Where did my self esteem go???

Thread Starter  

Well, I've been banded for 8 months and I have lost 50 pounds . That's almost half way to my goal. The weight has not come off as fast as I would like, but it is coming off . I'm down to about 185 lbs. That's great considering I was at 235 when I started . So, you would think I would have some of my self esteem back. I would feel beautiful. I would not be ashamed of the way I look. How do I get my mind to gradually catch up with my shrinking body??? I've been fat for so long that I forgot what it feels like to feel beautiful. So, I do feel better about myself but I still think of myself as "FAT" . I will not wear certain clothes because I look fat. I will not go to the water park or the pool because I don't want to put on a swimsuit and look fat. My husband keeps saying "honey your not fat" you look good. Why don't I believe him???
I need to know how to look at myself and see a beautiful person and not see that Fat girl staring back at me. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get back your self esteem????
I know when I was 140 lbs. I still thought I was fat and I don't want to think that way anymore!!!! Suggestions Please!!!

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Nettie
Banded Oct. 5, 2007
Dr. Jaime Ponce / Gastric Band Institute-Dalton, GA

Nettie, it really comes down to loving yourself at any weight. Do you think you need some counseling? What if you buy some cute new outfits to wear. Will that help? Love yourself.

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Julie
banded 6/6/06
Dr. McKeen, San Jose CA

320/213/goal 199. Almost there!

Thread Starter  

Thank you Julie. I know you are right. I have never loved myself at any weight. A lot of this has to do with the way I was raised. I love my father but believe me...he never missed a chance to tell me I needed to stop eating. I think I hear his voice in my head every time I look at myself in the mirror. He was never mean to me. He was raised that way so he just doesn't know the proper way to tell someone that they need to watch their weight or the way they eat.
I went and got a new haircut yesterday and that made me feel good. I have not wanted to buy clothes becuase I know they will not fit for very long. Maybe a new outfit would make me feel better. Think I will try that. Thanks for your input!

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Nettie
Banded Oct. 5, 2007
Dr. Jaime Ponce / Gastric Band Institute-Dalton, GA

i think you look great & you should listen to your husband! my self esteem left years ago when i first began to gain the weight then i met this wonderful man who told me every day that i was beautiful & it returned!!! UNFORTUNATELY now that i have been banded he has not been as supportive (he says he may not be as attracted to me IF i get skinny)---WHAT??? i love him/don't wanna lose him but i know my choice to be banded would feel so much better if he were behind me as your husband is behind you! the amazing thing is that i got this done for health, not vanity; although a wedding is in my future (IF HE STILL WANTS ME! LOL!!) & i am gonna look great for it. as soon as i lose as much as you already have! keep up the good work, hot girl!!!

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black beauty banded 5/20/2008 @ Great Lakes Weight Loss by Dr. Webber DMC, MI

Nettie, I hear you about our parents. When I was skinny mom Mom would say you look good except for your thighs. I was in a size 14 at 5'8" tall. I would go buy one nice new outfit, get a pedicure, maybe a massage. You can do this. Its all in your head. Love yourself the way you are. There are some really cute bathing suits for any size. You should definitely get one and go to the pool. Take some good before and after pictures and post them. We are here for you.

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Julie
banded 6/6/06
Dr. McKeen, San Jose CA

320/213/goal 199. Almost there!

I hear you and its like talking about myself, I was banded back in Jan 2005 and I am yet to reach my goal but since I am down to 158 (i started at 243.5) but I have had some stuff in between my journey like a pregancy, a separation etc. Back in February I had plastic surgery I had my tummy tuck, breast lift with implants and lipo at the waist and I still look at myself and feel big, I am not happy with my weight yet I can't get myself to get motivated to loose the last 13 pounds I have left. Its hard to look at myself and like who I am and I am a totaly different person in the outside but the inside can't see that.

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Esmeralda
DOB: 01/07/05 Dr. Kuri
243.5/153/145
1st Fill 02/17/05 / 2nd Fill 04/16/05
3rd Fill 07/16/05 / Un-fill 09/03/05
4th Fill 06/03/06 / 5th Fill 10/28/06
6th Fill 02/13/07 / Un-fill 05/01/07
7th Fill 07/19/07 / 8th Fill 12/01/07
Total Fill: 2.3 cc

