Scared

Caterpillarfly · 04-12-2008, 10:51 AM

I am suddenly absolutely terrified. For the last month I have been so excited about this surgery, and so ready to get it done and begin my new life.

Suddenly, now that it's just a month away, I am SO scared. The reason I'm overweight to begin with is because of ME. I have the help of PCOS and Insulin Resistance, but the primary reason for my weight is my bad habits, bad choices, and emotional eating. I know that the band is a TOOL and not a magic wand, and I'm so ready to make the right choices and change my life, but I've made these changes before and I've failed. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to fail.

On top of that, I'm a self-pay, and as we all know, this is a LOT of money. It is money that is totally worth investing in my life, and I have no problem with financing my life away if it means health and happiness. But I also know how much I'll regret spending the money if I fail, and my job feels like it is on rocky ground right now.

I guess I also got a little shaken up by watching 20/20 last night where they talked about the horrible effects of Lipo Dissolve and all those places going out of business. I know this is NOTHING like that, but I ALSO went and got a consultation for that because it sounded like a good idea and I actually put serious thought into it. I realize how ridiculous and dangerous that procedure is now, but it makes me question my judgement and desperation to lose weight. I know that my surgeon is well respected and has a lot of experience, but it makes me nervous that I find very little information about True Results Weight Loss, which is the "brand name" of the company facilitating the surgery.

I've put so much thought into this so it isn't like I'm jumping into it, I'm just second guessing everything now that it's getting closer. I know that I could cancel it if I wanted to, but every person I've talked to has said their only regret is that they didn't do it sooner.

I don't want to put off making this wonderful change...I'm just so scared! It becomes so big and intimidating the closer it gets. Does anyone else feel this way?

Bizzy Bee · 04-12-2008, 01:36 PM

Jessica - I understand. I keep thinking "am I sure I want to do this" and I do not hear an answer back saying "YES!!" in a cheerful excited voice right now. I don't have the support system that those going through the procedure here in the states has. I do however have all my friends on this site. THis is not an easy decission. This is a life long change. This is surgery. I know we have done a lot of research, think of the pros and the cons. I wish there was a support group I could go to near here. There's not, maybe you have a support group near you. If not, there are always the folks on this forum that are willing to give advice and support to help us through the highs and lows of our journey. We can do this. We WILL be successful. I am self pay as well. THere is no way I will allow this to fail and I am sure you feel the same. We are making an investment in a tool that will help us to meet our health goals. Keep your chin up. We can do this!

SlimSadie · 04-12-2008, 02:28 PM

You will be fine. I was terrified, too. I was banded on Monday and 6 days later, I have lost 10 pounds. I feel great and my only regret is waiting so long before I got banded.

I am never hungry. I already see that the band works.

I hope you feel better about your decision soon. This is a piece of cake!

Caterpillarfly · 04-12-2008, 09:29 PM

Thank you both for your input and support.

I'm feeling a little better after talking to my mother. It's funny, when this started I was the one who had to talk her into believing that this is the right thing for me and that it was safe and effective. I figured that if I told her I was questioning it, she'd tell me not to do it, but she actually was SO encouraging and positive. She really got me feeling better about the whole situation, and I'm grateful that I have her support for this process.

Bizzy, I'm sorry that you're not finding the support system you need at home, but you definitely have all of us. I like your idea of looking into finding a support group. As much as this procedure is going to hopefully make us "normal" in terms of weight and food intake, there are things about us that will NEVER be the same, and I'm sure it's something that only another bandster would understand.

Slim, I LOVE your name...congrats on the weight you've already lost!

I'm so grateful that I've got all of you guys...I've chosen not to tell anyone but my mother, grandmother, and best girlfriend, none of whom live near me, so I have very few people to confide in and share this process with.

cathyalmond · 04-12-2008, 09:38 PM

Hi Caterpillarfly,

Getting nervous and questioning your decision is normal...I have my first consultation with a surgeon here in Ontario on Wednesday and I am nervous, excited, scared..saying what the heck am I doing? I have the support of my husband and two friends, I haven't told anyone else what I am planning until the surgery date is finalized or the procedure has been performed. I worry about having another surgery..the pain, the pre-op diet, the post-op diet, but then I see all of the posts from this forum and another forum I belong too and the successes are amazing...I want to be a success too and for me, this is the way...I know you will do fine...cold feet is totally normal...but it's the first step to the rest of a healthy lifestyle..and it's doesn't hurt that you will look hot too!!! All the best, Cathy

KikiVal315 · 04-13-2008, 08:04 PM

i feel scared sometimes too, more towards the surgery part and not so much the afterwards. i want to take it one hurdle at a time

i'm glad to have found this site, and to have all you other Mays as my support.

thank you jessica for starting this thread...i think i would have posted something similar eventually

.lexy. · 04-13-2008, 08:12 PM

Thanks for starting this Jessica...I am scared too. Mostly of being put under and the pain...oh and the gas pains I have been reading about.

I find comfort in knowing that there will be an entire group of people going through similar experiences.

I just can't wait to be post-op already...not too much longer to go!

marineliebe · 04-13-2008, 08:50 PM

Jessica, I totally understand what you (and everyone else) is feeling. One minute I'm scared, then excited, then worried. Sometimes I'm thinking what the hell I'm getting myself into! I'm pretty sure I will be ok with the pain after. What has me REALLY scared in the general anesthesia. My dad is a personal injury lawyer and he keeps telling me how dangerous anesthesia is and how I'm taking a big risk by going under it. He (and my mom) keep saying that you shouldn't go under it unless you HAVE to. Its really freaking me out. At the same time though, I feel like I'm willing to take that risk rather than keep living the way I am. I feel bad physically and mentally and its hard to do things. I hear ya girl! I'm scared too.

