Another Wedding Topic-Advise Please

K@t · 05-16-2007, 06:13 AM

Hey Everyone,

There is something that has been bothering me for awhile, and it would be great to get some advise about it.

As many of you know I'm American and my husband is Portuguese. When I graduated from university I moved here to Portugal to be with him. The process for marriage here in Portugal is that everyone has to go to the court house and get married first. Then if they want a church wedding they can do it after. Hubby and I were planning a church wedding, so we went in jeans and t shirts to the court house, without our rings, with nothing, basically to sign a piece of paper to say we were married. A few weeks after that the wedding plans fell apart. Logistics where difficult because of my family in the US and his family owning a business, it seemed we couldn't find a time that every one could make it together. So we decided we didn't need a wedding. We didn't get to exchange rings, or kiss the bride, or have any pictures that we could show our future kids. I have always regretted that.

Now....next month we are moving back to Florida. We have been married 3 years this year. Our anniversary is September 6th. Our 5 year anniversary in 2009 will be on a Sunday. I was thinking that I would like to do a church wedding in the US on our 5 year anniversary. It wouldn't be a vow renewal as a lot of couples do, because we never had any vows. I would like to do a traditional ceremony in a Methodist church that my grandparents attend. I would like the dress and the cake and a photographer. Hubby's parents would probably be able to fly in at that time to attend. His brother and my sister in-law would probably be able to come too.

I'm just wondering what you all think, if it's appropriate to have a wedding after we have already been married. I don't exactly know what the etiquette procedure is for this. Any opinions on this?

**Iluvharleys** · 05-16-2007, 06:30 AM

Lots of people renew their vows, I don't think this would be any different. I say go for it and fullfill you dreams.

NicksWife22 · 05-16-2007, 08:12 AM

ABSOLUTELY!! Have the wedding you've always dreamed of! Girl, it could be the best day of your life. Get pampered, get your hair done all those things that a girl dreams of!! You NEED to have a wedding! It's good for the soul!! :)

I think as far as etiquette just handle it like a normal wedding. Send out invitations, have a maid of honor, father-daughter dance (if dad dances).

By the way...i do weddings!! I don't know where you are but I've flown out of state to take wedding photos before!! LOL

Let us know!

**Wheetsin** · 05-16-2007, 08:40 AM

If you want it, do it. There is no etiquette when it comes to decisions you regret, but have the oppportunity to change.

Josette · 05-16-2007, 11:01 AM

I've been married 2 1/2 years and when I got married I was too big for the dress I've always wanted so someday.. probably years from now.. I'm going to do a vow renewal and have the dress with the HUGE puffy skirt because that's what I've always wanted and darn it I'm having it! hehehe FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!

lapbander081004 · 05-16-2007, 11:29 AM

I have always regretted that.

Well if this statement is true then you need to do this for yourself. I think what your planning is great and for the sound of you you really want to do it.

It will give you some more incentive to get to that dress you want. And even if you don't so what... You deserve to be happy.

It was a wedding that made me get the surgery done. 4 yrs ago this Oct. my oldest son got married and when I saw the pictures I knew that I was out of control. I researched and found the lap band. I knew I'd never see a grandchild if I continued on. I had no "LAP" room to hold a baby. So 3 yrs ago I hand the band put in. And even thought I have not lost as much as I would have liked I know it was not the bands fault. But I am healthier and so much happier. Two yrs ago I got my first Grandchild and have been able to hold her on my lap. AS a matter of fact I have enough room for another one which will be here in Jan.

Well it is another wedding that got me re motivated to behave and lose more. I wanted to look good in the Tux I will wear this Friday when My oldest daughter gets married. And more grandkids will be on the way.

So get rid of your regret Young Lady have that wedding and Live Happily Ever After.

Best wishes to you.

K@t · 05-16-2007, 06:39 PM

Thanks every one, so it sounds like it's ok to go ahead with this then. I just didn't want people to think we were tacky people trying to get gifts or anything. I just want to have a nice day with friends and family..and darn it i want my dress. And that may even be incentive for me to get this weight off! I want to have beautiful wedding photos to show my kids some day.

Nickswife, I'm sending you a pm.

green · 05-18-2007, 01:14 PM

Sure, go for it. You never did have a church wedding! Have your day.

mousecrazy · 05-18-2007, 03:20 PM

Hey, have your day...and you always specificy "no gifts" if you don't want any confusion.
I think people would totally understand; in fact, I just received an invite to a celebration for a couple who have been married a year...they didn't have a wedding at the time (different reasons) but now want a celebration. They put on the invitation, no gifts, just the gift of your presence.
Have fun planning!

Melissa S · 05-18-2007, 03:25 PM

I say GO FOR IT!!!

My grandparents were "remarried" in church for their 50th anniversary. When the were first married it was pretty close to your first "wedding" sign a paper- no rings... My grandmom always wanted a church wedding with the white dress and everything... SO, at 70 years old... my grandmother got the wedding she wanted.. white dress, photographer, dj and everything to go along with it... the whole family was in the wedding... my uncles and my dad even gave her away... it was very touching. She even sang to him on the altar (she has a wonderful voice)....

K@t · 05-18-2007, 03:59 PM

wow that sounds pretty sweet..... well i'm going to hope mine will be as nice.

kyethra · 05-19-2007, 10:44 PM

Go for it! I know a couple who had their wedding aftere they had been married for 2 years. They got engaged and starting planning a big church wedding, but then due to military stuff they had a quick courthouse wedding. But they also kept on planning their big church wedding. Really fancy actually. And of course they got gifts. If you got gifts from people the first time around, then maybe its better to specify no gifts this time. But if you never got wedding presents or anything then, then why not register too?

K@t · 05-20-2007, 06:26 AM

We would probably specify no gifts. A few family members did give us gifts but we are pretty established and it's not like we need toasters or anything. It's good to know that some people do it afterwords. I think our 5 year will be a good time to do it. I'm pretty decided we will do it. If you guys are still here on LBT in 2 years, you will see the photos. :biggrin1:

I'm thinking of doing it in a small Baptist church that my grandparents attend. Its in a really small town so I would just need to find a reception place. But it won't be a big thing, just family and close friends, probably 50 people or so. I just really want pretty photos to show my children, and you know "have my day".

Thanks for the inputy everyone.

Lucy · 05-26-2007, 12:56 AM

Do whatever you want and your friends will be happy to come to any event you have to celebrate your wedding no matter how many years it has been since your civil ceremony. And if they have a problem with it, then they probably aren't really your friends to begin with.

green · 05-26-2007, 11:21 AM

My husband's brother is quite greedy and kind of crass. He got married in France because it is more "romantic," came back, had a pool party in his backyard and asked everyone to bring his own chair to sit on and money instead of a gift.

The invitations were made up on his computer and printed up on regular computer paper. He and his bride had been living together for years and owned a house, by the way.
I was pretty grossed out and didn't bother attending.:rolleyes I later heard that quite a number of other people, including his parents, were shocked, too. I wish I had saved the invite, though.:p