I thought the weight loss would also vastly improve my self esteem. But at my age, losing weight in the face means my face now sags a bit and I now have wrinkles attacking me at a rapid rate. So now the face I see in the mirror is definitely thinner, but it is also a lot older. I never looked my age. I always looked much younger. Now I look my age and I don't like that much. It's a bit depressing. So I can relate to some degree. But I'm not going to let it change what I do or how I feel about myself. It's just disappointing. Swimsuits?? Ha! Even at my heaviest I also went swimming. I figured, if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to look. Hey I go to the beach and I see old men wearing thongs, and big guys in speedos, and lots of other large women wearing more revealing suits than what I wear. If they can do it, so can I. I refused to stop living just because I was fat. Now there were some things I simply couldn't do anymore because I was fat, but that's different. I loved going kyaking with my DH but had to stop coz I could no longer get in and out of the kayak. Sad but true. It was a fact, not a choice. Keep that chin up. Start a mantra and tell yourself over and over 100 times a day....."I'm worthy, beautiful, and confident." After a while, the self talk sinks in and you begin to beleive it. Self talk is a very powerful thing. You are what you think. the mind is the builder!!!

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Banding on 11/19/07 by Dr. Craig Chang in Victoria, Texas.
1st fill (Jan. 11, 2008) = 3 cc
2nd fill (March 14, 2008) = 1 cc
3rd fill (June 13, 2008) = 1 cc
COMPLETE UNFILL (August 6, 2008) due to gallbladder surgery and complications
4th fill (August 20, 2008) = 4 cc Yippee!!!
5th fill (September 17, 2008) = 1 cc

I think I was alot better about exepting myself when I was big and also I don't know how to take a compliment, I don't like it when at work the guys tell me "wow you look so pretty" or "wow you look so different" I just don't like the attention in a sexual way.

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Esmeralda
DOB: 01/07/05 Dr. Kuri
243.5/153/145
1st Fill 02/17/05 / 2nd Fill 04/16/05
3rd Fill 07/16/05 / Un-fill 09/03/05
4th Fill 06/03/06 / 5th Fill 10/28/06
6th Fill 02/13/07 / Un-fill 05/01/07
7th Fill 07/19/07 / 8th Fill 12/01/07
Total Fill: 2.3 cc

I went from 279 to 185 in 9 months and other than being tired all the time my self esteem is up for the first time in years. I wear a size 12 from a 24 so there is a heck of a big hype there I would think. No it has not been easy from the exercise to vomiting on occassion. I have 5 ccs in my 10 cc band I am no longer hungry and I feel the restriction all the time, this is good. I do eat but it is only a few bites but then that is how I was told it would be. Look into your mirror I am sure there is something there that you see that makes you proud and happy that you lost 50 pounds.

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Sharon

You look pretty cute to me! You don't look like you got 60lbs more to go either!

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Banded May 28, 2008
First fill 06/25/08 3cc in a 10cc band
2nd fill 06/30/08 1.5cc
3rd fill 07/17/08 ????
4th fill 07/31/08 .5 cc
5th fill 08/14/08 .25 cc
6th fill 09/09/08 .25 cc

Okay everyone listen up! We got the band to lose the weight so that we could feel better about ourselves and be healtheir. So let's do it. Look at old pictures versus what you look like now...that should cheer you up. You may not have met your goal but dammit the weight is coming off.

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:) Thenume







I'm in ONEderland!!!!

You look AWESOME and you should be SO proud of yourself! Listen to your hubby and others onthis board...you're perfect!!

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Nettie,
Forget the mirror, look at those beautiful pictures of you. You are a gorgeous woman!

I was always the fat one in my family and heard about it often, my only wish was to be loved for me, not to be left out of social engagements (like my sister's wedding) because I didn't fit into the style dress she wanted. It hurts. You can't let it get to you! You have to be comfortable in your skin, no matter the size. The are a unique and wonderful person. It has taken me many, many years to realize this but you can do it too.

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Surgery-2/15/08~First Fill 4/3/08 (2cc)~2nd fill 5/15/08 .5 cc~Third fill 6/5/08 .5 cc~Fourth fill 7/31/08 Cancelled.
Dr. Scott, DePaul Hospital, St. Louis, MO
Weight loss history (H 289/S 276/C 209/G 155)

Thread Starter  

Thanks for all the support!!! I guess I just need to tell myself each day that I am BEAUTIFUL. Maybe I will start to believe it. I do look back at the before photo's and think.... wow...that was me. I do look different but I still see myself as being fat....I know it's mostly in my head but with my DH's support and all the support I'm getting on here that will change eventually....I hope!
Thank you all for your comments!

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Nettie
Banded Oct. 5, 2007
Dr. Jaime Ponce / Gastric Band Institute-Dalton, GA

I feel confident down76lb since sep 2007 but not when undressed even in front of mum wont get undressed as my legs and tummy are so so wrinckled and my arms oh gosh, but got to save and save to get some plastic surgury done, keep buying clothes to make myself feel good -- all from op shops but still costing me a packet, but must say love my new wardrobe and how i look dressed. but undressed ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.