Caterpillarfly · 04-13-2008, 09:01 PM

Surgery-wise, I'm most afraid of the anesthesia as well, which is a fear my mother instilled in me. As much as I hate the idea of getting put out if I don't have to be, I think about it this way: Is it better to be put out now for this surgery that is going to help me physically and emotionally for the rest of my life, or later when I have to have surgery for a heart attack or whatever other illness or complications I get from being heavy all my life? I'd rather make this change now while I'm young, instead of facing more serious illness later.
That at least makes me feel better about the surgery. Too bad all the fear and food issues aren't quite that simple.

marineliebe · 04-13-2008, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caterpillarfly

Surgery-wise, I'm most afraid of the anesthesia as well, which is a fear my mother instilled in me. As much as I hate the idea of getting put out if I don't have to be, I think about it this way: Is it better to be put out now for this surgery that is going to help me physically and emotionally for the rest of my life, or later when I have to have surgery for a heart attack or whatever other illness or complications I get from being heavy all my life? I'd rather make this change now while I'm young, instead of facing more serious illness later.
That at least makes me feel better about the surgery. Too bad all the fear and food issues aren't quite that simple.

Jessica thanks so much for putting it this way! I feel much better looking at it as "the glass is half full." You are so right..I'ed much rather go under now, than later when I'm more overweight and have a much higher risk of something happening. Plus...the surgery is short, I think my doc said like 45 min...thats a pretty short time to be under. Thanks!

NicoleW8ing · 04-14-2008, 10:38 AM

I was going to make a thread here with the same title. ....
I am going in May 9th. I am TERRIFIED... not only of the "is this the right decision?" question but just general surgery jitters. We're all there honey.

justmel1957 · 04-14-2008, 04:53 PM

I'm sure we'll all do fine, its kinda like getting married........the cold feet syndrome! LOL
For me, I'm fine with the procedure itself, its the "after-stuff" that weighs on my mind. Like, will I PB in a restaurant in public with everyone staring at me? Will I go to a function and stick out like a sore thumb because I dare not eat whats being served for fear I cant get it down? I have middle eastern friends I travel to see in Paris and refusing food when you are in their home, is considered rude. How do I handle that?

SlimSadie · 04-14-2008, 05:28 PM

You have valid concerns about being "in public", but I can assure you that if you experience something stuck in your stoma, you will feel a sudden pain and have time to excuse yourself. It usually lasts a few minutes- sometimes a little longer and during this time, you are basically overproducing saliva. It is not unusual for someone to say, "I am not feeling too well, will you excuse me". Also, when your in a situation where someone is expecting you to stuff your face and feast, you can say, "I over ate this afternoon, it is a shame, everything looks so good, so now I will have to pace myself, so that I can try everything". LOL
If you don't want anyone to know about the LAP-BAND^®, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. I practiced before the band while out to dinner, just to see if I could live like that forever. I ordered a decaf hot tea and a glass of ice to make a decaf ice tea. when a friend asked me why I wanted decaf all of a sudden, I said I had not been sleeping well for a few days and didn't want to be up later. I drank my ice tea and then watched the clock for 30 min (25 min. I cheated). By the time we ordered our food and it came, 25 minutes had passed. Then I ordered and appetizer and another appetizer. I puched my food around and my husband took a bite here and there and before you know it, no problem, nobody caught on and I ate about 4-5 oz of food. This past Saturday, I went out to eat with my Hubby and I am on mushies! We went to an italian restaurant and I ordered manicotti. I ate just the cheese filling and was full after ONE! Can you believe that! Wait til you see how great it works. If you are an OVEREATER it will stop you from eating. If you eat the wrong foods, like sweets, then head for the bypass. Your cravings don't change, you just eat less with the band.

Allison · 04-15-2008, 01:30 PM

Jessica I am scared too! I don't think I'm that scared about the surgery part, I've never had it before but my little sister has been under anesthesia before a bunch of times and has been fine. I'm not even that worried about the eating. When my friends and I go out to eat, a lot of my friends just get soup and split a side of fries or something (they are all skinny) I've already told a few people, some with good feedback, some with horribly negative feedback. I'm mostly afraid that people are going to think poorly of me, and that I am a "cheater." I know if I get thin they will all be like, "well she cheated so it doesn't count." That is just how catty girls 17-21 can be (most of my friends fall into this age range) I'm also scared of what the guy I date will think, he turned the idea down and called me selfish for it when I brought it up back in September. I'd like to keep it hush hush, but I can't lie either. I'm hoping my supportive friends (so far I have about 2...) can help me deal with the other, not so supportive friends... thats what I'm really scared of.

angelsoul · 04-15-2008, 01:44 PM

Jessica,

If you hold my hand, I'll hold yours. We have the same surgery date in GA and reading your concerns was like reading my own journal. I think what we are feeling is expected. I'd be concerned if we didn't have reservations. But know, we are smart intellegent people that did our research on the LAP-BAND^® and that we are doing this for the right reasons. It's OK to be nervous, but it's not OK to ignore our health. (I'm speaking for myself here....) I've got insulin resistance also and have had it for decades. I keep saying, I can get a handle on it, I can control it. But I haven't done it yet. Well now, we are BOTH going to control our health issues. We you know what, we will both be fine if we stick to our doctor's instructions and have faith.