Why are YOU Fat?

PotterA · 03-20-2006, 08:54 AM

Fat parents and grandparents on both sides. Fat siblings, nieces and nephews and cousins. Genetics perhaps? When I'm not eating, I'm thinking of eating.

PotterA · 03-20-2006, 09:12 AM

:clap2: "love your self, if you dont love yourself and dont feel your worth anything then you wont feel your worth the effort of finding that "cure"

Good for you Tilly, enough of this self-loathing, enough psychobabble!

Arline

maryb · 03-20-2006, 11:14 AM

I love to eat, but I hate to cook! I love anything fast food... especially Double meat Whataburger with Mayo & Cheese and don't forget the fries. I eat very fast and drink a lot of Diet Coke so I don't have to chew so much.

My first obsesion with food started with two major changes in my life at age 9. My grandmother died and my family moved. I was depressed for 2 years and ate myself into a very chubby 11 year old. At 13, I got a pinched nerve in my back from PE at school. The doctor gave me diet pills to lose weight. I lost 28 pounds until I stopped taking the pills, then gained it and more back. At 17, I discovered Alcohol. I would not eat, drink, throw up. Well that weight loss plan got me to 104 lbs. I was sick all the time so I quit drinking and started gaining weight. I got married and had two children. Struggled up and down on weight...mostly up. Got divorced, lost some weight, got married again, gained some weight. Moved 4 times and added 20 pounds per move (stress eater). Went on Sugar Buster's diet and lost 40 lbs. Allergy problems went on steriods...Went off Sugar Buster's diet and gained 50 lbs. Went on Weight Watchers lost 25 lbs, Allergy problems went on steriods..went off Weight watchers gained 30 pounds. Went on South Beach diet lost 30 pounds, Allergy problems & constipation..went off South Beach gained 25 pounds. After all that I decided to quit trying. I even stayed within a ten pound range for a whole year. Then my friend's doctor recommended she get banded. My friend never wants to do anything alone, so I went to seminar and doctor with her. I really felt like she, myself, and my daughter (BMI 45) had some real hope of beating this destructive cyle. My friend and daughter are waiting on insurance to aprove theirs. Mine was private pay because I was under BMI 40. So here I am with a chance to not have Diabetes, or High Blood pressure like my parents. A chance I can go off my cholestrol medicine. A chance my osteoarthritis will improve so I can go off Celebrex.

Mary

Heth68 · 03-25-2006, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Micheala

Why am I fat? What a great question. I'm fat because food is a comfort. Being fat helps me to be invisible. Being overweight allows me to slide under the radar. I always felt like no man would look at me. Seems crazy because at the same time I felt like I wanted to be noticed. Even though being fat is miserable there is also something comfortable about it. How will I feel when I walk in a room and people actually notice me? Being fat is an extremely complex issue.

Why am I fat – similar to Micheala (above) I suppose. But also, I love to eat, and eat a lot. The actual act of eating something tasty gives me physical pleasure, via my tastebuds, and also emotional comfort.

I had a fairly regular upbringing, though my family wasn’t (& isn’t) the type to show/express their emotions/feelings. Mum wasn’t brought up with affection/love, so I suppose didn’t know how to show it to her children. Dad was brought up much the same, though could be extremely emotionally tough/cold towards us. Not surprising I suppose, considering that depression/suicide/bi-polar runs right throughout his side of the family. Though I am extremely lucky compared to others here, in that there was no physical/sexual abuse, just emotional abuse, I suppose you could say. It’s sad really, my 43 year old brother is still trying to win my father’s love & approval, but he brings his own children up the way we were brought up, and cannot see it.

Was not overly large through childhood/teenage years, just slightly above average, with T&A. Was always on the outer at school, you know one of the geeks/nerds, but still had a small circle of friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with today. Was made fun of frequently, but no physical bullying.

Gained a bit of self-confidence when I started working @ 16, but was fairly slender then too, @ 50-odd kg (approx 110lb). Had a couple of short-term relationships with guys, the longest one lasting 14 months & ending 2 weeks before my 21^st birthday – also, coincidentally, the same week that my parents split up.

