Emotional Wreck !!!!!

**coltonwade** · 09-17-2006, 12:15 AM

Ok Im an emotional wreck right now and I have NO Idea why . I thought if i came here ya'll might be able to relate. The ONLY Thing I can relate it to is my LAP-BAND® surgery or should i say the LACK of LAP-BAND® surgery. I had my hopes up that my parents were going to cosign a loan for me to allow me to do the surgery sooner rather than later.
Well, that's pretty much not an option now. Why ? My parents are NOT really being supportive of this . Frankly NO ONE IS . I have 2 good friends who are totally supportive of me getting my surgery . But as far as family not so much . Hubby is coming around but it wasnt until I had a "nervous breakdown" and screamed at him yesterday did he get my point.
I just feel anxious and upset quite a bit now . Granted I quit smoking 3 weeks ago , Im using patchs and im already on Welbutrin for my migraines. But the only thing i can equate my emtoinal status to right now is my frustration of having to wait around a yr now to get my surgery . I guess i got my hopes up TOO high for the loan and Just crashed emotinally when that wasnt an option anymore . I just feel at this point that NO One understands how important this is to me and no one is supportive of this . I also feel that I have done and do so much to care for everyone else that the ONE TIME I ask for some help to to do something for myself I get nothing in return not even support.
Im sorry im rambeling but , I guess what im wondering is , does anyone or did anyone feel like this leading up to getting things in order for their surgery ? Is the emotional roller coaster "Normal" ! Im starting to think maybe I need to go see someone lol
Thanks for listening . :help::think
Mindy

gonnabethin · 09-17-2006, 12:26 AM

Its normal. My mother was TOTALLY unsupportive! To the point of I did not tell her I was having it done. That right was forfeited by being unsupportive.

I was frantic, desperate, and consumed with finding a way to get a band!!
My every waking hour was pining for the band- so I understand COMPLTELEY!!

Is it an exclusion on your insurance?
The process is complex and not quick so, as hard as it is try to take a deep breath and hang in there!!

If you have to cash pay- cosider it like a car payment. Hopefully they wont use control to prevent you from attaining health. I would present it that way- calmly. You may not support my decision, but this is a necessary step to attain long term health

**coltonwade** · 09-17-2006, 12:37 AM

Thanks Gonnabethin for your quick response. I needed to hear quickly that im "normal" right now. I am all consumed by it right now. I am obssed with it.
I actually feel I had a pretty good plan set up for my parents as far as the cosigning went. I started cleaning houses for "extra"money for the surgery . We own our own company ( just started up) so we do not have insurance right now and even if we did the kind we could get wouldnt cover it , ive checked. So i started the house cleaning so it wouldnt take money from the house hold savings or expenses, im making $1000 a month doing that.
I give my parents the money every week so im not tempted to spend it. I told them, that money would be used for the loan payment , one months cleaning would be at least a month and halfs loan payment. So most likely it would be paid off quicker than the loan time frame anyway .
I told my parents that im getting the surgery weather they cosign a loan or not . Just by them not helping me its going to take me longer. Because they think I havent done everything THEY Think i could have done to loose the weight they dont really agree with the surgery or they are scared or "Surgery" itself. So Im just dont talking to them about it and being disspointed . At this point I just stopped talking to them about it . Ive become very defensive and franklly nasty to anyone that doesnt agree with it or chooses to put their 2 cents in , I tell them " I really dont care what you think , you dont know anything about it if you did you wouldnt say the things you did about it so until you educate yourself just SHUT UP about it "
Im just so sick of being the one people turn to to "Fix" their damn problems but when i need something they run for the damn hills . Its my personality to be the helper , but maybe I just need to stop . It takes me literally LOOSING It to my husband to get his damn attention , when i was done with him he looked like a kid that had been to the principals office with his parents ! .
At least I know im not the only one that feels like this . WHEN Does it go away ? What do I do to NOT Feel this way ?
Mindy

gonnabethin · 09-17-2006, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coltonwade

At least I know im not the only one that feels like this . WHEN Does it go away ? What do I do to NOT Feel this way ?
Mindy

At $1000 per month you wouldnt need much of a loan- It would be totally paid for in 14-15mos.

