lie or something like it!

bobby_hamrick · 10-12-2004, 02:01 AM

You know I have posted many time here but I have found a local support group. But this my first source of info. This isnt about losing weight or the band. I just would like to have an opinion or a vent I guess. My daughter has left home yes she is 17 yrs old. Always on the honer roll and we are close. She says she can not stand my wife of 5 yrs. And I have issues too. I'm sayin that I have taken the back seat so many times for my kid and I know thats part of it but I have done the band and I have changed my life. I run like 5 miles at least 3 times a week and I'm good. I'm 35 feel great but my wife is like there is no reason to have relationship with y kid. Sorry that dont work for me. I feel good as I have had numerous offers from women since. I have found that body I was looking for. My wife says its all because of the band. No the band didnt build this body. I have taken control of this body and this is a tool. So I have come to the conclusion that she has to go/ and I hate that but my kid and me are close and she says you dony see what she does to you she is holding you back. I am a hard gainer meaning I've worked for what I have. I make a great salary yeah me and I did education later. So I wonder why my kid is cornering me with this. More or less I'm very lonely and thinking of excepting a job out of state just to leave it alll/ 60000 a year plus a moving and salary bonus why not huh ? Just venting Bye

New Hope · 10-12-2004, 05:05 AM

Bobby, who's cornering you? Who's holding you back? Both of them? I'm so sorry that you're wanting to bolt away. It has to be very tough to be pulled by your daughter one way and another directon by your wife. Yes, you have to maintain a relationship with your daughter - always! Where has she gone to? Is she in a safe place and is she continuing her schooling?

The band is the tool that helps us regain our health. But it still takes a LOT of work on our part to lose that weight and keep it off. People don't realize that this is "not an easy fix."

Congratulations on your amazing weight loss! I hope that you can repair your emotional life. Do you think Family Counselling would help you, your wife, and your daughter? Please really think about those "offers from other women". That will surely just compound your problems. Best of luck to you!:)

donali · 10-12-2004, 11:27 AM

Bobby -

So so sorry you are having to go through this. I know how tempting a radical change can be when faced with a lot of adversity.

I agree with Marie - you have to be able to maintain your relationship with your daughter. I wonder if there was some sort of event that triggered her advice about your wife? Perhaps there is a little more that your daughter isn't saying?

If this is the only issue between you and your wife, perhaps you two can get to the bottom of it and work it out. If you were already feeling unhappy about things that cannot be changed, perhaps moving on is a good idea.

Good relationships are hard to come by, and the grass is NOT always greener, so I always hope that people try to work things out with the ones they love before deciding to move on, but sometimes moving on is the only right choice.

Wishing you all the best, and hoping you are able to come to a decision that brings you peace.

live2canoe · 10-12-2004, 01:59 PM

Bobby -

Your kids come first. If your wife is trying to make this some sort of tug of war between her and your daughter, you've got to tell her that there is no contest - your daughter wins, hands down, every time.

Just my 2 cents

Tell your daughter you love her and wish she would come back.

claraluz · 10-12-2004, 02:13 PM

The part I don't get is why your wife can't see that you need to maintain a relationship with your daughter. Even if your wife and daughter have conflicts with each other, your wife should certainly understand that you will always be there for your daughter. I would try to talk to your wife about this and if you can't resolve it between yourselves, maybe get some marriage counseling. This is a very important issue and it needs to be resolved if you and your wife are going to continue to be married.

I hope things work out for the best for you.

Nancy

10-12-2004, 06:39 PM

Bobby...

Many years ago, I was in the same situation, however, I was the child that my father forced to abandon (aged 17 as well) when his 2nd wife wouldn't agree to marry him until I was out of the house....

I know, from that experience, that I missed 7 years of my relationship with my father, and only on his deathbed in 2000 did he and I really attempt to communicate....He barely knew my eldest daughters, aside from information he recieved from his parents who I stayed in touch with until their deaths in 97 and 99....

My advice, even though advice is a tough word, is to ditch the wife, and keep that special bond you have with your daughter...There will be times when she, and any children she has, willbe more special than a relationship with someone who obviously just doesn't understand that relationship, nor the band itself...

I would go so far as she (your wife) resents the band, because of the impact it has made on your life and your health, and is possibly "inflaming" the situation with your daughter...

Just my few cents worth :-)

DeLarla · 10-12-2004, 06:50 PM

One of my biggest concerns before getting banded was the possiblity that it would change my marriage. I went to a LAP-BAND^® seminar, and the doctors discussed in detail that while some marriages improve when one person loses a lot of weight, many, many marriages end in divorce. You have to ask yourself if this problem is related to your new body. Is your wife jealous? Perhaps you're getting too much attention from women other than your daughter that's making her lash out?

I agree that chosing wife over daughter is not an option. That's what my father did to me. He's on Wife #4 now, and we still don't have a relationship. I hate him for it.

It's nice having a place to vent.

bobby_hamrick · 10-12-2004, 07:48 PM

I was a little more than tipsy when i posted this . Amy my daughter is with my brother and is still very safe and we see and talk to each other every day. She is finishing high school and plans to be a pediatrician. Lets hope.
We have always been close because I was mom and dad mostly. I got her at 1 year old and have had her ever since. Her real mom doesnt keep in touch.
I hate it and I will try to get around it but it looks as though my wife feels this was a solution to the problem, Amy leaving. If thats the case I'll be looking for an apartment I guess. I dont run away from problems so I be here for my kid instead of taking another job...I'll let you all know how this turns out and thanks again for the emotional support..

hagerteresa · 10-12-2004, 08:15 PM

Hi Bobby,

I sure hope it all works out. My dad left when I was 7 ish and has been remarried many many times. Some of the wives I have liked and others I didn't. My mom on the other had always took the greatest care of us and married a wonderful man. He has been my step-father for almost 18 years now and I adore him. I love my dad but it seems that relationships with women are more important than those with his children. We still talk weekly and he'll always be my dad but his frequent marriages have caused a long source of conflict in my life. I understand parents should be happy too and have a good kind loving spouse but the kid comes with you and your wife should love her as well. I was a monster during my teenage years so I do no they are not always cute and lovable but she should be accepted under your roof none-the-less. Best wishes to you, Teresa

Neicy · 10-12-2004, 10:37 PM

Dear Bobby, I think if your wife really knows who you are, then she wouldn't expect you to just let your beloved daughter go. Your daughter is nearly grown, but this is a critical time of her life, a time when she needs your love and involvement, especially since she is estranged from her mother. Tough decision for you, but you seem know what it's going to take here. I wish you the best, and I admire your love and sacrifice for your daughter. I hope that it works out well for you.

whippledaddy · 10-13-2004, 10:36 AM

Bobby, all I can say is, you know what you need to do. Whichever course you take, take it 'cause it's the right path for all concerned.

You'll do the right thing, it'll be allright in the end, if it ain't all right, it ain't the end.

Stay strong, and you've got a lot of folks rooting for ya.

Marimaru · 10-13-2004, 11:23 AM

Bobby,

I of course don't know much about your wife, but I'm guessing that since your daughter is almost grown, your wife really isn't planning on having any children. If that's the case, I kind of think that people who never plan on having kids maybe don't realize that parenting is supposed to be forever. I mean, there's a number of things that stop at the magical 18 or whatever, but there's plenty of things that continue from there. I'm saying this from the view of the 'child', as I'm not yet a parent. But I'm 22 and my mom is still a huge part of my life, and I'm hoping to keep it that way for a long time.

I wish you luck with all of this :)