hey all... weight seems to be a, um, loaded issue in the lgbt community. my gay-guy friends tell me all kinds of fat-phobic horror stories, especially about the chelsea boys in nyc. among us lesbians, i know it's just as much of an issue. most of my friends are fat-friendly feminist types and i know some of them will have an issue with my being banded. that's prolly why i haven't told any of my friends. (i do have support from my sister and sister-in-law; my two closests buds.)
has anyone else been reluctant about telling people?
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Each of us chooses whom and when to 'come out' to, in the Bandster sense....
sometimes we're busted by some blabber mouth, and sometimes we unwittingly let it slip ourselves.....
most of the time, it is we INDIVIDUAL Bandsters that decides.....and the more experienced we get at such revelation, the less difficult it is to decide who and when is the right time.
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373/258
"Carpe maņana"
*Oldtimers posse: surgery 12/21/04*
My Quest is Victory over the Dragons of Habit, Gluttony, Sloth, Desperation...
I just recently told my mom, who thought it was a fantastic thing, and wants me to talk to my older brother about the Lap Band for himself. I've not shared w/friends - only hubby (also banded w/me) and my younger brother know, and for as slow as the weight loss has been (which is fine w/me) I'm glad I've not shared just yet -... so not to get the "what did you loose so far" comments. I'm sure I'll evolve & let others know my process, but right now I'm kinda private (except here..LOL) about my WLS - as I was with my weight gain....Best to you~
On the topic of coming out about being a bandster, I have decided to. My friends are mostly bears (big, hairy, gay men). I decided early on to tell my friends so I could either gather their support early on or their disapproval and get that out of the way. So far, it has been fairly positive. I was informed recently that several of them had spoken and decided I didn't need it. I told them I appreciated their support and that with a BMI of 40+ and being 130 lbs over weight and assured them that I did in fact qualify for and need the surgery.
Overall the acceptance has been positive. I had to have my friends support because so much of my life with them was social eating. I also had to have them understand that my desire to lose weight wasn't a rejection of them or a judgement in any way.
It is working for me. If I lose friends along the way, then I have to question the foundation of our friendship.
Michael
__________________ Surgeon: Dr. David Voellinger
Location: Charlotte, NC
Surgery Date: March 1, 2008
Realize Band - Johnson and Johnson
Fill - 2 cc as of 4/24
Most of my friends are gay guys, I've only told one of them so far. Mostly cause I'm keeping it quite for now. Just my mom and him know, because he's basically my husband so not telling him I was considering something like this would really hurt him. We're so close, so he sees it as a positive for me.
My other best friend, I haven't told her yet. I'm sure she'll be supportive, we've been best friends since third grade and have been through it all with each other. She's not an anti-surgery kind of girl, but I really don't know how she'll react to this.
I know there are people in my life who will react negativily. In fact, I can list them out. So for now, I'm not dealing with them. I'm just keeping mum about the whole thing. I'll deal with them later.
For me personally, I'll tell anyone who listens. I don't give a hoot what other people think about what I do with my own body. I see it as a way to be open and honest in society about weight issues. By talking about having the op, I can educate that its not simply eat less, exercise more and you'll be right mate. Its more complex than that.
Whether you tell anyone at all, only a few or anybody you see walking down the street is a hugely personal decision. If you do decide to tell people, do it for the right reason. To tell people as a way to deflect teasing or nitpicking will just arm your enemy with more ammunition. In the end its your life, your body and your decision. Don't ever lose sight of that.
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I lived my life like a rollercoaster ride so I needed the extra padding. Now I want to live it like a gentle boat ride.
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