How do you get (and keep) a friend?

**FairyFacade** · 04-22-2008, 05:53 PM

Wheet yer like my husband in that sense, I am a social butterfly and since we moved back to Alabama he has made no friends, and when I try to introduce him to guys his age, he always has some reason he doesn't want to be friends with them. It really sucks for me, because when I 'go out with friends' I have to leave him at home or listen to him bitch & moan without end and then act like he's having a horrible time with them, and then I feel akward and emberassed. I stopped asking him to go out for the most part, and my friends always ask why he isn't there, and I have to make up some excuse. One day the excuses will dry up and they'll catch on that my DH is just anti-social!

TerriDoodle · 04-26-2008, 10:31 PM

One of the best things I ever did in this regard was to start up a Bunko group. I gathered some girls from the office that were fun and we met every 2 months to play. It's been 6 years now and we've all become so close! I have 10 'best friends' now!

Usually Bunko groups start with women just like yourself.... sahm's that just need a girls night out every once in a while. Post a notice in your neighborhood newsletter or spread the word with the neighbors that you do know and see who might be interested. It's great fun and a wonderful way to make new friends ... especially if they're also your neighbors!!!

annieM · 04-27-2008, 09:10 AM

What is bunko and how do you play?

TerriDoodle · 04-27-2008, 09:37 AM

Follow the link in my post.... it tells you all you need to know.

luluc · 04-27-2008, 10:33 AM

Bunko is SO much fun.
My girlfriends & I go through too much wine sometimes playing - but it's a great way to interract - decompress from kids / hubby etc. & meet new people. There is always a new player it seems each month (new neighbor / work colleague / etc.)
Since DH and I moved to the country, and I'm "Out there - no stop light town" - I force myself to meet my gfriends in town for lunch / yoga classes etc. weekly. I joke to my husband that I want to run for mayor of my small little TX town, and he just laughs - I'm VERY outgoing, will talk to anyone - I prefer strangers sometimes to family...HA!

To me being on an Internet Forum is more diffiult to interact with than "live persons" (this is my first forum of any kind). I like being able to look someone face to face and engage - hard to read someones written words and get the "gist" sometimes....but that's me...

lindata · 04-27-2008, 04:55 PM

Bunko is fun! That's how I met a few friends where I'm living.

Fairyfacade - no offence to you, or anything, really! But I hate the word anti-social. I'm a strong introvert too and it's taken quite a lot of gumption on my part to even try to make friends here (we have just moved away from our family, and with a small son I do need SOME kind of social activity). There really is nothing wrong with having no friends or just a few, and it's not anti-social, it's just being an introvert. You can probably stop making excuses for your dh and tell everyone he likes to be by himself. There's nothing wrong with that!

I'd love to be by myself except having a 4 year old kid is very lonely when you're just playing with him all day. If I didn't have him I'd gladly be a hermit in my house, read my books, watch my movies, play in my garden, and be very, very happy.

A book that's really helped me with this is Raising Your Spirited Child. I got it for my son but it has helped explain a lot of MY behavior as well - it talks about introverts and extroverts, what makes them tick, and why they act the way they do.

Linda

**AthinnerDenise** · 04-29-2008, 12:51 AM

Volunteer work is a great way to meet people. There are clubs that do
good deeds for the community.

Do you exercise? I spend half my morning at the gym so that takes care of half of the day. I have a part time job, and find I eat more at work than I do at home!

Devana · 05-03-2008, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lindata

A book that's really helped me with this is Raising Your Spirited Child. I got it for my son but it has helped explain a lot of MY behavior as well - it talks about introverts and extroverts, what makes them tick, and why they act the way they do.

Linda

Linda, I loved that book. It explains introverts and extroverts in a way that's different than I had previously understood. My husband, son and I appear to be very extroverted; we're comfortable with people and public speaking etc. However, doing the tests in the book showed me that despite our ease with people, our energy gets depleted quite easily and we need a lot of "recharging" time alone or just with each other.

As for making friends, I have always found it easy. I know what I do, but I don't know how to describe it other than that I have an ability to create a sense of intimacy. We have moved a lot and I have several very good friends in every place we've lived.

Michee · 05-03-2008, 07:41 AM

Since your kids are really young adults....my advice is to avoid any type of parenting group where the focus is gonna be on kids and try something that is about you. A few years ago I decided that I wanted to make local friends that I could meet up with for a quick coffee if I wanted, since most of my friends lived at least 30 minutes away.

I volunteered to do promotions for a local festival
I volunteered to decorate a float for the Santa Clause Parade
I joined several "walks for charity"
I volunteered to be a literacy tutor.
I volunteered to be on a board of directors

You mentioned going to work........perhaps you could take some college courses now in an area of interest, that will help you get a job you will enjoy

crazycat · 05-08-2008, 11:42 AM

I'm so glad this thread was posted! I moved from California 4 years ago and I still haven't meet anyone to be friends with. My world is enjoying life with my husband who has always been my very best friend. I desperately want to make friends with some other women. I'm going to put an ad in the local paper start up a Bunko group.