Why are YOU Fat?

sensy · 03-31-2005, 05:34 AM

My problemo is that I LOVE to eat. It tastes so dang good. I eat when I am happy, sad, mad, depressed, bored, hungry, not hungry, any and every reason. I wish I wasn't like that and I wish fast food had never been invented. My childhood wasn't all that bad - I started eating for any reason and emotion I felt because it was something to do and tasted so marvelous. I wish I had some taco bell right now - but my band won't let me - should have got the band installed 10yrs. ago......Now, I think about how I used to eat this or that or how it used to be so easy and pleasureable to eat and I actually question my decision on getting the band. I really miss all that fun and delicious eating!!! but, I want to look and feel good too....what a mess.....

**Jack** · 04-03-2005, 06:35 PM

re: "Love to eat".....
no problem....it's the SWALLOWING that got ME in trouble! HAR!!!

"Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" !!!!!

tellie · 04-08-2005, 07:05 PM

My parents still find it funny that when I was born, they had to make a budget and calculate how much *I* ate. My older brother never demanded such amounts of formula/baby food/food.... Always the fat kid in a family of very slim people (my mom was a model before she got married). I dont know if its true or not, but I always felt their dissappointment; their embarrassment when they had to introduce me as their daughter. My mom tried everything, controlled everything I ate (at home), hid food from me (why deprive my thin brothers?). So I learned to hide too. I would steal food from the school cafeteria (pre-school), sell my homework to the highest bidder later on, anything to support my addiction. By 8, I would try every diet I found in my mom's magazines. Diet for 1-2 weeks, Binge for the rest of the month. The Hunger cant be satisfied, even now which is why I keep getting in trouble.
I am fat because I cant fill up something inside, and the only thing that comes close to satisfying it is food, even if just for a couple of hours.
tellie

Nykee · 04-11-2005, 01:56 AM

Why I am Fat.

I was born under 5 pounds.

My mom said she breast fed too much cuz I was ravenous. I was called Butter Ball at age one and two.

I was a thick child, my grandma tells me I would make demands like "MAKE ME PANCAKES!" and such. I was independant, bossy and loud. (all of this goes with FAT)

I used to try to find enough money to buy a candy bar a day. (25cents a peice)

My home was poor but we always had food like captain crunch cerial, icecream once a week and Tv dinners and mac and cheese. My mom made us dinner every night but she had no clue what low fat or healthy meant. My dad worked for resers fine foods, so we lived on buretto's and bean dip..lol, naw they made lots of things like frozen cheeseburgers, giant cookies, pecan pies, jello parfeit, potatoe sald.. ect.

No one talked about Fat or calories or weight loss, ever. I never knew i was chubby. My mom hovered around 170 pounds at the most. My sisters were tiny things. (younger than me) No obese family were in my extended family. My dad ran marathons and such but I didnt know it was for any reason having to do with health.

By 6th grade I was 120 pounds. My boobs were a 34B (at age 10..)
I was being looked at and sexual harrassed, I looked 16.

One day I hear my mom and dad fighting about me. My dad said my boobs were all fat. My mom insisted they were not. My dad said if I only lost weight My boobs would go away as well.. My mom argued he was wrong.

And this is the day I became FAT.

Nykee · 04-11-2005, 02:19 AM

Why I became Obese

So I am 12 and I am about 120 pounds and my boobs are getting bigger and bigger (almost D cups now) and I am curvey....

My mom divorces my dad, moves me and my sisters away from reality.

I HAD been raised in a decent home, with all my basic needs met, in general safety amongnst people who seemed to care enough. My dad worked, my mom cooked and cared for the house, we went to company picnics and vacations to the beach, my dad raced canoes and hunted and my mom layed in the sun and baked cookies. We lived a normal life.

NOW after the DIVORCE....... my mom has us living in a house with this lesbian women and her three children who run the house naked. (lesbain???? naked???? new to me!!)

There are criminals, child molesters and real nasty crude people around us all the time. (my parents never even let people CUSS around us before!)

There is no hot water, no phone (gasp..lol) no heat, our food comes from boxes and I have no idea why this is happening except my mom doesnt love us anymore. My dad ran off and cried. Never imagined the hell we would have to endure (and to this day doesnt really know, my dad does love me)

THEN MY mom starts to use drugs. Then my mom doesnt love us any more. Then my mom committs terrible crimes against me and well......
I hate her for many years, she is a full fledged crack whore who only cares about herself. (mom is straight now.. a decent women)

We starve, literally.. my sister is hospitalized. I STEAL from then on for us to eat, we HAVE to go to school to get our only meal of the day.. This really sucked. I think this is when my eating disorder took full effect.

