Why are YOU Fat?

amberakamom · 06-15-2006, 04:58 PM

I got fat one way, and stayed this way for another. I gained 100 pounds in less than 2 years. Came to find out I had an underactive thyroid. Figured if I was going to be fat anyway I might as well eat. I also gained another 30 pounds in 2 months from the depo shot. Pigging out, and 3 kids later, I still have all 130 of it plus an extra 25.
Before-120
After-275
5'7"

johnna · 06-17-2006, 09:23 PM

ditto to almost all above stories. a couple different things though. i have never been in touch with my body. always put taking care of othes needs first and didn't see that i had/have needs to take care of on myself. add that to eating for for numbing purposes and gives you a recipe for "fat". began putting weight on after marriage. my self esteem has always been low and i have always interpreted affection/conversation from men as interest in me sexually. Though sometimes I'm sure there was a two way intrest. I wasn't very tame and responded on impulses frequently. when i got married i had made a committment. i became worried that i would mess up (affair) and began packing weight on as a way to protect myself from anybody being interested in me sexually and thus I would not screw up my marriage. I've only come to realize this when my shrink and I have talked about me getting the band. This is a new revelation to me and I am worried about how I will behave if I am approached sexually by another male when I lose weight. I'm very different than I was when I married 13 years ago. I believe I've matured in many areas and the struggle won't be as intense. If for no other reason, my libido is different. Just FYI I have been faithful to my husband throughout our entire marriage. This is probably TMI but I'm guessing that I'm not the only one out there who has had a struggle with weight for a similar reason. Take what you can, leave the rest.

mcteri · 06-23-2006, 08:18 AM

Wow, I really loved reading what everyone has discovered about themselves!! I wish I could put my finger on why I am fat. My mother of course claims it is just genetics, so I should just learn to be happy. Other than never feeling satisfied after I eat ( I think my " i'm full " button is broken) I don't know why I over eat. Or maybe I should say, I don't know why I cannot seem to excersise the self control to stop eating. I know in the end the eating will only make me miserable and disappointed with myself, but I do it anyway. I have never really binged on anything. Never eaten a carton of ice cream or a bag of chips, I just over eat at lunch and dinner. I have no reason to be unhappy. I have an amazing family. A good husband, 5 great kids that I gave birth to and a step son. Great friends, active in my church. I got a roof over my head and enough money to meet my needs.... so why would I need to medicate myself with food? I am not sure. How do you figure out the reason?

cris35 · 06-23-2006, 01:08 PM

I too have mental ilness, which runs in my family. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, clinical depression, and I suffer from pannic attacks and fear. I have been thin for most of my life, due to severe depression and fear. I couldn't eat for days. Nothing, not even a bite. I would sometimes force myself to swallow a couple of bites every few days. Then, came the symptoms of schizophrenia a few years ago, and i had to be placed on an anti-psycotic, which made me gain alot of weight real fast. They had to switch my meds and now I'm on one that doesn't cause weight gain, butI can't shed the pounds. But, I must admit that now that I feel good, I do eat quite a bit. I enjoy going out to dinner at buffets and such. I also eat late when the kids are in bed because its more peaceful and I can enjoy it.

Altoonasoup · 06-24-2006, 12:11 AM

Wow! This question sure made me dig deep to find the roots of my problem. I guess it's a good thing to do. But I am finding that this is such a Chimera (a mythical beast with many heads) that I am wondering how I will slay this beast.
Simplisticly, I am fat because of speed and volume. I eat so fast that my body doesn't let me know I'm full until I have eaten a tremendous amount. But where did this come from?
When my son was a year old his father left (I never saw him again, nor a single penny of child support) There were times when there was no food for me, and not much for my son. After the divorce became final I applied for food stamps. The government in it's wisdom issues the same amount of food stamps for a 1 year old as for an adult. So from that time there was plenty of food. But food stamps don't pay for neccesities like toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent, but you can get all the candy bars, cakes, and soft drinks you want. When there is no money for Christmas, but plenty of food stamps, you give food as gifts. And if you feel good about something you've accomplished, you can't afford to have your nails done, but you can reward yourself with a big cheesecake. This is why so many of those living in poverty in this country are obese.
I remarried and the man I married sold meat for a living. I went to work in a resturant making desserts.Up, up, and away! Enough said about that. After eight years of marriage, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and died six months later. During his hospital stay the hospital would bring his meal, and bring me one, too. When he was too sick to eat, I ate both meals.
Ten years ago I remarried again. Thing are much easier now, money is not as tight, but my attitudes are set. If I go to a buffet I have to "get my money's worth." Food has become a reward, a comfort, a symbol of freindship,a lifestyle. But now I don't see food as my freind. I have constant back pain, knee pain, I get winded putting on my shoes.

