Family (Especially mother) ticking me off

snuffy65 · 07-19-2008, 11:14 PM

I had an argument with my mother the other day that ended badly. I'm staying with my parents till I heal up then moving to Orlando where my wife is (long story).

Anyways, every day for the last few weeks my mother calls me down for dinner. I don't eat anything and she asks me what I can and cannot have. Every day I tell her the same thing, "I can have what your cooking, but I choose to eat what I bought cause I know what the nutrition value is and can log it." Last weekend we had alot of relatives over for my bro's B-day and the same thing happened as usual. This time everyone chimes in. They say things like " suck that you got the band you can't eat this" and "is that healthy when your not eating". Bunch of stupid stuff. But calmly I say what I always do, "I choose to eat certain stuff right now for nutrition not the band".

So this past week I have been leaving the house or going up stairs during my parents dinner time. They don't say anything and all seems fine. This weekend my sister has a birthday. So again all the relatives come over. This time I head upstairs while people are eating. I come down after a half hour to walk in on my mother talking about me. She's telling everyone how I don't eat, and how miserable I am. I tell her I feel better then I ever did. I have been going out more and have been generally happier.

She then goes on to say "I don't see it. How can you be happy at parties and things if you can't eat anything. Your so miserable you have to go up stairs to get away from the food."

I growled and started telling her in a angry voice "First of all, I don't go up stairs during meal times to get away from the food. It's to get away from you and your constant badgering about what I put in my mouth. Secondly, I can eat anything I want, I just don't choose to put that garbage you make in my stomach. And lastly, I no longer need food anytime to make me happy. If you raised us not to depend on food to make us comfortable and happy, maybe this family wouldn't have the weight troubles we have. I then left.

I kinda feel bad, luckily my bro and sister weren't in the room when I said that last part. But I am sure my mother will tell them.

The problem she is always doing this. With not only food, but my exercise. Everyday I come home, get my shorts and shoes on and goes walking. And everyday I have to here why I shouldn't go out that day. She says "your gonna burn yourself out", "it might rain in a bit", "you should watch the game with your dad".

Driving me up the wall I tell ya. Anyways if you finished reading this thanks for taking the time. I just had to vent. Who knew men could be so emotional too. :P

smsmithart · 07-19-2008, 11:22 PM

funny ........

heartfire · 07-20-2008, 01:03 AM

She's a saboteur. She doesn't know what to do unless people are eating. And she doesn't understand or can't see that your walking every day is a good thing for you. If it's possible, it's time to go home, your home. You've been there, I'm assuming, since surgery. It's been almost a month. Time to go.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself. That's so hard to do with parents. At least for most people. I'm glad you said something. She THINKS you're miserable b/c you aren't (can't, in her eyes) eat(ing) the way she thinks you should. Unfortunately, I don't think she's going to change. She's going to attribute your outburst to the fact that you had surgery and are grumpy b/c you can't eat what she cooks for you.

Congratulations on having a plan for yourself and doing what you need to do for yourself. Take care and best wishes.

Sades · 07-20-2008, 01:42 AM

Wow isn't that typical family behaviour, especially families who are overweight. We have heaps of family gatherings as well and I'm lucky in that my family (mum & dad both passed away) my brothers & sisters actually can see why I need to do this and if anything, it's the other way around, why are you eating so much blah blah blah. Anyway, if mum were still alive, she would be doing exactly what your mum is doing... they really can't help themselves. My mum used to always entice us with food. Eg, when I wasn't living there, we used to talk on the phone and she would say things like why don't you come over, I've made your favourite food. Not why don't you come over, I miss you. Start asking her what she really means.

greythope · 07-20-2008, 01:43 AM

OK I have to admit these something primeval about mommies and feeding their children. We do it from birth, even with a great dad around it feels like it's solely our responsiblity. Might be a bit of that leftover for her. Having said that, some moms go overboard, cook with butter and instead of cooking healthy nutricious meals cook meals you need to stay away from. If you mom was cooking chicken breasts and vegetables I can see how you should eat with them, but she sounds more like the biscuits and gravy = love sort of mom. Perhaps discuss what sort of meals you need to eat and see if there is a compromise that doesn't sabotage you.

As for the exercise, yeah that would make me insane. Your mom sounds quite overbearing and I would lose my mind too if she talked about me in front of the whole family like that.

Are you moving out soon? Distance always help!

I would say, 'mom I love you and I appreciate you, but please be aware that I have to work at this. It isn't that I don't love you, your cooking, or I am miserable, I am just making a big change so need to stick to my guns to ensure my success.'

If she responds well to that then great, if not, well, we can start a 'my parents are a PITA' thread! I could begin by saying I noticed my dad watching how much I eat again this evening. I feel like he's looking for failure..... sorry not my thread.

Let us know how it goes.

TX Diva · 07-20-2008, 07:46 AM

Good for you in doing what you know is right for you! My thinking is the longer that I do the right thing, the easier it will be down the road, and I think you are will on your way on the right road.

Also, remember that we are your LAP-BAND^® family and we are here for you.

Donna

PS....I think it takes a real man to tell people how he's feeling. Kudos!

snuffy65 · 07-20-2008, 03:50 PM

Thanks for the support. I already talked to her but she is still kinda upset, but oh well.

JenniLeen · 07-21-2008, 01:32 AM

Sorry that she is treating you like this. It sucks I know. Just hang in there. Seems like you're doin all the right stuff, so def stick with it. If you can do it now then you'll see so much success. Sorry too that she's still angry. Just come to us and vent! we're here to help!

cathychatts · 07-21-2008, 09:29 AM

So sorry Snuffy! I will be your LBT MOM!

gina s. · 07-21-2008, 04:13 PM

Good for you! You're so strong to stand up to that!! I hope things get better for you soon.

snuffy65 · 07-23-2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cathychatts

So sorry Snuffy! I will be your LBT MOM!

LOL, thanks Cathy!