Why are YOU Fat?

puddin · 09-06-2005, 10:43 PM

I'm pretty sure that I'm fat because of genetics. I have been fat since I was 8 years old. I've never been depressed, usually exercise, never been a compulsive over-eater, never felt emotionally attached to food. Even now when my surgery is less than a week away, I could care less if I get my "last meal" in.

It's a big "fat" mystery to me why I'm SO overweight. But whatever, I've always been happy and had decent self-esteem. I just want to be able to do the things I haven't been able to do for my entire life!

Jill_S · 09-25-2005, 12:34 PM

Before I start my long story, I have to reply to this:<wich wasn't helped by the fact that my mother loves short hair >

Oh god, my mother, too. My mother and my sister have always had short hair, and until I moved out of my parent’s house, mine was too. Right now, it’s down to my waist, and I’ve been growing it for 10 years or so with only trims and such – it hasn’t been short-short since my mother lost control of it :)
Okay, on to the story.

I’ve always been fat. And yes, I say fat because that’s what it is. No reason to beat around the bush. I’m fat.

My father has always been morbidly obese, for as long as I can remember. His sister, my only aunt has always been more obese than my father. My grandmother – their mother – was heavy, but not morbidly obese, same with their father. My mother has always been a size 18, for as long as I can remember. Her weight doesn’t go up or down – ever. Her parents were both very thin. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics. My dad’s parents divorced when my dad and aunt were very young, and my grandmother (my favorite person on the entire planet – ever) remarried several years later, to the love of her life – who died six months later of a stroke. Another few years later, she married my Grandpa Bob, who was the only grandfather on that side I really knew as a kid, and I adored him, but my dad and my aunt did not like him at all. My mom’s folks – well, since my grandpa died two years ago, and we had to put my grandmother in a nursing home – let’s just say that I’ve heard some of the more interesting stories about these two – including that they cheated on each other.

Okay so, my parents came into their marriage as partially broken people, but hugely committed to NOT breaking their children as they were broken. And for the most part, they did a good job. As kids, my sister and I never *needed* anything. We were not spoiled, and we didn’t ever *everything* we wanted, but we were very well taken care of. We were not abused – we did get spankings when we screwed up but I do not consider that abuse, and would spank my own kids if I had any – if anything, maybe we didn’t have all the emotional support we’d have liked, but over all, we had decent childhoods. My mother did try to get my father and I to lose weight. (my sister was stick thin til she got married). She would hide sweets in the house, but at the same time, cook meals that were full of fat and calories. I can remember one time running across a package of oreos she had hidden (Think I was like 12) and eating HALF the bag, then putting them back, knowing that I was gonna get yelled at for it, but not caring. My mother is a perfectionist. She can let you know she disapproves of you without saying a word, and I think I grew up knowing that I was never gonna be good enough. But again, I had a decent childhood. I was just fat. Graduated high school weighing probably 220 pounds.

Kids in school are cruel. I grew up constantly seeking acceptance. I had friends in all of the groups in school – jocks, brains, druggies, geeks – I made friends with people easily, because I was always such a nice person (acceptance). Once I got out of high school and started college, it was basically the same except that now, my seeking of acceptance also included men. Add 40 pounds.

I have a lifelong problem with men and relationships. Rather that stems from my being fat, or is why I’m still fat, I dunno – but I tend to think it’s a vicious cycle. I always “settled” for boyfriends who wanted me, or acted like they did. I never chose the men in my life carefully, I just went with whoever asked me, because I thought to myself – finally! Someone who will love me for me!. I had physically abusive ones and emotionally abusive ones and sexually abusive ones, but I always stayed with them until either they got rid of me or in the case of the physical ones, I finally got enough self-esteem gathered to get rid of them. I got married for the first time at 26, to the first boyfriend I’d ever had that had his own apartment, a good job and his own car. I was fat then. And he loved me anyway. So I married him, even though he was an alcoholic and smoked pot like there was no tomorrow. And it was good for awhile. But eventually, I started to not feel good about myself again. And I started hanging out with a male friend of mine a lot, and we started messing around a little. It made me feel good about myself, cause here was this gorgeous guy, and he wanted to kiss me! My husband was apparently too busy sleeping with a redhead (his weakness) from work to notice, or so I found out later. Add 40 pounds.

