I can be prejudiced too

restrict2008 · 02-14-2008, 03:28 PM

I had a "client" at work today. He was morbidly obese, wheezing, could barely breathe, poor grooming and hygeine, stank of tobacco with stains in his beard and fingernails. I caught myself judging him. I was pleasant to him as I am to everyone, but it was there, in the background- If I am honest with myself I at first found him a little repulsive. This guy needs help, and I am doing everything to help him get it. The fact is- we judge each other- part of the reason I got the band is b/c I am so sensitive to what people are thinking. Please dont bash me too hard, it was hard for me to write this. I think we all need to look in the mirror sometimes. I know I do.

restrict2008 · 02-14-2008, 04:35 PM

my next gentleman was even more morbidly obese- I had to run and find a chair that would fit him. He smelled great and was very friendly- he was lovely and I had no negative feelings. I think that first man was just so difficult to talk to and smelled so bad that most people would have a negative reaction. Even still, he deserves the same respect as anyone else.

I asked about weight loss surgery with male #2 and he told me that he had 75% of his stomach removed in 1980. After initial success, he has slowly been adding weight on over the years. Now he cannot walk without a walker, or sleep without a recliner.

Jachut · 02-14-2008, 07:37 PM

Oh, I can be like a reformed smoker, I can be very prejudiced and yes, grossly overweight people sometimes disgust me.

But really, there's people who are well groomed, smell good, have nice personalities and nice manners no matter what they weigh and you respond well to them, its about more than just whether they're fat or not.

But I do feel like, well I sorted MY weight problem, why cant you.

What really really really gets to me though, is fat attitude. I cant help it. I realise that part of becoming morbidly obese is the changes it makes in you as a person. But the old, I cant exercise because I have pain, or I have 3 kids and I work, or I cant eat right because I get too hungry, etc etc, it really bothers me. I have pain every single darn day from my back and my ankle, and I still run! I ignore it. I dont have BAD pain and some do, so I cant speak for that but people who are just so freaking lazy, who wont cook properly for themselves or look after themselves and then they go and complain because they're morbidly obese? I have absolutely no patience with it!

And that's unfair because I was like that to a large degree and its taken time for me to find an efficient, energetic, go getter inside me. I was a fat blob who'd rather sit on the couch.

Perhaps that disgusts me becuase I see too much of myself in it?

**Jack** · 02-14-2008, 10:17 PM

We have all visited our own moments of "poverty of the spirit". And we have all been variously embarrassed, guilty, incensed, etc. about our own tribulations.

We all strive to be the best we can be.

Just like the Bandster Life Style....sometimes we slip up...but not so far as before...and not all the time....

Sometimes I wonder whether such encounters may be some kind of test.

We can only do what we can do. And we can strive to become whatever we believe is important.

We have the power to be as compassionate for ourselves as we are for others....and we can be as demanding on others as we are on ourselves.

Whatever it is that moves us, is affected by and perhaps renewed by those encounters.

**Wheetsin** · 02-15-2008, 01:14 AM

It's not judgmental to be disgusted by having to smell someone's odors.

Quote:

he deserves the same respect as anyone else.

I don't necessarily agree (or do it). If someone is just being a gross slob, I will not respect them very much. I don't respect people just because they're alive. It doesn't take a whole lot, but such an obvious lack of decency -- doesn't gain my favor.

restrict2008 · 02-15-2008, 08:38 AM

yes but some people have mental illness or other reasons for not being able to take good care of themselves- I have seen people so obese that they physically cannot clean up after themselves after the toilet (and yes the smell makes everyone gag). you never know what someone's situation/mental status is. probably it is the gross slobs that need empathy more than anyone else.

on a side note- these people are completely immobile, there is someone feeding them

ELENATION · 02-15-2008, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by restrict2008

yes but some people have mental illness or other reasons for not being able to take good care of themselves- I have seen people so obese that they physically cannot clean up after themselves after the toilet (and yes the smell makes everyone gag). you never know what someone's situation/mental status is. probably it is the gross slobs that need empathy more than anyone else.