Struggled a bit for the next few years, seemed to have my life/emotions/weight under control. Then don’t know why, but around 22-23 everything just seemed to fall apart. Left my job after 8 years, was unemployed for over 6 months, started gaining heaps of weight, and it’s been basically downhill, or ‘up-scales’ from there.

Have been single almost all my life, and am worried now that, in my late 30’s, the best of my life has passed me by (& almost definitely the option of having children). Have been on/off anti-depressants for the last 10 years. Have tried so many times to lose the weight, spending my life watching all my friends get married (or start long-term, live-in relationships), have children, and even get divorced/split up & find new partners/husbands. Wondering where I went wrong, blaming my weight but at the same time happy to hide behind it, like an invisible shield, tho the person behind the ‘shield’ is not exactly invisible (lol).

Have experienced all spectrums of the weight cycle – from being whistled at when walking down the street, a bitty little 114lb whippet, to being ignored when, at my heaviest (212lb/5' 0"" = BMI of 40), would go out with friends, maybe hoping to find someone who would accept me for who I am. To also, when walking down the street one day @ lunchtime, pretty large but feeling good about myself for once, only to have some thoughtless a….hole yell out a car window, ‘You fat ugly b..tch’ – why? What did I ever do to him – I’d never even met him before, & will never do again. I can only help that one day, he remembers what he did, and feels even just the slightest bit of remorse.

Gradually found that it was too hard to keep trying - trying to lose weight, trying to find someone to share my life - it’s easier just to ‘become invisible’ and fly under that radar, and not have to deal with constant rejection. My life is going to work, seeing friends occasionally, but mainly sitting @ home, eating food that gives me pleasure/comfort, and dreaming about a different life.

Yes, I know, what a pathetic, self-pity trip I’m on, and I’m sorry to all you guys who have gone though so much more in your lives, and have had to struggle & fight just to keep your head above water. Lately though I am feeling that there is light @ the end of the tunnel, and more & more that I don’t want to be like this anymore, and dammit, I deserve to have someone in my life who cares about me. I guess that’s why I have decided to get banded, so I cannot use food as a tool, but instead use the band as a tool to help my control that part of my life. And hopefully, with hard work & dedication, the other parts of my life will start to turn around as well.

Well, this is a lot longer than I intended, and has taken me a while to do, but has been very therapeutic. I have wondered if I should post any of it, let alone all of it, but then thought, if someone reads this & identifies with any part of it, then hopefully they will not feel alone, and know that there are others out there with the same issues/situations. I know it’s helped me, reading all your previous posts.

Sorry if it’s rambled on a bit, but thanks for listening!:notagree

michelle15 · 03-27-2006, 04:19 PM

I love this thread. Since I was a little girl (which I still kinda am- only 15), I hav been taught to feel like I could only reach my true potential if I was thin. THe problem was, I never was. Obesity runs in my family. My mom had this surgery three years ago when she was 110lbs. overweight; my great-grandmother died from complications from obesity. Everyone in my family is fat, and everyone in my family feels like they aren't good enough because of it. When I was 11 I went to Brazil with my grandmother. I remember standing in the dressing room of a bathing suit store crying because my grandmother was telling me that I looked like a whale in every suit I tried on (and that was during a time in my life when I was average weight). I hated her for it, but I also believed her. The lady I was staying with would make me huge bowls of dulce de leche and hide them from my grandmother because she felt bad that my grandma wouldn't let me eat much. It felt so good to rebel in that way. When I came home a month later, I had gained ten lbs and a lot of bad eating habits. Since, I have had multiple eating disorders and lost a lot of weight, but it always comes back, and then some. I am fat becasue I like to rebel and I especially like succeeding and proving everyone wrong despite my weight. Nobody believed I could win a pageant, so I worked my butt off and won, and then won another. I was elected class president, mastered classical piano, got accepted to numerous leadership conferences, traveled to Europe, maintained good grades, got a gorgeous boyfriend, and did many hours of community service when they said that fat people couldn't do anything. I proved them wrong and then got the band to prove myself wrong and loose weight. I'm finally ready to be thin. WOO-HOO!

dannygirl31 · 03-27-2006, 10:54 PM

Hi, Everyone I had my first appt. today and we have already set a date for surgery. I am so excited I will be banded on April 24th. I can't belive it was that easy and fast. I weighed in today at 283lbs. I hope to get down to 150-160lbs. Everyone give a shou:clap2: t out for me wish me luck.

marys · 03-28-2006, 08:09 AM

You go dannygirl - we all wish you luck!!