Then I discovered the computer, and met a guy on there, who I’ll call C., who seemed to have the same wants, desires and needs that I did! He lived in WyomingRock Island IllinoisLincoln, Nebraska

My husband and I went back to counseling, but it wasn’t helping. I went into a severe depression. Zoloft. Food. Add 20 more pounds.

Sometime later that year, C came back into my life, and after he found out that my husband had threatened me with physical violence, told me to pack a suitcase and get on a bus, and come to Wyoming. I left my husband, and did. Subtract 60 pounds. C and I did really well for about 9 months. Then work was bad for me and school was bad for him and he got scared I was going to leave him, so he kicked me out. Add 20 pounds.

Anyway *chuckle* Add and subtract around 80 pounds over the next five years – and another man who wanted me, then didn’t want me. C and I had actually found a way to stay friends over this time, and when the other guy broke up with me four years later, and I spent another year by myself, I went to Vegas (where C was living then) to see him for his birthday. We got right back together then and there. He moved to with me, and then to when I got transferred. We were really happy. Til he couldn’t find a job. (add 10 or so pounds). So he went into the Navy (subtract 50 pounds), and about six months later, when 9/11 happened, we got married. Lived apart while he finished school in and I worked in Then when he got his submarine assignment in VA, I quit my job and moved to be with him finally. Things were very good until last year, when his dad died. (add 70 pounds over that time – maybe 2 years?) He got – weird on me – and again, I started looking for validation with other men, and actually had an affair (1 weekend) with a guy. He still doesn’t know that, but last October, I moved out of our apartment and back to for us to “think” and for him to prepare to go

Anyway. In the past, when I’ve lost weight, it’s because bad. I could never seem to do it when I was happy. Losing weight hasn’t really ever been a problem for me. It’s keeping it off that’s the issue. Food is comfort. Food is celebration. Food is habit, a boredom-cure, a reward. I’ve always hidden food, always been the secret fast-food eater, always waited until I was alone before I pigged out. What has become abundantly clear to me now (as you can see, cause I’ve actually written it out above) is that I have always looked outside myself for validation on being a good person, and I have always based being “good” on how attractive I was to other people. This is something I’m working through now. I’d love to do it with a therapist, but the military insurance only covers so much, and I’m not currently working. So I read other people’s stories (like these in this thread and goddess bless you all for writing them) and I read books and articles on the web and I find things that truly hit home with me. And then I take a deep breath. And realize I am not alone. And part of me feels just a little bit better each time.

My decision to get the band was well over a year in the making. I knew I was going to do it when I moved here. I put it off – for a reason still unclear to me – until this spring when I finally started the process. And even though it’s been less than a week since my surgery, I cannot begin to tell you how much lighter inside I already feel. Cause this is ME time. And I’ve taken control of it. My self-worth will no longer be determined by anyone but ME. I am a princess! Either treat me like one, or go away :)

Okay well that was a lot longer than I intended /blush. If you made it all the way through, thanks for listening :Bunny

flower · 09-25-2005, 01:22 PM

Why I am fat I was skinny as a child hit pre puberty to puberty and blimped out and was always on a continuos diet from them on have lost weight many many times was anorexic was bulemic when I got pregnant with first child gained 66 pounds and have 3 more kids after two years apart so never lost weight was always tired or pregnant and basically gave up on me. didn't care always dreamed of being skinny and never was messed up my metabolism severely with yo yo dieting and I really believe a fat gene runs in my family we are all enormous except my sister who basically doesn't eat to stay slim also have a stuttering problem so have very low self esteem enough said thats why I am fat but hopefully I won't be for long good luck everyone

ickytazz · 09-25-2005, 07:47 PM

I was born normal size, but never lost the baby fat. I have pix of me at 3, 6, 9, and i was still waiting to loose that baby fat. Most everyone in my family is overweight. not just 10 pounds but atleast 50.

I have a autoimmune thyroid problem which nothing i do except surgery will fix and the doctors dont want to remove it as my thyroid works sometimes.

Im not Lazy, i eat on the run and with my job have done it for years.

