Why are YOU Fat?

Fdiljn · 06-03-2008, 04:12 PM

Why am I fat now? I had a good childhood with a very close family, I had great career that required me to maintain physical fitness and stay under a certain weight and I did it. I retired and put on a lot of weight but decided that I did not want to buy (or wear) that size of clothes so I joined a health center followed a well rounded diet and lost all that weight and more. But then one night at dinner my DH said to me as we were eating dinner "should you be eating that much?" and I though how dare he ask me if I should eat something I am 50 years old I know what I can or cannot eat. And so I ate. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, tired and any other time I could think of to eat. (Sounds like I have a real mental problem doesn't it.) With all of that said I have to admit the reason I am fat is because I eat too much and too often. I know that I have the ability to follow a program and lose the weight I just need something to assist me in keeping it off and that is what I hope to get with the band. I understand that the band is not going to STOP me from eating too much; I am hoping it will give me the incentive to STOP myself.

I really did not mean this post to turn into a rambling feel sorry for myself story but once I started writing it just came out and now I feel better and even more ready to get on with the next stage of my life

SweetCrazySarah · 06-04-2008, 02:50 AM

I have one reason for why I became so darn fat. MEXICAN FOOD, and lots of it. I ate more mexican food than a mexican. I know my boyfriend is mexican. UGH, i love me some chili verde and nachos. YUM! But now I order one chicken soft taco NO Cheese Dip, and then I eat the shredded chicken and lettuce. So Good. It fills me up. And now instead of eatng 50 chips with salsa before my meal. I eat 2 or 3.

tchilambe · 06-09-2008, 02:00 PM

I grew up with a lot of food - but it was in Africa and most of it was organic, home grown and fresh. Its a culture where food production is close to home, unlike in the USA where everything has got to be transported. And also, in Africa, if its not season, you dont eat it!!! So you could eat whatever was in season and it was healthier. I walked a lot and did lots of chores around the household.

But all that changed once I got in this country, I realized that to eat like I ate back home, I have to shop at expensive food stores like Whole Foods! My lifestyle became more sedetary - so the pounds kept pilling on. and also i went through some emotional trauma - and I dealt with it using food.

So here I am - before I knew it, i had tipped the scale to 296LBS.... then I got scared -- now that I have embarked on the reversal journey - I am glad the scale if finally going backwards. But with that comes the realization that i had really allowed myself to get that BIG! I am just coming to terms with it, i really did not know how big I was because inspite of my weight, I was still a very physically active person. I carried my weight like it was nothing --- but i know that it is all a factor of age, so I got to deal with it now before I reach the other side of 35!

IntoLess · 06-09-2008, 09:57 PM

Okay, I have hid in the corner for a while, lurking, reading, now it is my turn. Between the ages of 10 and 11, I lost everything I knew to be true in life. My parents divorced and my brother married when I was 10, at 11 both sisters got married within a few weeks of each other, and a few months later my dad stopped making house payments so my mom and I had to move out of the only house I ever knew. I went from an upper middle class lifestyle to a lower class lifestyle and didn't know how to cope with losing my family, my home, and my friends. Government cheese and rice became my friends. Cheap hot dogs, bologna, eggs, white bread, government cheese, and government powder milk became the staples of my life. Because not only did my dad stop house payments, he wasn't nearly consistent with child support as he could have been. Mom still loved him too much to take him to court.
Terrible sob story, we all cope, right? I have grown to not only forgive my dad and mom, the fight really was between them, I just happened to be an innocent bystander. I managed to stay just overweight not morbidly obese, when I graduated high school and finally started working(I had to concentrate on my grades because I HAD to go to college, right?), I would walk to work, about 3 miles each way. This didn't take the weight off as I had hoped, but did provide much needed exercise.
I met my wonderful husband and went to Germany(home is where the Army sends you). This is the first time I am out on my own, so to speak. I am cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, but what do I know about grocery shopping? Meat and potatoes, that is what he eats (all 6'1"--160lbs of him), he was skinny, this must be a good thing to eat, right? I did not know to get fresh fruits, veggies......I didn't have these things growing up, but I did make sure we had soda and cookies! Why not, I couldn't have them growing up because we couldn't afford them, surely my mom would have made sure I had the fruits and veggies if they were so good for me....
A couple months later I got pregnant. Beautiful little girl, now 11, name Karrington, light of our lives. But after she was born is when all the weight piled on. When she ate, I ate, when she slept, I slept, when she cried, I cried. Housework? Who has time? Exercise? You must be joking. I snapped out of the post-pardom depression when she was 7 months old, just after our trip back to the states for Christmas. But it was too late, I gained way too much weight, and my wonderful husband kept his mouth shut about it not wanting to hurt my feelings. Unfortunately, this hurt more than it helped, I thought he was okay with it, loved me the way I was, which he did/does, but he wasn't really "okay" with it.
A few months ago he came back from Iraq to a wife who had lost about 40 lbs since he had left. Of course I did, we went through this the last time he deployed, and guess what happened both times. BINGO! I gained it all back. My newly found PCM told me my weight loss could be attributed to stress, and referred me to a doctor in Austin.
I told my husband, he asked if I was sure if this is what I want, yes, I am sure, I need this tool. If I could do it on my own, it would have happened years ago. I just completed my psych eval, which I "passed" and am waiting for him to send it to my surgeon, from there it goes to insurance, then hopefully, my new life will begin.