I'm glad that I had to try to identify the Chimera, now I just hope to able to kill it!

Loving-It · 06-25-2006, 05:29 PM

I'm fat because food was my comfort, my friend, and it made me feel good, even if it was just for a little bit. Now my band is my new friend. Food will still be there, but more of an acquaintance now...at least that's the plan. :clap2:

Hope what I typed isn't too cryptic....nobody to blame but myself and since this is a public message board I don't want to get too detailed. :)

Leila · 06-30-2006, 11:23 AM

I started gaining weight in my late teens early twenties, just a little bit at a time. As an early mid teen I did some modelling, and wanted to become a model. At 5'9" I was just 135lbs. The modelling agency I wanted to sign with wanted me to drop 10lbs and 3 inches off my 37" hips. I decided I didn't want to model, since I felt Ideally I actually needed to gain 5-10 pounds at that time, and definitely didn't think I could lose and still be healthy. I was a loner, I was shy, I was unpopular. Kids, particularly other girls used to tease me a lot, they used to call me a lot of names, stuck up, slut, whore, - I didn't know what I had done 'wrong' - my family constantly reassured me saying they were just jealous, they told me I was beautiful and smart. I got good grades, and modelling offers didn't I? and a lot of attention from boys and men, which when I ignored the cat calls and 'attention' - I got those remarks again - stuck up, bitch... the reaction from guys who don't have their attentions returned. Hell, I was a kid, I was shy. I wanted to be liked. I was smart... I decided to try being less smart, less pretty. I started gaining weight, the less smart I seemed, and the more weight I gained, the more I seemed to be accepted. In college the girls were less catty, I didn't seem to stand out so much, I started to feel a little more normal somehow. I still wasn't obese, I was plump, I still felt pretty. I don't think any of it was a super conscious decision, at least with the weight gain, I did 'dumb myself down' intentionally on occasion. I was torn in two directions all the time, I wanted to be smart and pretty, and I didn't. I was torn between wanting to please people, and wanting to strive for perfection, I was pretty mucked up. I got into a relationship with a not so nice guy, he didn't treat me very well, my self esteem took a turn for the worse, and I gained a little more weight, I had crept up to about 175, It's funny, because I felt fat then, now I would be unbelievably thrilled to be 175!. I broke up with him, plateaued for a while, got together with an unbelievably wonderful man, who I've been together with now for 13 years. After a couple of years in that relationship my first episode of depression hit me, I gained during that, and found myself around 200 or so pounds. My weight stabilized when I came out of that depression, and then fluctuated up and down around 30-40 pounds at a time. I got involved in martial arts, kickboxing, worked my way up to a high blue belt, just two belts away from a black belt, I was teaching lower belt levels and working at that dojo, and training with my hubby all the time, I was down to a lean muscular 190lbs for a lot of that time. I had a number of crises happen in my life then, some deaths of very close loved ones, a lot of loss. I spiraled into depression again, this one extrememly severe. I was suicidal, made several attempts over the course of a year and a half, and spend weeks, sometimes months at a time hospitalized. I went on disability from work, and we entered into bankruptcy because of it, it kept the cycle of depression kicking for a while, it took a long time for them to find a chemical cocktail of anti-depressants that worked for me. Having spend months at a time doing nothing but laying in a hospital bed curled up in a little ball, basically bedrest, no activity, completely unable to do anything at my worst times, my metabolic rate and my cardio and my physical health deteriorated rapidly along with my mental/emotional health. All the medications I take are ones linked to weight gain, they lower your metabolism, they cause you to feel hungry all the time, crave carbs, overheat easily making excersize difficult, they make you tired and lethargic, still 100 times better than me without medication though. I've tried many many meds and med combinations, the one I'm on now is the best. I'm still unable to work, I still am depressed, but I feel functional, I get some enjoyment out of life, I'm able to do somethings, it seems it's about as good as it gets for now. Most people on the type of meds I take, according to my psychiatrist, gain 50-150lbs... I topped out at 295. I went from teaching kickboxing, to not being able to walk a block without struggling. My blood pressure skyrocketed, I'm on meds for that, and my cholesterol creeping higher all the time. I felt so physically ill from carrying this weight, pains in my joints, my knees and back, tired all the time, and feeling like I'm dying bit by bit. I consulted with my family doctor, my psychiatrist, and the Lap Band surgeon, and got the opinion of a second psychiatrist as well, the consensus, the lap band is a good choice for me. It may take me a little more work to contend with given my medications and things, but it has given me something that is the most valuable gift to any depressive person... hope. I'm just two weeks past surgery now, and I feel healthier and more energized than I have in years.

Thank you everyone for sharing such personal stories about yourselves, it's helpful to read.