Im Geneticly overweight (NOT FOR LONG)

clevergrrly · 09-26-2005, 12:24 AM

Well, when I was a child/teen and was in every sport, and worked out (literally) 3-4 hours PER DAY I wasn't fat... but truly, I was never thin. Scarily enough, in that "workout" or "excercise" time, I would go to PE one hour per day, go to sports practice for two hours per day, and psychotically, would go home and do aerobics, or go back to the gym and work out for another hour (sometimes more, sometimes less... who's counting at this point). I think I had excercise bulimia. I ate horribly, or wouldn't eat at all. I was told on so many occasions, "you have a pretty face, but..." and we all know what that means. If you weren't fat, or at least were thinner, you'd be "pretty"... whatever. I didn't gain the freshman 15 in college, I gained the freshman 50 (yes, fifty my first year, and then I just kept going). Kept gaining and gaining. It doesn't help that my step-mom (she's thin, tall, was a Miss America contestant -- seriously), she kept saying to me "no one wants to hire a fat person," and "you'll never be successful if you're fat"... You get the idea.

Now that I'm in my late 20s, I've sort of plateud (in the 220s/230s), I go up a little, down a little, but a lot of this weight got this bad from dieting and obsessive behaviors (with the eating, excercise,etc). It doesn't help that my mom is HUGE (I am very, very worried, she's got to be 400 or more... I'm really scared about that). My dad isn't thin or even close. My brother is about the same height as me and weighs even more (I'm 5'1, he's 5'4). All my grandfathers brothers and sisters are very large and have diabetes, etc. So my mind, pressure, genetics, all that is "probably" why I'm fat.

I've gotten the counseling and help I need in that area. Now, I'm moving towards fixing the physical fat with the band. Here's to my success (and all those negative nellies can kiss my future tiny little a--!!!).

:)

Micheala · 09-26-2005, 11:10 PM

Why am I fat? What a great question. I'm fat because food is a comfort. Being fat helps me to be invisible. Being overweight allows me to slide under the radar. I always felt like no man would look at me. Seems crazy because at the same time I felt like I wanted to be noticed. Even though being fat is miserable there is also something comfortable about it. How will I feel when I walk in a room and people actually notice me? Being fat is an extremely complex issue.

Zoe · 09-28-2005, 02:20 PM

I'm rereading these posts for the first time in months, and I'm stunned by the depth of feeling and clarity of insight on this thread. Keep your stories coming; if you've been reading but haven't posted yet, please write a few lines about your experience. Why are you fat? You're safe here.

lady in red · 09-28-2005, 02:46 PM

I can tell you that my morbid obesity comes from many factors. The main one is family atmosphere. My first memory of life was being sexually molested along with my baby brother. My parents were teenagers and not very interested in responsibility. The molestation continued for 11 years. I sought the approval and attention of a 30 year old at 16 and became pregnant the first time. I was always at work to pay for my baby and my mom gave him to my older sister at 17. I became a heavy drinker and married at 18. I was by then a full fledged alcoholic. Three days before my 20th birthday I became sober through AA. I spent my 20's in therapy. It helped me tremendously! I gave birth to my second son at 25 and still continued with therapy until the age of 29. I continued to smoke as a crutch until I reached 36. On 4-01-2000 I quit smoking and by 8-29-2005, the day of banding, I went from 155 or so to 280 lbs. Eating had always been my source of comfort, but I was always able to keep within 20lb.s or so of a normal weight. This was only achieved through starvation, diet pills, coffee and many cigarettes. My mom always offered food as a source of comfort and it became a way of life early on. My dad was not in the picture and my step fatheres were alcoholics. My younger brother and sister are both practicing alcoholics and not interested in quitting. I am the outsider because I chose a different life and because I attend church regularly. They will come to me for help, but only on their terms and I don't hear from them unless they need something. It breaks my heart because they will probably die in their addictions. They and my mom are obese as well. My father died 3 years ago from a massive heart attack. He was 58 years old, obese and a heavy smoker and drinker. I had not seen him in 10 years. Fathering was not of interest to him. My brother still wants his approval-sad huh? Well I guess I have cried a river, thanks for listening-or reading. I love all of you, you are all great!
Rose in Texas not a victim anymore!
banded 8-29-2005

Mrs Sabre · 09-28-2005, 02:54 PM

I'm fat mostly because of a non-functioning thyroid glad. My average weight was perfect through the age of 30, when I developed Grave's disease (over active thyroid condition). It couldn't be controlled with medication, and I underwent a radioactive iodine treatment that wiped my thyroid function out completely. I gained my initial 30 pounds in less than 3 months after my thyroid "crashed". It's been a steady progression since.

