My concerns about telling people.

midwestchickie · 06-27-2008, 12:30 PM

So things are moving along, attended the seminar, filled out paperwork. I'm only telling my dh, and my mom. I have a sister, who I'm completely comfortable telling, but she is in contact with our father, who has not been in my life since I was 17. Long story short, I don't want him knowing things about me, and I think my sister would keep quiet, but she speaks to his extended family. I'm worried that it might slip and there is a very real chain of people that could leak this back to my town and then everyone would know. (In addition to my sperm donor/doner...sheesh, I can't spell today.)

My sister lives out of state, so it's possible for her not to know, but I do kind of feel bad...then again, I'm not comfortable with people knowing. That might change in the future, but not now. ???

Anyone else have this situation...?

My mom has swore not to tell, not even my step dad, b/c of his connections to my friends...and their parents....ugh! Makes me feel like it's a big shameful secret..but it's b/c I don't want people watching me and constantly talking about weight....I'm sick of it!

Booklady · 06-27-2008, 12:37 PM

I just posted a question about the same thing! I don't have a problem telling my family - its coworkers, church people and others. It's like not a shameful thing having the surgery, but I am afraid of the negative reactions and horror stories they want to share with me. They do not understand about this "overweight" life I lead. It is a drastic decision, but one I have thought about for months. I know it will be a challenge, but I am ready!!

MicheleK · 06-27-2008, 12:52 PM

I've told everyone I know that I'm waiting on approval for surgery. I do mean EVERYONE. So far, I've been lucky, I haven't received any negative responses. In fact, when I told the girl at my sleep study I was having it done she wanted more information so I sent her here!

I'm very proud of the fact that I'm making a change for the better in my life. I'm taking more control of myself then a lot of other people are willing to do (skinny and heavy).

Everyone is different, if you're not the type of person to share personal experience with others, then don't. But, please if you run into someone obese and they ask for advice, do tell them....you could reach out and possibly save someone's life. That's how I found out about lap band was from a lady at work that had it done.

I'll always be thankful she shared her story with me.

LundyLane · 06-27-2008, 12:53 PM

I tell everyone as well!

I figure if they see you losing weight and keeping it off then they are gonna talk anyhow because everyone knows that 99% of people who lose weight gain it right back with out some kind of help.

Don't want to be another Star Jones

that was a no brainer watching a fat all of your life woman go down to nothing and lie about it on national TV.

suzyt · 06-27-2008, 04:38 PM

I have told my family, many of my co-workers, neighbors and friends. Everyone has been very supportive. I attribute some of that to the fact that they have seen me struggle with my weight for many years. My Dad apparently had concerns at first but didn't mention them to me until he had resolved it and realised it was what was best for me.

I had surgery yesterday and the number of people who e-mailed and called with good wishes was astounding. I feel so blessed to have such a supportive group of people in my life.

I expected to have some negative reactions due to what I have read many times on LBT, but luckily for me it did not turn out that way.

ilse72 · 06-27-2008, 05:14 PM

I told my sons and a few friends I was considering Lap Band surgery. My husband already knew as I've been researching for months and we have been discussing it. My husband is very supportive. My youngest and my best friend felt I wasn't "that heavy" but they will support me. My oldest son and my other friends were extremely negative. Their response made me decide not to say anything once I have the surgery. My husband will know and I may tell my best friend but no one else outside of this board. I am and always have been an optimist so I just don't want to deal with the negativity.

Michee · 06-27-2008, 05:44 PM

I have only told 2 friends. I was banded last year. Everyone knows I am losing weight, they also see me eat small portions and they know I workout like crazy.

Once you have told people, you cant "untell" them. However if you tell no one you can always chose to tell them later.

Healthy Grandma · 06-27-2008, 07:42 PM

I tell people. I've had a few unpleasant experiences with some co-workers who try to be the food police, but basically everyone has been very supportive. Last night I was volunteering at a Clinic and one of the nurses asked me how the surgery went. Then she proceeded to tell me about her minister who starting losing weight pre-surgery and did so well that she skipped the surgery and lost 150 pounds. She was so admiring and proud of the minister. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive about this, but I felt like she was implying that I took the easy way and the minister did it the real way, the hard way, the way worthy of our admiration. Grrr....

Healthy Grandma

Chrisann · 06-27-2008, 08:05 PM

Oddly enough, I have told everyone. I started to show the weight loss, and people ask and I say it straight out. I don't care whether there are good remarks or negative remarks made, I did this for me and no one else.

TulipStar · 06-27-2008, 08:21 PM

There is another thread on here called "Keeping it a secret?", I believe that it's a poll. Anyway, there are hundreds of replies because many of us go through the same thing. At first I wanted to keep it a secret, but after I was banded I didn't really care anymore.

Brockbabe82 · 06-27-2008, 08:27 PM

I guess for me it's not so much keeping it a secret it's just that I don't want people to have any expectations. I have told some people, and haven't others. I just think when situations like this occur people tend to think your should be a certain way and if you don't conform then it's been a failure. ( I'm suggesting like people who think you should be losing 200 lbs in a year)etc. I know not everyone thinks in negative ways but this surgery is for me, not for my friends, family, coworkers, etc. and I believe it should stay that way.