XO
Leila

Ubermom_1 · 07-02-2006, 01:16 AM

I’ve been on the heavy side for as long as I can remember.

I look at photos when I was young and I see that I was a bit heavy and then again in High School. In HS I was wearing a size 12. I CAN’T WAIT TILL I SEE THAT ONE AGAIN! :biggrin1:

I kept hearing from kids at school and my brothers that I was fat. Teased as a kid didn’t make things easy. It became a habit to eat when I was depressed or angry.

I started smoking w/I was 16, quite when I was in my early 30’s while I was getting ready to become a mom. I knew that I would gain weight so I went on the OptiFast Diet after I was off of cigarettes and was replacing food for cigs. It worked for 4 months until I fainted at work. After being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and having test run, they couldn’t figure out what caused me to faint.
So I:
Stopped the diet (1994)
Got pregnant (1996) Gained 30 pounds
Waited 18 months and got pregnant again (1998) Gained back the 30 plus 10 more
Waited 3 years and got pregnant again—this time it was twins (2001)
Gained back the 40 plus 10 more

I tried over and over to exercise, watch what I eat and it would work, but then the weight loss would stop. So I gave.

Now I have knee problems and lower back pain at 222lbs. With four kids ranging in ages of 9-4, I need to be able to play with them, pick them up if I need to or just sit Indian style on the floor with them.

My mom had a weight issue while I was growing up and it wasn’t until I was in HS that she let it all go. She did OptiFast for a year during my 30’s and did a awesome job. She got a tummy tuck and everything. Well now she heavier then I’ve ever seen her. I’m frightened that I might turn out like her---I DON’T WANT TOO, I’M TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE TODAY! I’VE MADE MY CHOICE TO FIND A TOOL THAT WILL WORK WITH ME!! I’VE WILL BE BANDED ON JULY 11^TH AND I WILL SUCCEED!:clap2:

Fat2Phat · 07-03-2006, 10:45 PM

I didn't gain weight until I was in the mid-20's when I found out my liver was having problems. I managed to exercise, diet, and take phentermine to lose all of the weight I had gained. I maintained 140's for a year. Then my doctor started me on insulin to control my blood sugars. From that point on I lost control. Before I knew it, I was 50, then 80, then 100+ lbs over weight. My endocrinologist told me that in order to get my sugars under contol I needed to lose weight. Which I said was easier said than done. That is when I looked towards the Lap Band. I have never been an emotional or stress eater. But I will confess with school and work, homework load and work demands I may not have always grabbed the foods I should have. Eating on the go is never a good thing.

moon goddess · 07-05-2006, 12:57 PM

Okay...this is a complex question for me, as I am sure it is for many of you.

When I was little I wasn't a fat child, but growing up in Texas and the child of a perfectionist mother who was in the Miss Texas pageant, I was conscious of weight issues as far back as I can remember. I grew up in a neighborhood where it was looked at as one of the worst things someone could be if they were overweight. So, I starved myself in high school to be thin, and never felt like I was good enough. I would literally eat celery and carrots at lunch, and then go home after school and run around the neighborhood to burn every calorie that I put in my mouth. Looks back then were everything...very shallow, but this is truly how it was. I look back at those pictures and wonder how I ever could have thought I was fat, it's ridiculous!
When I was 15, I was raped by my best friend's brother. I kept that inside because he was very popular, and I was afraid that exposing him would have hurt my reputaion...but I can trace this time as the time when I, like others who were sexually abused, started to medicate myself with food. I have a lot of family members who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and so while I dabbled in that scene, I was always terrified of becoming like them...I didn't think that food was something I could use to hurt myself just as much as they did with substances.
Fast forward to a brief summary of my life....married at 18 and had a baby with an abusive guy, ended up in a battered women's shelter...and the weight started to climb. Then I was a single mom, worked my way through college, graduated...self esteem was better...lost 65 pounds that I had gained, and was back to being an average size. Got re-married, had a baby, husband was in the Army, he had to go overseas many times for a year at a time, and I started to eat for comfort again. Gained about 80 pounds, then lost another 70 pounds.
So, now to this part of my life...marriage was in trouble after so many seperations, so I started to eat again...and I ate, and ate, and ate! And let me tell you another thing...the bottom line is that I DO love food! I mean...enchiladas, Tex Mex, Chinese buffets....Bring it on! YUM! So...I have now gained over 100 pounds, and I realize...."Whoa! I am totally fat and I am killing myself!"....so, I made a promise to me that by the time I am 40, I would lose the weight...my 39th birthday is in a few days, and I am ready for my band...and it may sound cliche, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!
So...the answer here....I am fat because~~~

I was sexually abused and felt worthless
Food was my friend
I LOVE to eat and LOVE yummy food!
There is a history of self abuse in my family and I chose food to hurt myself with
I have become lazy and don't exercise
I have hypothyroid issues

LittleBird · 07-08-2006, 06:05 PM

My weight gain began about 9 years ago - it was a slow process that began with excessive drinking - high calorie drinks -depression...I gained about 30 pounds those first few years, lost some and have steadily increased reaching my all time high - currently 255. I quit drinking a year ago - eat more to replace it - and have worked at a desk job for 3 years. That combined with no physical activity.