Ok - Why am I Fat? Well, the Band makes some things much clearerand these are some of them....

I am very sensitive to hunger and many times confuse it with thirst
I eat when I'm not hungry and don't stop when I'm full
I eat fast and don't chew my food
I always clean my plate
Full to me means uncomfortable/stuffed
I always eat seconds or more
I can eat an entire large dominoes pizza, bags of cookies/chips
I love fast food/starchy foods/processed foods
I sneak food, I lie about food, I've hid food, I love drive thru's
I love food, I hate food, I think about food/weight/body 24 hours a day
Mother is toothpick; dad is normal size, brother had gastric bypass (400-196) and his son is about 400lbs; sis on JennyCraig -overweight relatives - italian background - entire family loves to eat.

The band is changing many of the physical things - thank goodness - I have a LONG way to go though on the emotiona eating stuff but its much clearer to me now wny I am fat - I knew I had 'some' bad habits but I never felt like I ate all that much - boy, was i kidding myself. While I hate to admit it, I also feel like obesity is a disease.

heresdeb · 04-02-2006, 05:24 AM

Hi
Would I be right in thinking?
If I consume lets say 2000 cals aday before the band, after the band and the right fill and still eating the same foods I would be consuming less cals? If this is so, I should lose weight?
A lot of people say "you can still eat the things you like but in moderation" Surely it's not what you eat it's the amount you eat!

tilly · 04-02-2006, 05:51 AM

well, if you eat 2000 cals pre band, and it was enough to put weight on you, then if you eat the same after the band it will still do the damage it did before. You have to diet when you have the band, and eat less. Ive found I can eat the things I like within reason because NOW I dont eat as much of them, say, one chocolate buiscut instead of half a packet.
half a bag of chips instead of 4 packets !!!
you naturally eat less with the band if your fill is right but you can put those calories away without even noticing

for instance, yesterday, I ate a tin of chicken soup
then
a bag of toffee popcorn, 4 chocolate buiscuts (100 cals each)
a pint of milk
a packet of mints
and when I added it all up it came to about 2000 calories

yet the only thing half ways decent there was the tin of chicken soup!!

I knew what I was doing though as Im a year banded and know what I can and cant get away with, so today Im having home made soup and nothing else to make up for my deliberate mistake.
now and again I think "sodddit im going to indulge" and it does no harm providing I can sort myself out next day"

diet is a horrible word to us, but honestly, its a lot lot lot lot easier with the band, and its the last one youll ever have to go on

heresdeb · 04-02-2006, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tilly

for instance, yesterday, I ate a tin of chicken soup
then
a bag of toffee popcorn, 4 chocolate buiscuts (100 cals each)
a pint of milk
a packet of mints
and when I added it all up it came to about 2000 calories

So by having the band you still managed to eat all that. The band then has not stopped you from consuming more than you should?

My problem and like thousand of others is not what I am eating but is the amount I am eating. I have not been banded yet that is happening on May 12th but I am reading through different parts of this forum and I am now starting to question should I have this band fitted. I am having the band fitted in Belguim and it will cost me altogether including travelling just on £4000. I don't want to pay out all of that if I am still going to be in the same position as I would be without the band. I fail at diets as I am so :hungry: . Am I just trying to talk my self out of having this band. :help:

tilly · 04-02-2006, 08:28 AM

the band -as everyone says, is a tool to help you eat less. it wont stop you eating the wrong stuff but even then, if your fill is right, you cant eat the amounts of the wrong stuff that you eat now.

