Social Life down the drain???

jojo41 · 05-29-2006, 12:37 AM

Hi Guys

I have my surgery date booked for July 17th and one thing that is really bothering me is the impact the band will have on my social life.

We go out with a large group of friends on a weekly basis and most of our outings unfortunately revolve around food (dinner, shows, picnics, BBQ's etc) I have also chosen NOT to tell them about my upcoming surgery (couldn't stand the drama!)

I realise having the LAP-BAND® is going to vastly limit the amount of food I eat but did having the LAP-BAND® put a huge strain or even a stop to your social life?

Any tips on how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers Jo

divaliciousdee · 05-29-2006, 12:48 AM

I will tell you from experience I have slowed down with all of the eating out. I used to eat out with friends every Friday. I do not know what my band will allow from day to day. The first 6 months I could not eat rice(which I absolutely love) now that rice is not a big problem bread is now DEADLY

the first 6 months bread was a breeze. I have had an "episode' where I could not move or talk until whatever I ate went down or PB'd itself back up. Just use caution. Start with a soup as an appetizer when you get to the stage of regular foods. Not only will the warmth open you up a bit and relax your band, PB episodes will be lest likely considering you chew, chew, chew. Hope this helps.

Carlene · 05-29-2006, 12:53 AM

My experience has been that eating out causes more problems than eating at home. Once you achieve good restriction, there will be days when almost nothing goes down and you end up in the ladies' room three times during one meal. That may be difficult to explain.

Hippo's Hope · 05-29-2006, 12:57 AM

jojo41,
I can identify with your social life that often revolves around eating. I did avoid going out while I was in the liquid stage but you can only hold things off so long.

I have also chosen not to tell my friends about my surgery and I must say that the thing that has really surprised me the most is how little my friends even notice what or how much I am eating. So far, no one has even commented. I went to brunch last week and ate such a tiny bit of my meal that I wondered what my friends were thinking. Then afterwards, when I asked one of my friends to hold my "to go" box while I went to the restroom, she commented, "Oh, didn't you finish your breakfast?" I wanted to laugh because I still had enough left over to make at least two more meals for myself and I hadn't order that much in the first place!

Most of the time I have just ordered soup and that has worked out well.
I decided before my surgery that if friends made comments, I would just tell then that I was trying to cut down and lose some weight. If someone suggests a sandwich I just say I am watching carbs. And it's true!

Hope

PhotoNut · 05-29-2006, 12:58 AM

Food was always the center of any get-together with family or friends for me too. I was really worried about how it would effect the "fun times" but I've found that it's only affect has been good. I get a small plate of food, things I know I can have, and I just talk alot, put my plate down a lot, nibble a bit, and nobody notices what I'm eating.

I am very careful to avoid eating things that are known to cause bandsters problems when I'm in public. I never try anything "new" in public. If I haven't successfully eaten it at home, I won't risk the public embarassment.

I was on the pre-op diet over Christmas, so I didn't cook the big dinner like I usually do. But this year I will. Everyone in my family has focused on eating healthily so I'll just cook things I can eat too. No problem. :)

I was scared to death to go into a restaurant the first time. But now I do it quite often with friends and for local bandster get togethers. If anything, this has set me free to enjoy my time with family and friends rather than being so focused on the food. And I never walk away feeling miserable and embarassed because I've made a pig of myself again.

Barb · 05-29-2006, 12:59 AM

I still do the same things I always did, I just don't eat like I used to. Most people have no idea I am banded. I am just careful to order something that I am sure I can eat and stop when a get the signal. I spemnd more time visiting and less time eating and honestly, I don't think anybody has ever even noticed.

Hippo's Hope · 05-29-2006, 01:06 AM

I haven't had a fill yet, so I guess my limited experience isn't necessarily going to help you. I typed in my response (above) and then noticed what Carla and Dee Dee had to say. Sometimes I forget that I am pretty new at this and I appreciate the input from those of you who have a better handle on what this LAP-BAND® journey is really about. I will really have to change my ways if eating out ends up being a big problem.

jojo41 · 05-29-2006, 01:19 AM

Thanks guys...lots of great advice.

I don't know how I'm going to explain my way out of not eating the feast at my father's 70th birthday in August (3 weeks after my surgery) .......I'll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

Jachut · 05-29-2006, 01:27 AM

Not at all! I eat out a couple of times a month with friends. I dont eat a lot but I can eat everything. People have way better things to do than check out what is on your plate.

However I do choose to be less filled than a lot of bandsters. I chose this surgery to help me along the way to a healthier lifestyle, and to help me loose weight and more importantly keep it off. I didnt choose it to curtail my social life, make me unable to eat anything outside my home or vomit daily. So I have my band looser, I use common sense and yep, a bit of willpower in my day to day choices, but I have the option to eat out, to eat anything that I wish to. I lose weight more slowly than a lot of people have but that's the trade off and one I"m happy to make. This is a lifestyle, and I dont wish to have the kind of lifestyle a tight band entails.

And more and more I'm discovering that to lose weight with a LAP-BAND® I still have to do what I would have had to do before, but that its much much MUCH easier to keep the weight coming off and not to regain. I really dont think I could regain, I simply cant eat enough. But after the initial easy weight loss I've found I have to consciously retrict what I'm eating to lose. My band doesnt really do that for me, it just makes keeping portions small without raging hunger easy.

I also hate to take specific issue with anything anyone says but I dont call a good level of restriction one where you PB 3 times in one meal, that to me is WAY over-restricted. But that's a personal thing and you pretty much get to choose that.

MellyBelle · 05-29-2006, 02:08 AM

fantastic question! as a fellow potential wls patient, that was a HUGE concern of mine. Also, I find it pleasantly surprising that many of you have had the wls and NOT told your friends! I am VERY MUCH trying to figure out how to handle that! Thanks for your comments!!! I will make a new thread for a major social concern I have once I am potentially banded. stay tuned! this site is GREAT for q and a!

