Why are YOU Fat?

LivinNY · 01-05-2006, 01:03 PM

Why am I fat?... I have thought about it for a while and I really think it has a lot to do with my genes... but also... for as long as I can remember we were always told to "eat whats on your dish".. you just didn't leave the table unless you ATE EVERYTHING on your dish. Also... we were taught.. breakfast ... lunch.. and dinner were a must... everyday.. wether or you were hungry or not... you were made to eat... and eat everything you were given..
As my children were growing up.. I chose to let them eat when THEY were HUNGRY.. not because I made a meal.. if they weren't hungry I would warm it up later... having a microwave made this easy.
My children have grown up (22&20 years old).. normal sized people.. actually my daughter is a 5'8" twig.. beautiful if I say so myself..
I really believe people should eat when they are hungry.. Having this surgery has given me that opportunity to learn to eat when I am hungry.. not because its time to eat... okay I am rambling on here...
Just my two cents...

tatsmom · 01-06-2006, 04:23 PM

When I was growing up my stepdad liked to tell my mom how fat she was (5' 2" 110). Then he started in on me. I always thought I was fat. That's what I was told so that's what I believed. Because my stepdad never, and I mean never, let me have sweets I learned to become a closet eater, quite literally. We had a big walk in pantry. I would go in there, close the door, turn on the light and stuff my face with anything sweet I could get my hands on. I was an adult before I realized that I really wasn't a fat kid, I was normal, really. I wasn't even chubby.

I carried my closet eating habits over into adulthood. I remember the first time I felt like my relationship to food was unusual. Shortly after I married my DH I asked his permission to eat some oreos. He said "you're a grow woman, if you want cookies eat them. You don't need to ask me". He was the only man I had lived with since my evil stepdad. I thought "wow, I can eat sweets in front of someone and not be ridiculed, COOL".

Pre band I loved those rare times when I had the house all to my self so I could sit in front of the TV with my favorite lover, usually in the form of chocolate, and pig out. Now I am looking forward to developing a whole new attitude toward food. Eat to live not live to eat. I can't wait to have a life that's not completelly controlled by food, scales, and sizes.

Remember...With God ALL things are possible!!

migbt · 01-07-2006, 10:36 AM

Wow... what a great thread... thank you! Everyone had such great things to say and the honesty here, WOW

I had a happy childhood.... life was normal, mom, dad, brothers. Uppermiddles class living. I sometimes try to look back and "find" a reason. My Dr. says something triggered my eating... I think "what"? I am surpressing some horrible thing, well, I have given up with the Why.. for me it is simple....

I have an addictive personality.

I am addicted to anything that will change the way I feel about myself. You are all smart and can fill in the detials. I can't have one of ANYTHING!

I am looking foward to getting banded to "help" me succeed in something that I have struggled with for to many years. IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMOE WHAT HAPPENS, IT MATTERS WHAT I DO ABOUT IT!

So that is my two cents. I leave on Tuesday for surgery in Mexico. Nernous, scared, tired, excited.... you name it I feel it.

I love you all for your honesty, openmind and willingness... that is HOW IT WORKS....

Mothernature · 01-07-2006, 12:01 PM

Hmm. Why AM I fat? I am thinking this one over. I think a little bit is genetic. Both of my parents had a weight problem. Emotional eating is the basis of it. One parent was a binge alcoholic and the other was just an alcoholic towards the end of life.

Though us kids were provided for financially. The uncertainty of what you were going be greeted with when we got off the bus was a worry for me. Some of my brothers and sister compensated for it by either being "big drinkers" once they left home, or (1) being an overachiver in his business life (I think to prove he is "good" as the other people-BTW-he isn't fat), or being fat (me).

Both parents passed away, my daddy was killed in an accident (when he was drunk) by driving into a moving train when I was 12, and my mom died of cancer 4 years later. I went to live with my sister at 16, and she was into her own thing at that time-drinking and partying due to a divorce-and she wanted me to babysit every weekend. I rebelled! I wanted to party too because of dealing with all of the emotional crap of losing my parents so young. I was thinking, "Party on, because you're next in line!"

So I moved out and was on my own at a very early age. I should have stayed there and babysat, as it turned out! At that time I was wearing size 12-13. I thought I was HUGE at a size 12. My sister was a size 8, so to compare myself to her, I was huge. Now I don't see it the same way. So I left her home, partied til I was emotionally bankrupted, and finally called an end to the party at the age of 21!

I met my husband and we got married. It's been a tough marriage in some ways. He would stay out when we were first married until midnight-1 am, and he had a hard time getting up to go to work. He would leave me without a car, money, diapers, and cigarettes. So we worked thru all that crap (I left him for about a month when I was pregnant with our second child). I guess he really did like having us around. He straightened up about his own partying and getting to work. It is amazing he didn't get fired. BUT, he turned it into passive agressive behavior. HE would not leave the house for anything! It was a big, big happening when he went to family things. I have gone to many family functions without him thru the years. Until I left him again just a few years ago over his personality issues, I guess with age he mellowed..... He will attend some stuff now, but he usually just sits in a chair watching tv or sleeping! so thru the years, I have tried to be both father and mother to my kids, and I guess I got into the "after the kids go to bed because all this junk is not good for them type snacking". And I drink a lot of Coca Cola. NOT diet Coke. So here I am, 27 years later, overweight by 100 pounds. That's my story. YIKES, I need really do need theraphy!!!