I ENJOY food, its emotional for me. When I cook and enjoy a good meal, it feels good deep down. But this good feeling is followed by guilt and remorse. When I feel full - I feel guilty.

I think about being fat from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed at night and sometimes in my sleep. I'm considering the band, but am unsure how I'll pay for it.

The bottom line is I overeat, food is emotional satisfaction, and I sit on my a$$ at work all day.

crteacher · 07-19-2006, 09:25 PM

I eat to much plain and simple. I am Italian and love food. I am not a cake and cookies kind of girl, though sometimes when we go out to dinner or we are on a cruise I enjoy a decadent dessert. I also enjoy ice cream, but not in huge amounts. A pint of Ben and Jerrys lasts me about 4 sittings.
I am a meal eater. I eat meals in large portions, and I love food, that is why I am fat.

Charlif761 · 07-20-2006, 12:54 PM

I asm still trying to work through how I ever disliked myself so intensely that I could end up.... Morbidly obese. Sometimes I think I must be completely blind and self obesessed to not feel as fat as I actually am (until I see myself in a reflection).

I know what I am eating...But I still have no idea about what EXACTLY is eating me......

I have had lots of issues growing up...A fairly abuse father who did a tremendous amount of damage to my soul and my self esteem with his brutal words....A grandfather I doted on that died suddenly when I was 12..... two much older brothers that "abandoned" me for their own pursuits...one brother who never made it a secret that he hated me and wished I were never born..... possibility of some sexual abuse as a child (some issues have come up in therapy, but I never wanted to "go there")..... a history of sexual indiscretions starting in my early teen years... a rape at 15 resulting in pregnancy and abortion......

I can go on.....But, I guess you can imagine that all of that had to come out somewhere. And, growing up in the deep South with a very upper middle class Catholic mother, who believed in the myth of the Southern Belle and being gracious, I always had to be perfect and put together. I always had to be a lady and have a smile on my face...I was always the happy girl in High School that everyone loved (happy on the outside).

Well, imagine that...probably food was all I EVER felt in control of...and then again, maybe I was killing myself slowly......

Jesus.....I think I need a therapist....and fast!!! :phanvan

Anyway........maybe someone sees another pattern here....

Thanks for starting this thread and making me think...I need to do more of this before I get banded.

Charlif761 · 07-20-2006, 12:54 PM

I asm still trying to work through how I ever disliked myself so intensely that I could end up.... Morbidly obese. Sometimes I think I must be completely blind and self obesessed to not feel as fat as I actually am (until I see myself in a reflection).

I know what I am eating...But I still have no idea about what EXACTLY is eating me......

I have had lots of issues growing up...A fairly abuse father who did a tremendous amount of damage to my soul and my self esteem with his brutal words....A grandfather I doted on that died suddenly when I was 12..... two much older brothers that "abandoned" me for their own pursuits...one brother who never made it a secret that he hated me and wished I were never born..... possibility of some sexual abuse as a child (some issues have come up in therapy, but I never wanted to "go there")..... a history of sexual indiscretions starting in my early teen years... a rape at 15 resulting in pregnancy and abortion......

I can go on.....But, I guess you can imagine that all of that had to come out somewhere. And, growing up in the deep South with a very upper middle class Catholic mother, who believed in the myth of the Southern Belle and being gracious, I always had to be perfect and put together. I always had to be a lady and have a smile on my face...I was always the happy girl in High School that everyone loved (happy on the outside).

Well, imagine that...probably food was all I EVER felt in control of...and then again, maybe I was killing myself slowly......

Jesus.....I think I need a therapist....and fast!!! :phanvan

Anyway........maybe someone sees another pattern here....

Thanks for starting this thread and making me think...I need to do more of this before I get banded.

Mags · 07-20-2006, 01:45 PM

Hi,

I was really moved by your message and just wanted to encourage you to seek therapy. I've been treated for depression the past few years and it has saved my life. Yesterday I had a consultation with another psychiatrist who specializes in bariatric medicine and sees many patients having surgery. This was something I had to do to get signed off by my insurance company but i'm glad I went. It made a big difference talking to someone who specializes in this field.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Mags

Why are YOU Fat?

I did it to myself--no one else did

My Story

How very enlightening....

How very enlightening....

Dear Charlif