OMG, what have I done to my child?

Thread Starter  

My DD, who just turned 4 about a month ago, told me today that she's fat and she needs to lose some weight. It made me sick to my stomach! She's probably heard me say that a million times. I know that she doesn't know what it REALLY means, but it still broke my heart to hear her sweet little voice say that.

I have always tried to make sure my kids eat healthy, they definately eat better than I do. But I know I need to do that for myself too, because if she hears me say things like "I'm fat" I know she sees me eating the way i do too. She's too perceptive for her own good!

I've felt like total crap all day and it makes me feel like a shitty mom. I have really got to stop talking about my weight in front of her like that.

Anyways, I just needed to get that off my chest!

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Well, rather than just NOT talking about your body in front of her, maybe it would do her good to hear her mom say good things about her body. I know as women, there are a severe shortage of good role-models that teach girls to LOVE their body as is. Kids hear everything we say and will carry it on into their adult lives. I said something about my body in front of the little girl of a friend of mine and she repeated it to several people. OMG, I was mortified. LOL

Don't feel like a bad mom. What were the negative messages YOU got growing up? It's just time to figure out a way to turn them around and use them for good instead of evil. ;)

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10 lbs to NORMAL...c'mon...I can do this!

It very well could just be something that passes right over. I went through the same thing with my daughter when she began Kindergarten. I had to change my perspective on things (Mommy is trying to be healthy, not Mommy is trying to not be fat). She refused to eat things like pizza, sugar, bread. But it did pass. There are still some things she will rarely touch (like soda) but I am fine with that since we do not have it in the house anyways. Don't feel bad, you are not a bad Mom.

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Drinking and driving don't mix...that's why I ride a bike.

Banded February 6th, 2007
Dr. Bacal~Oakwood Bariatric Options~Dearborn, MI

Children are very resilient. Just focus on healthy talk and not fat talk. Sounds like you are doing the right things with her diet and that is the important thing. Kids that grow up on a steady diet of junk food are really at a great disadvantage. Give them the good stuff and they will always want to eat healthy most of the time.

Tell her she is beautiful and healthy and don't even use the word fat.

I agree with Steph. Try saying positive things about your body and hers. I grew up around negative comments about weight and I learned to hate my body and had no self esteem. Maybe if we all started saying positive things to our kids about different body types and not focusing how fat we look it will do some good. Now here is the hard part, what should we actually say? It could back fire and teach our kids to put all their focus on their bodies. Dang this is a tough one!! But, I agree with everyone else - you are not a bad mother. If she keeps saying it try directing her attention to something else like how pretty her eyes are, and how pretty her smile is and don't pay any attention to the comment. Maybe if she sees that she gets no reaction from it she will abandon (hopefully!!)

On the OTHER HAND...

Your daughter immitating mommy and what mommy says and does shows you that you must be a great mommy because she wants to be like you, talk like you, act like you. That's normal behavior for a child. ( and I've seen pre-schoolers in the living room play area pick up a plastic phone and yell into it *&^%$) so in the grand scheme of things, I think your daughter is in a good place.

The same way you gave her dialogue of " I need to lose weight" give her dialogue like "I'm making myself yogurt and one half a banana because that's a good choice"; " I don't think I should eat the cake because too much sugar isn't good for my body, fruit is better."..and "walking makes me feel strong and my legs are getting stronger muscles so I don't get so tired".

Same coin, different side.

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Patty in Florida

I don't look like this anymore!


Doctor Gerald Kirshenbaum, Aurora, Colorado
THE FAT GIRL'S GOIN' DOWN!

Thread Starter  

Thanks for all the wonderful advice, I am definately going to put it to good use.

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you are so right. My dasughter grew up hearing me say I am fat, seeing me exercise 2-3 hours a day, watching me take diet pills and watching me try every diet program out there. By the time she was 13 she was diagnosed as anorexic. I did not know the damage I was doing. However, as she celebrates her 17th birthday, she is at a very heathy weight, praises be unto God. Your daughter is only 4, My suggestion stop all talk about weight, or being fat, or being on a diet. Reassure your daughter that she is not fat and never will be, that she is beautiful and perfectly crafted by God.

Don't worry -- there's plenty of time to refocus her thinking.

You don't even have to wait until you're banded. You can start today....

er

...okay, maybe wait til AFTER Christmas Day! LOL

But choose POSITIVE statements -- like "eating smart" and "getting fit". I've always heard it takes 5 positive comments to erode the damage of one negative. Just pay attention to your language a little and it'll be fine!

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Nana (a.k.a. Pam)
Banded 8-14-2007 by Fernando Miranda, Houston, TX
5' 5" H-321/S-301/C-224/G-150
www.myspace.com/nanarenan


"I lost 100lbs and people say, 'Oh, I can really see it in your face!'. Apparantly, I was The Kool-Aid Man before. Ohhhh YEEAAAHHHH!!" -- John Pinette