Inner peace

All my life back to childhood, I can remember having an inner turmoil about my weight. I've always been at odds with myself, I would try to feel good about myself, but my weight problem reared it ugly head. Then I would feel bad, blaming myself for the weight. Why couldn't I control myself, why do people make little comments, that hurt so much. I don't know about women, but guys can be down right cruel. The word "BIG" came before everything. I was called "BIG Lyle" all thru school, which was better than fat. Sometimes, I fought back, sometimes I just took it. No one knows the pain (mentally,sometimes physically) that someone with a weight problem goes through, but I know you do.
My life has changed dramatically since the band, I no longer feel ashamed or conflicted. A peace that I have never known has come over me. This feeling is priceless. I wake up everyday enjoying the burden that has been lifted from me. Who would think that a small medical device could have such a huge impact. The band changes lives, I read it and feel it everyday.

I agree with everything you said.
The best part of this journey is that we are ALL better people because of our weight problems. I know that I am! Because of my obesity, I am waaaay more understanding, more compassionate... I am able to console my kids emotional pain much better when a friend betrays them, and to guide my children to look at others with their hearts and NOT their eyes - needless to say, we FORBID "name calling" in AND outside our home.
This is just some of the *good things* that comes from our hurt past!
I am truly excited for your new found "peace", that is what THIS journey is all about, but just remember....
If it wouldnt have been for the ugly cocoon, the butterfly wouldnt be so beautiful!

Lyle, the good and bad experiences in our life make us what we are today. Enjoy that new-found peace, get out there and take part in life, keep your sensitivity and compassion. You just never know who you may help and encourage - just by being you. Best of luck to you!

Lyle-
I'm so glad you've found hope. I always wondered what it was like for a big guy growing up...I think girls can be snotty to each other, and guys can be pretty cruel to girls...but I'd think guys would be even harder on other guys.

I have to admit that one of the biggest changes I've made since I was banded- well, at least the last six months- is that I've stopped the negative inner talk about myself and my weight. I don't know how something that sits on my stomach has changed my brain so much, but it has and thank god for it. It sounds like your inner talk is under control. Doesn't it feel so good to have that brain space available to think of positive things? :-)

Thanks for sharing your story.
Megan

Yeah, Lyle, it was rough wasn't it?

Being the last person picked for dodgeball, or anything. It was always two jocks that I looked up to, and it was like the loser got the fat kid.

You were "expected" to be strong. Like it was all muscle. And punches, and pinches, and pins couldn't hurt you. It was like they didn't think fat people could feel any kind of pain.

Ryan got changed to "Rhino" on my first day of school. Forty seven years later, grown men still call me that.

Dates? Fuhgeddaboutit.

The only way to fit in was to be better looking, or better in sports. Rich worked too. So if you were poor and fat, you were kind of lonely.

The one piece desk and chair. Only skinny kids fit. There was a self esteem booster.

But it was all okay. Because it led to here, and now. It made us into people who don't call names. Who don't laugh at handicaps, or differences. People who can tolerate the objectionable in others, even boorishness.

We have been through the fire, and we do not seek for others to get burned. We make the world a more compassionate place. I wouldn't change it for the world. I understand what it is like to be on the recieving end of prejudice. So now I know. Color, religion, political belief, physical appearance, I know what it's like to be on the outside looking in. I have felt the sting of bigotry. As have we all.

Now ahead lies a future, once dark and uncertain. Now there is a streaming highway of brighter tomorrows, days spent frolicking in the meadows, in the sun, in new bodies, chisled from the old ones we used to carry.

Be joyful. Spread that sunshine. Burn the dark weeds of intolerance with the bright light of each new day.

Inner peace, Lyle? YOU DESERVE IT.