Kicking the addiction...

neveragain · 11-26-2007, 12:17 AM

*mild rant*

I just got a fill maybe a week and a half ago and it's a significant amount tighter than I'm used to.

I hate this. I realized within the last couple of days that I was, or rather, am addicted to food. Being the invincible younger kid, I NEVER, EVER thought that I could acquire an addiction. Granted, my choice of addictions could have been worse, but the point still stands. I am addicted to food. Every time I turn on the damned TV, I see some stupid pizza or fast food commercial and it drives me up the freaking wall because I can't eat it. For those people who haven't gotten your band yet, it never goes away. The feeling of wanting to eat some ungodly amount of food never goes away.

I'm so frustrated about this. I'm tired of being hungry every three hours and being EXTREMELY aware of it. This is taking the entirety of my strength to kick this, guys. Temptation is EVERYWHERE! Those money-hungry pizza bastards.

It's a constant emotional battle with myself. Some days are better than others, but still. I've tried just about everything to distract myself. I really don't know what to do. I'm seriously breaking apart. I can't handle this.

Make no mistake, I'm absolutely thrilled that I'm losing weight, but at what cost is vanity worth it over mental stability...

I'm just so discouraged, here.

:help:

neveragain · 11-26-2007, 12:19 AM

By the way, Missy0224 is my hero. Everyone should have someone they can talk to when they're having one of those days.

Jachut · 11-26-2007, 01:30 AM

Its true. My appetite is less and my binges (not that I was a true binge eater) are fewer and smaller. A bad day now is nothing like it once was.

But head hunger and inappropriate eating, yes, I still do it too. Its still there. I need my LAP-BAND®, that's for sure. But you know, I think there's barely ANYONE who doesnt use food inappropriately at times, thin people too. Our culture has encouraged it, its part of the way we think about food in these times. Everyone enjoys a good pig out of popcorn at the movies, or McDonalds once in a while. The world is not full of thin people walking around who never eat bad food or think about eating bad food. Very few people have no feelings about food other than nourishment, very few.

I can do the right thing, behave in the right ways MOST of the time, but I still fall off the wagon, and the LAP-BAND® is there to stop that fall being a major disaster, I can get straight back on again next day. I fall off the wagon the way thin people fall off the wagon, with a moderate pig out on chocolate, or cake or whatever, not eating one thing I shouldnt, thinking "oh, I've blown it" and eating myself stupid till next Monday when I can start the diet again.

And I know that when I choose appropriately, I do not have stomach room for junk. But start eating easy foods and suddenly, I'm eating all day.

Beka · 11-26-2007, 02:30 AM

I feel ya. Had a crap day today and what's the first thing I did - came home to eat!! No hungar just the food but I agree with Jacqui the 'binges' or pig outs are not what they once were and I don't think there is one person who goes through life and doesn't use food at some stage for something other than hunger. Thats what our culture is we use food to celebrate, medicate, out of bordom - you name the occassion and there is probably food in there somewhere. I think the great thing about the band is that you don't need to suffer the mental anguish of 'failing' a diet and stuffing yourself until you feel sick - the mini 'falls' don't turn into majors and the damage done to our brains and weight are not as drastic. I too have had the last week or so wishing I could eat more (the xmas celebrating is already starting!!) and what I wouldn't give for a Burger Fuel burger, I have also had to acknowledge the use of food to stuff down emotions and its hard dealing with the emotions but its something that has to be done if we are going to succeed in this journey. So I have been keeping my eyes on the prize and after seeing Jacqui's bikini picture (!!!) I am even more motivated to beat these food demons.

Dave01 · 11-26-2007, 06:14 AM

Almost everyone will have those bad days. I have found that I like to watch the cooking channel to find things that are new that I can make. I see the ads for buffets, mex food and stuff and they really dont look good to me. I am using the " if i go there, I will spend x amount of money and only eat a little", so that talks me out of going. I'm only 3 months post and am sure I will have some of the days where I slip up, but after spending this much, I will TRY to resist...Dave

METALBAND · 11-26-2007, 07:22 AM

Neveragain,

You need to think about this as health, not vanity. The all you can eat pizza is the road to bad health not bad vanity. I feel for you because sometimes I fell the same way but for me (much older than you) I think about wanting to live longer.

Good Luck.....you can do this!

neveragain · 11-26-2007, 11:27 PM

Thanks, guys. Today was a bit better. I'm feeling in a bit of better spirits. I'm just really stressed out about finals, too, I think. Arg.

stacy73 · 11-26-2007, 11:35 PM

I can relate-after cooking all day for Thanksgiving- I sat down to eat-mind you I served my self a small plate-and after 3-4 bites I was full-I literally said to myself-Thanksgiving sucks!!! I think the head hunger will always be there-we are in training-training our minds to coinicide with what our bodies are telling us-plus I am sure having finals does not help the matter..take it easy-one day at a time-that's all we can do..

kity · 11-27-2007, 12:05 AM

Perhaps it is the post "eat until you burst" holiday, but it seems many of us are in a funk. A friend of mine from here said that last year she was in a funk too. That perhaps it is some sort of grieving from our long lost relationship with food...or at least that "I've eaten myself into a coma feeling" that we all sometimes feel is comforting!

Hang in there guys. We may add a few or just not move the scale the next month...but this will pass. I am getting an unfill on Wed. I am scared about that...but I am too tight now. I am looking forward to Jan. when everyone is thinking about exercise!