I am really not sure I want to post this, but I am going to "Post Quick Reply"....here goesss....click!

MzzNet · 01-07-2006, 11:50 PM

:embarassed: AMEN!! I have most of the same problems as the anyone else venting but mine goes a little deeper it started 5 yrs ago I was at a good place in my lifeI started having female problems bleeding that would not stop to make along story straight I had to have a hysterectomy and before the hyst.I bleed for what seem like forever I would not go anywere I was scared because I would bleed on some everybodys seats it happen before so doing all this time was eating and eating and eating and eating ....after surgery I lost a little weight but not that much may be 20lbs. went back to work started eating more not exercising and eating in bed not exercising sitting on my ass. more and more I got to the point to where I would not go into a store a grocery store a mall not out to dinner no where if i had to find something to where nothing would fit now I, weight 340 lbs and started getting scared I would pick a fight with my husband so he would not ask me to go with him anywhere I would love to go to church I don''t because I don't like me and I know its something I;m going pray on and change the way i see me. but it hurts so bad when people look at you and judge you by your size it hurts so bad when you are fat people don't see you they see fat !! so now I" hoping this will change and god willing i can go and sit in church and thank God for touching and working thru all of our surgeons hands for Giving us hope and a new lease on life ,and thats when I CAN REALLY SAY THANK YOU!! GOD.
WAITING for surgery date....

Mags · 01-12-2006, 10:21 AM

I think the reasons for being overweight/obese my whole life are many. My dad died when I was five and our family situation was pretty sad in general. I remember being a real anxious kid. I discovered at an early age that eating tons of starch (in those days bread) made me feel physically better. Using food as a tool to beat back anxiety and depression has followed me my whole life. Does anyone else relate to this?

Mags

dovie6523 · 01-12-2006, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mags

I think the reasons for being overweight/obese my whole life are many. My dad died when I was five and our family situation was pretty sad in general. I remember being a real anxious kid. I discovered at an early age that eating tons of starch (in those days bread) made me feel physically better. Using food as a tool to beat back anxiety and depression has followed me my whole life. Does anyone else relate to this?

Mags

Yes! That and I started gaining after my tonsillectomy. I have heard that there could be some link between the two.

Shellybelly · 01-12-2006, 02:20 PM

I am fat because that has always been my role. Fat Shelly. And you know what, I grew up in Jamaica at a time when no one had a real problem with fat, so calling someone Fat Shelly, like Fat was their title, was considered perfectly polite. In fact I was a teenager on a commuter flight from Kingston to Montego Bay early one morning, when a well dressed (blacksuit) gentleman saw me struggling with my little carry-on. He hurriedly stored his breif-case and then reached for my bag. He was so kind, and as he reached for the bag he said "I'll help you fatty." Thanx! :) Now, even in JA, it is no longer acceptable to be fat. But it is still my role. In describing siomeone, a member of my family might say "she is not as big as ...say Shelly, but she is a big girl." or "I am not going to get as big as Shelly, don't you worry." All of this while lovingly stroking my hair. Ahhh yes. Toxic love.
And on my part, since I have always been fat, I have always had to appear to be dieting, or else be considered a real slob - one friend of a friend whom I barely knew once asked me "don't you care about your size?" when I ordered a burger in her presence. Everyone else was having one BTW. So anyway, my response to the constant appearance of dieting or trying to get my size under control was to stop. I just quit doing it on my own time. So I eat butter and icing sugar and sometimes butter with Icing sugar cause I can, and because I feel like I ought to be able to and everyone else can and it is soooo unfair. Real adult right? I must like the name Fat Shelly :). But now I am on a path and this band, when I get it, will be my own secret, and I will own my weight loss and own my body..is that a weird thought?

Mags · 01-12-2006, 06:48 PM

Thank you all for being so brave and posting your thoughts. One thing that strikes me as I read is that many of us are dealing with a great deal of pain in our lives -- past, present or both. And, unlike the alcoholic or drug abuser we all wear those problems for everyone else to see!!!!

What I want more than anything is to "fit" into the world. At 292 I can't sit on a bus, train or airplane and feel uncomforable in restaurants and other public places.

I've lost and gained 50-60 pounds 3 or 4 times in my life, always putting it back on and more. The last time was 3 years ago when I lost 55 pounds. I was doing spinning and yoga classes and the gym and went hiking in Colorado. I wasn't even near my goal weight but I could live a life. I hope the lapbanding can give me that back again and help me keep from regaining the weight this time!!!

Good luck to you all.

Mags

DiDi · 01-13-2006, 11:18 PM

Dear Shelly. Gotta get you a new name!! How about Sweet Shelly? I kinda like that better. Good luck at getting back at 'em! We'll keep your secret & back you up too.

