Negative People

FELICIA17 · 12-13-2006, 11:15 PM

Hello all... I've been lurking around this site for a while. I've finally decided that I want to have the band done.........However, I've mentioned it to a few people and the reactions I got blew me away. EVERYONE has something negative to say, like, why would you do that? you don't need it!, (I'm 100 lbs overweight), why don't you just diet and exercise!there are too many complications!, on and on and on........ but when I mention that the diabetes, high blood pressure and heaven knows what else,is waiting down the line for me will kill me sooner than the surgery will, they have nothing to say. I am not looking for a quick fix, I diet and exercise, but always end up gaining the weight back. I feel that this will help me lose the weight and KEEP it off!!! So i've decided when I do have the surgery I'm not going to tell anyone except my fiance. Did any of you experience friends and family reactions like this?

BabyGotBack · 12-13-2006, 11:27 PM

I mentioned it to my family, not as in I was going to do it, but as something my friend did. I think people are just ignorant on all the facts. It is the unknown, they just don't understand the pain of the weight gain/loss over and over and over.....

They don't realize how we live our lives and how obsessed we are with food, feeling uncomfortable, how we put our lives on hold to do this or do that, the next diet, the time wasted thinking about it.... My mom and husband are the only ones who know I am doing it, and a friend who actually had it done a year ago (and I was one of those ignorant people, who had doubts, but I kept it to myself and supported her no matter what) Now I know better and am scheduled to do it myself January 5.

My mom actually told me she thinks this is to radical of a thing to do and that I should just have a butt reduction!!!!! That doesn't change the fact that I over eat. I can eat more than my husband! Even if I do Atkins, vegan lifestyle, I still don't lose because my portions are to big.

In the end, only we know the pain we have suffered, the time wasted and how FREE we will feel to eat like a normal person, to actually stop when we are full, now because we physcially have to. Sometimes I think my mom wouldn't know how to deal with me thin, I think she thinks I will change. Maybe we are safe overweight for people. On the other hand, my husbnad is so happy he won't be forced to go on another diet with me. He says when ever I do another diet, he is forced to do it too! He has to also go through the emotional roller coaster ride I take every time I start something new or recycled, start to lose weight, start to gain it back....:(

Do it for yourself. You are the one who lives in your own skin.
I am doing this for me! Audree

shutuplena · 12-14-2006, 12:26 AM

I had friends and family members act the same way, most were very supportive. Some of them, especially in the beginning, couldn't understand the whole thing and didn't think I was overweight enough to have insurance cover it....I'm 5'2" and weighed 213. Well, weren't they surprised. I'm now 4 weeks post op and everyone now is so proud of me and excited for me. They see the difference already, not just in the weight I've lost but how my whole demeanor has changed. I don't feel so trapped in my own body anymore. Most of the people who give you negative comments are either ignorant to the facts of the surgery, have never had to suffer a day in their life the way we suffer, or they are just afraid for you and want to make sure you're doing what's best. In either case, you do what's right for you. All that matters is that you are happy with yourself and your decision. Good luck and stay patient with the ones that don't understand.

juliegeraci · 12-14-2006, 11:32 AM

Overall I would say my family and friends were very supportive. Be careful who you tell. Its 100% your decision on what you do with your body. I would just keep the communication to a bare minimum. Good luck.

Sunshine2 · 12-14-2006, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FELICIA17

So i've decided when I do have the surgery I'm not going to tell anyone except my fiance. Did any of you experience friends and family reactions like this?

I am in the EXACT same boat as you. Everyone was telling me "you don't need surgery, your not that big". "Just diet and exercise like you have done in the past, you always lose weight."

Yes, I have always lost weight, but guess what, I gain it back dumb butts. Thats why I am doing the surgery.

I started mentioning it to my friends & family about 6 months ago, and finally shut up about it. Now I'm scheduled for the surgery and my DH is the only one who knows and he is excited for me. I didn't even tell him for a long time, but finally did.

I've already told my work I need off work for a Hernia repair, (which I'm having a hernia repair at the same time). So no one knows I'm getting the band.

