Have disappointed your fans?

Morsaille · 05-25-2006, 07:47 PM

I have been trying to stay happy knowing that I have not gained. Knowing that unbanded I could be significantly heavier and that I would still weigh 312! I cherish my tiny NSVs and work hard, knowing that I am learning skills that will help me to succeed. I understand that it can take 4-6 months to get restriction. My next fill is this Tuesday (yay).

A friend of mine is really bugging me. She can't understand why I haven't lost more weight. She sounds so disappointed that you'd think someone befouled her birthday cake. I kind of want to scream "What about me!!"

I don't think anyone else should have permission to be publicly disappointed with my weight loss until I say so. That time is not here yet. She is normal weight and always has been. Last time we got together was over a month ago. At that time she said that she couldn't notice that I had lost twenty-five pounds. Ouch. Not sure where to go with this one.

I am starting to feel like a broken toy. One that was supposed to fly, but just flops over and twitches when you wind it. A big disappointment.

Anyone else been here? Did you pelt your friend and/or family member with something foul and sticky? That's what I wanna do...

ralheit · 05-25-2006, 07:58 PM

I'm sorry you have someone doing this to you. I haven't had the problem, I get great support from my friends and family. But when you have as much to lose as most of us do, it does take some time before it begins to show. What she thinks doesn't matter, only that you believe in yourself and what you are doing. I haven't lost as much or as quickly as many on here, and sometimes it gets to me. But like you said, at least the gaining has stopped and I know that I have lost some and will lose more. I kick started my loss by increasing my water intake. For awhile there, I thought I was going to be a failure. But the extra water has really helped. In time, she'll be jealous of how fabulous you look. Hang in there.

giveyouthemoon · 05-25-2006, 08:03 PM

Um....I think your friend is a jealous little wench. I think her own self esteem issues are manifesting themselves on to you. I think she's got some deep seated sh-t going on in her head.

I suggest if she does this to you say to her "you know, you are my friend and this is a hard road I'm going down. I could use a little support. Lie to me if you have to but just be my friend."

Just my .02

True friends show themselves in times of adversity. This one needs to spend a little "time out" to think about that.......

Morsaille · 05-25-2006, 08:05 PM

Thanks! I have been working on my water too. Haven't seen a weight change, but my skin is better...

Morsaille · 05-25-2006, 08:08 PM

Thank You Karen, sweet to say. I know I could use a 'time out'.

**Kat817** · 05-25-2006, 08:09 PM

I totally agree with Karen. I think it is jealousy too. If you have always been the heavy friend, and she the thin one, she might not want to share the attention she is afraid you will now be getting. Seek out other friends who ARE supportive, and when she asks why tell her what Karen said! Meanwhile, be strong, and work hard, it will all pay off for us in the end!

Kat

Angie C · 05-25-2006, 08:16 PM

I had lost around 80lbs when several people finally noticed "Are you losing weight?" What??? Ya around 80lbs. How sad is that!

3-15-04
-114 lbs goal

Morsaille · 05-25-2006, 08:20 PM

I'm sorry Angie, not sure how I would answer that one, maybe, "Nope, but maybe I do like this sweater after all, thanks"
Karen, you are too sweet. I am sure it will pay off! For all of us.

danaclark2 · 05-25-2006, 09:15 PM

I know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I had not told anyone about the band, so they wouldn't watch me on this journey.

But--I thought if I told them I'd be motivated even more to lose the weight BECAUSE they'd be watching...

Some people have commented on my 20+lb weight loss but not many. It'll probably take about 20 or more so pounds for me to look very different.

Don't worry about your friend--know you are doing this for yourself--no one else. In time, all will be able to see the new you!!!

jojo41 · 05-25-2006, 09:30 PM

I would try and avoid this person for a while.
Who needs that kind of pressure?
It's hard enough to lose weight without being judged and critisized by so called "friends".
I think 29lbs is a very significant weight loss.....just think 4 more pounds and you'll have under 100lbs to go!
Keep your chin up!

eric · 05-25-2006, 09:32 PM

not sure how good a friend this is, but if it isn't jealousy, could it be simple ignorance?

maybe she just doesn't understand enough about the band to have reasonable expectations. if she is important to you, and you wish to maintain a relationship, then teach her about banding. it is not a magic one-way ticket to skinnydom. it is simply a tool. i think we all have expectations post banding. maybe she just needs education and knowledge to better understand what is to be expected. paul wrote a nice proclamation explaining what these expectations might be. would you be willing to share that with her?
then again, maybe she is just a jealous b****. but, for a true friend, a little discussion always helps.

Morsaille · 05-25-2006, 09:45 PM

Thanks guys, she's been a good friend to me since I had my daughter. She has kids too and having kids changes you. All my single friends just drifted away when drinking and dancing every weekend wasn't an option anymore.
She knows very little about the band, mostly because she isn't very interested. I told her all about it when I was planning surgery, she changed the subject so we could talk about her stuff.
I am thinking I would probably do better to drift away from her. I am glad to have you all to listen to and support me. Thanks for being there.

wavydaby · 05-25-2006, 09:53 PM

I have another spin on this.. is she over weight also?
I watched a couple of friends of mine with the LAP-BAND^®. Granted, I never asked rudely why they did or didnt lose x amount of weight.
But if one moved quickly and one moved slowly, I asked.
Are you her undercover guinea pig? Is she looking for hope for losing weight by watching you?
Watch someone who has this surgery and trying to decide if its right for you is hard.
Sometimes you ask stupid questions, or good questions, stupidly.

DonnaB · 05-25-2006, 09:59 PM

I say pelt her with something foul and sticky! LOL

Not really, it wouldn't help the situation between the two of you. This is exactly why I didn't tell anyone. I just don't need the added stress of someone watching me like a hawk.

Since she already knows you've had WLS, sit down with her and tell her that her comments are hurtful and are adding pressure to an already difficult, stressful, life-changing, struggle you've chosen to take on. Has she always been this outspoken about your weight? You might just ask her to refrain from making negative comments or even from making any comments if that would be a more realistic dynamic between the two of you.

Friendship is a balancing act which needs constant adjustment on the part of each friend. Your friend may not even realize that you need her support right now - maybe she hasn't realized what a life-changing event you've been through, and just like every life-changing event, your perspective has changed and will continue to change. Hopefully she's a good enough friend to adjust to the changes and make adjustments to keep the friendship going.

Good luck and thanks for starting this thread - it's something that a lot of people may not have thought about.

jojo41 · 05-25-2006, 10:00 PM

To be honest your "friend" sounds a little rude and selfish......to change the subject of your surgery to talk about herself..rude, rude, rude and selfish!!!