Suddenly Single

porclndoll · 11-06-2005, 12:48 PM

Thanks guys.....I really appreciate the support and kind words. Tomorrow is my birthday and my husband couldn't even come to my mothers house to be with me and my family. I asked him Do you wanna go, and he flat out said NO. I said I thought as much...Then he said, You thought right...and went out to do the laundry. I came home from my moms house and hes asleep...but tonight I really think I gotta sit down and have him confront whats going on. He drags me down and I am not liking it one bit. I would rather live alone with my boy~ I honestly think that we have both left the marriage all ready and one of us is just waiting for the green light. I dunno what form that green light is gonna come in...for me I think a full time job would do the trick. Right now all my husband is doing is making money. He doesn't even tell me how much he puts in the bank...which is as simple as leaving a deposit slip on the table. I now have to call the bank or go there physically and get the deposit amount~ This is not anywhere near working together!!! We dont even speak...... The sand is running out of the hour glass....I will letchas know what happens after tonights conversation! I have never been put in this position and it is rather scarey. I can't even put gas in my car without asking him for money~ Not a good position....I dont like it...Okay...thanks again guys~~

aaamom · 11-06-2005, 06:47 PM

Good Luck re:speaking with your husband tonight. Please don't let this ruin your birthday ! It's your special day and you should have a GREAT ONE. Deal with your problems on the other 364 days of the year.
Hope all goes well. I will be thinking of you.

gentlespirit · 11-06-2005, 07:31 PM

Good luck talking with your husband. It sounds like you're right that you may both have already left the marriage. But verbalizing it is still a scary thing! And so is economic "necessity"...I stayed way too long because I didn't think I could support my two kids on my own. Just remember that if you're uncomfortable, your son is picking up on that...they are very sensitive to undercurrents. Even if you have to accept help at first, that's OK...just do what's right for you and your son. You';; be in my thoughts and prayers...

Emily

porclndoll · 11-15-2005, 11:06 AM

Well, I can certainly say that this has not been an easy few weeks. Last night everything came to a head. My husband and I finally talked everything out...and it seems that my son and I will be leaving here to live with my mother....Until I can get myself on my own two feet. My husband doesn't have anywhere to go, so he will keep the apartment that we are in now. He is going to help me pay my car payments and I would assume pay support for our son, that never came up, but knowing him as I do, I dont have to worry about it. This is all just way over whelming....after 15 years...but I have started to clean out my desk, and I will just take my time with it all. I do have to say the added stress has led me into making some of the wrong diet decisions...but I haven't gainned anything....sooo thats a plus. I just gotta get my head together, and my heart...and keep on keeping on~
Thank you all for your continued support!!!

vinesqueen · 11-15-2005, 11:18 AM

{{{{{hugs Doll}}}}}

porclndoll · 11-15-2005, 11:22 AM

Thank you Vines!!

aaamom · 11-15-2005, 11:49 AM

Oh Hope,

Please continue to come here for support !! Or you can PM/Email me if you need to chat !! You need us "sisters" now more than ever.
I'm so sorry you are going through this! Don't hesitate to contact me...

{more hugs from Boston}

Leah

babsintx3 · 11-15-2005, 12:25 PM

Hi Porcin,

A few folks here at LBT know of my woes. My marriage has been hanging by a thread since April 2004. I have been married 101/2 years and together 12 years with two boys 3 and 10. I have a great husband, but he is a very poor communicator. In addition, the docs have been putting him on antidepressants because they think he is chronically depressed. I personally dont think so, but the meds changes every 30-60 days make it real hard to deal with him. They have yet to find the right one for him that works well. I feel like I need to hang in there because he has always been really supportive of me and all my decision. He loved me fat and still loves me. I am the one that feels very little inside because of all the years that he has not been able to communicate his feelings. I have been living on the couch for more than a year and a half.
Limbo sucks. He is a good father, good provider and reliable, but there is no passion and we behave like cordial friends only. I know I need to end it, but there are days I think that maybe I should try to work it out and I havent given it a chance. I have to say that my behavior over the past year has been atrocioius. I go out on my own, I take trips away since the only way I get commmunication that isnt of the 3 year old variety is when I go on trips and talk to others. I dont think I am meant to be in this relationship. I actually dont think I am meant to be in any relationship of permanance although my therapist thinks I havent met my soul mate yet and that part of me is still looking. All I know is that things are not cut and dry in the universe like some people think they are. Being in limbo means that I can move forward, but sometimes not making a decision is the best thing to do when you dont know what to do. Email me privately if you wanna talk.

Babs in TX
334/180

banded_for_life · 11-15-2005, 12:30 PM

Big squishy huggs and know that you are not alone.

porclndoll · 11-15-2005, 06:50 PM

Thanks guys~~~ The squishy hugs are the best. I may take yas up on the private emails......I am still very swollen from crying all night and most of the day and my sinuses are KILLING me........and did I mention the headache from hell?? This sucks. We have been married 10 1/2 years and we have one child. He is picking up on everything even though we dont argue infront of him....but we also dont speak to one another let along show any emotion....I know in a long run this will work....and Anthony and I will be okay....just very scarey! I went from being at home with my parents to being married! I will be okay.
I will talk to you soon~

ladysplenda · 11-15-2005, 07:14 PM

My husband is afraid I will leave him after WLS. His ex did.That is why he did not want me to get it. But he saw how important it was for my health.

CandySmooch · 11-15-2005, 10:49 PM

Thinking of you :( Losing relationships only get worse as we get older? To be honest I too am facing relationship problems. Ya'll might remember a few months ago Jon almost left me but he decided to stay and try to work things out. Now I'm not so sure that he should have stayed - we've been fighting like mad cats & dogs lately - it seems to be getting worse - we say the nastiest things to each other, just to hurt each other. Its not healthy and neither one of us knows why we continue to do so instead of just parting ways...........I'm just trying ot give it some time - one thing I don't understand is how we can go from arguing so bad and then an hour later we both pretend like nothing happened - its crazy. I love him and I know he loves me, but really love is just not enough is it? We can't seem to get along more than a few days at best.

**Jack** · 12-08-2005, 09:58 AM

You're a brave man BP.....discussing such things I couldn't even talk about in private let alone a public forum....however, if you do come up with some ideas certainly there is most likely a LOT of interest in our fellow Bandsters buddies....

"Just" Paul · 12-08-2005, 10:11 AM

Jack,

It was a bit too much.

I took it off.

DevilMayKare · 12-08-2005, 10:14 AM

Paul,
TOO LATE!! Please just edit it a little and put it back because I already typed this answer...
There may be several different reasons your wife is not interested. Not knowing the two of you--it's really hard to discern what they may be in this circumstance. One thing I know for sure--your weight probably isn't it. My best guesses would be a) that SHE doesn't feel attractive (therefore not sexy) or b) she's bored w/ the actual sex.
In both cases I would suggest trying something new and different.

To get over a slump sometimes it helps to do something new and different... creating a romantic atmosphere (low candlelight because she's obviously self-conscious)... learn some new moves (I'm serious here--there's plenty of advice around and you're likely to learn SOMETHING different if you try). I also think learning to VOCALLY stimulate a woman is an underrated skill. The best lover I ever had (so far) was older, fat and bald, but oh my--could that guy ever TALK to me! Amazing what the right caress and a little verbal coaxing will do. Most porn movies are so stupid in that the men hardly SAY anything (showing how obviously bent they are for men!). Maybe you could go to the romance section of the bookstore and flip thru a few of those books.

Tat's just off the top of my head. Jeeze... and I'd really better stop because all kinds of stuff is flying thru my head and I gotta go to work!!!