Suddenly Single

gentlespirit · 12-08-2005, 10:15 AM

PorcIndoll~

I"m so sorry you're having to go through this. I know you're really hurting and you get tired of trying to be strong for yourself and your son. I would really encourage you to get some counseling if you can. If finances are a problem, as they were with me, Lutheran Social Services has a sliding fee scale that goes down to no cost if you have no income. And they are wonderful. My LSS counselor was an absolute lifiesaver when I was recovering from a MAJOR car accident for a year and was divorced during that same year. I can't say enough good things avout them.

Hugs and more hugs to you...you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Emily

DevilMayKare · 12-08-2005, 10:18 AM

And Paul you better put at least part of that post back up
CHICKEN!

(And here we were all being so impressed by your honesty!)

vinesqueen · 12-08-2005, 10:22 AM

Hey Big Paul! I just wanted to let you know that many of your experiences paralell my life, since my husband too was 600 pounds.

For almost 2 years my husband slept on the sofa, sitting up, since he had terrible sleep apnea. Well, hell, he would start to suffocate when he would just lie down.

We too just became roommates. And I hated it. I didn't want a roommate, I wanted a husband. As he got bigger the further he pushed me away, the further he withdrew. I seriouly almost divorced him because of his weight, and the fact that he was no longer my husband.

I don't know if you pulled away, I have to imagine that on some levels you did. I know that lots of fat people use their bulk as a way to distance themselves from everyone else, to insulate ourselves.

It very may well be that be that your wife feels that you've pulled away. I don't know how long you were that big, but it seriouly takes a toll on a relationship in ways that are not obvious. It may be that she pulled away herself to try to shield herself from her paiin over your weight.

I became terrribly depressed over my husband's weight. The problem is that I was stuck greiving for his death, and the subborn goat wouldn't die. :D It was not a concious think on my part, but I knew he was dieing from his weight. And I was stuck and couldn't move past it, until he did something about it. I was humiliated to be in public with the man I loved, which didn't help matters any either.

Well, what he did was to get the band and drop almost 200 pounds in less than 2 years. What he also did was to woo me all over.

It is not easy to go from being roommates to being lovers again. I'm not talking physical lovers, but emotionally lovers. I think that once the emotional connection re-connects it is easier for the physical to reconnect.

feel free to PM me any time!

vinesqueen · 12-08-2005, 10:25 AM

Oh great, I spend all that time and you remove your post! (brrraaaak, bauk bauk ;) No seriosly, it is a touchy thing, love and sex and fat. PM me any time.

"Just" Paul · 12-08-2005, 10:25 AM

Thanks Vines and Kare for the nice words.

I will put much thought into all this. It is interesting to hear that this is not a situation that I alone have been through.

GADS, I love this board.

I deleted it, so I can't put it back up, but your responses make the point for me very well.

Geez, I can't have you all thinking I'm nice, now. I'll lose my reputation as a Jack A$$.

DevilMayKare · 12-08-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Paul

I will put much thought into all this. It is interesting to hear that this is not a situation that I alone have been through.
I deleted it, so I can't put it back up, but your responses make the point for me very well.

Geez, I can't have you all thinking I'm nice, now. I'll lose my reputation as a Jack A$$.

Well, I don't know about "nice", but it was extremely impressive to see a man be brave enough to talk about these issues. (IMHO) AND if you're going to PM Vines you have to promise to make it a conference PM with me too.

Of course some things are too private to put up-- but I don't draw the line at much because I think the more we share our hearts and guts (and hey we've seen a lot of guts here LITERALLY!) the more we all learn and grow.

"Just" Paul · 12-08-2005, 01:33 PM

Impressive is good. I'll take that!