Angie911 · 06-10-2008, 09:22 PM

I have been using food as my medication,,,my addiction,,,my escape.

I started out writing about my history,,,my history sounds like a few of the other posts. Abuse,,,verbal, mental and sexual. Lack of food,,,scared of not knowing where the next meal would come. Family members and their addictions. Im the only one with food addictions...

brandyII · 06-10-2008, 09:47 PM

Good luck to you Angie, sounds like you need a break!!!! brandyII

Angie911 · 06-17-2008, 09:48 PM

Thanks Brandy...ya know I was just about to say if it wasn't such a health risk I would be happy the way I am...but I wouldn't be. I don't want to be fat. I wasn't always fat. I want to be healthier,,which would be about 100 lbs from here. Do I want to be prettier,,,ya my husband who is 170 lbs 5'10 didn't sign up for this,,,NOT that he has ever said anything about my weight. But if I was a decent weight,,,there are more things we can do,,,hiking,,scuba diving ( things we did in our early years,,,22 years later...the big hike is a lap around Walmart)
Ive had my mom make some pretty rude comments about my weight,,,even when I was a size 8,,,*you know, no one will ever love you if you are fat*
and if front of a room full of family and friends exclaiming,,*OMG you have gotten so big I thought you looked pregnant* and the usual *suck in your gut*
I gave up...I decided over a year ago having any relationship with her was unhealthy so I informed her I was done. I should feel guilty,,,or sad or something. But I feel relief,,,no having to be her whipping girl..sad yes, wished I had a better mom.
I have had (past tense) a rough life. As alot of people on here have. But as an adult no more will I subject myself to that kind of life. Does that mean I loose my family...the kind of family I have who needs enemies... so yes it means loosing my BLOOD relatives,,,and making my own family. Ive done well so far...surrounding myself with healthy supportive,,,and positive people.

brandyII · 06-17-2008, 09:58 PM

Angie,

It's funny because I just read a chapter in a new book I'm reading about family members and how they treat you when you're overweight and how to deal with them etc... Some people have to confront them, some people can sort of teach them and some just have to not be around them.

I'm pretty lucky as the ones that used to make me feel inferior because of my size are all dead, lol. Well it's really not funny but is in a way. But my siblings have always been really kind to me and I'm lucky that they've been very supportive but I still feel insecure. I'm in a place now where I want to build up my self esteem so that I feel strong no matter what size I'm at but it's really difficult, it's such a hard struggle and the weight loss after banding has not been easy for me, I maybe stuck in large land for the rest of my life!

BJean · 06-18-2008, 11:22 AM

Angie parents don't get a book on parenting when they have kids. They are, afterall, just people - some with less smarts than others. You probably already know that their problems are probably within themselves, and it isn't really about you. They just take it out on you because they can. But that's no excuse and there's no reason why you have to put up with it. It is very empowering to cut the ties that truly bind you up. Good for you! We can't pick our blood relatives but we can pick our friends. And best of all, we can learn from our relatives mistakes!

Angie911 · 06-18-2008, 10:27 PM

Brandy...what is the name of that book you are reading? I have a his hers and ours kinda family no true 100% sib,,,2 half bro and half sister,,,3 4 step brothers. Wasn't really raised with any of them and the times spent with them have been good too.