Throw genetics, chronic depression, and poor eating habits into the mix, and I'm now 100 pounds overweight.

loopylou · 09-29-2005, 01:39 AM

I eat too much and dont move enough.

miro · 10-01-2005, 06:37 PM

I have been about 20 lbs. overweight for a long time. I'm sure it is a physical tendency as well as a few food issues, but I was always able to keep it under control with exercise.

So, Why Am I Fat? I have a thyroid problem (diagnosed 7 years ago) which has thrown my whole body into another world. Like many of you on this site, I knew I was headed for trouble and as much as I talked to my doctors, they didn't listen. I changed doctors multiple times in an effort to find someone who would treat my WHOLE BODY and not just look at my thyroid test results...no luck (and the issue of Doctors not dealing with the whole person is one which I would gladly get in to with anyone wanting to vent a little). I tried many things and finally, out of total frustration, I gave up...and the weight piled on. 75lbs later I looked in the mirror and said "this is rediculous. Something MUST be done because I can't live a full and productive life with this issue dominating everything I do."

Life is difficult. No matter where you are in it there are stresses, and a person can only deal with a certain number of stresses at any single time. I decided that the issue of weight was one which, if I was going to deal with it on my own, was going to dominate my life and leave little energy for dealing with anything else. So I started looking for a solution, and here I am (37 years old, banded in May at 245 and down 36lbs with about 40 to go).

Like many major issues in life, I think that weight is one of those things which, for some people, requires "professional intervention". I think of it in the same category as an addiction or a disease...an issue which requires outside help and internal resolve. Once you get help and deal with the issues on the table and then you can let the issue of weight fall into the background of life...off of your radar of things which require IMMEDIATE attention and into the category of things which require diligence, maintenance and "checking" on a regular basis.

I am very greatful for my band (and my Doctor, Dr. Franco Favretti in Italy) and I'm eager to get down to a reasonable weight. Of course this does nothing to address the other issues which my thyroid disease has left me with (hair falling out, dry skin, dry eyes, Betty Davis eyes, difficulty concentrating, the mental "fog" which is so common among thyroid patients, inability to work a traditional 9-5 job, falling asleep anytime, anywhere regardless of how much sleep I get), but it takes ONE issue off the list and that is a great thing, because it leaves more brain power available to deal with the remaining ones.

When I was diagnosed with Thyroid Graves' Disease, I remember a doctor telling me that it was an easy issue to deal with ... something to the effect of "pop your pills as perscribed and Voila!" Well, that was a HUGE oversimplification. Nothing is that simple. Neither is my Band that simple. I have approached my Band like I have approached most of life... do my research, map out a plan for success and then try to stick to it as much as possible. 2 1/2 years ago I revamped my diet, removing prepared foods, hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils, corn syrup, preservatives...and added more vegetables...blah, blah, blah. I took this step because I realized that I needed outside help to deal with my Thyroid issues and so sought out a nutritionist who suggested that it might help with both my health and my weight gain. I got Banded because the change in diet alone wasn't working to control my weight and it was impacting my health...it was recognition that my health and thus my weight is linked to my happiness/quality of life.

There are a multitue of reasons people are fat. Rarely is it just one. So, take a look at what your reasons are and get help with them. Everyone says that the Band is just a tool and for most people, we will utilize many tools in dealing with our weight, because weight is linked to health and health to quality of life.

The body is a very complicated SYSTEM of interconnected functions. My thyroid no longer functions, but contrary to my Doctor's statements, pumping replacement hormones ("horror moans" as I like to call them) into my body has NOT taken care of all the symptoms, so I look for complimentary solutions. The same can be said of being overweight and getting Banded. It isn't the "fix it" which some advertise it to be. In both cases, the problem needs to be ATTACKED from many angles to get the desired result.

So, Good Luck Warriors!

divaliciousdee · 10-01-2005, 06:46 PM

To be honest I have been avoiding this thread like the plague! I am now ready to say it. I am fat because I eat too much. I eat too much of what I enjoy. Hot Wings and Margaritas are of the devil..LOL Just kidding but I love greasy, salty, fatty foods. Now that I have "shaquita"( that is what I named my band cause with a name like that attitude goes along with it) LOL I am forced to make better choices. Shaquita don't play all that hot wing eatin' and margarita drinkin', Hell she really has been givin me hell about scrambled eggs lately and I have no fill yet. I said it there it is. I am not an emotional eater I eat when I am happy and I eat when I am sad. I wasn't traumatized as a child I had a very happy childhood aside from the occasional teasing by kids but who hasn't experienced that. I do not eat because I was poor and food was scarce so I eat all I can now that I have money...nope I eat cause I love to and that is it. I have been eating "good" all my life . We didn't have special occasions to have big meals we just had them. I was taught clean your plate but they didn't have to tell me that I cleaned it alright..twice and ate what was leftover on my babysister's plate. My mother said that the only thing I would not eat as a child was oatmeal(I still hate it to this day)and black-eyed peas(yuk!). Well that is why I am fat cause I keep bending my dang on elbow. But now that Shaquita is helping me to hold it down I am on my way to being fierce baby, just wait.

