Why are YOU Fat?

linksmom · 04-14-2008, 07:31 PM

I could eat sweets and candy all day long. Did alot when I was a kid. But then I got the ol' driver's licence and stopped doing regular exercise. Also add in married to an abusive man for 6 years, so I turned to food to compensate to feel good.

serenity55 · 05-30-2008, 09:32 PM

I can remember having a second helping of chili with beans and rice, when I was seven, I think, and my mother saying, “Your friends are probably already in bed.”

She died when I was nine, and I bought my first box of cookies soon after that, for twenty-five cents. And that’s when my love affair with cookies began. But I was a think child, even though I’d buy bags of cookies whenever I could, which wasn’t often, because I didn’t get an allowance. My father was an alcoholic, and I stuffed myself when I could, because it felt good.

I moved in with one of my older sisters during my senior year in high school, and had three meals a day, something I didn’t always have at my father’s. But my weight began creeping up when I was in my twenties. I remember weighing 209 pounds, and going to a Gloria Marshall figure salon. I lost thirty pounds, maybe thirty-five, because I was 174, and my sister commented on how little I looked. That was the last time I saw the one hundreds. The next time I became conscious of my weight was when it was 290, and I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I went down to 232 and back up to 286, and had a hysterectomy, when I went down to 263. I know there are other times I yo-yoed, but this is the basic pattern.

About four years ago, I began working with a personal trainer, but I’m not sure how much weight I’ve lost, because I never allowed myself to be weighed until I began considering getting the lap band.

I know a lot of my eating is because of my family life, where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional neglect. My brother called me Fatso, even though I wasn’t big, but like so many, I believed him. One of my sisters called me Brahma, and I always thought it was because she thought I was fat, too, but she told me recently it was because of the way I walked so fast

The last time I went to my doctor’s office, I didn’t ask how much I weigh, but it’s got to be over 331. Guess I just didn’t want to know.

Oh, did I mention that, like so many others, I too snuck food, even when I went to Gloria Marshall, which I did twice, when I was in OA, I ate sugar free stuff, but still had large portions? Denying myself the sweets only caused me to sneak on weekends or hide food in my closet.

LilMissBand-Aid · 05-31-2008, 08:32 AM

Debbi, speaking of sneaking food as a child, I would do this so bad, I would sneak food I didn't even want to eat. I remember being about maybe 4 or 5 and stealing a whole onion from the refrigerator. I have no idea why I did that, but I took it and laid on my bed with it. I stared at it, and my eyes began to water really bad and sting. I had no idea being that young that onions did that to you.

I don't remember what happened after that, but how weird is that?

DebNH · 05-31-2008, 10:55 AM

Wow great thread!!! Why am I fat? Well I've always been a very thin child until I was around twelve. At that time... the abuse started. I think in my mind I thought that if I gained weight and I wasn't attractive it would stop. I was wrong. Then I just began to hate myself. Who wouldnt? When I finally opened up about my abuse I was pushed aside and called a liar by my family!

This started me on a slippery slope of self abuse which, even with lots of therapy and a fantastic supportive husband, continues to this day. I am more aware though and that makes a huge difference for me. I have educated myself a lot in this area and feel that I "understand" but will never really heal from the hurtful experience. At this point I have a very strained relationship with my family and I think it is because they don't really know how to deal with the trauma of it all... or even admit that the family has problems. They are definitly of the mindset that if it isn't talked about it didn't/doesn't happen.

So... fat? Yes I have learned some awful skills like overeating, boredom eating and emotional eating. Emotional eating is really my demon that I fight with!

Bea1128 · 05-31-2008, 11:25 AM

Why am I fat? Wow, great thread. I, like some others, didn't have a very good childhood. My mom wasn't around a lot when I was little and to compensate, I ate. When she was around she would harp on everything I ate, saying stuff like "don't you know bread makes you fat?". I know in her mind that she was trying to keep me from being overweight, but it just made me feel bad and I started sneaking food. We lived with my great-grandmother and one time she had made two pumpkin pies. When they were cooling, I took a fork and ate the center out of both pies! I got chased around the house with a switch for that one!

Another time when I was in the 4th grade, one Friday my mom bought like a month's worth of groceries. She and my stepdad went out of town for the weekend. By the time she got back on Sunday, I had eaten pretty much everything she had just bought. I even threw up, but that didn't stop me. I got into so much trouble for that.