As for the anxiety, mine went away when I knew this was the best decision for me & i had the date scheduled! Once you get scheduled or the loan in hand you will ge giddy!!

AS for them coaching you- ask them to stop since it is only adding to the anxiety. Speaking of- interview the surgeon and start getting all of that out of the way. Go to free seminar, see if you have to do counseling, pre-op testing and get those things rolling.

Good Luck and try to relax, anything you have such determination for will happen. Your parents may not realize you have been considering it for 1.5 yrs

Print the thread why did you decide on the band- it has some great info on why people got it. Any other positives- print off for them. Hide the address so they dont sabotage on you!!

**coltonwade** · 09-17-2006, 12:56 AM

My anxiety I think is that I KNOW its what I want, I know what sugeon I want to use , I have been to the seminars, I have made several really good friends who have had it done . I just need the darn money .
So I guess im just ANXIOUS to get the money so i can get it.
Im almost afraid to see the surgeon now , and to do the pre op stuff now if its going to be at least a yr before i get it done . The surgeon I want to use is $12,000 which includes all the pre Op testing. He said once I get the loan/cash to come in I can have my pre op testing done and surgery scheduled in about 8-10 days.
So dont ya think going in and doing everything before hand would make me feel worse ? LOL I just need money . So we'll see how it goes. I just need patience. Something I am not good at. Ive smoked for 15 yrs and If quitting smoking doesnt show everyone how determined I am to have this surgery Frankly I dont know what will .
Mindy

gonnabethin · 09-17-2006, 01:02 AM

wow! thats a great price!! Im sure the stopping smoking hasnt helped the anxiety!! You're doing great!

**coltonwade** · 09-17-2006, 01:14 AM

Thank you , Its been rough quitting smoking. I am sure that has not helped much either. My husband looked at me yesterday like he was waiting for my head to spin around . LOL I see you have been recently banded and your doing very well also . That's awesome .

***Susan*** · 09-17-2006, 10:03 AM

Hi Mindy,

I am sorry about the struggles you are having. Question, when you have talked to your parents (and husband) about the surgery, have you provided them with as much information as possible? Many people have heard so much about the negative effects of gastric bypass, that they often confuse the band with it. Try getting all of them to attend a seminar with you, let them talk to your surgeon, give them inamed's website so they too can research and learn all there is to learn about the band. Knowledge is a powerful tool. Give them that knowledge and then they might be less apprehensive and more willing to support you.

Of course, you may have already done that, but if not, just a suggestion.

Lila · 09-17-2006, 10:24 AM

Mindy In Texas
I am sorry to hear of your struggles.

Keep your chin up and keep fighting the fight!!

Devana · 09-17-2006, 10:54 AM

Hi Mindy. I understand your desire to get the band ASAP. As soon as I made my decision I couldn't get it fast enough.
Now I know you have chosen your surgeon, but here is an idea, and please forgive me if you have already thought of this. Have you considered going to Mexico? As you probably have read, there are quite a few surgeons that are highly regarded. Some of them offer partial financing, I think maybe without cosigners. It's usually 60% of the procedure that they want up front. That's still a chunk of money to come up with but with their lower prices you may be able to do that sooner than saving for the whole deal in the US.
I also agree with Susan's post about some people confusing banding with bypass.
Good luck with all this. I think sometimes our obstacles can be ways for something better to come along. You know, the door closes and a window opens kind of thing? I hope so in your case.

katt · 09-17-2006, 12:00 PM

Mindy, I absolutely understand your frustration. And I am so sorry this is happening to you. But at $1000 per month you could probably save enough in 6 months to give the dr. a great percentage of it and go ahead. There are always options when we look. Sometimes it just takes a little longer than we want. It just serves to remind me that I am not really running this show. Katt

DonnaB · 09-17-2006, 12:49 PM

At $12,000 for the surgery and all pre-op tests, I think you should have your surgery with the doctor you've already chosen. I'm saying this as someone who had surgery in Mexico. Don't get me wrong, I love my surgeon and would recommend him to anyone, but $12,000 and the convenience of having your surgeon nearby is absolutely THE WAY TO GO. Besides, if you're having resistence from your family about the surgery, try telling them you're having it in Mexico! Our preconceived notion of Mexico and how things are done there come rushing to the forefront when you talk about healthcare there.