firemanschic · 10-02-2005, 07:09 PM

I have been over weight since I was about 12 years old, that's when I learned to comfort myself with food. Now that I have had the surgery I'm seeing the same thing in my 10 daughter and I'm not sure how to stop it or get a handle on it. She weights 138 pounds, which is what I have lost in the last 2 years. She is always asking for my help I've tried and she gets so upset with me that we don't talk for hours. I know the hell that I went through and I know she is getting the same reactions that I did and it's really upset setting because I want to help her so bad. Please someone help me tell me how to help her?

Chunk · 10-02-2005, 10:12 PM

I have been fat all of my life. When I look at pictures of me as a kid, I see a chunky little butterball. I can remember being called "lard ass" in elementary school, and "fatty" in junior high. When I got to high school I found athletics and really trimmed down. In fact, it turns out that there was a little athlete hiding between my jiggle little love handles. After high school, I joined the National Guard and went to college. While there, I worked out regularly and maintained a healthy physique.

Marriage broke that little reality. As soon as the ring went on my belly burst and I gained more than 100 lbs in just a couple of years. It got so bad that I couldn't find clothes to wear besides the most unattractive rags. To say the least, my self-esteem, confidence, and sense of worth plummeted. It took a while for me to accept myself, and ironically, it wasn't until I was comfortable with "being a fat guy" that I began to do something about it.

At 320, I undertook a rigorous course of exercise and strict dieting. I even took a nutrition class, read books, and literally wrote down everything I ate: the amount, calories, and time. I did this for about eight months. To this day I still now how many calories are in just about anything I can think to eat. By doing this I lost fifty pounds; I weighed 270. But this couldn't last forever.
I found that the amount of time and effort required to keep losing weight or even maintain at 270 was unbearable. Now you'd think that maintaining would be easy, but it wasn't. If I so much as let up a little, five pounds would come rushing back with a vengeance. My battle continued for two more years as I yo-yoed between 270 and 285. Finally I decided to go for broke, no holds barred.

I can't remember when I first considered surgical intervention, but I do remember discussing it with my wife. She was elated to hear that I would consider it. By this time, I was convinced it was my best hope for significant weight loss. Together we investigated our options and leapt.

Today, the battle continues, but with the help of my little silicone friend I am winning. In fact, I am whoopin' some ass. For the first time in years, I can wear my wedding ring, buy pants at any old store I want, and am not always the fattest guy in the room.

My goals have changed from lose weight quickly to getting into shape. I am planning to climb Mt. Rainer next year and have begun looking into guided trips up the mountain. In another year, I hope to be a fat guy living in an athletic body standing on top that mountain. Until then, I will be working out, enjoying my food, and loving my wife.

Tricia K. · 10-08-2005, 10:17 AM

Why am I fat? Well, for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I was the only heavy person in my immediate family. My parents cooked healthy meals for us growing up, I was never one to over eat, I was active, I didn't sneak junk food or eat late a night, etc. However, from about the age of 11 or 12, I started gaining weight, no matter what or how much I ate.

It wasn't until about 5 years ago when my primary care physician asked me if I had ever been tested for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) that I found out the reason for my weight gain....yes, I tested positive for PCOS. For those of you unfamiliar with PCOS, here's what happens:

At the onset of menstruation, rather than your body using the stored fat for energy, it hordes it and pumps out more insulin instead.

Now, admittedly, as an adult, I haven't always made the wisest food choices but I also didn't eat a lot. My husband commented one time that I "ate like a bird." Of course, compared to the portions he eats, everyone eats like a bird!!

Unfortunately though, I'm one of those people with PCOS that can lose a certain amount of weight by exercising and dieting alone, but the weight loss will stop at a certain point.

Hence my decision to be banded. I need all of the help I can get!