**Jack** · 12-08-2005, 01:44 PM

hey....watch that!!! Paul A$$ maybe....some of us are still....sensitive.....HAR!!!!

bubblesstina · 12-08-2005, 05:12 PM

Well I to am going through a painful divorce. Mine actually started before I had my surg. I did not even tell him I was having this done and was not going to but the anes. called the house when he was here and that is how he found out. I was not happy about that!!
I found out a couple of years ago that he had been cheating on me for almost our entire marriage. We were working things out, (or at least that was what I thought we were doing) I was working on it he was working on a new girlfriend....
My december of last year:
Dec 4th- turned 40
Dec 9th he told me he was leaving
Dec 12 told kids
Dec 18 rented an aparment taht we shared- 1 week there, one at the house so the kids never had to leave home
Dec 24- our 18th anniversary
Dec25-Christmas
Dec 31 got fired from my job
Jan 1 he moved out

And Look!!! I'm alive and kickin 1 year later!! And 53 pounds lighter!!

Porc my band sister, it is hard, I wont lie but it will eventually get better, that is what everyone keeps telling me. Some days I still cry, I can't sleep in our bed so I have been sleeping on the floor of the play room for the past 3 months.
We shared an apartment for 6 months where we would stay 1 week with the kids and then switch, but we no longer do that. and I am glad that is over!!
I will keep you in my prayers and I hope all goes well for you guys, I know this time of year will be difficult also. Just keep hugging your little man and him haow much you love him. I have also found out that the days that I pray for my husband are easier days for me.

Keep smiling!! Someone is bound to smile back ;)

the best me · 12-08-2005, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubblesstina

I have also found out that the days that I pray for my husband are easier days for me.

You betcha. Having peace in your heart is the best healer. Ugly words, feelings, plans, pay backs, meanness always leads to more of the same. It's hard to be mad at someone you are praying for. Being mad isn't good for anyone, and certainly not the kids. Kudos to you Christina. You survived quite a December and quite a year since then, I'm suspecting. Hang in there. Thanks for your words of wisdom for our Porclndoll, here.

Well, it seems as though I missed the scoop on Big Paul. Shucks. What about "The Five Love Languages" by Smalley? I think. BP, if you could figure out her "Love Language" you could speak to her better. How does she like to be loved? What speaks love to her? What speaks love to YOU? Just an idea out of the blue since I missed what you deleted :(

DevilMayKare · 12-08-2005, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the best me

Well, it seems as though I missed the scoop on Big Paul. Shucks. . . . How does she like to be loved? What speaks love to her? What speaks love to YOU? Just an idea out of the blue since I missed what you deleted :(

Oh, he had a LOT to say, but the jist was that he likes to dress up in a magenta thong with black stilletos and undulate with a rose in his teeth to "Burn Baby Burn" for foreplay but his wife doesn't get off on it. And THEN he said...
Well, I'll let you imagine the rest.

(THAT'LL teach 'em to delete such a gem)
;)

bubblesstina · 12-09-2005, 04:18 AM

poor Paul!!!

See here's the thing about us girls Pul, you better leave your actual words up next time or we make up our own and call them yours....Right Kare?? You forgot the fish net hose and wonder bra...

the best me · 12-09-2005, 07:11 AM

Yeah, I heard on another thread there was a leather bustierre with a matching whip involved? For HIM, not her, and there's a link to some company in San Francisco who makes them for big guys. Yeah, when you don't have the whole truth...those rumors run rampant...I can't keep up!! LOL

DiSanders · 12-09-2005, 07:23 AM

There is a better life waiting for you on the other end of a bad relationship! I got divorced a few years ago and was devastated to be going through it with small children, big bills, etc....like so many of you. It was a very lonely time. HOWEVER, when I least expected it, I met a wondeful man. No one can describe the difference between a relationship that works and one that doesn't until you have experienced it-but we ALL deserve to be happy!

"Just" Paul · 12-09-2005, 08:19 AM

Oh the pain, the pain...

I'm so damaged. Unfortunately, until I lose this weight, I probably could fill up a bustierre.

What I really wanna know, is who told you all about the whip?
Has my wife been on here? Hell, I give her a safety word. Sure it's hard to say with the gag, but...

I'm just so naughty! I think I need a good spanking.

Oh, No... did I go too far again?