Lastly, I am far better off than I was last year. I was 30 pounds heavier...I have quit smoking and I am working out more than ever! No more sodas, no more fast food...I really feel great.

This will pass! Hang tough!

DonHoll1 · 11-27-2007, 12:54 AM

I can`t binge right now cause i can`t get anything in. I am having a tough time with head hunger right now but when i try to eat all i can get in is a few bites. I know i am a little to tight but i am trying to wait it out. I am hoping if i lose a few more pounds it will loosen up a little. I am drinking my protien drinks and eating homemade soups for now. Donna

lindata · 11-27-2007, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neveragain

*mild rant*

I just got a fill maybe a week and a half ago and it's a significant amount tighter than I'm used to.

I hate this. I realized within the last couple of days that I was, or rather, am addicted to food. Being the invincible younger kid, I NEVER, EVER thought that I could acquire an addiction. Granted, my choice of addictions could have been worse, but the point still stands. I am addicted to food. Every time I turn on the damned TV, I see some stupid pizza or fast food commercial and it drives me up the freaking wall because I can't eat it. For those people who haven't gotten your band yet, it never goes away. The feeling of wanting to eat some ungodly amount of food never goes away.

I'm so frustrated about this. I'm tired of being hungry every three hours and being EXTREMELY aware of it. This is taking the entirety of my strength to kick this, guys. Temptation is EVERYWHERE! Those money-hungry pizza bastards.

It's a constant emotional battle with myself. Some days are better than others, but still. I've tried just about everything to distract myself. I really don't know what to do. I'm seriously breaking apart. I can't handle this.

Make no mistake, I'm absolutely thrilled that I'm losing weight, but at what cost is vanity worth it over mental stability...

I'm just so discouraged, here.

:help:

I feel EXACTLY the same way. The band has been a lifesaver in that I can't binge the way I used to or else I'll screw some part of my innards up. Food can be an addiction just as strong as drugs or alcohol. And it sucks because, unlike other addictions, we can't avoid food.

Turn off the TV or tape your shows and fastforward through the commercials or turn the channel before a commercial comes on. I watched a show from ABC on the internet the other day. There's only one commercial every 15 minutes or so but you can't fastforward through it. It was a Papa John's commercial. I couldn't believe it! Every 15 minutes I was looking at pizza. I was like a week out of surgery or something. I agree with you about the damn pizza bastards!

Find another addiction. Mine has been, no joke, coming on this board at least 100 times a day. :D It keeps my hands busy where before my hands were busy stuffing my face. My bodybugg is also enroute, which I think will become another addiction - plugging in all the info needed on that thing. I'm finding my old hobby of reading is really hard to do because I used to read and eat at the same time. I get antsy when I read now. Then I log onto here! Keep your hands busy and your mind elsewhere. That's the best I can give you.

Linda

morningoasis811 · 11-27-2007, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neveragain

*mild rant*

...For those people who haven't gotten your band yet, it never goes away. The feeling of wanting to eat some ungodly amount of food never goes away.

:help:

For me, my addiction to food is like a disease. I compare it to feeling like a drug addict (my dad has been sober for 15 years now) He stopped the drugs but his disease of addiction (head hunger for us I guess) tells him he can control it, that he can have just one bite, he deserves it. But he knows his life is better without drugs, He says that it is still a daily struggle sometimes to not turn to any substance as a coping mechanism.

I feel the same way about food. I did find relief from my compulsion and obsession from food by working the 12 steps in OA. I'm not endorsing this answer for everyone because we are all different. I'm simply stating that this I know has worked for me in the past. I lost 90 pounds on my own and the obsession was completely gone, I was relieved. However, I stopped working the program, life got in the way and I got cocky and thought I could do it on my own and I didn't need help anymore. I had it under control. Well I gained back 80 pounds in one year! Then my Doctor suggested the Lap-Band® for me. She still asks that I go to OA meetings.

*rant*:whoo:
I keep thinking that if there was surgery that would help people quit drugs or alcohol becuase it was killing them, they would be required to go to AA meetings and go to rehab and stuff. Why is food different? Because it's socially acceptable? food is taxable? we are american gluttons? Why is there not stricter mental after care for WLS people? I'm disappointed in the after support that is encouraged or provided by my surgical team.

I know my band is a tool. And I need this tool. I had been successful on my own before but I was missing something. I'm hoping this band plus excercise will be my key. I also know that I need to be right in the head. I can't control my food. I'm an addict and I have a problem. Take what you like and leave the rest. thanks.

morningoasis811 · 11-27-2007, 01:12 AM

sorry, I don't want to find another addiction, I want to get to the root of why I have an addiction, fix that crap and move on with my life with new coping skills. Why just toss more stuff in your baggage to carry around with you the rest of your life in a skinny body with all the same mental problems. That's not what I want for myself. If my body is going to be healthy, my mind better catch up. I'm too young to have this crap plague me the rest of my life. I have better things to do that battle addiction. The boards are awesome support, I'm so glad I found this website. I don't know anyone else who even knows people who got the band. there is so much insite and wisdom on here, different points of views and experiences to learn from. :)

neveragain · 11-27-2007, 01:39 AM

Three cheers for LBT. Seriously, I would go nuts without you. haha.

AnnaMC · 11-27-2007, 07:45 AM

I am thinking about calling my doctors office to speak to the therapist, It is comforting to know that I am not alone. I also need to visit here everyday. Thanks everyone!