I'm Wondering--did you TELL?

thughes113 · 06-30-2008, 06:40 PM

awh, that's awful. But, that's exactly what I'm afraid of...the know it alls, the ones that say "Oh, must be nice to have money", even though insurance totally covered it. People, especially family can be jerks.

madebie · 06-30-2008, 06:43 PM

I did NOT tell anyone. So far, my husband and my best best friend (mind you she lives across the country and will be less likely to let it slip to someone I know) are the only ones I've told.

I was banded on June 3 and I toiled over this one a long time. I searched out threads on this site to see what everyone else did and finally it just came down to whether or not I wanted people to be nosy about me. I'm a bit private--I don't socialize outside of work with everyone and have striven to keep a conscious work/home divide so I stay sane. To me...it just wouldnt' be worth it to tell everyone at work--because honestly I think a lot of them are bitches! I don't want or need to be scrutinized on a daily basis--I've had enough of that with being fat my whole life.

I thought that it would be hard because weight loss would be fast...but so far it's been almost a month and i've lost about 18 pounds. No one has even noticed. For me...a pound or two a week is not going to raise flags with everyone. They know that I eat healthy and they all know I work out all the time. After being banded...i still eat healthy and I still work out all the time. I eat lunch with evyerone else and no one says anything...cause 4 ounces actually is a lot of food depending on what it is.

If and when someone notices the weight loss I will not have to lie...because I've been working damn hard and they all witness it every time I say no to office cookies or birthday cupcakes.

ciao

ilse72 · 06-30-2008, 06:50 PM

I told my immediate family and a few close friends that I was considering the surgery. My husband was supportive. My oldest thinks I'm "taking the easy way out" and my youngest doesn't care one way or the other. My friends feel I don't need the surgery (hmmm...I'm the fat friend...get the picture) but my best friend will support whatever I decide. The reaction overall has been so negative that I have decided not to tell anyone once I have the surgery. I may tell my best friend after the fact though.

Now, that being said, I have made a very dear friend on this site who is very supportive and, since she has been there and done that with the same doctor, she is aso a great source of information. She will know every step of my progress.

bas · 06-30-2008, 07:21 PM

Deanna - my gosh you ARE a Supermom! Phew, you really have a busy lifestyle.

As for your dear, sweet, supportive husband ...... he sounds like someone that needs replacing. Life is too short to have what's supposed to be a life partner to not be kind and loving.

Sarah.R · 06-30-2008, 08:32 PM

I don't see why anyone has to know personally. The only people at the moment that know with me are my mum, all of my doctors because they first suggested it, my dad (although he hasn't asked anything about it) and my aunt because my mum needed someone to talk to. My mum was with me when my doctor first suggested it so naturally she knows everything and is actually getting annoyed with me because I keep talking about it but she's the only one in my family that I live with that I can talk to about it lol, when she told my aunt she needed someone to talk to because she was worried which was fair enough, at the time I was seriously pissed off that she told her but afterwards I was ok, it was pretty bad at first because she told my aunt at a bbq and then my aunt came up to me and whispered in my ear "your beautiful now but your going to be even more beautiful later on" so naturally I burst out crying and everyone was like whats wrong? Lol thankfully I passed it off as a headache lol. I plan on telling my 2 sister when I eventually get my date, dunno how there going to react actually, I plan on going out to dinner with them and my mum like the day before I start the shake diet and telling, I think they will be the only people I will be telling just because I know how people react, we have a family that we're friends with and theres one daughter the same age as me and I know that if she were told she would just look her nose up at me, she's bigger than I am but I think the fact that I'm getting this and she's not would make her a bit catty, also that and her older sister (who has lately started putting on the weight) will also be a bitch to me, I know for a fact she will because she said to me sister one day "I don't mean to be rude but is sarah putting on weight" uhh yeah of course thats gonna piss me off and the fact that she said that when she was actually putting on weight as well pissed me off - she still claims she's a size 12 when she is clearly a size 16 maybe almost 18 but hey if she wants to try and delude herself into thinking she's still a size 12 she can go right ahead. I'd love to tell my friends but the fact is my best friend has a loud mouth, i love her to death but the last time I told her something in confidence she told another person so I won't be telling her. I have another friend who I actually want to tell but don't know if I should, I'm pretty sure her mother got the lap band and I kinda wanna suss out what happened with her but I can't unless I actually tell her I'm getting this. As for what I'll tell people afterwards, I'll just tell that that I finally decided to do something about my weight, I'll tell them I gave up breads, pasta and rice which is completely true - that and a girl my sister knew gave those up and she was pretty big and lost about 70kgs. People really have no right to know unless you plan on telling them, it's your choice and unless you choose to tell them they have no right to know

Hastings · 06-30-2008, 09:42 PM

I don't think it's a matter of what people have a right to know. I think it's a matter of honesty. I also think it's a matter of getting obesity into the realm of a health issue and NOT a moral issue. The more it's kept in the closet the longer it will be whispered about etc.

If you are terribly sensitive about what others think and may say to you, then I guess it's best to keep it a secret, but what would you do if someone overweight asked and seemed sincerely to want to know your secret?