I totally understand and as far as I feel, I don't think its anyones business. When they ask me how I'm losing the weight, I'll let them know the truth - I'm eating less.

bkwalling · 12-14-2006, 12:30 PM

i have certain family and friends that are not so happy with the whole surgery thing but this is my body and I will do as I please
something I say to them is when you diet and excerise only 4% will keep the weight off forever with the lap-band® over 70% will
this was on my doctors wall
I thought that is a awesome response
considering what yo yo dieting does to your body

Kaydotrn · 12-14-2006, 12:33 PM

I am in this boat too.
When I started looking into the surgery, I mentioned it in passing to my mom. She has been surprisingly supportive. I am actually quite shocked at home positive she is being. My sister and DH are the same. But that is it. When I talk about it as a topic of discussion or it gets brought up about someone else, pretty much everyone is really negative. I find that it is the mostly overweight people in my life who say "we just have to make a lifestyle change and that is it-why do something so drastic??". The fact is, I have lost the same 50 or so pounds for the past 10 years. I just always gain it back. I doing great right now, losing weight on my own, but I know myself and I will gain it back in a few months if I don't do something more permanent. I don't understand the big hangup people have when you are trying to medically fix a condition you have. I cannot imagine someone with alcoholism or drug problems, faced with the possibilty of having surgery to fix it, and being shunned for taking the "easy-way-out". It just seems ridiculous. I still will have to watch what I eat and exercise, but I will have a tool to help me get through it.

Best wishes-you are not alone. Just remember that once you tell someone, you cannot take it back. The decision is yours.

sherilynn · 12-14-2006, 01:02 PM

Me too...in the same boat. Fortunately, I've had complete buy in from my parents and my Darling Boyfriend. The negativity is from my best friend. She thinks it's 'lazy' and I should just do WW again. Now that I have my date, she is not aware that I'm going through with it. If I don't tell her that I'm getting it done; it's totally lying to her. I was thinking of telling her I was going in for a D&C or something 'woman' issued. lol That would explain some time out of work to her as well. I don't want to lie, but if I tell her - I think she'll be mad, then upset, then she'll get nervous...as I'll be thinner than her (she too struggles with weight). I suppose I could tell her I'm doing it; and if she shys away from me, then she's not a real friend after all. But that saddens me, b/c I love her like a sister. Oh well....

rroswelltx · 12-14-2006, 03:12 PM

This was a battle I fought too. I told my mom and hubby and kids, but none of the rest of my family. I didn't tell anyone at work, but everyone in my church knew. Now I am 6 months out, and 85lbs lighter, I have just this week decided it's time. No one can say it's gonna fail, cause guess what it hasn't!!! It was getting too hard to remember who I had told and who I hadn't so now everyone knows. BUT, I make sure everyone knows that I have worked HARD for every single pound I have lost, and the band is what it is, only a TOOL! Follow your heart it won't steer ya wrong.

Sunshine2 · 12-14-2006, 03:18 PM

I'm totally impressed with your progress Regina - You Rock!

DerickM · 12-14-2006, 03:21 PM

My family has been supportive, only the freinds who have never been overweight are negtave.

rroswelltx · 12-14-2006, 04:29 PM

Thanks Sunshine2, you'll be in bandland soon!!!! What a great start to 2007!

FELICIA17 · 12-14-2006, 08:38 PM

Thanks you guys.. it's a relief to know that I'm not alone in this. You guys are the greatest supporters around............:)

FELICIA17 · 12-15-2006, 08:55 PM

DerickM you are so right... one of my best friends who is a size 4 on a bad day

.... is the one who said I'd be crazy to have this done. I said to my self well maybe she's afraid I'll loose weight,and become competition. I've seen some of the post where people have lost friends after they've lost weight... I think it's sad.............

Kaydotrn · 12-16-2006, 07:45 AM

I was thinking earlier that it is amazing to me that not ONE of my friends knows I am doing this. I have never been one to keep secrets-my mouth is too chatty for that, and I have not told a single one of my friends. There is a friend from school who had this done that I have confided in, but the rest of my girls don't know. Some of these girls havd been my friend since elementary and high school. I cannot believe of my 6 or so super close girlfriends, I don't feel that I can tell them or that they would be supportive. One friend, I know would never keep it to herself and as much as she loves me, would tell everyone she knows and a couple would be comletely against it-I know from prior conversations. I also have a friend that I know loved me being the bigger girl. It will be interesting to see where my friends are a year from now, or if they aren't my friends anymore. Interesting...

Has anyone who had the surgery found that friends drifted away sinceyou transformed yourself into a "healthier" model?