I'm a little confused about the money you're having your parents hold for you. First of all, by having them hold your money so you won't spend it, shows that you're out of control and, in fact, have entirely given up control to them. You are an adult, and you have to start acting like one. If they don't want you to have the surgery, what's going to happen when it's time to get the surgery money from them. Just because it's your money doesn't mean you won't have a hard time getting back from them.

Have you looked into a bank loan by yourself? You might be surprised by the result. There are companies than do exclusively medical loans. Another option might be a low or no-interest credit card. I get offers in the mail almost every day - most of them pre-approved.

I understand your frustration about your situation - I had surgery in Mexico because I couldn't wait around and jump through the insurance hoops for a year.

Best wishes on your journey - no matter how long it takes.

Nathalie · 09-17-2006, 12:56 PM

Hi Mindy!

Know that I'm sending you big hugs! Your emotions are normal - because they are YOUR emotions. Feel what you need to feel and accept it. That's how I'm dealing with mine at this point.

I know your frustration. My parents are totally unsupportive, and for that reason I have chosen not to tell them, especially my mother. All I'd hear was negativity and derision, so I am choosing to avoid the frustration and keep my plans to myself.

I would recommend that you at least get your blood checked. One thing that has stalled my progress was my iron level. I had completed everything, thought I was in perfect health and ready to be banded in September until my bloodwork came back with low iron. I have to take iron pills 2x per day, plus vitamin C. I'm also taking a multivitamin at this point. Two months (end of October) I go back to have my blood tested again, and then they'll assess how I'm doing, then get me a surgery date if my blood is thicker/stronger. I cried for 4 days when I heard that.

I've also taken time to get my head around surgery since then. The doctor told me to lose 15 pounds prior to surgery to shrink my liver. I've already lost over 20. (But every day is a struggle!) I'm trying to think and eat like I'm banded.

I figure I can't control other people, but I can control me and how I react to the jack@sses in the world. I'm doing things for myself to put me in a better place - exercising, drinking tons of water and not eating sugar.

Keep your chin up, do what you can do to help yourself meet your goal, and stay positive!

Nathalie

andreerichards1 · 09-17-2006, 01:02 PM

Don't feel bad i ask my mom if i could borrow the money so i could get the surgery sooner too and all she could do was to put me down so i haven't talk to her in 3 weeks, she was going on how if you just try to lose wait then it would be better so i guess she as not seen me getting up everyday since 2000 going to the gym everyday sometimes twice a day and then walking 4K a day and then my dad must be over 400lb and it too everything of me not to say i don't want to be like him so i just walk out. so im going to do it all with my husband were going to save the money and i will be able to get it sometimes next year. cant wait.
Andree

**coltonwade** · 09-17-2006, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susan4794

Hi Mindy,

I am sorry about the struggles you are having. Question, when you have talked to your parents (and husband) about the surgery, have you provided them with as much information as possible?
Of course, you may have already done that, but if not, just a suggestion.

I have given my parents info from my surgeon about 2 months ago . I have also given them some really good informative threads on PCOS from this board. My dad thinks that i have self diagnosed myself with PCOS and that it doesnt affect my wt loss at all. I also gave them some other really good threads to read from here. Also some other info . As of today neither of them have taken the time to bother to read them . Maybe at some point they will but I guess its not on the top of their priority list.
It does remind me to take hubby to a seminar though . After Friday im pretty sure he'll listen to just about anything i have to say lol
Thanks Susan
Mindy

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