Why are YOU Fat?

DevilMayKare · 02-24-2006, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vinesqueen

I don't care what my doctor said, it is NOT normal to gain 25 pounds in one month,

Crystal, are you saying that you gained 25 pounds this month???

If that's what you're saying I sure wish I was there to give you a big ol' hug. All these emoticons are cute, but nuthin' like the real thing.

I feel so badly for you. I wish there was something I could do. For all of us, actually.

Just know that I've been missing your presence on this board and am thinking of you with a mental hug.

Penni60 · 02-24-2006, 04:09 PM

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I know why I gained 13 lbs. YES 13 POUNDS!! It is because I ate all the wrong foods and travelled in the last three weeks. I am home now and can get back on track but this sucks bigtime.

I am ashamed of myself for gaining all that weight.

Joh · 03-02-2006, 09:31 PM

I am fat because I eat too much, especially at night. Sometimes it out of bordom or when I am sad. I had been at least 75 lbs over weight since I had my first child in 1990. Then I lost some weight in 2000 working at a motel cleaning rooms and lost about 35-40 lbs. I was actually looking pretty good. Then my husband died in 2001. Well I guess I dont need to say more about what happened after that. Now I am 110 lbs over weight. So thats my story, short and sweet.

Joh

DeLarla · 03-02-2006, 09:42 PM

I'm a junkie 100 times over. I'm addicted to anything not nailed down and have to fight craving for everything but pot and cocaine (bye bye 80's.) Tonight I almost stabbed my husband over a sliver of lasagna skin. He had served me a huge portion, but a tiny portion of the bottom pasta layer got left in the tray, which nearly sent me in a frenzy. Getting through dinner knowing I didn't get that sliver of noodle drove me crazy. I don't rememer the huge dinner I ate, I only recall the part I missed.

We laugh about it, and hubby lovingly calls me Crack Head, but my food addiction sucks. Every night I toss and turn and fret n' stew over food, diet, exercise, fat, thin, etc. When I wake up the next morning, I'm like the diet model of the world with perfect decisions in order, but those decisions fly out the door the second temptation enters the door.

Carol (Cadydid) shared an exercise with me yesterday, so last night I tried it. I'm trying to play new "tapes" in my head before falling asleep. It was harder that you can imagine to shut down the eating & dieting tapes & replace them with positive affirmations, but last night I kept thinking of all the good things I did yesterday, all the nice things, the positive things, the things that make me worthy and beautiful. Last night that kept me from sneaking out of bed for a 10:00 p.m. bowl of cereal. Today I took 1/3 of a diet pill and asked hubby to tie me down.

I'm an addict. That's why I'm fat.

DeLarla · 03-02-2006, 10:01 PM

Nykee, I think I relate to you most. My mother was (and still is) paranoid schitzophrenic and had no right raising children. She was beautiful, thin and had a split personality, so at work men loved her, and she was a very sucessful real estate broker. But the monster came out at home. We were 3 young kids with no parents in the home. I don't remember my early childhood, but when we were 6, 7 & 8, it was just kids in the house beating each other up, and since I was the youngest, I was always getting it worse. When we woke up, sometimes she'd be in her room alone with the door closed or sometimes we'd hear a man's voice, or sometimes she wasn't there. I remember being just a kid, all alone and scared to death at 11:00 p.m. because my brother & sister were at friends' so I'd sit in the corner with all the lights on watching the front door.

The only food was health crap like raw lentils and beans, cans of tomato paste and frozen liver. Once a month she'd take us shopping and bought one box of cereal, but my brother would beat me up the next day if I even looked at "HIS" cereal. There was powdered milk, her coffee and her Creamora, so I'd eat mouthfuls of Creamora.

When she came home, we'd all run and hide till we knew what person came home (was it the Monster, or the pretty lady?) Usually always the Monster, who would sneak in at midnight and pour water over us while cackling, "Midnight Showers." Now that she's been institutionalized, she claims she never did that, but I'm sure it would kill her if her brain allowed her to process such torture of 3 innocent kids.

Finally when I was in 5th grade, a neighbor taught me how to steal candy. Then my sister made me steal food from neighbors' houses. We'd steal money or junk food then binge till we were all sick.