I end up hateing life, I hate people, I hate men and I absolutely hate my self ... I become the only thing I can and thats like my mother. Only I am worse. I hurt people. I steal. I sleep around. blah blah blah

Anyway................ That all changes when I get pregnant.

At 15 yrs old I am about 135 pounds. This is documented at a girls group home in Portland when I arrive.
(I leave at 190#.. its the first time I ate in years)

At 16, I have my son.. I come out of it 200 pounds. (still trying to make up for starving)

At 17 yrs old I have my daughter, I come out of it at about 280 pounds.

At 19, I have my youngest, I come out of it at 325 pounds or so.

I stay between 325# and 345# for 10 years... (age 29)

Then my back goes out and I cant work for go for my masters degree..
(I made quite a good life for us BTW)

I end up hoovering around 400 pounds for the last 5 years....
(back is still out, almost in a wheele chair, diabeties)

I got obese to protect me and my babies from the cruel cruel world I could not trust for a very long time. They are almost grown and I must brag I did a most excellent job with them... They are happy healthy and everything I am not.. WHAT AM I PROTECTING THEM FROM NOW??

MYSELF!

TIme to let it go!

donali · 04-11-2005, 10:12 AM

Wow, Nykee... (((((hugs)))))

Amazing story, fabulous survival skills. Congrats on all your accomplishments and for never giving up.

(((hugs)))

Nykee · 04-12-2005, 01:07 AM

Thanks.. This is pretty much my last stop.. lol

04-19-2005, 06:59 PM

Would you believe that just before I was born, the doc told mom that I might be stillborne. No heartbeat. Ibviously I came out ok, but could NEVER gain weight. I was put on every regimen they could think of to try to get my weight going. I grew up in the 50's when tv was king. After I became glued to the TV, I hardly did anything active again. The boy next door an I would compete to see who could eat the most. My mother made very sweet tea, and we drank plenty of it. We were not poor, really. My parents made sure we always had food on the table. Lots of gravy, etc. My mother was always over 200#s and the only thing keeping her sister from doing the same was because she had a doctor who kept her stocked with diet pills. I was put on a diet at 16 which did well until I was 19 and had to diet through a doctor again. 2 babies later, more dieting. I have averaged a major diet every 2 years as long as I can remember. Each time gaining more, and each time as I got older much harder. At menopause, forget it. 20 lbs is my limit before giving up. I would give anything to be at the weight I was when I began most of those diets 20 years ago.

Overeating is the acceptable vice, socially. You meet friends or relatives - you eat. Reunions - A LOT OF EATING. Even functions at church - covered dish. Holiday gatherings - eat your a@# off (wish we really could do that). Now, if we were alcholics, why, people would go out of their way to make sure it was not at our disposal. But, hey, have another slice. Aw come on, you can diet next week. Live a little.

You see, if you have quit the smoking habit or booze, you just stay away from it. We canot just stay away from food. And people want us to eat, just cut back. Can you just cut back on drinking or smoking without falling off the wagon? I don't think so. We just have to 'control ourselves'.

TexMama

DeLarla · 04-20-2005, 10:55 AM

Wow. It's been too long since I visited this thread. These stories really tug at my heart. Nykee, I can relate to you. My mom never did drugs, but she went through her wino phase. But the dysfunction was similar. She took us to the grocery store once every couple months and stocked up on frozen chicken, liver, powdered milk, dried beans and yogurt. As an adult, I could make a nice stew or pot of delicious beans, but small kids didn't know what to do with that stuff. She was never home. We woke up alone, came home from school alone, put ourselves to bed alone. About once a month she'd cook something horrifying and force us to eat, so we gagged a lot. Example, she'd take a frozen bucket of liver and drop it in a pan of steaming water then serve it rubbery with no salt, no bacon, no onions. Just boiled liver. Or she'd put 5 different dried beans & grains in a pressure cooker with no flavors, no garlic, no onion and cook them till crunchy (she believes cooking things removes the vitamins so she fed us uncooked raw things.) We had healthstore peanut butter, but no jelly so she'd make it with rubber celery that was near molding. On birthdays she'd splurge on a pizza, and we'd have huge eyes and drooling mouths, but then she piled on raw zucchin and raw garlic till it was 4 inches high, and we couldn't eat the pizza without the raw stuff. Kids can't eat that kinda stuff, they gag. Takes years to develop a grown up palet. Now I love fresh veggies.

