Why are YOU Fat?

DeLarla · 03-18-2005, 10:50 AM

Bumped for Trop.

Kimber-lilly · 03-18-2005, 06:48 PM

Wow. Amazing eye opening stories--finally cementing in my head that I am NOT the only one who feels the way I do. A huge relief.

I have always been fat. I can remember as a little girl offers of "rewards" from my grandmother (I was her favorite, inspite of my size)--new clothes, anything if I would just lose some weight. I have a cousin who was/is overweight like me, and I remember that my Grampa took us to a movie one summer night, then to Big Boy's for dessert. I didn't order any, but my cousin did--one of those fab brownie and ice cream concoctions--and I remember wanting one on one hand, but relishing for the rest of the summer, the accolades and praise I got from both Grandparents for "resisting".

I can remember eating an entire loaf of bread with butter by myself that summer, too.

I have been banded since Sept. '04 and truly missed, I mean really GRIEVED over the loss of plowing thru huge quantities of food. I haven't identified specifically WHY I miss that, because I can't identify why I did it to begin with--all I know is that it felt GOOD. Of course, overeating now doesn't feel physically good at all....

I was thin for a short period of time, but abusing alcohol and myself at the same time....bad time for me looking back. It's like I traded the booze and the men for food....My sister doesn't over eat, but is a true blue high functioning alcoholic. My mother is sort of a binge eater. She was a widow with two little girls by the age of 28--she remarried when I was ten and I think most of our evening meals were take out/drive thru or grazing throughout the night. Tough habits to break!

I don't physically feel hungry anymore (much) and often forget to eat because of this...if only I could get a handle on the emotional part of it.....

Emmy27 · 03-18-2005, 07:47 PM

I am not fat because I am miserable. I am fat because I WAS miserable and developed habits at that point that will take me a lot longer to break than it did to learn them. I had a dysfunctional family to the point where my mother and I had to leave and change our identities and move from place to place. I was thin then but my obsession with food began as we had none... I remember going to a neighbors house and they had rice a roni - it was like a jackpot. But, these days it seems "dysfunctional" families is the norm, unfortunately. So why am *I* fat and not the girl nextdoor who had a similary horid childhood??? I honestly think part of it is genetics, though certainly less than 50% of the issue. The other 50% are the ridiculous habits I formed...

I snack - especially at night. My kids go to bed and I head for the fridge/cabinets and then to the couch where I remain there until I go to bed (or, subsitute couch for computer). I guess this can be attributed to "hording" - I had to hord food as a child in order to have some the next day. I used to hide packs of pudding powder and eat it in the bathroom.

I never feel full unless I gorge myself - think Thankgiving dinner. If I don't feel like I am going to bust then I don't feel satisfied. Not sure why this is...

I eat so fast I don't "hear" my body saying it had enough... or that I had something that will make me sick, until it's too late. Again, goes back to the having to hurry it up so no one would see what I was able to sneak or just because we were always going somewhere.

Preband, as an adultm eating is like autopilot (as I mentioned in another post). Almost like I don't even realize I am doing it.

The band is helping - feel full sooner than gorging myself... still snacking but less often and it's a decision I make vs. an automatic behavior.

There is obviously more to all this but if I keep writing I may as well write a book, lol.

I am on the road to recovery.... changing the way I look at food is my biggest challenge - it's for nurishment and nothing else. Changing how fast I eat is the other. My portions are much better, my food choices are where they should be....

Anyway... thanks for posting this - great to read others stories and think about my own.

Zoe · 03-19-2005, 11:30 AM

I humbly suggest that our moderators put a sticky on this thread.

**Alexandra** · 03-19-2005, 11:42 AM

That's a great idea, Zoe. It's done.

SHAZ · 03-20-2005, 10:01 AM

As a child I was a very light eater, in fact I didn't like ANYTHING. My mother would sprinkle sugar on my food in hopes that I would eat it. Even this didn't work all that well, but to this day I have a sugar addiction. I will pass up a beautiful steak with all the trimings for a big chunk of cake. Needless to say I am diabetic (on insulin). I mostly ate my sugary delights at night and I really miss them. I think the bottom line in my case as with most of us is emotional eating. Whenever I feel any emotion, good or bad, I get a desire to eat sugar (among other foods), and I eat until I can't eat anymore before I am satisfied.

I can't say that I eat out of misery only since I eat just as much if something makes me joyful. When I overcome a challenge or make an accomplishment, even a small one, I feel I need to eat (to celebrate???).

Thank goodness for the band!!!

DeLarla · 03-21-2005, 11:08 AM

Emmy, please go ahead and write the book here... it's like you took the words right out of my head.

"I snack - especially at night. My kids go to bed and I head for the fridge/cabinets and then to the couch where I remain there until I go to bed (or, subsitute couch for computer). I guess this can be attributed to "hording" - I had to hord food as a child in order to have some the next day. I used to hide packs of pudding powder and eat it in the bathroom.

I never feel full unless I gorge myself - think Thankgiving dinner. If I don't feel like I am going to bust then I don't feel satisfied. Not sure why this is...

I eat so fast I don't "hear" my body saying it had enough... or that I had something that will make me sick, until it's too late. Again, goes back to the having to hurry it up so no one would see what I was able to sneak or just because we were always going somewhere."

Preband, as an adultm eating is like autopilot (as I mentioned in another post). Almost like I don't even realize I am doing it.

