Disappointed in co-worker; sorry I told people

nymoosic · 03-14-2008, 07:13 PM

Well, three months after my surgery I've found out the reason why I didn't receive a present from our "Sunshine Club" at work. The people who head it up say I had elective surgery and that doesn't warrant a present. One of them is a dear friend (or so I thought) of mine and didn't stick up for me. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the $25 present. It's the principle of the thing. I know I shouldn't be bothered by this, but I've spent the last half hour in tears. How do you let people know who haven't walked in your shoes what it is like to have this surgery? How can you possibly let them know what it's like to carry around 150 extra pounds every day and be pre-diabetic and borderline hypertensive? I had surgery to save my life and my quality of living. Normally I don't give a crap about what people think of me, but this is bothering me terribly. Please make me feel better. Hubby is having a hard time soothing me.

Ellisa · 03-14-2008, 07:24 PM

Maybe when it hurts less, like when you've lost a significant amount of weight and you are too elated to care... you could explain to them that you did not have an elective surgery. You had a surgery recommended by your physician to improve your health, for example gall bladder surgery is usually not an emergency, and people can sometimes "elect" to have it now or later. So you could have this now, or open heart later.

Like you said, it's not the $25, it's that they didn't understand that your surgery was just as necessary as someone else's.

I'm sorry they treated you like that. Hopefully they will get it. If they don't, I hope they have other redeeming qualities.

Catalystmb · 03-14-2008, 08:12 PM

Screw em!

Here ya go, a little sunshine for ya'!

K@t · 03-14-2008, 08:36 PM

I think that is really petty and childish, to think adults would exclude any one from something called the Sunshine Club. I am assuming this was a weight loss club at work? Some one should tell those ladies they should have left all the drama back in High School and grow up. And a friend who doesn't support you and stick up for you in tough times isn't a very good friend any way. Consider yourself lucky you finally found out and you can move on. I use to head up several gift exchanges here on the board, maybe it's time for a new one.

jbflorida · 03-14-2008, 09:16 PM

So sorry your feelings were hurt. And no, they don't understand. Unless they have walked in our shoes (size 8W), they won't get it. And when I am told, "I don't understand," I reply that I am glad for them that they didn't experience the pain and shame and countless efforts and strong desire to be healthy. I tell them that I hope they never have to experience it, but if they love me, they'll put their feelings and judgments aside, and support me...just because it's me.

And then I think, screw 'em.

nymoosic · 03-15-2008, 07:22 AM

You guys are great. You've put a smile back on my face. Thank you!

babedoe4 · 03-15-2008, 07:34 AM

Nice, Nice co-worker!!!

Stand your ground. In the long run after a year or so when you lose your 100lbs, I am sure you will look back and see how caddy and ridiculous they were and they will still be dieting. Remember, no one can make you feel a certain way, only you allow yourself to feel a certain way in response to them.HUGS AND HUGS for them affecting you like that. I'm so sorry. You have all of us out here.

make33 · 03-15-2008, 09:35 AM

Surgery is surgery, elective or not! So now they are going to make RULES as to who gets a gift and who doesn't?? I might be able to understand if it was breast implants you were getting or lasik surgery, but as you so aptly said, this surgery is to save your life!

There are so many people who don't understand WLS, who think it's just a cheaters way out. As jbflorida said, they will never understand either until they've walked in our shoes. That's why this forum is so important--it really has been a sounding board to bring us all together, because we understand what it is we have faced and are going to face.

Forgive them, because they do not understand... Here's our bouquet for you...!

musicalmomma · 03-15-2008, 10:16 AM

I know how ya feel...or at least my DH knows. He didn't even tell anyone what kind of surgery he was having...only that he was having surgery. They didn't even send a card! But EVERYONE else who's ever gone in the hospital gets a nice plant and card from the department. Needless to say, he no longer donates when they come collecting and makes sure they know why :)

I'm sure they now suspect we both had WLS since he's lost 130 pounds and I've lost 70...but he still won't tell them.

Hang in there...it's really hurtful...there's no way around feeling hurt, but for your own sake...try to let it go...forgiveness isn't "letting the other person off the hook"...it's "giving yourself peace".

Congratz on a successful surgery and best wishes for many pounds falling off! :)

suecasb · 03-15-2008, 10:44 AM

I know how you feel..My co-workers have been great but my boss just complained about having to cover my shift while I'm off. She didn't even say good luck, hope everything goes well, call if you need anything...nothing. I am darn sure that I won't be getting flowers or a card from the company. You're right, they do think that because it's an elective surgery it's the same as a boob job, you don't really need it, you just want it to look better! Whew!!! I didn't know how p...ed off I was about this until I read your post.

What would we do without the support of this board?

MacMadame · 03-15-2008, 12:30 PM

When I had my gallbladder out, they called it an elective surgery and so I couldn't get in until about 6 weeks after the initial diagnosis. Gallbladder surgery is NOT a cosmetic procedure!

I say, even if you are getting a boob job, you are still going under the knife and it's still scary and there still could be complications. If they have a club to give something to people who are out sick in the hospital, they should be consistent and not make judgement calls as to who "really" needs it and who doesn't.

nymoosic · 03-15-2008, 08:35 PM

Now I'm in tears for how supportive you've all been. Thank God for this board. Thank you all.

suecasb · 03-16-2008, 12:06 AM

juliegeraci · 03-16-2008, 01:05 PM

Sorry this happened to you at work. You are right to feel this way. Being obese is a disease and if surgery helps with that whether its elective it is surgery. You are doing so well. Just keep focused on your weight loss and success. One day you may wake up and not care too much about the Sunshine Club, or better yet the people involved in the club. I am sorry this happened to you!