the thing he is marring my ex best friend. We had been friends before him and her ever hooked up. (for about 5 years). Well back in October we had a fall out over her wedding. She is a very demanding person and within in a matter of a month she decided she was wanting to get married in july of the following year (her 2nd marriage) and have a med sized wedding. Well the thing is she expcected everyone to jump at her every demand. She wanted me to get my brides maid dress bought right away. She didnt care where I got it as long as it was yellow (yuck). So right away i was getting pissed off. To me why does it matter if I get it now or wait untill the first of the year when I had more money (heaven knows she wasnt going to pay for it) and maybe had lost weight. I hadnt been banded yet but was trying to lose weight. Well since she thought that I was not wanting to "jump" right away and buy my dress than she assumed that I didnt care about the wedding and that I must not want to be in it! So it was decieded that I wouldnt be in it. In most ways I was glad. I was dreading having to get a dress looking as bad as I did back in october. Talk about a blow to the self esteem! BUt in some ways i was sad this IS my only brother that shes marrying and I did want to be apart of his wedding. Anyway that was back in october and we have not said much to each other since. So now I received and invitation to her shower which is tomorrow, but I really dont want to go. Its mostly her friends from work. IM not sure if anyone in my family was invited or if theyre going. Im going to feel very awkard considering we havent talked in over 6 months. Not to mention its hosted by her new BFF who I was replaced with. UGGGGHHH I dont know what to do. I REALLY DONT WANT TO GO, but I dont want to be a bitch either. HELPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

Kaelin's G-Ma · 05-04-2007, 12:52 PM

Check with your family and see if any of them are going, tag along for support. If it was me I would attend, just keep telling yourself its for your brother, he is the only one you have. Be polite and bite your tongue, we all need family but can always do without inlaws. IMO.

Zannie · 05-04-2007, 10:19 PM

I agree! Call around to see who of your family is going to the shower. And, frankly, go even if nobody else you know will be there.

Be the bigger (if now smaller :)) person; be polite even if she or the host are cold; do what you can to embrace your ex-best friend and the new roll she WILL play in your family as your new sister-in-law.

And hey...she is marrying YOUR brother -- perhaps the two have talked about the fight! This may be her way of trying to move past your rift. Who knows. But you will only make matters worse by not attending.

What? Are you going to avoid her forever? Get it over with now, not at your brother's wedding (where you're right, you'll look like the bitch for ruining her big day if there is to be a scene between the two of you)! :gluck:

Suzanne

sandy-sue · 05-04-2007, 10:54 PM

I would call around to see who is going in your family. The way I look at things is life is to short. You never know what might happen (I have had this black cloud over my family for about 15 years. Really bad things happen alot. Try to make your brother happy. Do you talk to your brother any? Hope so.

Devana · 05-05-2007, 12:39 PM

Paula, I agree with everyone else. Go, even if you find no other family member to go with.
You can do this, and get through this with grace and dignity.

Zannie · 05-05-2007, 03:53 PM

Did you attend the shower? How did it go?

AthinnerDenise · 05-05-2007, 07:10 PM

I have to agree. Be the bigger person. Chances are it will be a busy day, and you won't have to interact with her much. It would be hard to believe that nobody else from your family wouldn't be invited. You don't have to sit with her, and you can leave always leave early and say that you have some other plans that you need to get to, or are coming down with a cold or migraine, something like that- whatever.

Paula78 · 05-07-2007, 02:38 PM

Thank you all for your advice. I did go! I actually rode over there with my cousin. So that helped!
As for the party I did feel like an outsider. I felt kinda sad actually. Maybe even jealous. I didnt realize that I missed my friend untill I was there. But she acted as ifnothing had ever happened i think she has forgotten that we were ever best friends! She seems to have moved on. Up untill this weekend I didnt care. Untill she mentioned that her last name would be changing to my last name. Then it all hit me. We were best friends for so long. This is what you dream about when your little for you best friend to become your sister and now look at what it is......:cry

AthinnerDenise · 05-07-2007, 09:46 PM

maybe now that she is going to be your sister in law, you two can talk things over at some point. If you are at all close to your brother, you can tell him that you miss her friendship, and hope that things can be worked out.