BJean,,,ohh my you are so right cause I would of loved a book when we had our first,,,who is 20. I was the paranoid mom that boiled all the water to rinse his soothers to faceclothes....*sigh I was a whole lot calmer with the second....ha ha

brandyII · 06-19-2008, 03:16 PM

Angie the book I was reading that was dealing with family members etc... when it comes to "your weight" is called Bountiful Women by Bonnie Bernell and it was great, I loved it and made me feel good to read!!!

I also am still finishing "Self Esteem Comes in All Sizes" by Carol Johnson, and both those books and similar ones you can order off of Amazon.com, I tried my local books stores, the major chains but non carry them in their "self help" or woman's issues sections.

We deal with so much cr*p as overweight people in our society and getting it from our family, even if they do it in a "caring" way can be seen as an insult or a "I'm never good enough" type feeling and it's good to get over it and/or learn how to deal with them!! good luck brandyII

Angie911 · 06-19-2008, 09:07 PM

Thanks Brandy...I am going to see if i can order it online.

jntedwards · 06-22-2008, 07:29 PM

I wish I knew why I have to fight this battle. I guess I just love food and love to eat. It's a form of "entertainment" for me. It seems everything in my life, socially and otherwise revolves around a big family lunch or a birthday dinner, or a night out to a new restaurant, etc... We don't ever have people over that food is not involved - EVER.

I think that it wouldn't matter what I ate if I would make the time to exercise! So I think I'm fat not just because I love food but also because I don't work it off. I was a college athlete and I swore off exercise when I graduated. I truly hate it.

Mariposa · 06-29-2008, 04:27 PM

I wanted to respond to your blog, because my husband isnt fat (yet) lol, but he has GAD/ Panic Disorder and depression. Well we just discovered he is hypoglycemic which resembles GAD/Panic disorder. Ask yourself this, do you crave carbohydrates or sugar or junk food all the time. When you sit and eat, even after eating a good amount of food, still crave maybe something sweet? If you go more then2-4 hours with out food, does it bring on a panic attack? If you say yes and yes and yes.. get your blood sugar checked! You may have hypoglycemia. And if you do.. you must eat 6 small meals a day. 3 decent balanced good meals and 3 snacks.. you can never allow yourself to get hungry. Also, a multi vit, flax seed or fish oil and vit B complex is very important. Anyway I wish you well...

maren · 07-02-2008, 06:56 PM

Hey,

What a great thread! I've always tried to avoid this question and whenever my weight got really out of control I've hidden away wearing only black clothing and not seeing my friends & family. I thought while I was like this I'd rather stop existing because I always felt that this was not the real Me.

So why am I fat? (First time I've ever called myself that)

I was a little bigger than the other kids in primary school when I grew up. Not much bigger at all, looking back now I think I was totally normal and would have grown out of it but it was enough for some stupid kids at school to invent names and bully me for 4 years. I don't think I ever got over that. My mum tried to help by telling me not to eat this or that but I think that just started my life of yoyo dieting.
When I went to a different school in grade 5 I was so scared that the bullying would continue. It didn't but I was always worried about my weight even at times when I was what I would now call skinny. In my mind I was always fat and wore clothes to cover up. It took me until I was about 18 to get some self esteem and it helped that I always had quite a few guys interested in me so slowly I started to believe that I was actually quite attractive.
But my life of yoyo dieting had been set in motion and I didn't know how to stop it. I lost my first 20lbs when I was about 14. At 21 I moved to Australia, away from any family and the uni and party lifestyle didn't help to keep the weight down. For the first time it got really out of control (240lbs) and I had 2-3 miserable years. Then I lost 72lbs before my wedding in 2004 and felt great and promised myself never to let things get that bad again. For one year I was myself again but after having 2 miscarriages, my parents divorce and loss of the entire family fortune after a bad investment and my father's thankfully failed suicide attempt (all in one year) I started to gain bit by bit back.
At the end of 2005 we tried again for a baby and things went well this time but I went by what everyone seems to say that during pregnancy you can let go and eat what you want. I did and gained 120lbs in 38 weeks. A lot of it was water but after the birth I was still left with a huge amount to lose.
So since 2006 I've tried to become Me again losing about 110lbs in 21 months and then finally getting lap band surgery last month to never regain the weight that I've lost.

Now I've had 2 weeks on Optifast and 1 week after surgery and I'm down to 209lbs. I can't wait to get down to 167lbs and finally celebrate being me again.