HELP! I need a manager's advice.

Gloucester · 07-10-2008, 10:18 AM

History:
I work for a large company...was dating coworker...he was promoted...I was asked to find another position or be fired...found a job in a different location/division.

Now, I'm trying to get a job back at the other location, in a different dept. It's closer to home and gas prices are killing me now. (Job is now taking 1/4 tank each day, plus toll road costs. Car pooling is not an option right now - none available.)

I've applied online to one job - and when you do that, an email copy goes to the boss - was told I had the job, in the bag, etc...then someone else was hired. The manager there is who hired me into the company way back when, so know him pretty well. I called him when I saw the job posting and he said, Oh, yes - I will hire you in a heartbeat. Go ahead and apply online -you've got it. Then he hired someone else the very next day.

The only reason I was/am hesitant to apply online and send the notification to my boss is because 1) she was on maternity leave at the time, had just had her baby and her parents were visiting. They both got deathly ill and ended up in Hospice (they are quite a bit older than she is) and was on "death watch". I didn't want to upset her. She got the notification and emailed me from her Blackberry: Are you unhappy? I replied no, it was an opportunity to work closer to home, and turns out I'm staying put.

She came back to work after maternity leave was over, and a week later her mother died. She's currently out on vacation/leave until the middle of the month.

There are two more jobs that are available at the other location, but I don't want keep applying and notifying my boss - while she's out grieving.

But. I'm doing what's best for me and my family and saving $500/month would be a big help.

I'm just torn - I don't want to be a jerk to her (she's really great) but I feel that I need to try. The bummer would be if I keep applying and don't get any of these jobs. I lost out the other one, I found out, to someone who had more pull in the company and had been here for 10 years.

She'll be swamped when she gets back and I'm scared she'll push all the upset and stress at me. (Like when my daughter comes in asking for money after I've mowed the lawn - done the dishes - folded laundry and am now cleaning the dogs...

you know?)

So...my dilemma is this: What do I tell my boss? How do I approach this? I know I want to wait until she's back and talk to her face to face, but she's under so much stress. What should I say to her, and should I send an email right now, following my submission?

**MacMadame** · 07-10-2008, 11:54 AM

You need to stop worrying about her so much and worry about you. For one thing, I doubt she cares that much. :)

When she gets back from leave, sit down with her and explain the situation and get her to help you move into a position that's closer to home. If she is helping, you'll be the one getting the job when someone else thought they were a shoe in.

babs0101 · 07-10-2008, 12:01 PM

I am a manager for a small manufacturing company. I can tell you that each time an employee makes a change it is felt by me because we are small. BUT, you said you work for a large company. You changing positions should not have to drastic of an impact on your boss. I'm sorry to hear she is having so much stress in her personal life, but that is her personal life, you need to tend to yours. Go for it. If she's as great as you say, she will understand.

Gloucester · 07-10-2008, 12:01 PM

Thanks, Mac...I will sit with her when she's back. I'd rather it be face to face, than via emails anyway.

And, yeah...it's not really personal. But, I tend to take my job as an extension of me. I feel like I'm abandoning them here.

It's a really boring job, and I've been asking for more to do...Other's have come and gone - no one's lasted more than 2 years, and it's kind of a cursed position. I took it because I had to (and, strangely enough it paid more money than the higher stressed job I had with my bf.)

Big companies are really screwy and sometimes I miss working with a smaller group. :) But, they have great insurance here, which covered my LAP-BAND^®, so I can't complain TOO much.

**MacMadame** · 07-10-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gloucester

Big companies are really screwy and sometimes I miss working with a smaller group. :) But, they have great insurance here, which covered my LAP-BAND^®, so I can't complain TOO much.

Well I work for a big company AND I have to pay for my own WLS. So I get the worst of both worlds!

Seriously though, there are people in this world who worry too much about other people and not enough about themselves. I am one of them so I recognize the signs. I bet you have trouble asking for time off too.

I've been a manager and when I am, I don't take this stuff personally. It would be one thing if you came to me and said "I'm outta here -- tomorrow is my last day -- and that big project I'm working on that is due in a week and isn't done? Too bad for you!" You'd get a bit blackmark for that kind of behavior. But wanting a different career path than what you've got is perfectly reasonable.