That binge eating never left me. It's who I am, it's all I know, and I'd work a 2nd job for life if I could find a way to stop the thought process.

jude0426 · 03-03-2006, 06:06 PM

Why am I fat? Hmm, part genetics, my mom was overweight for many years. She had GBS last year. My sister grew up big. She also had GBS about two years ago. I have become less and less active over the years, due to poor self esteem because I have gained so much weight. Does that contradict itself? It sure doesn't help that I am married to a very physically fit man who is damn sexy to boot! lol :biggrin1: I have tried in vain to put meat on his bones, but it only ends up on me. He is in the Army so of course he has to stay fit. My road to obesity started in 1996. I weighted 143 lbs at 5'6", the day I found out I was going to have a baby. By the time I had her, I was 215 lbs. I had gone from running 5 to 10 miles a day (in the Army) to practically nothing when I got out during that pregnancy. We lived in the desert at the time, I over heated too easily so I didn't go out much. Bad idea. I dropped 40 of it immediately. By the time I got preggo with my second 18 months later I started at 205 lb. With this weight gain also came VERY large breasts. I had a reduction thinking it would help me with exercising. Very glad I did that, but it didn't improve my motivation to exercise. What it did do was help my back problems and showed me just how HUGE my tummy really was. :omg: So, now I just had my third baby, luckily I only gained 20 lbs wiht him and dropped it all within the last month without trying. That is a good thing, but my husband is deployed at the moment and well, to compensate for him not being here, what do I want to do? Eat, but not at home. I just eat out WAY TOO MUCH! :( This is just not good for me, let alone my kids! I have researched GBS and now lap band for a while. It looks like this may be my savior, KWIM? So, we shall see. It will be so nice if I could just lose even 20 by the time my husband comes home for R&R in June!

georgie porgie · 03-04-2006, 12:07 PM

I'm fat because:

I love food
i like the texture, the taste, the smell, the way it makes me feel
I eat too much of it. Good food, or bad food.
I don't get enough excerscise
been on too many "diets" (usually only lasted a day or so, a month at the most)
have had 2 kids
use food when i am happy, or when i am sad, or when i am just indifferent
constantly think about it
eat whether i am hungry or not
morning, afternoon, or night
i am a gorger
i am a sneak-er
i am a shovel-er
have the urge to eat when i hear about other people losing weight.

I am a food addict

dannygirl31 · 03-04-2006, 12:12 PM

I am fat because thats what my momma and dadda gave me a big fat butt. They never taught me how to be healthy. And I am a lazy addicted fat ass.

tilly · 03-08-2006, 06:33 AM

pre-banding, I never felt as though Id had enough to eat, I was never satisfied, even after christmas dinner Id be stuffed to the gills, then half an hour later, Id be looking for more food to pick at. When my mother would comment on my large portions I would deny that they were out of the ordinary and nothing would have convinced me otherwise. I realise now that this was simply because I was used to that amount and it looked normal to ME. recently I went to lunch with a fellow bandster and two ladies who are morbidly obese and thinking of getting the band,

fellow bandster and I ploughed our way through a bowl of soup each while the other ladies got through 3 courses (big portions) whilst all the time lamenting that they didnt eat that much and planning what they were going to have for dinner that evening, going into fine detail especially where the sweet was concerned. I realised that that was me a year ago, as I was eating, I would be planning my next meal, in fact, I thought constantly about food, the only time I DIDNT think about it was when I was actually eating it and stuffed it down as fast as I could.

Im fat because I ate too much, I have tried and tried to think of psychological problems I might have that have caused me to overeat, cant come up with any, my "enough button" was broken and now its fixed. If someone pinched my band when I wasnt looking I have no doubt that I would be back to normal, so maybe fixed isnt the word, but its fixed while I have good restriction and thats enough for me.

