Traveling to Normal Size Land

Newsho has a sig line in her posts that intriques me every single time I read one of her posts.

I hope Newsho doesn't mind me borrowing it (thank you Newsho!!!:) )-it just get me everytime. I am a native New York city girl and I lived in the deep south, Florida vacation land and now New England. I love to travel and have been all over the US and to Europe. But I haven't traveled to I wonder how the "Normal Size Land" in a very long time. How will be to me? and for me? and to me?
I think about it and wonder "will I feel so different?" "aren't I the same person inside no matter the weight?" "am I so invisible even though I am so big?" "how wierd will it be?"

Any thoughts?



It is:

The last time I got down to a healthy weight, I freaked out. Actually, I freaked out for a number of different reasons, but the shopping experience was one of those reasons. Right now, I hate to shop. Besides the whole size issue, I never know what I should be wearing or what looks good on me. It's not a big deal though because I only buy my clothes at Lane Bryant, the one store guaranteed to have my size every single time. When I got down to a 12, I realized that the other 95% of the mall was now an option for me. I never really noticed how many clothing stores are in a shopping mall. I had too many choices and didn't know what to do. So even though I hate the clothes I'm wearing now, I'll probably be wearing them until they literally will not stay on my body.

this really intrigues me as a topic. i know there are a lot of people who feel like, 'of course i am the same person inside as when i was xxx lbs heavier!' i am not so sure that this is the truth. we can prob all agree that other people treat you differently when you lose weight. but i for one feel like a completely more confident person. was my lack of confidence caused by the world around me and did it suck? you bet! but i think the way i see myself is very different now. i actually got on top during sex. lol. i've been out several times in the last 3 weeks and haven't paid for my own drink once. i know these things seem a bit shallow, but i don't think i've changed in terms of being able to see other people for who they are. one of the guys that bought me a drink is in the process of losing 100 lbs and i want to see him again and i think he is sexy as hell and hope it goes somewhere. so i think i'd be sadder if i could no longer see other people for who they are and used the same discriminating eye as those other people did with me.

This journey has been freaky. When I left the US, everybody was noticing my weight loss, complimenting me, etc I was able to buy lots of clothes and enjoyed it all.

I have lost another 25 since then. I hope when I get back and look in a full length mirror, I am happy. Sometimes, I feel like a runt. I don't want to be tiny. Just normal size and healthy.

I also stayed home alot after surgery (May 2005). So there are many people who haven't seen me for 70+ pounds or 1/3 of my former body weight.

I feel more vulnerable physically at this size. I always figured if worse happened I'd probably squash an opponent. I know I looked more intimidating in old photos.

I will post after I return to US and let you know how it goes emotionally. Celeste

Sleepyjean -

One of the things I enjoyed about losing weight last time (9 years ago, using Phen-Fen) was that I could finally shop at the used clothing stores and find clothes that fit. Seems that getting down to a size 14 or 12 or 10 put me in the realm of "most people", so I could fit into their hand-me-downs. It was fun because I could try different styles without the stress of spending much money.

Otherwise, I was like you - overwhelmed by the number of clothing stores to chose from. I visited some of them, and could spend hours trying things on, getting a sense of what fit and what my body looked like - it was so new.

Julie

Hi niche - I also found that I was treated differently when I was at a "normal" size - at least, by strangers. For one thing, there wasn't the sense of standing out or being unusual in any way - it is always hard to know how much of that is my self-consciousness, and how much is people really thinking, "my, she's large!" I could blend in, almost felt "in disguise" (I wonder how long it takes for that to go away, how long it takes for the smaller size to become part of your identity?). And I was single then, and the world of dating was my oyster:-). Had a lot of fun with that. Enjoy! (and be careful!)

Hi Celeste -

You sound like a world traveller! How great!