I was never ever full, or satisfied, and that list above was my whole days eating, at one time it would have been an in-between meals snack !!

you can still eat chocolate with the band, and sweets, and bickys, and ice cream and milkshakes, but you stay away from them, and its easier to do that with the band, simply because for example, you will have your breakfast of say, a bowl of "oat so simple" or ordinary porridge and it will be a 1/4 of the size of bowl you would normally have, then you simply dont want anything else to eat till lunch time when you have say a tin of soup and maybe a yoghurt, then you will forget about eating until dinner time, when you have your small dinner then you could have rice pudding for sweet. maybe by 9pm you might feel like eaing something, you wont be hungry though -just feel like eating, and you could have a couple of ryvitas with cheese on or some jam then that will be you, not able to eat another thing. Even if someone put a huge cream cake in front of you you couldnt eat it, you will feel physically sick at the thought of it. HONESTLY. I felt the same as you, I couldnt imagine I would ever feel like that, as I was always ready to eat more, nomatter what Id just had to eat. ONCE your filled correctly, which takes some time but you might be lucky as friends of mine have and get it right first time.

yesterday I just decided Iwas going to have some bickys and some sweets,it was my decision, I chose to do it, It wasnt uncontrolable, I didnt hate myself for eating the rubbish, I didnt feel guilty as I would have done normally, notice I had 4 chocky digestives and not the packet?? that was all I could manage. and ive lost over 140lbs in a year, if I could diet I would never have gotten to over 400lbs, and if I found it easy to do I wouldnt have ever gotten big in the first place.

the band makes you eat less of everything, but if you chose to drink lots of booze and eat lots of chocolate, then you will gain,not lose, weight. If you follow the rules of the band, which you will get when you have the op. then you wont go wrong. Just because the band is there it doesnt mean it neutralises calories and you can eat whatever you like and wont gain weight, it helps you curb your eating in a big way, Ive had to try hard somedays, (never as hard as I did pre band though) and some days its been a struggle to eat anything. but my son, who has also been banded has never had to try, he naturally just eats less than he did before.
no nutrition or worrying about vitamins for him, oh no, he just eats what doesnt hurt, refuses to eat veggies only sweet corn !! and has lost 80lbs since last July.

he used to get a whopper meal and then another one plus a milkshake on his way home from work before he had his dinner !! now he has a pork chop, some mashed spuds and sweetcorn for his dinner and thats him, done for the night till the next lunch time. And beleive me, he was an eater of the first order. I envy him his ability to eat a pork chop though
all be it it takes him over an hour. lol

follow the rules, it will work, but expect it to do all the work for you and you not have to worry about how you eat or what you eat or the amount you eat, then it wont work

its like buying an electric drill and taking it back to the shop cos you got up the next morning and the drill was still sitting in its box and those shelves still werent put up.! putting up shelves is a lot easier with a drill than without one, and losing weight with the band is a hec of a lot easier than without it.