03-21-2005, 12:10 PM

As long as I can remember I have been fat, it started in grade school and the weight just kept on climbing.
Most of my family has a weight issue they all like food. Its a comfort for me mostly. Happy I eat, Mad I gorge, Upset I eat and gorge. I am so darn tired of hearing YOU SHOULD LOSE WEIGHT. Darn it I already now that, it just it's that simple. I have tried every diet know to man and some I have made up on my own.

chezsmom
trying to ok for surgery
aka Lap Band

bigmom · 03-21-2005, 12:29 PM

Boy do alot of things written above strike a chord with me. That is why I adopted a special attitude with my getting the band. I told my self and others thatsince getting the band I had to start eating like an infant from the get go and no it was only up to me to learn new eating habits and that I was no responsible for all the new eating habits I would have and I could no longer blame my past it is working I made it all a mind set.

MeganA · 03-21-2005, 12:35 PM

I volunteer for a group called Mothers and Daughters. There are girls in the program who are between 12 and 14, and over half of them are obese. Most of these girls come from very disfunctional families and many have been in foster homes or in treatment or in other facilities. Most of them are being treated for depression and/or anxiety disorders.

I watch these girls eat the snacks we have at the meetings- and I feel like I am watching myself at their age. They eat and eat and eat and don't taste anything. One of the girls ate so many carrots that she was sick. We try to give them only healthy snacks but it doesn't matter- they eat handfulls of popcorn or fruit- it doesn't matter. I see in their faces the sweet numbness that I have felt when I used to eat like that. I envy them on one hand, and feel intense sadness for them on the other. I suppose it's like a recovering alcoholic watching other people drink.

Megan

03-21-2005, 05:45 PM

I grew up in the “clean your plate” society but also had family members putting food on my plate so there wouldn’t be any left-overs. “Here finish this so we don’t have to throw it away.” Both sides of my family are obese. Several aunts were over 6’ and 400lb. Longivity rules both sides of my family in spite of the obesity. Most live well into their 80’s and 90’s and that’s been my justification to remain fat. Illogical I know!

Growing up with a disiplanarian father (as he put it) I became extremely passive/aggressive and, how did my shrink put it, oppositional. Coupled with almost daily “spankings” and incest I grew up a very angry, man-hating person (insert the B-word here). I keep the anger inside which I know is not good but I’m afraid to let out. So I eat and I drink and live alone away from the masses.
Why am I deciding to loose the weight now? Mom has an aortic aneurism. Her aorta from the heart to the iliac is at 5.5 cm but it should be 1.8. That’s ¾” vs 2”+. It may burst at any time. My aorta is at 2.2. Wake up call. Arthritis is really getting bad too and now I have severe pain in my hip joint. Darn it, it's time to give up the anger and loose this weight.
sue

judybellyband · 03-26-2005, 12:24 PM

Thank-you...I needed this. I have forever wondered, "why me, it's not my fault, I am so tired of being on a diet and the sadness of feelings for being so out of control with my weight". Why am I fat? Maybe it is a virus that just got into my blood stream and has only 3 times in my 52 years of life EVER been in control. Or maybe it really has been all about volume of food, high-fat/high carb foods, no exersice, very little water ever (but 8-10 diet cokes a day) and a stressful busy life. I just now am realizing the difference from feeling hungry and realizing that I am just thirsty. I have learned more about why I have always been fat in this past year than I ever had and I thought I knew it all before I was l banded....ha ;o) The Lord is so good and He has allowed me a second opportunity to have the desires of my heart . . to learn to eat more normal and get toward a normal size. I thank Him everyday for my band and His love to me.
Always,
Judy

P.T. loser · 03-27-2005, 05:14 PM

I can identify with alot of these things mentioned in the different posts.
I also come from a family that's very disfunctional. Mental illness, alcoholism, sexual abuse etc. I have used food most of my life for comfort. I love food, especially sweets (pastry, cakes, just about any kind of dessert). I have been successful a couple of times losing weight, but to keep it off, thats another story. I truly feel I use sugar the way an alcoholic uses alcohol. I've been to numerous 12 step programs and feel they did help me to a degree. I learned alot about myself through theses programs. Also through years of therapy I've learned some things too. I do know that my desire to use food as somthing other than what it was meant for will always be with me. I have to learn to live with it, because it's not going away. But I have a choice, to use or not to use. Thats where the problem comes in. I choose to use more than I choose not to. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think about food obsessively, whether I'm on a diet or not. I hate having this compulsion because it has caused so many problems in my life! I use to think if I could just find out why I'm obsessed with food that I would be able to stop it. It's who I am, it's a part of me. I'm really hoping that when I get my band it will help. I know that I will have to work very hard. The band gives me hope that I can lose this weight and keep it off. It sure is nice to know I'm not alone, thanks to all of you for being so honest!

Patty

DeLarla · 03-28-2005, 12:20 PM

Patty, I relate to you more than 100%. Last week I was struggling so hard at night because I didn't want to eat goodies. Finally I stood up and stormed into the kitchen and the words came out of my mouth, "it's who I am, damn it" and I grabbed a bunch of crap and ate it as if it would save my life.

The Band often helps, but I still have mental struggles all the time. Too many times I put my Band at risk. Last night was one of those times. I ate till it was painful, and I'm still in pain today from last night's binge eating. I need them to put a band around my head to cover my mouth. Sometimes I think that's the only thing that will help.

P.T. loser · 03-29-2005, 06:03 AM

DeLarla, I know what you mean. I'ts a constant battle. It really scares me how I put junk food before my health. I know the whole time I'm shoveling it in that I'm really harming myself, but I can't stop once I start. I am happy to say I haven't had any sugar in 5 days. I'm really trying to get away from it before I get banded.

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