Gloucester · 07-10-2008, 01:49 PM

Thanks...I do actually have a hard time asking off. I started here in Jan and ended up having gall bladder surgery in Feb. I cried! I was so upset that I had to take off 2 whole days...

Ugg.

Another part is if I keep NOT getting the jobs I apply for, then how's that gonna look? I think a part of me is really embarrassed if things are public. Will it get to the point where people are asking, "You still here?"

:) But, then - I do worry too much.

greythope · 07-13-2008, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gloucester

History:
I work for a large company...was dating coworker...he was promoted...I was asked to find another position or be fired...found a job in a different location/division.

So...my dilemma is this: What do I tell my boss? How do I approach this? I know I want to wait until she's back and talk to her face to face, but she's under so much stress. What should I say to her, and should I send an email right now, following my submission?

I am an HR manager and the first paragraph really bothered me. Does your company have a policy against dating in the work place or specifically dating someone senior to you? Because quite frankly that is sexual harassment if you're going to get fired because you were dating someone who got promoted. If they do have some sort of policy it should be THEIR job to transfer you and is completely to punish you by you being in a farther location.

I can see though why you'd like to move somewhere closer to home. I would just tell you boss you don't have a choice but to move jobs but say you will do what you can to ease the transition.

StartinOver · 07-13-2008, 06:39 PM

Gloucester,
I'm a manager with a large corporation and I can tell you: Follow protocol! Do not go behind your managers back, even if she is having a difficult time right now. But as far as the "dating in the work place" topic, if the guidelines were in place when you both were hired, you're kind of out of luck. My company clearly says that no dating in the same division and no dating between management and those below. I can see were the other management team would not want you returning to that building if that is their policy. Especially if it caused any commotion with you leaving into a higher paying job as you stated. Your co-workers see this as something completely different. They will see it as getting a promotion for sleeping with the boss. Even though I'm pretty sure that isn't true. You know how office gossip goes!

Gloucester · 07-14-2008, 08:13 AM

:) Ahhh, yes...that crap was a bunch of drama I wouldn't want to relive.

1 - He's not really the "boss". He's still not! All their talk and he's still not a super yet. He's just the lead because he's been there the longest.

2 - We weren't in the same dept when we were dating. But, because both our depts worked closely with each other, we felt disclosure was necessary. We told his boss (been w/the company 40 years and has good history there). She said, "No problem. If someone doesn't like it they'll have to go through me." We felt safe.

3- The company merged our departments five months later so that he was the lead of me. (But, not the boss of me!!!)

4 - We weren't all over each other, but we did start taking our lunch separate from the group because we wanted to be alone. I think that pissed some girls who have no life off.

5 - People started to complain - one whole year later, and soon HR was involved. Our HR rep said that one of us had to find another job because there was conflict in the department with our dating.

6 - At a meeting w/HR with both of us, we were asked which one of us was looking, because the company didn't want to lose boht of us. I said that was none of the company's business, but it was me that was looking. She told me I had 90 days... I said, "or else, what?" She just said, "or we'll have to let you go." I said, "On what grounds? He's not a supervisor, and there is no company policy." She just shrugged!!! I was pissed.

When we mentioned that we had told his boss in the very beginning she said, "But she didn't tell ME."

But - I'm online a lot and even though I get my job done (and better than 1/2 the others in that department I might add) I'm sure they would FIND some reason to fire me if they're looking. So, I looked, and found something within company.

And the something is much better - it's just fricken far away!

Thank you to all who've given advice. I sent off an email for a meeting request and will sit down face to face when she gets back. She is a great person, and I know it'll be tough for them to find someone - again - to fill this position, she won't try to hold me back. Other bosses in the company have denied people. (They have an option on their end that asks if they agree or disagree with this person moving on. I've heard a couple of people being denied because they're good.)

Not to brag, but I am good. I take pride in my work and hate being idle. This new position is very idle, so I take care of a lot of things no one wants to, and they like that. Previous employees with my job enjoy sitting around doing nothing...I hate it.