Annoyed with hubby

K@t · 03-05-2006, 04:36 AM

Ok, my turn to vent. I am sooooo annoyed with my husband right now.

I wish that I could just do whatever I wanted and not worry about what he thinks. So basiclly I'm on the Portuguese states waiting list for surgery which could be a year, or more, or not, or I don't really know because there is no way to check the status of my process and no one to call or ask....which I can't stand! I hate not knowing whats happening.

Any way, so I started looking at the possibility of going to France instead. For around 6,000€ I could get the surgery plus flight, plus hotel, plus 3 days in the hospital, all inclusive surgery. (this includes a ticket for hubby plus a private room with an extra bed in the hospital for him) And I can do it as soon as April 5th. Hubby thinks im CRAZY :loco: for wanting to go to another contry. What about after care etc. I'm telling him, I'll get a doctor here in Portugal to do the fills etc. What if you have complications etc... And I keep telling him, this is normal lots of people go to a diffrent country its not any big deal. (He hasn't mentioned the money, but if I wait then it will be free, and if I go to France its 6,000 and I'm sure that has something to do with it.)

So now, we are in limbo. I won't make a confirmation in France because if I do it with out his approval, then there will be this huge argument.

And a fight and tears and thats not the kind of stress I want before surgery. Last night I tried to talk to him about it and he said that I have been fat all my life...what's one more year?!?! :mmph: Thats what some one who has never been fat would say. gawd it floored me! So now I don't know what to do, it's not like we can't afford it, we have the money. (It would be a strech but not a hardship) But it would be free if I waited, but its soooooooooo hard to wait when you finally have some hope that your life can REALLY change you know.

So now I dunno what to do....get a divorce?

(just joking) I dunno how to convience him that I NEED this surgery now, and not a year from now, or two years, or whatever the state wants me to wait for. And that going to France is ok and safe and things will work out fine. *sigh* :decision: I think I'm done. Any one else have trouble with their hubbys? What did you do?

ddiedre · 03-05-2006, 09:11 AM

Kat,

Here in the U.S. there are examples too many to count where individuals are caught in a struggle with their insurance companies which last a year or more. I myself took close to a year fighting with the insurance just to see a psychiatrist that was covered. This was a requirement before even seeing the band surgeon. From the start of the journey (May of 2004) to surgery (4/4/05) was 11 months.

I know it's hard to wait when you know you've made the right decision and you're anxious to get started on the road to a better you. But if it causes more problems to get there on the "fast track", maybe patience would be a virtue here. You never know, you could be bumped up. Besides, lap band surgery in and of itself is kind of a test of patience because the weight does come off slowly, steadily instead of the rapid weight loss experienced by RNYers or DSers. Just a thought and my humble opinion.

Good luck in whatever you decide,

K@t · 03-05-2006, 10:55 AM

Your right, I know you are. Its just not the answer I want to hear right now. Sometimes the things we hate to hear the most need to be said though.... *sigh* its just so hard to wait...

paula · 03-05-2006, 12:22 PM

(my opinion)

Go for the state option.

Even though -at this point- going to France is something you can fit into the budget, many of us NEVER consider problems that tend to arise post banding.
A slipped band, port problems, leaks in the tubing - and many other things that could go wrong *may* lead to a home cash crunch!

Ive always said, Lap banding is much more expensive then what I initially bargined for!

So, my fight would be to figure out HOW I could find out what number I am on the state's list.... then go from there.

K@t · 03-05-2006, 03:15 PM

I know I should wait for the state list, what if I need plastic surgery after for skin or something, that can add up as well. There is no way to find out where you are on the list. Its policy of the state, there are so many people on the states list for various things that they have no capacity to handle all the inquiries, so..they just don't answer any. However, I may have an inside track, my husbands uncle is a doctor and he said he will talk to some one at the hospital where they do it for me. So hopefully in a few days I will hear something from him....otherwise i just wait. In Portugal its all about who you know to get something done...