Shellybelly · 01-17-2006, 08:36 AM

Thank you Didi...I like Sweet Shelly too:sun: .

Robin Mac · 01-24-2006, 11:22 AM

I really can’t explain my weight problem -- I was a naturally thin child, adolescent, teenager, college student, twenty-something, thirty-something... don’t get me wrong... I had to work out to stay that way (aerobics, dancing, bike-riding) and had to start watching what I ate in my mid-thirties, but it was easy for me. I attributed it to my genes... I have one cousin who was overweight, but the rest of my family has no weight problems whatsoever. Then, at 38, I gave birth to my one and only child.
I was single with a full-time career and no family in the immediate area. I quickly became overwhelmed--unable to find time to work out, eat right, go out dancing... And then I turned 40! The metabolism slowed way down, menopause kicked in and comfort food became my best friend. I’ve always been a somewhat addictive personality and a carboholic to boot, so I had really packed on the pounds by the time I turned 50. Combined with a few years at a highly stressful job, losing another job following 9/11, then 3 years of underemployment; not to mention a temporarily debilitating auto accident in between.... I had become a fast-food, carb-crazed junkie.

Just like so many of us, I would go on diets, lose 20 - 40 lbs., then gain it all back and then some. I joined fitness clubs and was very good about working out, but when the weight was no longer coming off, I lost interest and stopped going.

Shortly, before I turned 50 I decided to go the surgery root, but the gastric bypass seemed too drastic.... I watched a Discovery Channel show about Ann Wilson of Heart and her Lap Band surgery and knew immediately that was what I wanted to do. It’s a year and a half later, and I’m hopeful that it will work. But I have to say that I’m worried, because here I am almost 2 months after surgery and one fill, and I think I’m able to eat too much -- way more than I thought I would be able to. I get the ‘golf ball’ in chest thing occasionally, but can work through it and continue eating. I rarely feel full and some days I’m just plain hungry all the time. So, I worry....

Nykee · 01-25-2006, 07:20 AM

I told this to someone else the other day and they said I was ful of crap, so i wanna post it here...

thank you (I already posted here, this is just one point of many)

I had all the food I wanted all my life (not healthy either) untill I was 12,

From 12 to 16 I struggled in these kinds of ways: (parents divorced, mom became a crack head)

Sometimes our only meal was at school, once we missed the bus and walked like 10 miles to school in time for lunch.

We lived in a condemed house for 4 to 6 months??? (in secret with no electricity) and I remember having ONE meal there, (besides school) it was one pan of stewed tomatoes for one adult and 4 people.. IT tasted so good, I thought I would die of pleasure.

There was this mint Jelly there too.. a tiny jar and I put my finger in it for a tiny taste as to not show I had got into it.

One time, (totally different place).. All we had was a turkey and a jar of grape jelly for the longest time and I was not enrolled in school..
I cut a chunk of uncooked turkey and microwaved it until it turned white instead of pink.. then I ate it with grape jelly. I always took small peices affraid I would waste it.. THEN it got to smelling so bad my mom threw it out one day like it was no big deal.. and I enrolled in school just to eat.

I began to shoplift food in that next summer from little stores..
Sometimes I worked at a hotdog stand and I got food from him. (a phedifile, I was 14 here)
But when I didnt get food cuz it rained (coastal town) and the stand wasnt open or some other slut took over the job for a few days or week..
Then I began to shoplift junk food.

Then my best friend began to shrival away. She was a runaway (as I was, egven though we were at my moms) and I didnt know what was wrong with her, but she was going INSANE and I had to get to town and get her food or get it from perverts in my neighborhood anyway I could,.. this lasted a month till she passed out and went to ER and I never saw her again. (well I did once a few years later)
She had some problem where she needs like 4000 calories a day just to maintain her 100 pounds.. and no one ever knew it till she ran a way and didnt get enough food.. I always felt extreme guilt over this.. I was her everything..

Later.. I got to live with my dad and even though he WASNT a crack head, he didnt have the money to feed us and did all he could but just didnt realize it wasnt enough I guess.. I would walk llike 12 miles to the nearest store and shoplift a huge peice of chocolate and eeat it all..

These times I shoplifted the junk foods, I thought they were GOLD..
I never knew it was the meat and cheese that was the Good stuff. lol

WHEn I ate this junk It was SWEET salvation.,.. and I think I am stilll stuck on that feeling although I can eat anything I want.

I dont think thats crap..

I think thats good food disorders in the making.

Marimaru · 01-25-2006, 11:38 AM

I can't imagine who would take a story like that and tell you it was crap. I think it is absolutely a basis for food disorders. I think it has also probably made you a very strong person. At the very least, I think we can tell that your kids are very well taken care for.

Nykee · 01-25-2006, 04:05 PM

thank you so much..
Curious, why did you say that about my kids? (did you see the pics I posted or what??)
The things I went through made me a most amazingly good mother (considering what 'could of been' ya know) BUt what made you say that, I am just wondering.

Why are YOU Fat?

why I'm Fat

Food and anxiety

Thanks everyone!!