Nykee · 03-14-2006, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tilly

pre-banding, I never felt as though Id had enough to eat, I was never satisfied, even after christmas dinner Id be stuffed to the gills, then half an hour later, Id be looking for more food to pick at. When my mother would comment on my large portions I would deny that they were out of the ordinary and nothing would have convinced me otherwise. I realise now that this was simply because I was used to that amount and it looked normal to ME. recently I went to lunch with a fellow bandster and two ladies who are morbidly obese and thinking of getting the band,

fellow bandster and I ploughed our way through a bowl of soup each while the other ladies got through 3 courses (big portions) whilst all the time lamenting that they didnt eat that much and planning what they were going to have for dinner that evening, going into fine detail especially where the sweet was concerned. I realised that that was me a year ago, as I was eating, I would be planning my next meal, in fact, I thought constantly about food, the only time I DIDNT think about it was when I was actually eating it and stuffed it down as fast as I could.

Im fat because I ate too much, I have tried and tried to think of psychological problems I might have that have caused me to overeat, cant come up with any, my "enough button" was broken and now its fixed. If someone pinched my band when I wasnt looking I have no doubt that I would be back to normal, so maybe fixed isnt the word, but its fixed while I have good restriction and thats enough for me.

DITTO

WOW

THANK YOU for sharing..

THIS is a real miracle.. I am glad to know others are having these changes and feelings as I am.. :)

((((HUGS))))

Xann77 · 03-16-2006, 01:11 PM

Gosh.... that's such a good question! One I've avoided thinking about for way too long. I should probably go to therapy to answer it. I mean the obvious culprits are there -- lack of exercise, love of chocolate and junk food, eating lots of food late at night and not eating all day. I totally do the "night picnic" someone mentioned. I actually get annoyed if my boyfriend comes home before my little food fest is over because I like to binge in privacy. But deep down, I think my weight gain always has to do with MEN. I've never been obsesssed with food in the way some people are talking about. I definitely don't think about it all the time or anything. In fact, the opposite is probably true. I DON'T think about it and then I get starving out of nowhere and eat whatever is in front of me, which ususally means fast food, junk food, processed food-- and the absolute WORST thing for my diet -- TAKE-OUT! I live in NYC and take-out is a way of life here. No one, and I mean no one, COOKS anything. In fact think one of my biggest problems is LAZINESS. I'm very lazy when it comes to food and I just want what's there and what's easy. Even now as I sit at my desk, the thought of going down two flights of stairs to get a salad and some tuna fish just seems like a big mission to me. I put it off and put if off and then the caf is closed and I have to eat something from the candy store instead. Which is really bad with the band and so I need to learn how to take the time to eat the right things or I'll end up losing nothing.

But back to MEN -- let's see, there have really been two of them which have caused this gain. My father and my ex-boyfriend. My father died suddenly on vacation when I was 7 years old. My parents were in Italy and I was staying with an aunt who ended up being the person who told me he was dead because my mom was still stuck in Italy trying to get his body back home. It was a total nightmare because she didn't speak Italian and was hysterical and of course, I had no idea what was happening and wast totally terrified. Anyway, the first thing my aunt did is give me a king-sized Butterfinger. :) She kept giving me and my cousin candy money for the next couple weeks just to go to the candy store and of course, I put on a bunch of weight. I ended up losing most of it though as I grew up, just because -- thank heavens -- I ended up being really tall and lost a lot of the weight in puberty. Still, I don't think I EVER once in my life have not thought of myself as FAT since I was 7 years old. It's so sad, I look at my diary when I was a kid and there's all these "memoirs of a 7-year old", in this really childish handwriting, ranting about how fat and disgusting she was and how she would never, ever eat chocolate again -- and then I realize that's me! So like many of you, yes I guess food become a MAJOR comfort for me. But not just food in general, JUNK FOOD. And not even chips or fried stuff or anything like that, but CANDY. Yup, that fabled afternoon when I found out about my daddy dying -- just created one of the biggest sweet tooths imaginable.

Fast forward a bit and then take-out food and alcohol became the big culprit --- that was always my problem in college and even when I moved to NYC. Take out is just so fattening, especially when you eat it late at night like I did (and still do unfortunately). Plus all the beer and booze you drink in college and as a single-girl in NYC.... EEK!!! Still, it was fairly under control until STEVEN. That's the evil ex. It's probably not appropriate to discuss but basically he had absolutely ZERO sexual interest in me and this would make me completely depressed and the bastard would SENSE this and bring home a pint of Ben & Jerry's. He basically placated my need for sex and intimacy with chocolate and sweets. I think he also WANTED me to get big in a way... the psychotic jerk. :angry

So ultimately, sexual rejection = eating candy, and abandonment = eating candy.