It's not like being fat is much of a secret, nor will becoming unfat be a secret. lol

Lissap3 · 07-01-2008, 02:00 AM

If you feel comfortable with telling people then go ahead. I told my whole family, my husbands, and my close friends..i had about 2 or 3 that gave negative reactions but i told them i did my research and you cant knock it if you are not in my shoes(obviously them being skinny). And i havent heard anything else negative about it since. So really if your happy with your decision then don't worry about what other people think.

camjay · 07-01-2008, 03:19 AM

Hi guys.

I think its each person's individual choice. Personally, I've only told friends and family. It's workmates that are the problem! I feel terrible as I took 2 weeks holidays but said it was for "minor investigations" I've had gyn problems in the past so they summised it was this (I feel guilty)!

I don't know how I'm going to get by the eating thing at work as we're quite a sociable bunch and often eat together as well as going on nights out - which always involve eating!

The reason I haven't told anyone is not because I'm ashamed or the money spent (that's my business), but I can't be bothered with all the gossiping and questions that go along with it.

One of my friends was banded 4 years agon, and she still has only told me and her family!! She's lost about 7 stones (98lbs)!!

auntlucy · 07-01-2008, 07:49 AM

Don't get some of us wrong...I don't think we are lying about it by saying we are exercising and changing our eating habits. Those are both true. I tell people when I'm comfortable and if I think they need to know. If someone was struggling with a weight issue and they approached me, I would tell them. I would also ask that they keep it to themselves. I think it's important that we remember that the band isn't our magic wand that is waving away all of our bulk...it's just a tool and it's up to us to use that tool correctly.

greyhoundmom · 07-01-2008, 07:56 AM

hi, i'm usually an 'open book' so i've been telling anyone who asks and i did tell my immediate family members before hand so they knew why i was at the hospital. the only negative response i had was from my sister and i think that was more out of fear that something would happen to me during surgery. she felt bad that i thought this was the only option left for me - i really did feel that way and still do even post-banding. but she was supportive as heck thru my post surgery recovery (can always count on her!) but now she doesn't ask about it - at all. doesn't care if i've lost weight. i'm not sure why but i don't push it.

other than that, i think it's been a positive experience talking with people about it!

i think people with negative comments or reactions have their own issues they are dealing with and just can't be supportive for their own reasons. i would not try to justify myself, just let it drop and let them think what they will.

i'm really sorry to hear about the unsupportive husband. i have been lucky - mine has been an ANGEL and incredibly supportive. this whole process would have been so much harder without his support - tho i would have done it anyway! it had to be done. i have to do this.

it's a very personal decision 'to share or not to share' and whatever works for you is best.

madebie · 07-01-2008, 11:06 AM

I sometimes get a little upset when some people get so righteous about whether people told others or not. They say 'oh..you're lying' etc. First of all---if someone came right out and asked me I would tell them that I was banded. however, if people get nosy about my weight or weight loss (which is none of their beeswax in the first place)..I'm not lying if I say I eat less and work out. With the lap band, if I continued to eat like I did before and never work out...I wouldn't lose weight period. The lap band is a tool but it still needs to be utilized correctly by making PERSONAL choices to use it effectively...eating less and working out. That's the whole reason why I chose to do lap band instead of bypass...because you actually have an active part in it.

"What if another fat person came up to you and truly wanted to know about lap band, etc." Everyone is an adult. Everyone is capable of doing their own research, finding a doctor, etc. It is not that hard. I did all the research and started this procedure by myself...and it didn't take me that long. The internet is a wonderful thing.

If people choose to tell or not...it's a personal thing depending on who they know and what they have going on in their life. Everyone just needs to chillax.

kjillcarr · 07-01-2008, 12:08 PM

I have told my husband and children and grandchildren but not any other family members. I have also told some at work as there are three others that have had Lap Band. The "news" spread quite fast at work and now a lot of them know but I only have one person the asks me every day how much I have lost. I need to come up with some cute thing to say to her that will stop her from asking each day. Now I know how the other guys felt when I asked them how much they had lost. Why do we do that?????

kiz · 07-01-2008, 12:21 PM

I'm not going to tell because I don't want my weight loss to be scrutinized by people. I've read enough accounts to see that it's sometimes a slow process, and I just don't want the added pressure of people asking me how I'm doing, if I'm one of the slower losers. Of course my husband knows, and I've confided to a couple of very close friends who don't socialize with my larger circle of friends (so they won't have to worry about gossipitis - hehe). I've lost and gained weight many times over the years, so it won't be a shock to see me slim down again. What will be the shock, I think, is to see me keep it off.

Nancy33 · 07-01-2008, 12:31 PM

I told anyone and everyone, i was so excited. The people who are supportive are always my support system, the people who aren't were not going to support anything I did to lose weight anyway. I do think Imight be getting more compliments if I hadn't told. Some people still think of it as an easy way out. HA They should try a week in my shoes. lol
I am very willing to talk to other who are considering it and I have given my GP premission to have other talk to me about it.

mphsmommy · 07-01-2008, 12:59 PM

I have told people, but only the people I know will be supportive and not push their opinions on me. I haven't told dh's dad's side of the family and I don't plan too unless they ask about me loosing weight after the fact. I don't wanna deal with the "are you sure that's what you wanna do?" and I don't want them calling me everyday seeing how I am doing. My mom, dad, and sister know, but we haven't told extended family yet. My husband's mom and grandparents know.