The Band is Not Failing, I am Failing the Band

I have lost 119 lbs. I have been in a five pound range for several months now. It has become clear to me that I am addicted to overeating. I have had several fills over the last few months but with each one it feels more and more like the band has taken me as far as it can, and the rest is purely up to me. This is because after each fill, I adapt my unhealthy eating to fit the current fill level. For example, I ate a whole big salad tonight and half a cheeseburger. You don't have to tell me I shouldn't eat that- I can berate myself better than anyone else. I have a fill scheduled next week and hope desperately it will MAKE me have to stop before I have room for that darn half a burger....but I am thinking, most likely it will take me getting my addiction under control and work with all the banding rules so I can continue on my weight loss journey.

Any thoughts on my frustrated rant? Thanks!!!!

First of all congratulations on your loss, that's amazing! You might try the ole' Weight Watcher trick, go back to measuring your food. My doctor only allows 4oz of food 3 times a day. He preaches about always measuring because it's so easy to fool yourself with your eyes and slowly 4 becomes 6 and 6 becomes 8, etc.

Ummm...how are you failing if you've lost 119 pounds in a year??

Hang in there. Have you tried Boco Burgers? They're a very healthy alternative to hamburgers and even turkeyburgers. I eliminated all red meat from my meals. I can't tolerate bread either, so one Boco burger has 90 calories and 14g of protien along with some fiber too.

The whole big salad isn't bad, as long as you're using a low calorie fat free dressing. I eat salad every day and trust me it's a big big salad. I feel I need the fiber to "clean out my system". My surgeon told me that lettuce sort of liquifies as you chew it and easily slides right on threw the pouch.

....is that a 'half a cheeseburger' as in meat-cheese half, or "bun-meat-cheese-gooey sauce-fries-shake" half?

Once in a while, reflecting on the nature of our drive to over eat helps motivate further discipline and reestablishment of our goals.

Gleaning lasting changes in our behavior relating to 'hunger eating' instead of 'non-hunger eating' requires periodic wrassling matches with the "Dragons of our Belly".

Since you know what is going on with yourself, and have been very successful to date, consider whether you have *actual* failing or *Fear* of failing....like we ALL used to do on a daily basis....

We can more easily change our behavior, than our emotional responses and triggering mechanisms for those unwanted behaviors.

Gluttony was it's own reward, which produced Morbid Obesity in all of us.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Get back on your path because you know what it takes to head the direction you want to go.

COURAGE----ACTION---NOW!!!!

I for one am VERY proud of you for losing 119 pounds!

I used to be the first to blame myself if things were not going smooth. More importantly I would set really high expectations, and then hate myself when I failed. By having this pattern it allowed me to say, "Screw it I am a loser! I totally knew I was going to fail. I am so tired of trying anymore I am giving up." And I did things that were not in my best interest.

I am NOT saying this is what you are doing, but I think berating yourself for eating half of cheeseburger is non-productive. Don’t be so hard on your self.

I read some of your blog and you are a truly powerful woman. Don't give up.
I wish you all the best luck, and in a year I hope that I can enjoy the same successful results as you. You are an inspiration.

Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. I do get quite down some times on myself. And yes, it may be more a fear of failing than actual failing....I just really need an emotional support group at this point in my journey- which I am hoping I will get when I start attending OA. There is just no one in my immediate or extended family/friends who really GETS what I'm going through. I have been avoiding coming to LBT lately because Ihave felt I have nothing to offer and wondered if I would just feel more guilt because I'm not eating the way I should- but I forget how many people there are on this site that ARE struggling the way I am, and especially those who have overcome...and how nice it is to hear from people who have been there, done that sorta-thing.

Thanks again to all you wonderful peeps!