Traveling from Invisibility into the Land of the Truly Living
When I first began pondering just what to write my first article about, my natural instincts wanted me to write about my journey through Lap Band Land this past year. But then an occurrence this past weekend made me decide to change my subject:
My husband and I were up at our cabin working, when our neighbor’s husband suddenly called me over. Now they’ve been our neighbors for the 1˝ years they have owned their cabin, and we’ve had a “passing casual acquaintance” during that time. When I went over, he blurted out, somewhat embarrassed, “Don’t take this wrong, but you’re pretty cute. I never noticed before and I hope you’re not offended by me saying this”.
My emotions immediately became mixed: yes, it was a compliment—but there was a much more profound significance to this.
You see, I had seen this man numerous times, but during that time, to him I had been INVISIBLE. This had been the case when I was out in society, too: heads turn away at the sight of the “morbidly obese”—whether not wanting to stare or because of the repulsion caused by a huge mound of flesh meandering about. Likewise, our Intelligence Quotient is generally considered lower than normal, because if it were truly higher, why would we “choose” to be fat—as though it IS a choice we have made at some point in our lives. Only through close personal contact, i.e. work, church, group meetings, are our real personalities discovered.
Throughout the six months of testing prior to surgery, my statement to healthcare professionals that “I work out four days a week” was met with stares of incredulity. Surely I could NOT work out and still have a body mass like that—I must be embellishing the truth: perhaps I was just saying this to gain their respect.
It has become so easy for society to pass judgment—polls are taken to see whether the morbidly obese person should have to purchase TWO seats on a plane, whether a child will name an obese child as their best friend, what is thought to be the cause for this obesity virus running rampant. Inequality is no longer permitted with regards to race, age, religion—but we still permit it with regards to body mass. Unbelievable…
So now here I am wandering into the Land of the Truly Living through the installation of this fantastic tool. I must say the sun shines brighter here and the laughter flows ever so freely. Has the road been easy? Not at all--it has truly been hard work—not the veritable snap of the fingers and “poof!” that I had wished for so many times in the past. But my new healthy life has really begun. I am now confident, I am now brave, I can now say what I think to strangers and have my opinion valued, I am seeing all those around me and being seen by them—and perhaps best of all, I am now “CUTE”.
I know what you mean about being invisible. Every time someone tells me how pretty I am now, I can't help but think, what,was I ugly before???? Sadly, thin = pretty and fat= ugly.It is hard not to be upset when you realize that no one even saw you before. You just were not even there. Donna
Great observation that I can certainly relate too.
100+ pounds ago I wanted to be invisible and people were happy to accommodate. Now people do notice me more and treat me better. I suspect that some of the reason for that change is because of how my behavior has changed along with my body? These days I'm willing to speak up, step up, and stand out. Its a remarkable change, so naturally people respond differently.
Loved the article. It is so true and also so sad. I always hated when people would tell me "you would be so pretty if you would loose weight" I hated that with a passion. It is like saying your ugly unless you are thin! Thats how I felt a lot of times and I just ate more! I have gone off the deep end when I have heard people say that to kids! I let them know this is a bad thing to tell a kid and why. I grew up hearing it and what it done to me. Sorry did'nt mean to rant.
There is so much more to the Band and its results psychologically than I could have ever imagined. I know that my surgeon (who is my leader and on a pedestal to me!) doesn't fully understand the mentality of being obese.
This Band is so worth everything sacrificed for it and I would do it again in a heartbeat!
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