I just wanted to respond to your sense of feeling like a runt - I can relate (from past experiences of losing weight), and wondered if you've thought of taking any self-defense classes, or weight-training classes, to increase your sense of yourself as strong and able as a non-overweight woman? I think the weight helps shield a lot of us from a sense of vulnerability, and it's a challenge to find a new way to feel protected without it. But it's possible. Have you ever noticed how strong women just exude a "don't mess with me" air, and nobody does? That ability to stand strong and defend oneself can come from inside, without the extra weight as a deterrent/shield. I've picked up some of that ability just in the course of getting older and tougher with age, not feeling that I have to be so "nice" in all circumstances.

It's a big topic, and an important one to address. The weight and overeating serves a lot of functions, and we've got to find alternatives in order to be comfortable without it - just need to make the journey as fun as possible:-).

Julie

I have actually lived all of those places, yet "Normal Sized Land" is someplace I haven't visited or lived in for a long, long, time.
For me Phen-Fen time was awesome (I'd probably take it tomorrow if it ever came back on the market again, how crazy is that :phanvan ) and those years were the last "normal" size times for me too.
If I get these next pounds off, then I'll be officially thinner than my Fen-Phen years.
That's a huge deal. :clap2:

• But the #1 thing I craved was Being able to shop & have more fashion choices. I desperately wanted to shop in hip trendy stores which have been out of reach to me because of my size.

I'm a Real Shopaholic so being able to go to regular stores, and different departments within stores, seems like a godsend. And eventually I'll be able to just stop going into Plus Sizes areas out of habit (found myself doing that yesterday, but that's one habit I'm gladly going to break) and remember to start in the regular sizes.

• The next thing was having increased opportunity to meet/attract men. I feel like, attractive or not - my weight absolutely meant I was working from a smaller pool of available men. Yes it would be great if men just liked me for myself and gave me a chance, but the brutal truth is that there are some men who wouldn't consider a larger-sized woman no matter how attractive she was.

Society trains men to seek out women who are of certain size range - and I was past that size range, honestly.
And shedding some weight has already meant I see a big change in how/how many men just approach me, watch me, observe me - and even hold doors open for me. This attention ranges from the downright polite (helping me with packages, taking lots of time to give me directions) to men outright flirting with me. :kiss2:
Just today I watched a man look at me, then stop to take a second look again. It's a good feeling, but not entirely familiar yet. But hey, I plan to make stopping traffic my normal daily activity, pretty soon! ;)

I am approaching 40 and have noticed that lately I often find myself getting very depressed over that and fantasizing about how wonderful life was when I was 18-20 years old. I then realized that that was the last time in my life that I was a "normal" sized person. Of course I am missing those years, I could shop anywhere, people noticed me, I wasn't embarrassed to eat in public (now I am because I think people look at me and think "she is so fat, she doesn't need to be eating). I think once I see a significant weight loss and change in how I look, I will stop fantasizing about being 18 again because as the weight comes off, I will be able to start doing a lot of the things I used to be able to do. I am already feeling better. And, I am definitely looking forward to shopping at someplace besides Lane Bryant and Avenue.

I've noticed others are really complementing me on my weightloss and it feels uncomfortable. I downplay it alot of the time and I don't know why. Interesting, I can now wear size 18 clothes comfortably but when I go out, I wear my plus size clothes and they are really baggy. I haven't been shopping yet, I still feel like I am on the outside looking in!

I still have a hard time with the weight loss thing. I look at my body and think I am still obese, I have a lot of extra skin and have lost weight porpotionately (sp) to what I was before. I don't take compliments well because I still don't believe I am thin at 177.

I have to say that I was so thrilled this weekend to walk in to a "normal" store and buy an XL dress shirt that fit as it should. "Normal" store to me is being able to walk in to any store and be able to find a majority of outfits in sizes 2 - 16...and not be relegated only to the "Women's" section. I cannot wait to be able to put on a pair of regular size jeans and they fit without looking horrible on my curvy body. I also cannot wait to be able to go to Neiman Marcus/Saks and buy anything off the rack!!! ;o)