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Originally Posted by seminole Have you been eating like it is your last meal? |
When I first started pursing the band, I had a bmi of 39. A low bmi plus my absolute determination to get banded = last supper syndrome. I ate and ate and ate, gaining about 25 pounds in a shockingly brief period of time. I finally came out of it in January and haven’t binged since. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of sick of food altogether and looking forward to the liquids phase. I haven't been making great food choices, but I'm not bingeing at all. Right now I'm working on making better choices because the choices I'm making now are 100% based on convenience (e.g. skipping lunch because it's a pain to pack it or to go out and wait in line somewhere, then going through the drive thru after work so I can eat in the car and be done by the time I get home so I can do other stuff.)
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Are you doing any exercise?
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I haven't been exercising at all. I was really having a problem with that because the rapid weight gain has put a LOT of stress on my body. (Back pain, leg pain, footpain, etc.) I am 31 but I feel 81. I can barely walk half a block. Plus, it's also a mind thing. I keep thinking of exercise in terms of what I <b>used to</b> be able to do. I used to be able to do 45 minutes of aerobics or walk 45 minutes and the thought of even trying that right now is overwhelming, so I don’t try. BUT! I had a revelation over the weekend. I bought a pair of pants to exercise in and on Saturday I put them on and put on my tennies and was able to walk much longer than usual. Yesterday I went on a ten minute walk around the block. It was hard, but I did it! I'm going to do my best to do that every day from now until May 1. I think that helps with the mental thing and with the waiting. Now I feel like I'm doing <i><b>something</i></b>, not just waiting around for my surgery date.
I'm doing a lot of work in that area. The great thing about Cedars-Sinai is they take the weight loss as a done deal. You ARE going to lose weight. So they focus on ways to live your life post band. I had to see a social worker as part of my eval. The social worker really wanted me to think about how I've handled weight loss in the past (very badly, hence the regain) and what obstacles I might face this time around.
I will have to overcome a lot of challenges in order to make this THE LAST TIME I am ever obese. I have a lot of issues. Unfortunately, I am one of those who is battling depression (I'm on meds for it) and I have very low self confidence and self esteem. I don't have any friends here and am completely isolated socially (all my own doing. I’m too fat to look at myself so I don’t want anyone else looking at me!) I'm used to being invisible. I LIKE being invisible. I also tend to be an obsessive all-or-nothing type of person, so whenever I slip in terms of food and exercise, I don't just fall off the wagon, I jump off and run the other way. These are all issues I've had for a long time and they're not going to change just because I'm losing weight. In fact, things are going to get a lot scarier for me. In the past I have not been able to handle all of the changes. So if I want to succeed, I have to do something about all of this. Planning for it in advance is a luxury that I fully intend to take advantage of.
The day after I met with the social worker, I went out and found a great therapist. I've been in therapy before and it was mostly me talking and crying with no real end in sight. My new therapist is very goal-oriented and we are focusing on the things that will ultimately be most difficult for me. It's only been a month, so I still have all of those issues, but I feel like I am making progress and I am confident that when the time comes to deal with these things, I will be able to handle it. If have to pay someone to hold my hand through this process, then dammit, I will do it!
So, in a way, it’s a good thing to have five weeks until my surgery. The waiting sucks, but it’s nice to be on the other end – waiting for a confirmed surgery date, rather than waiting for insurance approval! At least I know I'm definitely going to have it and I know when. These next weeks will give me time to ease into the changes gradually, which I have already started to do.
I won’t lie though, I wish it were sooner!
And sadly, I am looking forward to it as a week away from my job!
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