As a child and teen, I never learned to eat correctly. In high school, when I wanted to loose weight, I would starve myself. I was athletic and I would exercise like crazy. In the summer, I would gain about 30-40 pounds and then have to loose it all over again when practice started. I've yo-yo'd my entire life. After high school, I got married and stopped exercising. That's when I really started packing on the pounds. I've gained and lost the same 80 pounds numerous times.

I truly believe that mine is an addiction no different from an alcoholic or a drug addict. I do it to medicate myself. Addiction runs wild in my family. My grandmother was an alcoholic as was two of her four children (not my mom, her addiction is food as well), my grandfather gambled, and several of my cousins have issues with alcohol and drugs. I thank God that my addiction was food and not drugs or alcohol. That could have so easily been the case.

I still have issues but I'm working through them. I have been married to a great guy for 15 years. This has given me the stability that I so greatly craved as a child. My children, thank God, are growing up in a stable, loving home with both parents. When I have a bad day, the first thing I think of is food; however, after the band, I'm dealing with it in other ways. I don't think of food as often and I don't seem to want it like I did. I feel so blessed to have been given this great tool. My emotional scars are deep, but I'm working every day to overcome them. It will be something that I have to take one day at a time for the rest of my life.

Sooverit! · 05-31-2008, 07:48 PM

I have to say I think hormones really are one of the big culprites for me. Also bad habits of snacking didn't help either but I was thin to normal to slightly overweight until I became pregnant at 29 then gained 80 lbs, lost it all though starvation and being very active and kept it off till my last pregnancy at 39 same thing but this time at this age those lbs weren't going anywhere. I lost about 20 of them though daily strenuous activity and protein diets etc. then my hormones starting up again at I around 46 and I steadiy and rapidly gained weight especially in my stomach and chest till now at age 49. I am uncomfortable and I am about 85-90 lbs. over my ideal BMI. I am waiting on an appeal process right now and praying I will be appoved by my ins. company ...unfortunately I have CIGNA the toughest one around to get an approval from!!!!

marg

serenity55 · 05-31-2008, 09:49 PM

LilMissBand-Aid, until I got to the end of your post, I was going to ask you if you remember eating the onion. Funny, they never made my eyes water.

DebNH, you made me think of my family, who refused to recognize that my father was an alcoholic. They always just said he had a “drinking problem.” And like you, my relationship with one of my sisters is--well, we’re not speaking because she thinks I should have come to see my father when he was dying as a result of his alcoholism.

mstrina27 · 05-31-2008, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sooverit!

I have to say I think hormones really are one of the big culprites for me. Also bad habits of snacking didn't help either but I was thin to normal to slightly overweight until I became pregnant at 29 then gained 80 lbs, lost it all though starvation and being very active and kept it off till my last pregnancy at 39 same thing but this time at this age those lbs weren't going anywhere. I lost about 20 of them though daily strenuous activity and protein diets etc. then my hormones starting up again at I around 46 and I steadiy and rapidly gained weight especially in my stomach and chest till now at age 49. I am uncomfortable and I am about 85-90 lbs. over my ideal BMI. I am waiting on an appeal process right now and praying I will be appoved by my ins. company ...unfortunately I have CIGNA the toughest one around to get an approval from!!!!

marg

You know i work with a lady that use to work for cigna and she told me that it was hard to be approved because the Dr's did not say that it was medically necessary on the paperwork. She said that they look for spicific wording and it it did not have that wording they denied it.. so make sure if u can that your Dr's office say that it is medically necessary and u shouldnt have any problems, oh and if u have like sleep apniea or something like high blood pressure that is a plus also..

brandyII · 05-31-2008, 10:07 PM

Serenity55,

my father was an alcoholic also and mom died when I was 14 of lung cancer and a brain tumor but was the one who didn't want a "fat" daughter and was made to feel like the black sheep of the family and when I look back at my pics, I wasn't that fat! Plus I was always on the go. I felt relief when she died because the nagging stopped!

I guess I kind of felt like responding to you because I was the only one out of the five kids who would move my dad into a safer place because he kept drinking and hitting his head and he was living in a 55+ apartment building at the time. I was the "good" daughter and the only "fat" kid out of 5. I guess I had a hard time dealing with him. But even though I kind of hated flying down and taking care of him and cleaning up his filth because we were trying to move him to an assisted living home I never resented my siblings because I knew he had been a "prick" to them and unless you lived in their shoes you can't judge them.