But here we are NOW. No sexual REJECTION (the new BF is wonderful and worships me just the way I am -- he's probably more concerned with me losing weight and finding some other guy or something ridiculous like that), and no ABANDONMENT (although I guess that always sticks with you, doesn't it?). So why am I fat now?? Last year I lost about 20 pounds through hard, hard work at the gym and in about 2 months, I gained it all back plus 10. Why?? Well, laziness is part of it -- I really don't like to exercise, although once I'm there, I enjoy it. Plus, I "hide my weight well" as they say, being 5'8 and all so gaining weight didn't really affect my confidence or social skills that much -- until recently of course, which is when I decided to have the surgery. But also, I think I JUST DIDN'T CARE ANYMORE. Strange really, but it was like I just gave up on the thought of ever being skinny. Even now with the band, part of me just can't imagine being skinny ever, ever again..... I simply don't believe that it's a possibility. I read everyone's success stories on here-- which are so inspiring -- but I have this deep down terror that the band just WILL NOT WORK FOR ME. I don't know, I guess I'm totally crazy.

Anyway, sorry for the "book" guys. It just feels good to get all this stuff out though, doesn't it? Funny, I never thought I'd be exploring my internal struggles with perfect strangers, but there you go! Good luck and God Bless to all of you!

Suzanne

PhotoNut · 03-16-2006, 01:18 PM

I've thought about this thread for a couple of months now. And just when I finally had it all right in my head, and was ready to post, Georgie Porgie and Tilly stole my lines! :)

Read theirs and you'll have my reasons - to the T.

tilly · 03-18-2006, 06:17 AM

Its really refreshing to hear people being honest about the reasons they are fat. I seem to meet a lot of people who have many many excuses for it, everything apart from eating too much. I think science needs to look at this "enough button" syndrome. The emotional eating thing has been done to death and latched onto by many people who just like myself eat too much because they dont know when to stop due to the IM FULL reflex being non existent. Im not saying that there arnt emotional eating problems, far from it, but it isnt the reason for everyone. I remember a female doctor asking me If I had had counselling for my sexual abuse issues !! I looked at her blank and asked "what sexual abuse issues???????"

she said "oh, its been PROVED that all fat people were sexually abused"
she then asked me if Id ever been married "Twice"I replied "OHHH" she said knowingly
then she asked if I had any friends ???? "3 best ones and lots of others" I replied "OHHH thats unusual for someone whos fat" she said

needless to say I put her straight and in fact wiped the floor with the silly woman.
but it makes you wonder how many other doctors think like that

klynn · 03-19-2006, 08:51 PM

I have always been told oh you not fat your fluffy or big boned and although I am I should never have gotten this Big.. MOst of my family is big though. in fact only 4-5 people are thin in about 25 so if that tells you something. I eat from boredom I eat cause it tasted good and I ate a lot of whatever it was.. I might be sensible during the day but when night came I would have 2 dinners and 2 deserts or whatever. So I think that it could be a combination of genes and glutenous habits.

tilly · 03-20-2006, 05:42 AM

Quote:

To me the question is WHY am I fat? not why am i FAT?, I hate how I look, I hate being fat so why do I do this to myself? I've done well with the banding but i've had some work stress this week and my eating is out of control. I hate that I do this to myself.

why do we all feel like this??/ If we had pneumonia, would we hate ourselves?? if we had parkinsons disease would we hate ourselves?? NO

obesity is a disease and we cant help it, simple as that, I doubt if there are many people who wake up one morning and say "oh this being slim is rubbish, so I think I will eat myself into a size 5x and enjoy my life" so the thing is to look for a "cure" as with any other disease and if you cant find a cure then get all the help you can -- in my case it was the band, and its working for me. I used to hate myself, now I realise that I was wrong to beat myself up over it and feel self disgust when I looked at myself, were listening to the media and others and it just makes our disease harder to tackle

love your self, if you dont love yourself and dont feel your worth anything then you wont feel your worth the effort of finding that "cure"