I haven't been banded yet, but I'm wondering, is there any anger or resentment while dating post banding? I'm sure once you've lost a lot of weight it is easier to meet men. Does it anger you that these guys will date you now, but wouldn't have before?
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I haven't thought about that one...as I have always known it was attraction....and some guys just aren't attracted to obese women. But at the same time, if you don't love yourself...that shows.
But what I have thought of often is my children. I've never married. My oldest is 18, my middle child turns 17 this month, and I have a 13 year old in the 9th grade.
If a man couldn't love me with my children....why in the world would I want him now? Now that I'm thinner, happier, going places, etc.
I haven't been banded yet, but I'm wondering, is there any anger or resentment while dating post banding? I'm sure once you've lost a lot of weight it is easier to meet men. Does it anger you that these guys will date you now, but wouldn't have before?
You know this is a good Thread... I have always said that. I lost about 100lbs before i got prego with my son and before i found out i was prego i had about 50 more lbs to loose then everything had to stop becuase i was prego.. but when i did loose the weight hell yes people are more attracted to u because of your outer apperance they feel that they wont be embarased to take u around their friends and family. I have always said I am the same fun, sarkastic, individual fat or thinner my personality wont and don't change. My level to put with bull sh** does... so Hell yes that makes me mad. I wasent good enough for u when i was fat, but now since i have lost weight it should be all good... uhhh no... and everyone has a choice and my choice is not to talk to someone in terms of relationship wise if they ignored me when i was heavier...
Why would I NOT expect people to treat me differently?
I look different and my personality is emerging from the prison of "the fat guy". It's not surprising that people (ladies) will not be viewing me in the same way.
Trust me, the visual/physical thing is definitely present in both genders!
__________________ Banded 05/21/07, revised 03/05/08 due to slippage High 285, Consult 272, Surgery 261, Current 180, Goal -- 31" waist, to heck with the weight.
Seriously, where is the disclosure in the lapband brochure that says "may result in sudden bouts of insanity, alcoholism, and self-loathing moments"? -- Sarah
i don't like looking at myself this way. why would expect a man to? I know lots of men who love their overweight wives for who they are, but most of them gained weight after marriage, babies, etc.. Lets face it, initial attraction has to be there.
-- This is far from scientific -- This is not about the person, but PARTS of their personality -- There are a lot of generalizations (i.e. what and who is attractive), but I didn't want to make this too long with caveats every third sentence. You get the idea.
There was an interesting quote on an episode of House (see, I told you it wasn't scientific) wherein Dr. House states (paraphrasing, can't find the exact quote):
"You can't be with him. 9s go with 9s, 4s go with 4s. He's at best a 6, and you're an 11."
Generally speaking, one can see this in our society. We're attracted to pretty people, fit people, because it means (a) they're nice to look at and, more important, (b) it implies health necessary for propogation of the species. Sure, there are breaks from that standard, but it's pretty fitting (no pun intended), nonetheless.
There is more that goes into this than just looks, and I don't even mean general personality. The ugly truth (pun intended here) is that bad habits commiserate with bad habits. That adage about misery loving company? It applies to more than just mental issues, it applies to bad eating habits, justification of sedentary lifestyles, and all of the other destructive habits we carry as burdens, trophies, and shields. Obese people tend to have more obese friends than anyone else. Thin people have more thin friends.
My immediate family is a shining example: My father died of ill-controlled diabetes (which caused a number of mental, cardiac, renal, and opthamological issues). He was 64, Type II for 20 years or so, and did so little to control it as to cause a snowball effect. My mother has had a stroke (smoker, sedentary, refuses to go to doctors and dentists and has been like this all my life). She is 60 this year, and on the fast track to not making it to 61. My sister and BIL, older brother and my eldest SIL (who is Type I), do nothing but justify bad nutrition, bad habits, and overindulgence. They support these bad habits, this detrimental lifestyle, as if it is some kind of reward for earlier life experiences.
My ex-husband was one of them: eat crap, don't move.
The only one of these people who support(ed) me for making good choices was my late father. Everyone else has excluded me as much as possible because, as my boss says it, "[i] am the one walking out of the smoky garage saying [i] don't want to smoke the weed anymore." I am now an outsider, a representative of all the things that they themselves SHOULD be doing but WILL NOT... because in each other they can find a way to accept and be accepted for not trying.
I made myself fat and, while I firmly believe that WHO a person is shouldn't be defined by HOW they look, fat is part of who I am. Rather, who I was. They can't be separated because ultimately, it is me that made my decisions, no one else. But I am changing that. I am emerging from that, literally and figureatively.
I *hope* that I get more attention as a thin person. I am not angry about that concept, I see it as appropriate. The WHO will no longer be hidden by the WHAT, and I will have every opportunity to expand my support network with people with good habits, good attitudes toward food, exercise, and living the life we were all meant to live.
Carrying anger or having unrealistic expectations about the reactions of others is the surest way to add another shield to the already-bulging sheilds that most obese peopple carry. Step away from that, and enjoy what you are doing. If it means more attention and more firiends, great. You don't have to abandon your old friends, it's not about that. It's about adding to your life and moving forward as a healthy and trim person.
__________________ Banded May 15, 2008; SWCC of Nevada, Dr. Soong
In the beginning I got SUPER mad that guys were dropping compliments. But I dont find skinny guys attractive, so I think of it that way. We all judge, some are just really rude about it.
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