My dad didn't answer his phone one day from the assisted living place as they called every day to check up on him and he had died of a heart attack still clinging to the glass of scotch in his hand as he fell. They had to pry it out of his hand when they found him. I'm glad I wasn't there but was the first to get the phone call and was still in shock but there was also a relief that the pain was over! I actually had put off having the surgery to take care of him two years prior. I'm sure there are still emotional reasons why I still struggle with my lap band, I'm not an alcoholic but brownies and scotch aren't really that distant of a cousin! brandyII. (I was a great daughter huh?lol)

Froggi · 05-31-2008, 10:10 PM

Insurance is so frustrating. They make you jump and jump and jump through hoops then kick you when you're down. Everyone with insurance probs I wish you luck.

mstrina27 How are you feeling? :)

serenity55 · 05-31-2008, 10:38 PM

BrandyII,

I am the ninth of thirteen children, and my second oldest sister was the caretaker. She was also the one I went to live with in twelfth grade. My father didn’t die with a glass in his hand, but he may as well have, because he had alcohol-related illnesses, and had both legs amputated just below the knee. And yes, you really were a good person to take care of him, even though he was a jerk.

I have a sister who used to always talk about how big my legs were, but she’s no skinny mini herself. My family never talked about me losing weight, they just called me fat.

brandyII · 06-01-2008, 01:36 AM

Debbi,

It sounds like you had a pretty sucky childhood. I hope there are some left out of the 12 that you maybe close to now. I found that because of the chaos my father created in our family the siblings tended to become much closer. He always played us against each other as we were growing up but we bonded anyway especially now that we're older. I'm not saying that we all are perfect or that we all are equally close but it's really helped us to talk about it and share. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest girl after 3 brothers but I wouldn't know what to do without them now. We also tend to hide a lot of our hurt through humor and sarcasm and that maybe the Irish side of the family.

I was able to forgive my father's faults because I knew he had a bad childhood and in his own way thought he was doing better than his own father had done. He had also been abused/molested as a boy in the scouts which he told me and no one else had ever believed him. So I guess I couldn't help but feel sorry for him even though I knew I didn't have the type of father a girl should have. I did end up marrying a man who I picked not only for me becaused I loved him but I could see he would make a good father and he has. I don't mean to sound like someone painting such a pretty picture because life is not perfect for me but I have to appreciate the good people in my life now and the good life I do have considering and I hope the same for you.

Anyway I wish you luck getting through the pain from your past and hope you can see a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. brandyII.

brandyII · 06-01-2008, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DebNH

Wow great thread!!! Why am I fat? Well I've always been a very thin child until I was around twelve. At that time... the abuse started. I think in my mind I thought that if I gained weight and I wasn't attractive it would stop. I was wrong. Then I just began to hate myself. Who wouldnt? When I finally opened up about my abuse I was pushed aside and called a liar by my family!

This started me on a slippery slope of self abuse which, even with lots of therapy and a fantastic supportive husband, continues to this day. I am more aware though and that makes a huge difference for me. I have educated myself a lot in this area and feel that I "understand" but will never really heal from the hurtful experience. At this point I have a very strained relationship with my family and I think it is because they don't really know how to deal with the trauma of it all... or even admit that the family has problems. They are definitly of the mindset that if it isn't talked about it didn't/doesn't happen.

So... fat? Yes I have learned some awful skills like overeating, boredom eating and emotional eating. Emotional eating is really my demon that I fight with!

I wish you luck with the band, and hope that you will be very successful with it. You've been dealt a bad hand in the past and hopefully with the support you have now your future will be much brighter, take care brandyII.

serenity55 · 06-01-2008, 10:58 AM

BrandyII,

I have managed, with the help of therapy to work through a lot of the anger I felt toward my father, and some of the effects of his alcoholism as well. Yes, there are siblings I’m very close to, especially the sister I lived with. It seems that the older we’ve gotten, the closer we become. I think in our case, it has a lot to do with the fact that there is a lot of illness in my family, mostly cancer, and that has brought us close.

I admire you for being able to forgive your father. I was never able to do that.

brandyII · 06-01-2008, 12:43 PM

I think the forgiveness was for me so that I did not carry around so much anger but the fact that he died two years ago has made my life much easier and his also. He was a tortured soul and unfortunately I was like a sponge. But he wasn't an evil man so maybe why it was easier for me to forgive. Everyone's situation is different, and everyone has to heal differently, it's a very unique and personal situation.

Why are YOU Fat?

Probably not one reason