Dianechef · 03-05-2006, 03:29 PM

I was banded out of state & have not had any complications & thought my surgery went very well & I've had great success. However, if I was in your position, I would wait & have it done in your own state. A big part of your success depends on your after care & when you have surgery somewhere else you will not have the after care that you truly need. It isn't something you can't even describe until you are banded & start using your band & getting fills.

I know the waiting is very long & hard. We all went through it & it truly SUCKS!! However, even if the surgeon in France is #1 in the world, he still lives in France. If you found a good doctor who will do you fills that is close by, it still isn't the same. They aren't there to monitor you. You are not their patient.

Good luck on your decision. It's a very hard one & I truly feel for you!!!

03-05-2006, 04:19 PM

I totally agree with Paula. Post banding can get very expensive if you have to have any revisions. I have been luck so far but I worry about when my one year mark is up because after that anything that happens is out of my pocket.(I paid cash and had a one year guarantee on everything through my surgeon). I would hate to go out of country and then have problems and have a hard time finding a good doctor to work on you. Hope this helps.

princess_n_thep · 03-05-2006, 10:15 PM

Can I go with you??? I will take his place and hold your hand and tell you all will be okay! Hell, if anyone wants me to go, I would go.

My hubby had issues with me going to Mexico but we didn't fight about it. It was MY body, MY choice, not his. He stood in the background supportive or he could get the hell out of my background. Sorry, but this is just how I am. If you not going to be supportive in any final decisons I make about my body and my life then get the hell outta my way. Asking for a blessing or permission is not my style. He knew this when he married me and he loves me for it... I think. :)

**Wheetsin** · 03-05-2006, 10:23 PM

K@t, I don't see this in your post though you may have said it - but how is the medical system in Portugal? Would you trust your life with it? If so, you might want to consider waiting. We too had the $ to pay out of pocket, but why when you don't have to? :) It'll give you that much more $ toward and PS you may need.

On the flip side, if it is questionable care, then I wouldn't think twice about going elsewhere.

Something else you may have said but I missed - will doctors in your country take on your aftercare? That's important, too. A lot of doctors in my area will not do aftercare for MX bandsters. If you have to go out of the country every time you need a fill, have an issue, etc. - your $ will run out quickly.

Any chance your DH will see this as your choice? I asked DH his opinion, and he was "your choice" all the way. The only input, and only "no" he had, was to RNY.

K@t · 03-06-2006, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princess_n_thep

It was MY body, MY choice, not his. He stood in the background supportive or he could get the hell out of my background.

Hhehehe, I guess it must be a dynamic of our relationship. I'm always over excited and want to do things now, NOW, NOW! While he is more level headed and patient. But I know he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for me. (he says he doesn't trust France, he thinks the doctors in Portugal are better)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wheetsin

will doctors in your country take on your aftercare?

We haven't even found a private doctor here yet that does the procedure. I had an appt. with a surgeon on Wednesday but when I called to confirm the appt, I chatted with the nurse and found out he doesn't even do the procedure

(now I have to bitch at the other doctor who sent me to him) so I'm sort of at a loss right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wheetsin

K@t, I don't see this in your post though you may have said it - but how is the medical system in Portugal?

I have never had to have any thing done by the state system before, I just always went to my husbands uncle who is a private doctor. But I can't imagine that the service here is any worse then France. The hospital where I would have it done is like 5 min from my house so thats really convient, and my students have all told me good things about the hospital.

My plan of action as of right now is, I talked to my husbands uncle who is a private doctor and explained the situation, and he said he would talk to some one at the hospital. So I'm waiting to hear from him. In Portugal it's all about who you know, so maybe his uncle knows the right people. I'm keeping France as a back up option, but most of you are right. There are so many other cost associated with this like after care, fills, new clothes (when the old ones get to big) and I don't know if I'll need any plastic surgery, but if I need it that will have to be out of pocket the govt won't pay for that. To be honest my situation is better then most of yours because your insurance companies put u through hell with doctor vistis and 6 months of diet etc. All I really have to do is just......wait. So I'm putting my patient hat on and I'm gonna sit back and wait to see what happens.....

Thank you all for such wonderful support!