£4000 ? youll save that in food in a year trust me I know. lol

**Kat817** · 04-13-2006, 01:07 PM

Wow, as I read through these threads, my heart goes out to those of you who suffered abuse at the hands of those who should love you most...your family. I am proud of you all for making the strides in life that you obviously have...AMAZING!!!
My "why am I FAT" story is different. I was raised in a loving environment, was catered to with my eating, if I didn't like what was for dinner, my Mom made me something else. I remained thin my entire childhood. My Dad struggles with his weight, but nothing like where I am now, he is 6'4" and has topped out at 250 pounds, and he exercises, and watches what he eats, and keeps it under 230. He has serious health issues with his arteries and heart, so he is very into keeping it under control. My Mom is a little heavy, nothing extreme, has never had to buy plus sizes! My only brother is stick thin, and well over 40 yrs. old. he was injured in a car accident when he was 18, and is mentally challenged now, although coping and living independently, and self supporting (more than many "normal" people seem able to do!).
Now me...as I say, I was very thin, through my childhood, first marriage, having a child, back down to under 150 lbs, and at 5'9" that was fine. Then I made a massive mistake, and married my 2nd husband. He was abusive from the beginning, he broke both my bones and my spirit for awhile. People always ask why I stayed. When my ex would get in a rage, he would threaten my family...not just me. He would say things like maybe it was time to pay my brother a visit, or go tell my Grandparents a thing or 2. So I stayed and took it. THEY did not marry him I did, I could not be responsible for getting them hurt. And he would do it, he threatened a friend, and hospitalized him. So I beleived. Well, into the marriage a couple of years, he wanted to move to TX, I saw it as my way out, I had no family in Texas for him to threaten me with, so we moved. One day as I was biding my time, we were in the laundry area of our apt. complex when this overweight woman come in, and he tells me, "if you ever gain weight like that you are GONE!" And the mold was set, I did everything in my power to gain, I ate butter straight out of the Country Crock tub! And then I found Weight Gain through GNC........well true to his word, he hated it, and the beatings got worse. I finally made arrangements for my daughter (from the first marriage--who's Dad had now also moved out of state) to go visit Grandma back in NM. And I was ready to make my move to leave. Things did not go real well, he went into yet another rage, and did his best to kill me. 7 stab wounds, and 3 broken bones later, I finally managed to leave...albeit by ambulance, but he was on the run, and I was OUT!! I was elated! I flew home the day I was released from the hospital. But my eating to be "unseen" had just begun. I no longer trusted my judgement in men or anything else for that matter. I did not want anyone to look at me. Being fat was fine. I found a friend in food. And so I ate, ate and ate some more!! Meanwhile they finally found and arrested my husband, and I had to go back for the trial. But they locked him away for awhile on an attempted murder charges. He eventually got out, and come back to New Mexico and harrassed me, but has finally been locked up again for assault on a P.O. and an armed robbery and shooting with the intent to kill, which was his final felony strike, so will not even be eligible for parole until 2036. I feel safe. But habits had been born, and nurtured, and still I ate. A lot!! I love potatoes...fried, mashed, any way... chips, comfort foods, are (were!!!) my big downfall.
But also finances played a part. When I was struggling to restart after all of this, I knew a nice lean piece of meat and a salad was healthier for my daughter and I, but macaroni & cheese out of a box and hot dogs were what the budget allowed. And ill fitting teeth following mine being knocked out, made pasta and potatoes much easier to eat.
Well way back when between husband #1 and husband #2 I met a man and I do mean a MAN...made of what ALL men should be made of! We dated, even lived together for awhile, but he was off to school in the big city, and I could not go (divorce restrictions on leaving the state with our daughter), so we went our separate ways. I continued through the years to be in contact with his family. Well one night he called me out of the blue. We talked for 5 hours on the phone. For the first time I felt ashamed about my looks. I told him, he seemed to be unconcerned. He come to town, and once again took control of my heart. He has never, ever said one negative thing about my weight. But he is of normal weight for his height, and is quite active. He loves his motorcycle and wants me to go with him to ride, and I feel like everyone is looking at me. He wanted to buy me leathers for the bike, I told him it would take 10 cows!
We have been married now for 7 years, and I am finally happy again, and trust him, and eventually my own judgement, and I no longer feel the need to hide behind this. Now the decision was easy.....doing it will be much harder. Hubby supports the decision, and will be right by my side as I go through it on the 24th of this month. He has changed his own habits to help me along already. He has begun making lunch while at work his big meal, and therefore we have a light dinner. I feel ready for this next step, and look forward to feeling what you all have talked about as you lose the weight.
As I go forward with this I look forward to the support I am sure I will find here!!
Kat

PotterA · 04-13-2006, 02:25 PM

Wow Kat - that was an amazing story, thanks for taking the time to share it with us. It sounds like you finally married a real man this time, much better than that abusive psycho.

With his support and your resolve, I know you're going to do so well. You deserve to have a better life; now you will have it. :clap2:

Arline

Maurice · 04-13-2006, 04:57 PM

Let's see; the issues are many.
I was very active as a professional athlete, and burned off everything I ate and drank. When I retired, I continued to eat as always, but couldn't burn it off. Then my knees turned arthritic, so I really had no excercise. But I kept eating.
My eating habits were also horrid, including large bites, insufficient chewing, eating too fast and leaving nothing on my plate. I worked in Vegas hotels Food & Beverage Depts. where the food was fantastic, free and plenty.
So, after yo-yoing for years and years, I finally put up the white flag (which in retrospect was a bit late and not as embarrassing as I thought it would be). The banding was the best thing to happen to me in ages. I've had both knees replaced, lost 90 lbs. (maintaining for the past eight months), and am playing hockey with guys half my age. The bestest part is keeping up with my 3 1/2 year old son! Never would've happened without the band.
My best recommendation to anyone pondering this issue; I'd do it again in a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stelis2 · 04-16-2006, 02:36 PM

There is a restaraunt in Louisiana we used to go to that served baskets of fried pickles. Crisp and good. You brought back memories. I wouldn't eat one now though. Stelis2