Midnight showers were the worst. Three kids asleep, and she'd dump water over us at 3:00 a.m. cackling "midnight showers" like a luney loose from her straight jacket. I wish I could say she resolved her "issues" but she's much worse now. My mother made millionaire status 10 years ago, but she's a bag lady. She doesn't bathe, and when she does it's from a kiddy wading pool in the front yard. She smells of rancid garlic and mold, and she blames her odors on the IRS. She says they force her to spend her life fighting them from their evil ways so they take away the time she should be spending on personal hygiene. She eats dandalion greens from the yard and brown rice and is known as the screaming crazy lady in her small town. Cops are there all the time, but nobody bugs her because they don't want to deal with her. Her shoes are piled high with pigeon poop, and she blames my brother since he built some kind of overhang where pigeons now practically live, and it just happens to be over where she wants to keep her shoes on the porch. So instead of moving her shoes, the pigeon poop gets higher and higher as she screams at my brother. World's biggest martyr.

Nykee · 04-20-2005, 09:33 PM

My MY... These are the days of our lives..huh!? lol

I love that you shared that..

Thank you!:)

alatina · 05-09-2005, 10:39 PM

I was born to a heroine addicted mother-she would leave my siblings and myself alone in the house for weeks at a time-we would sneak out thru floorboards in the closet to underneath the house and cruise the local dump late at night and early morning to get food so for me food is still a thing in my brain that makes me desperate to have in case its the last stuff I get-i know its not but its a weird process that goes thru my head.I was luckily adopted when I was 4 but I still have issues with things like that and sexual abuse that happened to me by the time I was 4.I have always battled food addiction my whole life it just never showed on me physically til the last 10 years.

scottygyrl · 05-11-2005, 07:18 AM

I am also fat because I LOVE food! I always wondered why anyone would smoke when it causes so many health problems, but when I thought about it, why would anyone eat like me, it was gonna cause a heart attack or something! I was also killing myself! Eventhough I have only lost 22 pounds and I am kinda stuck there, I could never eat the way I used to. Every meal was fried and had a regular pepsi with it. When I was 15 I wasnt even fat, by the time I was 20 I gained 100 pounds, and then kept going all the way up to 280 (I am 26 now). I am 258 now and hopefully after my next fill that will come down!!

2bthin · 06-04-2005, 09:01 AM

I love the title of this forum: Why are YOU fat? After giving this a lot of thought, I have to be honest and say the reason I'm fat is because food has given me such comfort throughout my life. For whatever reason, I have always been outside the "in" crowd. I was never really obese in high school or college--usually weighing around 150 pounds, but I have a "german build" (whatever that means-- thick waisted) and at 5'7" tall, never looked "thin" like my friends. (of course not--they all weighed around 100 pounds! :-) ) I was not popular with the boys--I was the type of girl that was your friend--not someone you dated seriously; didn't date at all in high school or college (I was also the quiet, shy type) and married my first "real" boyfriend out of college. After a very rocky 25 years of marriage, in which I had gained 100 pounds, I finally left.

I met my present husband, who, for whatever reasons looked at me the very first time, said, "you are beautiful," and my heart way his forever. We have been together for 11 years (married this month for 9 of those years) and as much as I love him, I still continued to gain MORE weight! During that time, also, I've had my gallbladder removed, and have become hypothyroid (being completely dependent upon thyroid medications because my thyroid--instead of being the size of a walnut, is the size of a very small pea and is not producing anything!). I love my husband very much and want to live a long and happy life with him, but I have another love--food! It doesn't even have to be good food!

So, here I am, looking forward to being banded on Tuesday, June 7th in Mexico with Dr. Rumbaut. I know that this isn't the magic bullet, but I know that this will enable me to make better choices. I've been on a liquid diet for the past several days in preparation for my surgery. I've seen my cardiologist, who did a stress test (my heart is normal--thank you, God), my general practitioner, who isn't very encouraging and I think a little upset that I'm having this done in Mexico.

My wonderful husband, who, at 16 years my junior ;-) can still eat anything and not gain weight is so supportive. I am hopeful. I have a good attitude. I found this wonderful forum yesterday, and I am prayerful that this will help.

Keep me in your prayers, everyone. I must succeed with this. I WILL succeed with this.

2BTHIN
Dr. Rumbaut
June 7th, 2005 :-)

Zoe · 06-04-2005, 10:59 AM

Good luck, 2B. You will love Dr. Rumbaut. Travel light, and with a light heart! I know you will succeed. For most of us, our band journey is not on a completely smooth road, but we keep moving in the general direction of our goals (with a few steps back or to the side).

You are very lucky to have such a supportive (and young!) husband. His love and encouragement will help you. Good luck, and let us know how your surgery goes.

2bthin · 06-04-2005, 10:26 PM

Oh, Thank you. I've heard so many wonderful things about Dr. Rumbaut. I'm so anxious to meet him. I've spoken with Dr. Gonzalez, who is the pre-op doctor, and he is so nice. Everyone associated with Dr. Rumbaut has been so professional and helpful.

His US contact, Cathy, is a doll. She has been my rock these past couple of weeks.

Joan wanting
2bthin;)

Why are YOU Fat?

Love, Love, Love to eat - ALL the time....