I have always had a weight problem. That only became more apparent as I grew up and became a teenager. No one wanted to ask out the fat girl, so while all of my friends were out on dates Friday and Saturday nights, I sat home with my friend, FOOD. That was the way I always dealt with feelings I couldn't let out - eat enough and they will get buried. This pattern continued into adulthood, and before I knew it, the "big-boned chubby girl" was nothing more than just plain FAT. I topped 300 pounds easily and never looked back.

Now approaching 40, I am surprisingly healthy considering how heavy I have been. Obesity is my only physical health problem; however, the mental problems caused by this weight are indescribable. I have very low self esteem, which negatively affects every aspect of my life. I fight depression everyday that I know will improve with weightloss, because it has in the past. I am ashamed to go into reataurants to eat because of what people will think when they see me going to a table, like I need another meal.

Until I began doing research about Lap Band, I had never admitted all of these things to myself. Who wants to admit that food, something everyone has to have to survive, can have such an unwielding control over them? I surely didn't. That was a necessary step in preparation for surgery though. If I carry the attitude about food I have always had with me into surgery, the surgery will be a waste of time. I have to confront my "friend" and let it know that it is no longer needed in a negative way in my life. I have to realize that I am in control of myself and my body and that the only place food can have in that is as energy. Not comfort. Not companion. Not master of my mind. Just energy.

This is a tough realization. But what is food? It has no more value than what we give it. My body and life has to become much more valuable to me than food ever has been. To me, THAT is the first step in having a successful Lap Band.

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