on a side note- these people are completely immobile, there is someone feeding them

I agree with you and I personally respect everyone regardless of their appearance, weight, etc, I don't like that smell and it's hard to work with it, but I still respect that person, because I don't know what's going on in their lives and how they got to that situation, I do respect people just because they are alive...most definitely... I don't agree with many things, but in my opinion, that has nothing to do with respect, I believe everyone deserves respect.

green · 02-15-2008, 10:48 AM

It is hard not to judge unlovely stinky people negatively. Anyone can take a shower.

sfeiner · 02-15-2008, 10:56 AM

I think there are two different issues. You don't have to respect anyone who doesn't earn your respect. BUT you can still treat everyone with respect. As a nurse I have had all sorts of experience with filthy (and filthy mouths-minds) people and I certainly didn't respect them but I tried hard to treat them with respect.

**Wheetsin** · 02-15-2008, 11:26 AM

If someone has a physical or mental handicap to the effect that they are filthy, it's usually no surprise that they are handicapped and I think most people would understand the situation, even if they could not recognize it. This is not just a roaming generalization. Of course there are exceptions, but this is based on a lot of work & education in the field.

If someone does something to offend me, I neither have respect for them nor treat them with respect. And having to smell someone is one of the worst offenses I can think of. With me, like I said - you don't just get my respect because you're alive. It may not take much, but it isn't a handout. People start around a "C" with me, maybe a "D" by default, and can work their way up or down from there. If you've been around for our peronality typing discussions, this is no surprise and fits my type perfectly.

ELENATION · 02-15-2008, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wheetsin

If someone has a physical or mental handicap to the effect that they are filthy, it's usually no surprise that they are handicapped and I think most people would understand the situation, even if they could not recognize it. This is not just a roaming generalization. Of course there are exceptions, but this is based on a lot of work & education in the field.

If someone does something to offend me, I neither have respect for them nor treat them with respect. And having to smell someone is one of the worst offenses I can think of. With me, like I said - you don't just get my respect because you're alive. It may not take much, but it isn't a handout. People start around a "C" with me, maybe a "D" by default, and can work their way up or down from there. If you've been around for our peronality typing discussions, this is no surprise and fits my type perfectly.

I can see your point and I respect it....with me, I give everyone respect until they prove that they don't deserve it.... they start with an "A" with me and they either stay there or go up....

**Wheetsin** · 02-15-2008, 11:36 AM

My husband is the same way. He sees everyone as a potential friend, and treats everyone just like he would his best friend. Sometimes he's too easy-going for his own good. Just as I'm sometimes too reserved for mine. He truly is my yang. :)

ELENATION · 02-15-2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wheetsin

My husband is the same way. He sees everyone as a potential friend, and treats everyone just like he would his best friend. Sometimes he's too easy-going for his own good. Just as I'm sometimes too reserved for mine. He truly is my yang. :)

Interesting that you said that, my hubby is more like you, but the good thing is thatin both of our cases as a couple we compliment each other in that way...
I have funny stories about homeless people and me and they way I act with them and hubby gets so mad at me, we've had plenty of fights about it....

restrict2008 · 02-15-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by green

It is hard not to judge unlovely stinky people negatively. Anyone can take a shower.

Actually, not everyone can take a shower. Some people are so obese that they cannot get out of bed.

Rainer · 02-15-2008, 03:07 PM

What an interesting thread. I am very judgemental...I know that about myself and it's probably a major reason why I don't have very many friends...I cannot/will not get past my initial opinion of someone.

That being said, I treat everyone (initially) with respect because that was drilled into my head as a child and I cannot escape it.

As for everyone being able to shower....when I was pregnant with my twins I weighed about 360lbs and there was this enormous pressure both lying and sitting. I had to put a folding chair in the shower because it was too exhausting to shower without one. Now the majority of that was probably because I was so oddly shaped (My stomach was HUGE!!!!)...but I can imagine how a super morbidly obese person would have a hard time showering...

Thanks for this thread...it made me think!

Rain