NewSho · 05-29-2006, 03:15 AM

Well, I generally eat most of my dinners out - and usually many of my lunches when I get them.
It was a learning curve as a newbie. Occasionally I would go out and try to eat more than my band would let me, and that was uncomfortable. Now if I don't stop myself before I'm anywhere near full (I usually do now) then I get hiccups and that's my signal that the meal is just about over. I no longer try to get past that signal (but I tried as a newbie Bandster, and the band almost always won!)

Whereas before I'd have at least part of appetizer, an entree, a couple of drinks (and sometimes a dessert, though not usually) - now I have an appetizer and a mixed drink or glass of wine (sometimes, maybe even part of a second glass). That usually does it. I often order my appetizer as an entree - no one makes a big deal of it. I don't inform casual acquaintances or new dates (if I remember what those are) of my surgery in most cases, and all they think is that I'm kind of a light eater or trying to watch my weight.
I was so concerned about my social life that my surgeon thought the band was a better choice than the RnY bypass for me. I was clear with him, about my lifestyle.

(Disclaimer: But as a single female - I sometimes feel that having lost more weight and having done it faster with a bypass, could have probably more positively affected my social life, but hey - hindsight is 20/20 and I've just resigned myself to slow baby steps to losing this weight.)

Basically, I did want to be able to eat a decent range of things (only less quantity of them) and to be able to have a social drink or so. My surgeon felt the LAP-BAND® better assured me of the possibilty to enjoy a full social life with eating/drinking opportunities.

So as someone who goes to restaurants daily, I've yet to absolutely not be able to find something to eat or have something made for me. It just hasn't been as big of a deal as I feared. I skip the bread basket and I do my almost all my drinking before my meal - other than that, I'm just eating a lot less. It's really not a big issue, overall.

Good Luck to you.
Happy Band (and Life) Journeys To All...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jojo41

Hi Guys

...one thing that is really bothering me is the impact the band will have on my social life.

We go out with a large group of friends on a weekly basis and most of our outings unfortunately revolve around food (dinner, shows, picnics, BBQ's etc) ...

I realise having the LAP-BAND® is going to vastly limit the amount of food I eat but did having the LAP-BAND® put a huge strain or even a stop to your social life?

Road Queen · 05-29-2006, 04:09 AM

Jojo,

I am celebrating my one year bandiversary and have loved almost every minute. The first few months, I did restrict my social life but still ate out at least twice a week. Last winter, I ate out most evenings. (I had put my dog to rest and couldn't stand to be home alone)

I have traveled extensively in the last year - I have spent at least a week in 5 countries - Monrovia, Liberia (Africa); France; Yucatan peninsula of Mexico; Lilongwe, Malawi (Africa), and Vienna, Austria. Right now, I live in Lilongwe.

Eating is a trial and error. I just returned from Vienna and was able to eat rice, sausages, bread, dessert,etc. I can't eat any of those in Lilongwe. I think God just gave me a weeks reprieve to eat. The difference with the band is that I only gained .5 pounds. (probably water weight).

Good luck on your journey. Eat out and enjoy. Celeste

vinesqueen · 05-30-2006, 02:15 AM

My husband and I have been banded for a while, and our socializing hasn't really slowed down because of banding. Sure life still surrounds food, but the way we interact with the food itself has changed.

All our friends know we've been banded, and they, as all good friends, are thrilled for us. While I haven't lost any weight to speak of, my health has really improved, and my husband has lost about 200 pounds so far.

I think the key is to relax and not stress about it.

vlb11752 · 05-30-2006, 06:03 AM

I've been banded since 3/14/06 and still eat out. True my family and close friends know, but I made a point in the begining when someone said "where can you find something to eat?" to tell them that this was my thing and I could find something anywhere. Like my son-in-law the vegatarian that married into the extreme carnivore family...don't make a big deal we will find something. It has worked very well. I order off the appetizer menu usually, or split something with someone, and use to go boxes.

The only thing I have to watch is to remember I'm banded and not eat and talk at the same time....take a bite...put the fork down...chew chew chew...wait a few seconds (I count 15 seconds after I swallow)...then do it again. Nobody notices...I'm still there...still in the conversation.

The only time I had trouble out is when the food came, I forgot I was banded, picked up a french fry, popped it in my mouth took a couple of chews and swallowed. As soon as I swallowed I knew I had made a big mistake. I excused myself, got rid of the offending french fry, went back to the table sipped water and got a to go box. Don't forget the band!!!

You have to make the choice to not let the band change the good parts of your social life...the spending time with good friends, and good conversation. It should change the bad things about your social life..the absent minded overeating...the miserable feeling after a meal!!! Work with the band and it will work for you.

**Jack** · 05-30-2006, 08:17 AM

We can celebrate our life without overeating. Choices at the table are abundant. Soups, pureed items, and those things which you know you can eat, are plentiful. Establishing new habits requires time and thought and practice.

What does have to change, is the over consumption most of us have practiced for decades. Most meals remain far too large for Bandsters to eat in a single setting. I eat out several times a week and most often bring stuff home.

A typical 'fish and chips' order yields 2 or 3 meals extra from the fish; I do not eat the chips part. Small salads are plenty. A single appetizer size order produces satiety in me.

My biggest 'down the drain' experience is to realize that Social Gatherings are not about ME or how much I can eat-nor is my meal the business of anyone really....

A mere 15 months ago I was 'out' for my first public restaurant meal....although apprehensive, it went well.

Adapt, improvise, overcome. New behavior, new habits, new body. Cheers and good luck, it doesn't take that much effort compared to what we've all done PreBand.