The Break up....

Joy Joy · 08-31-2006, 09:59 PM

Well it happened. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years just broke up Sunday night. We have 1 son together, I have a son from a previous relationship and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The daughter lives in TX with her mom. It makes me sad that we cant work it out because we have a family but honestly we have been coasting the last two years from the first three years( those three years were great)...does that make sense? The bottom line is that I loved him unconditionally and he could not do the same. Im half pissed and half heartbroken. How in the world do I move on. Its like a divorce even though we arent married. Its soooo weird we live together for now until he moves out hopefully this weekend, but I feel weird not telling him how my day was or asking him about his I cant hug him or kiss him. Just thought I would put this out there I dont post that often but I do read the post everyday and you guys are really good with advice and making people feel better. If anyone else is going through a divorce or breakup I am so sorry for I know your pain.

Mvpo8961 · 08-31-2006, 10:04 PM

I am so sorry Joy Joy. It is a hard time. Have you tried any type of counseling? I know it is hard to put your personal stuff out in the open. I wish you the best of luck.

Myra

ladysplenda · 08-31-2006, 10:06 PM

It is hard to pick up and go on. I was in a bad relationship. My first husband. I found out I did miss him but we did better without him.
I know you hurt. You will get past this. You only have one life spend it with someone that makes you happy. Where you happy??

CCBSTX · 08-31-2006, 10:07 PM

I am so sorry Joy about your rough time. It's good to post here as most folks have great wisdom. Of course, I don't know the "whole" story. If he didn't love you, then it is probably a good idea to move on. The hardest part will be the kids. Concentrate on your kids and making yourself happy.

Take care. Shawn

Joy Joy · 09-01-2006, 11:14 AM

Well to make matters worse my boss put me on full commisson so I have no set salary and things are really slow at work. THen this morning my car died. I dont know if i should laugh or cry.

I wrote him a letter last night asking him to counsling for one more try. So well see what happens. Thanks for all your kind words.

nightingale2u · 09-01-2006, 11:21 AM

Aw Joy... I'm so sorry that you both are going through this. Hopefully you will find a way to work things out but if you don't... try really hard to remain friends. There's a fine line between love and hate and it's easy to get carried away with the negative and that's not healthy for anyone involved. Wishing all three of you the best...

barbara465 · 09-01-2006, 11:22 AM

Joy,

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Maybe its time to move on. Once you start your life again you will find relief in the daily drama of a bad relationship. Your child is very important to you and remember that they are the ones that need our protection. Living in an unhealthy relationship damages them as well.

p.s. remember Texas is community property state and recognizes common law marriages. You might really have to get a divorce to move on. Don't forget child support. THink with your head and not with your heart if it trully is time to move on.

Tricia K. · 09-01-2006, 11:23 AM

Joy, I'm really sorry to hear about the break up. Just remember that every day it gets a little better. :hug:

HeatherGurl · 09-01-2006, 11:26 AM

Hugs to you and I hope it all works out for you!

mrs_christy · 09-03-2006, 05:45 PM

I'm so sorry Joy Joy. I married my high school sweetheart and we were together a total of 15 years...3 dating and 12 married. I can't tell you how well I understand your pain. But, as the saying goes..."this too shall pass". I am happy to say that I've met a man this is everything to me and we were married in June. So, things happen for a reason. Maybe you are meant to go through this so that your next relationship will be a happy one. My thoughts are with you!

beachgirl · 09-03-2006, 07:39 PM

Joy,
My prayers and thoughts are with you. I know only you know what is best for you. I hope that if you guys still love each other that you can work this out. Maybe a few days apart will make the heart grow fonder.
I hope you can work this out and that the kids can understand that no matter what you both love them very much. It's so hard for them to understand.

**Elisabethsew** · 09-03-2006, 08:11 PM

Ending are so hard to accept but if he can't love you unconditionally and you're always the "giver" or "pleaser" in the relationship, it might be the best thing. I hope your work situation and your personal relationship works out positively.

**Kat817** · 09-03-2006, 08:17 PM

I don't know if I can say this and have it make any sense....but I found during my divorce years ago, that it is much lonlier being in a room with someone you are supposed to be in love with, and not connecting, than it is to be in that room by yourself. Take everything a day at a time, and as mad as you may end up, always keep the kids in mind, and urge him to do the same. I hope everything works out for you work wise as well!
Kat

chrispygal · 09-03-2006, 08:36 PM

Hi Joy,

My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up about a year ago, so I completely understand how devastating it is. I have never had to go through anything more difficult in my life. Like you, our first three years were wonderful and the last two were less than perfect. We got along great, but in the end we wanted different things out of life. We had broken up in the past (always at my doing - funny he didn't want to commit to be more serious, but he never would have ended the relationship) but alway seemed to get back together. This breakup was the result of a HUGE fight (and we never normally fought) and it finally stuck. I think we both knew we had to let go.

The first few months were horrible. I functioned, but spent a lot of time listening to music and crying. lol. (Lauryn Hill's Ex-Factor sums up our relathionshiop just perfectly!) I just didn't know what to do. Right around Christmas we ended up reconnecting. It started innocently, but then one thing led to another.... We weren't back where we started, but we were heading in that direction for a couple months. But I learned very quickly that things never change, especially my ex.

While it was very difficult to move on, I know it was the BEST thing I could have done for myself. I've always had great self-esteem, which was wrecked by this relationship. I am getting that back and know that I will never, ever, ever settle in another relationship. I deserve more. To this day I am still saddened over our realtionship not working out and still find myself crying here and there because I know I really, truly and honestly loved him with my whole heart. BUT I am also able, at the same time, to not fall for his games anymore. He still will text message me and try to set up dates, even though I know he is dating someone and I myself am dating again. At this point all I can say is whatever, and be glad that I was able to get away from the rollercoaster. Life is much happier these days and I know the same will be true for you. Keep your chin up!

Chris

Joy Joy · 09-09-2006, 08:57 PM

Thank you so much for your insight. I can say that I tried really hard to make this work, but like they say love is not always enough..soooo true. I took all of his pictures down started packing my stuff and I will be moving out in a month. It is all about me and my kiddies now. But I know who ever is next will have to take me as I am, I am not settling and a neither should he.
Thanks again